[super long] Analysis on Jake & Neytiri on the Avatar: The Way of the Water
[ parenting, family dynamic, conflicts & flaws, and neytiri and jake ]
What we know of this married couple out of the minimal screentime we have of them is that they have been together for 15 years (considering that Neteyam was conceived a few months after their fight with the sky people in the first movie).
We get to see the domesticated life of this two characters from the birth of Neteyam, the physical and spiritual embodiment of their love, to growing a family together. Technically Kiri and Neteyam are supposedly twins and Kiri is the adopted daughter of Jake and Neytiri, born of Grace's avatar.
In the beginning of the movie, Neytiri and Jake let down their guards and is very nurturing and close with their kids. Excluding Spider since Neytiri is tolerant of him but does not stand as a parental figure towards him. (I'll dive into that in a different post)
We get to see the brotherly dynamic of Lo'ak and Neteyam, Kiri and Lo'ak being the typical siblings who constantly fight but is very much similar, Kiri always with Tuk, Lo'ak teasing Tuk, and more. This family is very close with one another even in time of war.
However, Neytiri and Jake, just like every parent, aren't perfect. One year after the sky people comes back, Jake has activated his military instincts and projected it into his sons. He was very heads on towards both of his sons, Neteyam pressured with the responsibility and Lo'ak burdened with the feeling of disappointment. You can tell that the couple expects a lot from their sons in this time of war.
I know Neteyam was heavily burdened with the responsibility, but watching the film, I've noticed that Jake has never put Neteyam on the fighting line as a warrior. Even if Neteyam is persistent with fighting alongside with them as a warrior, Jake has always pushes him on the side and the only responsibility he hands Neteyam is be a dutiful big brother. That's what Jake asks of Neteyam, not a warrior but a brother to his siblings.
In saving his mother in the forest, after escaping Quaritch, he hugged his sons in relief. Man, every time they were in danger Jake does not shy away from comforting and hugging his sons. You can clearly tell that his love language for his family is physical touch.
On the other hand, Neytiri and Kiri can be seen as the typical mother-daughter relationship where it looks like they argue a lot. Even though Kiri has an attitude and is moody, Neytiri puts up with her daughter. When Kiri was unconscious, she cried in relief when she woke up.
Plus, it seems that they're very communicative family.
• Kiri knowing about Grace. Even though it's hard not to know Grace, they still openly talk about her situation. Kiri never felt 'adopted' or 'excluded' from the family. Kiri's adoption wasn't the biggest or even slightest concern of Kiri. Just by treating her normally, scolding her (Jake scolding her when checking Neteyam; Neytiri's time-to-time motherly aggressiveness towards her), not shying away — basically shows that being adopted isn't an issue to them. Even Lo'ak openly jokes about her biological mom.
• Lo'ak immediately goes to his parents in dangerous times. Even though Lo'ak IS reckless, when he senses danger, his first instinct is to go tell Jake. Unlike other clichès where the teens don't confer with the adults. Even if Lo'ak probably knows he'll get in trouble, his mindset is always 'Oh fuck I can't tell this to dad cus I'm in trouble!', his mindset was 'Oh i'm in trouble! I have to tell Dad!'
Easily no. We shouldn't unallow parents to be flawed. Was Jake hard on his sons? Oh definitely so. Jake is not a demanding father, we hear him ask for his children not to get in trouble or cause trouble and the first one was that they keep their distance. Neteyam was a warrior and so was Lo'ak but he never asked his sons to put their lives on the line— instead he asks them to be distant from it!
The first time they disobeyed, it put both of his sons in danger and the other one wounded. The second time they disobeyed, his nightmare finally came true!
The best thing Jake & Neytiri can do for their children was to prepare them and keep them from harm's way. (1) In a hostage situation, the kids knew exactly what to do. (2) When in serious trouble, contact parents and be honest. In both times Lo'ak contacted his dad when encountering the RDA, we didn't see him get in trouble from Jake. Instead, we see Jake reassuring Lo'ak on what to do even though it was upsetting for him.
But in both times of disobedience or rebel, he always put himself [Lo'ak] and Tuk right under the RDA's hands!
Yes, Lo'ak is a child and we all feel bad for him. But we shouldn't turn away from the stress and trouble that he seriously caused. Lo'ak didn't get in trouble whenever he was caught by the RDA, Jake comforted him in the first hostage escape and the second was he asked Lo'ak to stay put with his brother.
But it was also unfair of Jake towards his treatment to Lo'ak. It could be why his relationship with his other son is slightly strained is because out of all the moments of recklessness or similarities as him, Lo'ak acted up in a time of war. I don't think Jake would find it an issue if it was just a normal setting because Lo'ak is clearly a teen.
In the bits where Neytiri and Jake were laughing when they were alone in the cottage, even with the minimal screentime, their relationship and interactions were quite wholesome and realistic.
The both have grown since the first movie, parenthood did not soften those two up! They were a power couple for saving their children and taking the RDA together. The two combined is a very strong fusion!
The way those two co-parent their children in handling them together (with Kiri, Lo'ak, Neteyam, and Tuk) — you can easily attach yourself to their fortress.
Those two were always together, in Tulkun sightseeing, saving their kids, family meeting, alone moments, DATE NIGHT, mourning, and strategizing. It was a strong and healthy relationship between them.
I find it funny how Neytiri refers to Jake as 'my husband' and Jake as 'my mate' in their first encounter with Ronal and Tonowari. Neytiri lifts Jake's pride for him.
However, one of the overlooked pain for Neytiri was the constant pointing that majority of her family was often harassed as demons. She can't take away Kiri's upsetness over being treated like a freak or Neteyam's embarassment of being an alien, an outcast. She grew up from the Ometicaya clan who are accepting of their alien Olo'eytican and has no issue of their half-breeds children — then sudden refuge and her beloved children suddenly becomes mistreated.
Okay last one is their iconic 'strong heart'. This one's definitely for Jake and Neytiri. This couple has went through so much even with little screentime. The anguish that they both share is so tragic as lovers and as parents. They really did what they can
But they cannot be everywhere at once. Jake and Neytiri are a team. Even if Avatar 2 was mainly about introducing their kids, their relationship stood out. In the context of the first film, you'd sense this happiness for them after all they went through.
15 years of happiness and peace was a good run. I truly hope this family finds that again.