Vent Your Shit

Dani • 28 years young • It's not. the happy bubbly bullshit I made it out to be. Oh Well

[melinatednelevated]

I am 33 days sober from alcohol today.

I didn't have anyone else to share it with, so I'm back the one safe place I have. I have heavily drank for the past 3 ½ years constantly. It made me feel something. It helped me go to work, and it made my situation not so bad.

I was diagnosed with a fatty liver due to my drinking on June 6th of this year.. I assumed something was wrong because my enzymes were always high. My doctor never took it seriously until now..

It's been a hard 33 days... I changed my diet. I poured out all of my alcohol and been kinda on my own since then... I cry a lot . . . I feel alone, and "support" is non-existent when no one takes it seriously.

I just came here today to say ... today is a harder day . . . A very hard day but I'm not going to drink... I'm going to go home and go to the gym and go to bed..

I will not drink...

[mias-playground]

Untitled (it might be his daughter) from the Afro Series by Adebanji Alade

[anxietyproblem]

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

I'm always going to get hurt.

I'm trying to make myself accept that. Prepare for it. I can't always be okay and I most likely will always be hurt by the people that I choose to love.

I don't want to be and myself they don't mean to do it. I just know that, I'll always be hurt.

I try to make things fun and better for me, but I can't get that type of support. I always have pressure on me. Constantly, I don't get to breathe. I have to lose weight to stay attractive .. I have to work for a check that ONLY pays my bills. There is nothing left after that.. I'm so burned out that it's absolutely ridiculous..

I'm the person that sees everyone but they don't see me.. they don't see how tired I am. They don't see how hard I'm trying . They don't see me... they never have... I've wanted someone to see me my whole life. The people that did.. they died.. now I'm just a constant disappointment to others..

I'm so tired... I just want to be able to live.. survival is slowly killing me.. I can't tell anyone... I just have to swallow it and keep going..

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

I stupidly fell in love again.

Being fully aware that I am not someone that's loved back ..

It's okay though because he'll get his happily ever after once he's tired of me . . .

My ex before his is married now with a baby on th way.

I get them ready for bigger things. . . That's a plus, right?

Yeah.

[thepersonalquotes]

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

A Good Day ?

Yup! I had a good day. My co-worker suprised me with Starbucks. I cried. Another co-worker was in the supply room and saw a blue note pad and brought it to me. I cried in the bathroom about it. Another co-worker just came and hugged me out of no where because my energy was off. I cried again.

All of those people heard me through silence. I asked God for a sign right when I got to work after my prayer. They were everywhere without me searching all day. I even saw a hummingbird moth...

Being unheard and misunderstood takes a toll on me. Having that many people see me in this one shift. It helped a lot. I shy away from people to avoid having to deal with those two things.

It was nice to be heard through my silence today.

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

It's hard when I'm working on trusting someone and respecting their boundaries... I'm always overthinking... its a me problems of course.. but I just want to have something where I feel secure and I don't question it sometimes...

I find myself seeing the signs and still questioning and I'm honestly getting a little tired of it.. I don't want to be but I am...

[thepersonalquotes]

the regret after oversharing

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

Its me .

I have come to the conclusion that in my scenarios or relationships it's me. I'm not really the best at I don't think anything. I use to think I was but I don't think its for me.

I'm the only common demoniator for all of them. Maybe it's karma? I'm not confident about what I did, but I think it's just meant. Plus, it's the 3rd year, so I'm not surprised. At least I can still be come a mom.. a baby moma, but at least I can do that one thing I really wanted.

I wanted the husband , the kids, the house , the full thing but I'm damaged goods... I'm fully aware of that. I'm not sure why I thought this would be different. Wishful thinking ? I'm not the chosen one.

Either way, I just want him happy. I always just want them happy.

It's like a never-ending grief. Either way thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Confusing but I just wanted to talk.

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

I fear that I am about to be heartbroken again. . . I'm preparing for it . . I just

3 year curse strikes again.

I gotta stop trying . . .

[traumasurvivors]

I’m honestly just here wishing the best vibes on all of you. I know stuff can be so hard but I’m so proud of you all for still being here.

[nostalgiaishere]

I hope your heart is okay today.

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

There's that feeling again...

Having that feeling that I'm going to have to let go and settle with being alone. That's okay; I originally knew I would be alone, but I had some hope. I think he'd rather be in a poly relationship. I don't share that interest. . .I'm too old to be trying again, honestly.

He'll be a good father, and that's really all I want for my kids. I knew 12 years ago that I wasn't meant for a marriage and home. . . I've watched all of them crumble, and I feel it's genetic that we can't keep marriages.

I just want children; I'm meant to be a mom for sure. It's all my heart wants; although I feel it would be God's ultimate joke to put that out of reach for me.

I just don't want to be the cause of someone unhappiness. I just want him to be happy and I don't think after this year it'll be with me. . . I'm going to spoil him as much as possible this year . Soak up every moment .

I fear my 3 year curse may come to collect this year . . . I'm only ever good for 3 years. . . I'll miss him. I love him.

Always have . . . Always will . . .

[assassin1513]

🌟⚜️🌟Stars Clouds🌟⚜️🌟

[stuckinapril]

YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY . You will find a WAY ….. you WILL find a way . You will find a way you will find a way……!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY YOU WILL FIND A WAY you will find a Way you will (find) a way you will find. a way you will find a way YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!!!!!