A Giant Woman’s Nose Has Appeared Above The City
If you are into noses, this is your lucky day.
The nose is floating, far above the city.
The nose (referred to in the media as “The Floating Nose”) is 150 feet tall. The pores in the nose are clean — “very clean” — suggesting that the nose has a dedicated skin routine and diet, or enviable genetics.
“Our most powerful telescopes allow us to see that there are very, very few nose hairs; the assumption is that this is a result of waxing, trimming, or plucking, but there’s a lot we don’t know yet.” - A Genius At NASA
The Pope has issued an emergency declaration that “The Floating Nose is pretty hot.” After 24 hours of confusion from regional Archdiocese, the Pope issued a further clarification that “I’m not into noses” but “It looks like a nose FROM a woman who is hot.”
The Nose is breathing at approximately 12 breaths per minute. “Good cardio.” — A Long-Distance Runner
Our weapons are useless against The Floating Nose.
"If I was on that nose, way up there, in the sky, let’s just say, things would be different, OK? I would take care of business.” — Mark Wahlberg, to an EXTRA TV entertainment reporter who had asked a question about his predominantly plant-based diet.
Mark Wahlberg’s Daily Routine: - 4:30 AM — Wake up - 4:35 AM — Speed read the Catholic Bible (C-B.I.B.L.E) in one hand with one eye and The Dictionary in the other hand with the other eye - 4:50 AM — Ten thousand push-ups - 5 AM — Write a list of ten things that make him angry - 5:05 AM — Eat the list - 5:10 AM — Run a marathon - 7:15 AM — Send an email - 7:17 AM — Bed time
“Why is The Floating Nose subject to the male gaze?” asks the New York Times, knowing full well that the Pope has already called it Hot, and the Pope speaks for ALL Italian and Italian-American men of wrestling age. Don’t like it, toots? I’m sorry. I’m sincerely sorry and I will do better.
The Floating Nose Just Sneezed And Honestly It’s Iconic, Brought To You By Our Brand Partner Post Cereal
The Board of Regents extends their best wishes to The Floating Nose
Can we cancel The Floating Nose?
Lesbians are claiming The Floating Nose for their own.
The Floating Nose is voted Second in the reader poll for Strongest Female Protagonist, placing just ahead of Ellen Ripley from the “Aliens” franchise, and just behind “Bella, the Strongest Woman In The Universe” from the book “The Catholic Bible.”
The Catholic Bible 2 rumored to be under development at Searchlight.
“Some of your favorites are coming back . . . in a BIG way.” — Studio Exec
The Floating Nose portends a ruthless allergy season in 2024.
The Board of Regents extends Regis Weekend, as a precautionary measure, until Tuesday, November 7, 2023.
