Thannadan

A haven for those hiding from Cthulhu. "The Necronomicon is filled with misinformation." -- J.R. Melcurunad

[thannadan]

When you attach strings to love,

You strangle your own heart.

-- Bull Pizzle, American cowboy poet

[thannadan]

Job's Optimism Slept Here

(a soliloquy)

Look.

How do you see me now?

I am a wash rag, a tattered banner,

Flying over the Pit of Despair and Boba Bar,

All my hopes and aspirations, 

Have been dashed upon these rocks, 

I was a rough stone, desiring to be polished,

Aching to see worth in my reflection,

Now I am a jagged boulder,

Indifferently sculpted by our bottomless platter of sorrow,

Our free refills of helpless rage,

Yet, I am also the man who rises, 

Each yellow oily morning,

Bandaging over my deadly spines to cry out,

"How may I help you with your order?"

Bull Pizzle, late American cowboy poet 

[thannadan]

In Idaho, Far-Right Republicans Defy Coronavirus Health Restrictions https://www.npr.org/2020/04/13/832961674/in-idaho-far-right-republicans-defy-coronavirus-health-restrictions?sc=18&f=1001

The Church of Yahweh in Yog Sototh strongly supports this show of disregard for the law in defense of individual liberties. We now call upon all like-minded non-mainstream fearless groups on the left AND the right to show how ridiculous this exaggeration of the seriousness of COVID-19 really is.

Please feel free to gather in groups of 1,000 or more in enclosed spaces (preferably with handmade snacks and beverages) to show trust in God, fellowship, and solidarity by hugging, shaking hands, all while sneezing and coughing in gleeful mockery of the liberal Deep Stake!

Even better, let's give these God-fearing gatherings true biblical symbolism by hunkering down in our faith fortresses for forty days and forty nights. If medical personnel attempt to intervene with their unholy practices, send them away in shame by chanting in patriotic unum the motto engraved on all genuine American coins: IN GOD WE TRUST.

Do it today.

[thannadan]

Love is a dark burden,

Borne faithfully,

It ends in grief or death,

And of these, grief is the bitter one.

It is a long wail in a lightless cavern,

Whose echoes fade but slowly, 

In decrements of years,

Until you feel you can move on, 

Then it will drift in from behind,

Whispering in the dark,

With a promise as true as its word:

Always.

Always.

Bull Pizzle, American cowboy poet,

Dedication: To Thor 

[thannadan]

Everything I need to know about selecting cuts of meat, I learned from Hanibal Lecter

-- Cheekbert, Evil Chef D'maison

[thannadan]

This Just In: PETA Weapons Training... for Deer

Tuesday, 22 January 2019 - Carbondale, IL

According to a thus far uncorroborated report from a confidential source claiming to be a PITA insider, the animal rights group is taking a radical stand on deer and elk poachers. The source says the activists have leased land in southern Illinois that was formerly the site of a US Army munitions base.

Using the combined volunteer know-how of a retired mechanical engineer and an exotic animal trainer, the group plans to outfit deer and elk that pass a rigorous training course with antler-mounted modified surplus M-79 grenade launchers. The plan is to arm the game animals only outside the legal hunting season, as a deterrent to poachers.

The source, who asked for strict anonymity (he gave the name "Norbert" for this report) as he was not authorized to speak on the record for PITA, refused to name the principals involved. He would also not discuss the precise location of the secret training facility.

Asked why he had decided to come forward to expose the planned arms training, the whistleblower said,

"I want deer poaching stopped as much as anyone, but I just don't think this is the right way to go about it. It's way too dangerous!"

Pressed for details about his concerns, Norbert added,

"Even if they can get these gizmos to stay on the deer and such, and get them to trigger the launchers, who's to say they're not gonna get spooked and hit the wrong target, like kids throwing sticks or something? Or God forbid, even a game warden? How about if a deer or elk decides to scratch an itchy antler on a tree trunk? I mean, c'mon, you could have explosions going off anywhere in the forest country.

As to why he decided to expose the admittedly high-risk project after being involved for several months, Norbert looked thoughtful before replying,

"Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day. I saw a quote of his on TV, where he said something about returning violence for violence only multiplies violence. That hit me hard. I just don't want my conscience bearing the burden of some kid or innocent person blown into chunks. I guess that's about the size of it right there."

[thannadan]

Lawn Patrol at Dawn:

The droppings of small dogs lurk unseen in the high grass,

Like clever snakes, awaiting the careless foot.

Bull Pizzle, American Cowboy Poet

[yogsothothery]

Pirate Cthulhu by TentaclesandTeeth

[thannadan]

He is one bad motherf***er... Watch your mouth! Just talkin' 'bout Cthulhu!

[thannadan]

Blue Sentinel

[amvs]

View this post on Instagram

[thannadan]

Texting on the new Sam's-Hung TabCat; it's a biobot, so no exploding batteries to worry about. Just catbox nuggets dragged around the house!

[yogsothothery]

Cthulhu Jesus by TentaclesandTeeth

[thannadan]

Breaking labor and employment news from our business desk: Cthulhu agrees to significant pay cut to take on vacated savior role as pro Bono work. When interviewed via a human channeler, the Great Sleeping One insisted this is a temporary gig that will not interfere with his primary mission of restoring our universe to its rightful owners. Cthulhu's quip of the day: "I have been a huge, huge fan of U2 since before Bono was born, and I telepathically inspired the Edge's minimalist guitar playing in my sleep: what's not to like?"

[thannadan]

Breaking News from Pluto

In an astonishing turnaround, the body formerly known as the planet Pluto appears to have drastically altered its orbit. Sources close to the National Observatory tell TAFNN’s Space Desk they are working frantically to ascertain whether the shift poses a threat to the home planet.

Unnamed and confidential informants hint the course alteration may be a reaction to a draft version of a Trump administration planned executive order to defund a NASA study to reevaluate the dwarf planet’s size to possibly reinstate it to full planet status. An anonymous White House source denied additional reports that President Rump (sic, sic, sic) wanted to make any continued funding contingent upon NASA renaming the planet “Trumpo”!

URGENT UPDATE: a previously unidentified Russian spy satellite has just transmitted data that indicate Pluto has accomplished the theoretically impossible feat of accelerating to hyper-light velocity. It now appears to be on course to strike the White House beauty salon at the precise time of the Donald’s next hair coloring appointment. Dismissing the warning as fake news, despite its coming from a Russian satellite (“great, great people, those Russian scientists: very smart! Why doesn’t our very dishonest media ever report on them and how much they like me, me, me?”), the President has vowed to keep his hair appointment.

This report is the unabashed intellectual property of The Absolutely Fake News Network. Please call any Trump resort or golf course to unsubscribe.

[thannadan]

Wow.

[thannadan]

Breaking News from Pluto

In an astonishing turnaround, the body formerly known as the planet Pluto appears to have drastically altered its orbit. Sources close to the National Observatory tell TAFNN's Space Desk they are working frantically to ascertain whether the shift poses a threat to the home planet. Unnamed and confidential informants hint the course alteration may be a reaction to a draft version of a Trump administration planned executive order to defund a NASA study to reevaluate the dwarf planet's size to possibly reinstate it to full planet status. An anonymous White House source denied additional reports that President Rump (sic, sic, sic) wanted to make any continued funding contingent upon NASA renaming the planet "Trumpo"! URGENT UPDATE: a previously unidentified Russian spy satellite has just transmitted data that indicate Pluto has accomplished the theoretically impossible feat of accelerating to hyper-light velocity. It now appears to be on course to strike the White House beauty salon at the precise time of the Donald's next hair coloring appointment. Dismissing the warning as fake news, despite its coming from a Russian satellite ("great, great people, those Russian scientists: very smart! Why doesn't our very dishonest media ever report on them and how much they like me, me, me?"), the President has vowed to keep his hair appointment. This report is the unabashed intellectual property of The Absolutely Fake News Network. Please call any Trump resort or golf course to unsubscribe.

[thannadan]

Liberty In the Time of Alternative Facts

In the land of the free,

We must all be the brave,

Unless we stand up for each other,

We may soon bow as slaves;

Shall we hide behind our borders,

United only in name,

When we trade liberty for safety,

To both we soon lose all claim.

– Bull Pizzle, Cowboy Poet

[thannadan]

Symbiotes are not necessarily morally superior to parasites.  Neither gives any thought to the host's well-being.  Either way, the one who makes the most effective use of the host's resources could be claimed the winner.

Fred Tessensohn

[thannadan]

If I spend my day reaching into my pockets and giving away all my money, it may help some people and make me feel good, but when night falls I'll be left with empty pockets. If I spend my day reaching into my heart and giving away all of my love, when night falls my heart will still be full, and I know the next morning I'll have just as much love to give.

Fred Tessensohn

[thannadan]

String Theory: Informal

Nuneya Bhiezwhacs

Or: “On the Effects Upon Strings Observed In a Nocturnal, High-Ethanol Environment”

So, two strings walk into Clancy’s Subatomic Particle Lounge.  String 1 bellies up to the bar and orders a martini, vibrating not static.  The bartender says,

“Look, mac, our sign says we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.  You’re no proton, you’re no neutron, you’re a string, and we DO NOT SERVE STRINGS HERE!”

String 1 slinks out of the bar, dejected.  String 2 takes advantage of the distraction, inches into the left-hand particle restroom and quickly ties himself into a semblance of a pretzel, and after examining himself in the mirror, roughs up his ends a little.  Heads back out to the bar, where he sidles up to the bartender and orders a Cosmos.  The bartender, leans over with a scowl:

“Hey look, mac (blah-blah-f-ing-blah)... Aren’t you a string, like your buddy?”

String 2 straightens up and says with a grin: “I’m a frayed knot!”