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“Das gay, Tora.”

“Suguru, that’s not fair. You know I like a lot of people with K names and that’s just mean. And you know Kazuma’s just gonna pick on me for this so I’m going to just omit him as an answer, and you know the other two K individuals. So I’m going to say ketamine. Because that’s the only thing that I think would shut you up long enough to stop pickin’ on me!”

#snakebxte

snakebxte replied to your post “A”

"Oh I forgot, I'd have to send K for you to loooove ass."

“I’ll murder you.”

#snakebxte

“Acetylcholinesterase.”

#snakebxte

tru2002

Put a letter from A-Z in my ask and I’ll tell you 1 thing I love which starts with that letter.

stormyveins

THIS IS CUTE PLEASE

“One time at summer training camp, Sakusa-san got dramatic and said he was dying of cancer when he really had summer allergies. I offered him my medication but he turned me down. Guess he really isn’t dying.”

ofhotheads-blog

Send my muse “👀 + a question” and they’ll have to answer with 100% honesty.

No deleting questions, either!

snakebxte replied to your post “Next time someone makes fun of me for being sick, I’m gonna make...”

"Make sure to aim for their face."

“I was planning on aiming for an open mouth actually.”

#snakebxte

“Next time someone makes fun of me for being sick, I’m gonna make myself throw up all over them.”

popular text posts + ask memes

❛ i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, but i know i’m doing it wrong ❜ ❛ i am so cute and bitter ❜ ❛ my life is one part ‘wait’ and another part ‘what’ ❜ ❛ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it ❜ ❛ i love sleeping to avoid problems ❜ ❛ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do ❜ ❛ i’m hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years ❜ ❛ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit ❜ ❛ we need some new and more powerful swears ❜ ❛ i get progressively uglier throughout the day ❜ ❛ i’m so miserable, but i laugh at everything ❜ ❛ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine ❜ ❛ just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. it’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot. ❜ ❛ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame ❜ ❛ if you think i’m ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 ❜ ❛ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it ❜ ❛ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds ❜ ❛ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i don’t know many love songs, so it’s just uptown funk 18 times in a row. ❜ ❛ there are people who know me in real life who think i’m straight and that’s really funny to me ❜ ❛ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget ❜ ❛ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the ❜ ❛ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise ❜ ❛ i’m the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person ❜ ❛ that awful moment when you wake up ❜ ❛ damn haha i’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later ❜ ❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜ ❛ people our age have children what the hell i am a children ❜ ❛ i don’t like your clothes. take them off. ❜ ❛ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? ❜ ❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜ ❛ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel ❜ ❛ if i don’t insult you daily, it means i don’t like you ❜ ❛ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry ❜ ❛ i need to get laid… to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. ❜ ❛ i’m trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me ❜ ❛ i’m overstressed and underfucked ❜ ❛ i can’t wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree ❜ ❛ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine ❜ ❛ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment ❜ ❛ i don’t have time for people who don’t believe in aliens ❜ ❛ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting ❜ ❛ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people ❜ ❛ i can’t play hard to get i’m already hard to want ❜ ❛ i’m still pissed off about growing up ❜ ❛ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜ ❛ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close ❜ ❛ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap ❜ ❛ write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back ❜ ❛ how do people even put up with me like i can’t even put up with me ❜ ❛ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead ❜ ❛ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical ❜ ❛ sorry, i’m poor. i can’t afford to pay attention ❜ ❛ aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall ❜ ❛ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep? ❜ ❛ my neutral expression makes me look like i’m always in a bad mood which is convenient because it’s usually true ❜ ❛ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming ❜

whambamthankyoubram

send one for my muse’s reaction

alternatively, send 🍻 + to make this a drunk text

[text] When I’m not with you, my heart hurts. [text] At some point, the phrase “I’ve hit rock bottom” became less of a figure of speech and more of the general state of my life. [text] I thought being with you would make me happy - I was wrong. [text] I should have known that when you said you still wanted to be friends, you didn’t mean it. [text] So, what, are you just not going to talk to me ever again? [text] How did we go from talking every single day to … this? [text] You know, you not answering my calls or texts is a testament to how much of a coward you really are. [text] I don’t like to leave loose ends and I realized I needed to live up to my own problems and insecurities. [text] You owe me a fucking apology. [text] We used to be best friends - where did it go wrong? [text] I can’t be without you. Please don’t do this to me. [text] (He/she/they) told me what you said, you asshole. [text] What the hell is wrong with you!? [text] Why the fuck would you do something like that? [text] YOU’RE A RUDE BITCH AND I HOPE YOU STUB YOUR TOE LATER TODAY [text] Thank you for finally showing me the truth about you. The truth is, you’re a dick. [text] Fact: You’re adorable. Also fact: You stink at board games. But I love you. [text] I’m a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. I’M DOOMED. [text] Can you and your overnight guest maybe keep it down? I’m trying to sleep. [text] I’m bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff. [text] Listen, I may be naive, but I know what it means when they send that eggplant emoji. [text] YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT’S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON [text] I think after tonight I’m 85% lesbian [text] So at what point of the night are we going to decide everyone at this party sucks and we should just fuck each other? [text] Sorry your girlfriend got you a present and you forgot to get her one. How long will your dick be dry? [text] You need to get home NOW. The oven is on fire and the fire department is officially ignoring my calls. HELP! [text]I’m sitting on the couch at 2 AM eating fried chicken in my underwear. Who is the real winner here? [text] I am not ubering you a puppy. [text] If you bring me coffee and a greasy breakfast sandwich, I’ll love you forever. [text] Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire? [text] Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn’t mean you can act like a nudist. [text] The only things I am doing today are things one can do without wearing a bra. [text] I’m a grown woman and just cried because we ran out of Cheetos. I have PMS. Bring Cheetos to my place, or die. [text] I’ll eat brunch alone. No ones good enough when you’re not around [text] The worst thing about living at your parents’ place again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up booty calls. [text] You are probably the most infuriating person I’ve ever met…but you’re weirdly sexy. What I’m saying, is come over. [text] Please don’t bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won’t get confused. [text] How could (he/she/they) not like you!? You’re like, annoying relatable. Like Jennifer Lawrence. [text] Who says you can’t have Reese’s Cups for breakfast? Fucking losers, that’s who. [text] If your (boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other) finds a random like on an Instagram post from 64 weeks ago, that was me. Oops. [text] The only thing I crossed off my to do list today was get high. I’m going places. [text] (He/she/they) is a total bitch and a crappy party host so I stole their dog. It likes me better. [text] I feel like I cold have been bitchier and missed an opportunity. [text] I’m only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar. [text] Would you think less of me if I told you I was eating pizza on the toilet right now? [text] THE LAST STRAW WAS YOU CHANGING THE NETFLIX PASSWORD [text] Dude, what’s wrong with me? I’m like a strong independent woman and shit. [text] DON’T YOU DARE PUT YOURSELF DOWN YOU’RE A BEAUTIFUL BITCH AND ANYONE WOULD BE LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU YOU [text] I’m just so full of love and alcohol [text] WHY WOULD YOU DRUNK DIAL MY HOUSE PHONE YOU IDIOT

rpmemes-galore

Send me “Stay here with me tonight.” for my muse’s reaction

drlelandsoffice

The Excessively Detailed Headcanon Tumblr Meme

mattssei

Send me some numbers, and I will tell you:

What does their bedroom look like?

Do they have any daily rituals?

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Eating habits and sample daily menu

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

Makeup?

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

Intellectual pursuits?

Favorite book genre?

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Favorite beverage?

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

What is their biggest regret?

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

Most prized possession?

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

Concept of home and family?

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

What makes them feel guilty?

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

How misanthropic are they?

Hobbies?

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

Religion?

Superstitions or views on the occult?

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

How do they express love?

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

tinytiiger-blog

Well I don’t think you’re garbage. That’s also kind of an important part of that whole equation. And I mean hey, last I checked your brother didn’t want you hanging out with me either, but here we aaare.

thamnophiis-blog

Knowing Suguru he was only saying that cause your brother was trash talking me. He probably doesn’t think anything bad about you at all. . .I’m still pretty sure your brother hates me. Moreso that I’m Suguru’s brother than anything else. . .

#this is junta. its gonna take a lot to get him to smile