Knight Captain's Phone

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textanders:

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Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Anders

textanders:

textfenris:

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IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP….

I DO NOT THINK HE DESERVES MY ASSISTANCE IN CLEANING UP AFTER SOMETHING THAT I AM NOT AT FAULT FOR. THAT IS ALL HE WANTS.

THERE IS NOBODY ELSE WHO LIKES CATS THIS MUCH. I KNOW IT WAS YOU, MAGE.

ANDERS IS FOND OF CATS, YES. TELL ME THIS, TEMPLAR — WHY WOULD HE SUBJECT THEM TO YOUR OPPRESSION? YOUR LOGIC IS FLAWED.

Clearly, it was a sabotage, but mages are more interested in destruction than anything else. I've seen it first hand. They are not to be trusted.

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textanders:

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Fenris, your capslock button is on.: To: Anders

textanders:

textfenris:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP….

I DO NOT THINK HE DESERVES MY ASSISTANCE IN CLEANING UP AFTER SOMETHING THAT I AM NOT AT FAULT FOR. THAT IS ALL HE WANTS.

THERE IS NOBODY ELSE WHO LIKES CATS THIS MUCH. I KNOW IT WAS YOU, MAGE.

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textanders:

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textkallian:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP. BUT I CANNOT LET AN INJUSTICE LIKE THIS GO UNATTENDED.

…

Anders, I’m a busy man. The last thing I need is about 20 cats ruining our armor and …..leaving their “business” everywhere. If you want to recruit others to clean up your mess, that is your prerogative.

However, I recommend if you are recruiting others, bringing in blood mages would be helpful…..I mean….useful.

…………

I DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH BLOOD MAGES.

…………Right. I’ll believe that never.

You’re all cut from the same breed, abominations. And I’m losing my patience.

I SUPPOSE YOU CAN CLEAN UP AFTER THAT MESS YOURSELF, THEN. 

I tolerate your presence, mage. Do not make yourself a target AND COME CLEAN UP AFTER THESE WRETCHED BEASTS.

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textanders:

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textkallian:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP. BUT I CANNOT LET AN INJUSTICE LIKE THIS GO UNATTENDED.

…

Anders, I’m a busy man. The last thing I need is about 20 cats ruining our armor and …..leaving their “business” everywhere. If you want to recruit others to clean up your mess, that is your prerogative.

However, I recommend if you are recruiting others, bringing in blood mages would be helpful…..I mean….useful.

…………

I DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH BLOOD MAGES.

............Right. I'll believe that never.

You're all cut from the same breed, abominations. And I'm losing my patience.

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textcullen:

textkallian:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP. BUT I CANNOT LET AN INJUSTICE LIKE THIS GO UNATTENDED.

...

Anders, I'm a busy man. The last thing I need is about 20 cats ruining our armor and .....leaving their "business" everywhere. If you want to recruit others to clean up your mess, that is your prerogative.

However, I recommend if you are recruiting others, bringing in blood mages would be helpful.....I mean....useful.

............

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To: Everyone

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textfenris:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP. BUT I CANNOT LET AN INJUSTICE LIKE THIS GO UNATTENDED.

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO, MAGE? YOU, A RATHER OBVIOUS APOSTATE, CANNOT MARCH TO THE KNIGHT-CAPTAIN’S DOORSTEP.

Maybe YOU can talk some sense into him. Tell him he's to clean up after the dreadful things as well. I'd wear gloves of some kind if I were him.

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To: Everyone

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textkallian:

textanders:

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TEMPLAR CULLEN HAS TAKEN MANY INNOCENT CREATURES HOSTAGE, AND HAS THREATENED THEIR SAFETY.

I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THIS IS A TRAP. BUT I CANNOT LET AN INJUSTICE LIKE THIS GO UNATTENDED.

This is absurd, if it was a trap, I would have blocked you from making outgoing texts.

............

..........................

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We found several cats in the templar quarters. I can only assume this was some sort of sabotage attempt seeing as they’ve scratched all our armor and left “droppings” in several of the recruits shoes. Come pick them up or I will be forced to deal with this problem myself.

…

………I have no idea what you’re talking about mage.

I suppose I must dispose of all these tiny kittens, then.

…Dispose? You… you’re a monster. YOU-

THIS IS AN INJUSTICE THAT I CANNOT ALLOW. UNHAND THOSE INNOCENTS UNHARMED.

Then come and collect them, abomination.

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textanders:

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We found several cats in the templar quarters. I can only assume this was some sort of sabotage attempt seeing as they’ve scratched all our armor and left “droppings” in several of the recruits shoes. Come pick them up or I will be forced to deal with this problem myself.

...

.........I have no idea what you're talking about mage.

I suppose I must dispose of all these tiny kittens, then.

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ACCORDING TO THIS TRAITOROUS PHONE, I HAVE EXCEEDED MY BANDWIDTH.

IT IS MERELY ANOTHER THING THAT THE TEXTING OF MAGES HAS RUINED.

Hey, whoa. I fail to see how this has…

 <- you

SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY JUSTICE

IS THIS ANIMATED PICTURE ACCURATE?!?! I'M INFORMING THE KNIGHT-COMMANDER IMMEDIATELY.

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To: Anders

We found several cats in the templar quarters. I can only assume this was some sort of sabotage attempt seeing as they've scratched all our armor and left "droppings" in several of the recruits shoes. Come pick them up or I will be forced to deal with this problem myself.

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textcarver:

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kahrintexts:

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textmarian:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

…No…Noooooo no no I couldn’t possibly……….

I LOVE THIS IDEA! PLEASE COME OVER TO THE VIGIL, CULLEN! SAY YOU’LL COME! PLEASE!

(sent from my iTaint)

…….Ehh…………fine. But don’t tell Meredith.

YES! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY! LET ME TELL CARVER TO SET OUT A FEW MORE TUMBLERS… AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR BOOTS BY THE TABLE.

(sent from my iTaint)

…wait. Why am I leaving my boots by the table again?

DON’T WORRY CULLEN, I’LL FIND A GOOD HIDING PLACE FOR THEM, ALONG WITH MINE.

….Why in the name of the Andraste do they need to be hidden in the first place?

HAVE YOU NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF DRINKING WITH MY SISTER? TRUST ME ON THIS. WE SHALL HIDE OUR BOOTS, SER.

I can’t say that I have. I don’t drink usually, and truly I don’t intent to drink much. I’m merely doing it to make them stop bothering me.

MAKE THEM STOP BOTHERING YOU?

HAVE YOU MET EITHER OF THEM?

................should I be worried?

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textcarver:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

…No…Noooooo no no I couldn’t possibly……….

I LOVE THIS IDEA! PLEASE COME OVER TO THE VIGIL, CULLEN! SAY YOU’LL COME! PLEASE!

(sent from my iTaint)

…….Ehh…………fine. But don’t tell Meredith.

YES! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY! LET ME TELL CARVER TO SET OUT A FEW MORE TUMBLERS… AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR BOOTS BY THE TABLE.

(sent from my iTaint)

…wait. Why am I leaving my boots by the table again?

DON’T WORRY CULLEN, I’LL FIND A GOOD HIDING PLACE FOR THEM, ALONG WITH MINE.

….Why in the name of the Andraste do they need to be hidden in the first place?

HAVE YOU NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF DRINKING WITH MY SISTER? TRUST ME ON THIS. WE SHALL HIDE OUR BOOTS, SER.

I can't say that I have. I don't drink usually, and truly I don't intent to drink much. I'm merely doing it to make them stop bothering me.

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textcarver:

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kahrintexts:

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textmarian:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

…No…Noooooo no no I couldn’t possibly……….

I LOVE THIS IDEA! PLEASE COME OVER TO THE VIGIL, CULLEN! SAY YOU’LL COME! PLEASE!

(sent from my iTaint)

…….Ehh…………fine. But don’t tell Meredith.

YES! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY! LET ME TELL CARVER TO SET OUT A FEW MORE TUMBLERS… AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR BOOTS BY THE TABLE.

(sent from my iTaint)

…wait. Why am I leaving my boots by the table again?

DON’T WORRY CULLEN, I’LL FIND A GOOD HIDING PLACE FOR THEM, ALONG WITH MINE.

....Why in the name of the Andraste do they need to be hidden in the first place?

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kahrintexts:

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textmarian:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

…No…Noooooo no no I couldn’t possibly……….

I LOVE THIS IDEA! PLEASE COME OVER TO THE VIGIL, CULLEN! SAY YOU’LL COME! PLEASE!

(sent from my iTaint)

…….Ehh…………fine. But don’t tell Meredith.

YES! YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY! LET ME TELL CARVER TO SET OUT A FEW MORE TUMBLERS… AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE YOUR BOOTS BY THE TABLE.

(sent from my iTaint)

...wait. Why am I leaving my boots by the table again?

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kahrintexts:

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textmarian:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

…No…Noooooo no no I couldn’t possibly……….

I LOVE THIS IDEA! PLEASE COME OVER TO THE VIGIL, CULLEN! SAY YOU’LL COME! PLEASE!

(sent from my iTaint)

.......Ehh............fine. But don't tell Meredith.

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textmarian:

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kahrintexts:

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I had BETTER not see you making a drunken disturbance like last time.

I don’t care how much you ask, if you lose your pants this time I’m not helping you find them.

WHY IS THIS IN MY INBOX?

…

(sent from my iTaint)

Blast, did I hit the…

…….I do not need to know your personal affairs, Warden.

Just, don’t get into trouble. As you know, I’m a busy man.

I HAVE AN IDEA! KAHRIN, DON’T YOU THINK CULLEN SHOULD JOIN US?? HE NEEDS LIKE HE COULD USE A FEW BREWS.

...No...Noooooo no no I couldn't possibly..........