I Craw Home To Her
pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Emily Prentiss word count: 2.101 a/n: Hii, so... this is my first fic open to the world and in english. Hope you like it. I don't really know how to tag things here and all so you can just tell me and i'll change anything.
I wrote the fic based on @/itshotchniss (twt) idea. It's here and also at Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62778148
It had been three years since Hotchner had left the BAU. Three years since heâd disappeared from her life, not just as a colleague, but as a possibility of something more. Emily had tried to move on, to find some semblance of normality in her new role as Unit Chief. But even with all the responsibilities and late nights, there were moments when the memories of him crept back in, uninvited and overwhelming. She really tried with Mendoza! She even met his daughter⊠but it turns out, he wasn't Hotch
On this evening, as the city lights shimmered through New York streets, Emily needed a distraction. The weight of the weekâs cases had started to settle into her bones and she was really in need of a break, just a few hours of quiet, a moment of peace without thinking about the case. She wandered close to the hotel and found a small but cozy bar, with an intimate atmosphere and live performances. It was the perfect spot to get lost for a while. The bar was quiet, with low lights, with a few people also in need of a drink, engaged in muted conversations. Emily took a seat at the bar, ordering a glass of red wine, her thoughts still a little tangled from the case she had left behind. The buzz of the room felt oddly soothing and she noticed it was an open mic night.
As the evening wore on, the host called for the next performer, and Emily barely looked up. She was used to the low-key nature of open mic nights, where aspiring musicians tried out their latest songs or warmed up onstage. But then the first chord rang out clear, deliberate, and weirdly familiar. Her eyes shot up and her heart stopped.
There, standing alone under the dim light, was Aaron Hotchner. A guitar in his hands. No band, no backup, just him, bare and vulnerable, strumming slowly as the first few notes filled the room. The crowd was a quiet murmur of chatter, but to Emily, the world had just vanished and it was just the two of them. The sound of his guitar, the way his fingers moved over the strings, the raw emotion behind every note. He didn't seem to notice her at first, lost in his music. But as the song began to unfold, it became clear that this was no ordinary performance.Â
It was a song that seemed he had written just for her. Each word he sang seemed to cut through the years between them, each note carrying a weight of things unsaid, feelings untouched. She couldnât tear her eyes away. His voice, deep and resonant, wrapped itself around her like a memory she hadn't wanted to revisit, but couldn't escape.
âThe silence screams, The echo of your voice still haunts my dreams. I walked away, thinking it was the best, But I left behind pieces of my chest. In every room, I see your face, A memory I can't erase. Did you ever felt the same, Or am I just the one to blame? The time we lost, Was it worth the cost? I never got to say goodbye, Now I'm here, asking why. I wonder if you feel the same as I If I could turn back, Iâd make it right, But itâs too late, youâre out of sight. Iâm still searching for you in the sky. I never meant to walk away, But it was too dangerous for me to stay. Now all I have are these memories, Of the way we were and what we couldâve beenâ
And then, for just a moment, their eyes met. She saw the flicker of recognition in his eyes, he stopped singing for a moment, a silent acknowledgment, before he focused again on the music. But the connection was undeniable. It felt like everything from the past years, when he was still there, was suddenly rushing back to the surface, raw and unfiltered. Emily wasn't sure what had brought her here, to this quiet bar, this late. But she knew, without a doubt, that tonight was going to be different. This was a moment that would change everything. The song ended with a soft strum and for a moment, there was nothing but the noise of the room. The audience kept on talking, they didn't know what was happening right now. Emily felt her heart pounding in her chest, the emotions she'd buried deep within herself coming to the surface in a rush. He had been singing about her, about them.
The crowd applauded politely, but Emily didnât hear any of it. Her gaze was locked on Hotch, who now set the guitar down on the small stool beside him. He seemed to stand there for a bit longer than necessary, looking out over the room, avoiding her eyes, almost as if he was giving her space to process or maybe even waiting for her to make the first move. She didnât know what to do. Should she go up to him? Say something? Do something? But her feet felt glued to the floor, her breath shallow. What would she say? How could she put years of unspoken words into something that made sense? She couldn't⊠She came out of her trance when Hotch stood in front of her. âEmily?âÂ
Emily's breath caught in her throat as she finally looked up at him. The space between them felt impossibly vast, even though he was standing right in front of her. For a moment, neither of them spoke. It was as if the world outside had disappeared again, leaving just the two of them, suspended in time.
"HotchâŠ" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly as if saying his name after so long stirred something deep inside her.
He stood there, looking almost vulnerable, his posture stiff but his eyes soft. "Emily" he said her name like it was the first time heâd ever said it. The way his voice cracked slightly made her heart ache.
"IâŠ" She hesitated, unsure of how to cross the gap of the years theyâd lost. "I never thought Iâd see you again."
He gave a small, almost regretful smile. "I never thought youâd be here," he said, his voice low. "But it seems fate had other plans." Emilyâs gaze softened, her heart still pounding in her chest. The last few years had been a blur of work, of pretending to move on, but the truth was she never really had. Not when it came to him. Hotch had always been there, in the back of her mind, a silent but constant presence.
She took a breath, steadying herself. "I... I never expected this, Hotch. After everything, I didnât think weâd be here. Not like this. I never knew you could sing"
He nodded, his eyes intense but gentle. "I didn't expect it either. I didnât sing. I had plenty of time after leaving the BAU, so I took some music lessonsâ Emily looked at him, her thoughts a tangled mess. The last few years had been spent pretending to move forward, to bury the feelings sheâd never fully allowed herself to have for Hotch and now, standing here, with him in front of her, those feelings rushed back all at once⊠raw, unfiltered, and overwhelming. "Music lessons?" she repeated, trying to steady herself, but her voice faltered slightly. "After everything that happened, I didnât think youâd even be able to find something to help you move on, let alone... thiâ She motioned to the guitar he had just set down. âI didnât though you would be able to not work like crazy" Hotchâs gaze softened, but there was a heaviness in his eyes. "I didnât expect it either, can⊠can i sit?" he asked quietly, his voice carrying an unfamiliar vulnerability. She just nods for him and he sits in front of her in the booth "I didnât expect to sing. But sometimes, when youâre forced to be alone with your thoughts... you end up finding pieces of yourself you never knew were missing and after having to leave my life behind, I needed something to fill the void" He say without talking the gaze off of hers.
Emily couldnât help but let out a small laugh, but it was bitter. "I get that," she said softly, her eyes not leaving his either. "I tried, too. Tried to move on, tried to forget... but it wasnât that easy, was it? You left and even put my name to replace you"
Hotchâs face changes, the years between them reflected in his gaze. "I should have said something, Emily. I should have said something back then." He paused, the weight of his words settling between them. "I didnât know how. I didnât think I had the right to feel anything for you, not with everything we were dealing with. There was never the right time."
She swallowed hard, the truth in his words stinging more than sheâd expected. "But you did feel something" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
His lips tightened, like he was fighting with his own emotions. "I always did." He ran a hand through his hair now with some gray locks of hair, the gesture making him seem even more vulnerable. "But I couldn't act on it. Not then. Not with all that was going on"
Emilyâs heart ached at the truth in his words, but a small part of her resented it. She wanted to argue, to tell him that she would have chosen him, regardless of the risks. But she couldnât bring herself to do it. The years of silence between them had created a barrier she wasnât sure how to break.
"I never expected you to say something, Hotch," she said. Her voice cracking slightly. "But I never stopped thinking about it either. About what we couldâve been if weâd just... allowed ourselves to feel"
He got up and sit next to her, the space between them now filled with all the things they had never said, all the moments theyâd let slip away. "I never wanted to leave" he admitted quietly. "I didnât want to walk away from you. But I needed to protect Jack and couldnât deal with being a father and keep doing the work that would eventually put him in danger again"
Emily sat back against the booth, her fingers still lightly touching his. The weight of the moment felt by them, but not in a bad way. It was like everything had led to this point, this conversation. She looked at Hotch, the man who had shaped so much of her life, yet had been so far out of reach for years. "I don't know what it is about you, Hotch" Emily started, her voice calm but thick with emotion, "but every time I think Iâve moved on, every time I think Iâve figured out how to leave the past behind, something reminds me of you and it never goes away."
Hotchâs eyes softened at her words. "Emily, I-"
"No," she interrupted, shaking her head gently. "No more apologies. No more regrets. Itâs just us now, okay? No expectations, no pressure. We donât have to fix everything. We donât have to make it perfect. But what I do know is that I've spent too long thinking about what we couldâve been⊠And maybe now⊠just for tonight at least⊠We can stop wondering and just⊠be"
Hotch exhaled deeply, looking at her as if he was seeing her for the first time in a way he hadnât allowed himself before. The walls he'd built around himself, the ones he thought he needed to protect himself and Jack, seemed to fall down a bit in Emilyâs presence. "You donât have to carry all this by yourself anymore" Emily whispered, her heart racing as she leaned forward slightly. "Not unless you want to." He didnât answer right away. Instead, he sat there, as though processing everything she'd said and everything he'd held back for so long.
"I never thought Iâd be ready for this," he said softly. His eyes never leaving hers. "But maybe I am now. Maybe I donât need to have everything figured out. Maybe I just need to⊠let things happen."
And for the first time in years, there was a sense of peace between them. The understanding that no matter where life took them, they'd always be tied to this moment. A promise that they were no longer running from their feelings and whatever came next, they would face it together..
