I gotz the feelz.
And I feel lonley and frustrated.
Daily I find myself questioning why I decided to move to IA.
Then I question if I'm using moving here as an excuse.
Logically I know I'm the problem.
So if I know I'm the problem.
Why do I still feel like I short changed myself by moving to IA?
Living here for the past 10+ years has shown me what I don't like about small town life.
(Yes, I consider the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area "small town".)
I don't feel like I belong here.
There is an over abundance of what I consider "country girls". (They are really women, but country women doesn't have the same ring to it.)
The cowgirl/boy boots, the plaid, the bedazzled back jean pockets, camping, hunting,fishing and country music have climbed there way up the ladder of things that I consider an immediate turn off.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this lifestyle.
But I am saying it's the wrong lifestyle for me.
I find these things to be in the same bucket as smoking, bad hygiene or being disrespectful.
Unfortunately for me, this country way of life seems to be THE way of life here.
Besides fellow "imports" into IA, like myself. (Who rarely end up staying very long.)
I can count on one hand the number of ppl from IA who don't imbrace some aspect of the counntry life.
It's frustrating when you can clearly see the pool of potential best friends has very little diversity.
And I don't just mean that in a racial aspect.
A quick read of match.com profiles will uncover what I'm talking about.
Why did I move to an area that has a population of approx. 100k people?
More importantly, why does it bother me that I will most likely not find my best friend in this place?
Most likely; it bothers me because I like the company and the ppl I work with.
Or maybe what I should really say is, I'm comfortable and being comfortable is always easier than change.
But maybe I should trade job security for a better chance to find love...???
Change of gears.
This year I offically started feeling like anyone who is a college undergrad, is too young for me to consider being in a relationship with.
The frustrating and difficult part about that, I still find college women attractive.
And stupidly, a little over two years ago I purchased a house prety close to campus.
No, I didn't purchase the house with the intent on being close to campus.
Truthfully I didn't even want this house.
(It is a reminant of a past mistake and past relationship.)
So how does one stop themselves from being attracted to a specific group of ppl?
In the past couple of months I've met women at work who I thought were graduates.
(Or maybe that's just a lie I told myself without even knowing it.)
Eventually I realized they are still in college.
Now that I've made ths mistake a few times, I'm starting to think there is something wrong with what I am attracted to.
I want to turn it off, but instead I find myself constantly having an inner dialog, talking myself out of being attracted to anyone I find attractive.
My rationale is, "If I'm attracted to them, they must still be in college."
And "They're probably in college" isn't the only excuse I use to talk my self out of being attracted to someone.
I try to aim higher.
Looking for women closer to me in life experience.
But it feels like I'm late to the "find your better half" party.
"Hey, she's attractive. Nope. She's still in college."
"Hey, she's attractive. Nope. She has a boyfriend."
"Hey, she's attractive. Nope. She has a husband."
"Hey, she's attractive. She's not in college. She's not married. And she's not in a relationship. Oh, okay. Why do I feel like I should feel guilty about not being more open to already having kids?"
IDK why, but I know I'm not there yet.
I'm not ready to date you and your kid(s).
Like I mentioned before, I'm obvoiusly the problem.
I'm obviously the outlier.
My expectations and standards must be unrealistic.
I'd like to think they're only unrealistic for a place this small.
But I'll never know until I leave here.
I've gotten to the point where I believe if I continue living here, I will not find a person to call "my better half".
I've given up on trying to get any womans attention because it feels like a losing battle.
And I say that understanding it is a numbers game.
The more women I interact with.
The more likely I am to find a relationship.
But that's the problem.
I no longer believe dating anyone in IA will lead to a long term relationship.
I feel like dating anyone here is just voluntarily starting down a dead end path.
I'm stuck in a place I no longer want to be.
Maybe this is why I feel lonley and frustrated?
Maybe not?
Iowa is not desirable place to live if you can't conform to the Iowa norms.
Beware.
If you do come, bring your significant other.
Or be prepared to compromise who you are and be more like everyone else.
