tgatguyoverther

dawg I'm just trying to live

[that-guy-over-thare]

We always said we'd be together forever, but I didn't know that it meant you would only take my soul with you.

[that-guy-over-thare]

A clean break doesn't heal when you take half of me with you.

[that-guy-over-thare]

New year here, one year gone.

Still somehow my heart beats on.

See the light, see it shine.

Makes me wonder why love is blind.

Feel the hurt, see the pain.

Sadness courses through my veins.

[that-guy-over-thare]

There are two kinds of people.

First you have the kind of people who will make a place where they can go to calm down. They make a space that is contained, a space that shuts away the worries of the world. They build up a fortress which allows them to hide away from the stress, a tower in a castle that is quiet and secluded. They make a place that is just for their own mind, a secure place to retreat into if they ever start losing to many battles in their wars. They hunker down and shut out the noise and frustrations of the world, and they let their mind sleep worry free.

The second group of people doesn't understand the first, just as the first doesn't understand the second, because the second group runs, they run as far and as fast as they can. They keep themselves light and maneuverable, able to dissappear at a moments notice. Letting the wind and weather blow the negativity away, finding the far exclusivities of the world so they cannot be reached. They bring themselves to speeds where nothing matters, because at any moment they could dissappear into the world.

Both groups are at peace.

Both groups have their escape.

And both bring balance.

I find that there are times to run, and times to stay. There are moments in my life where I must drive down the road as fast as I can so then everything blends together in a meaningless blur. Other moments I need to hide away into a moment where nothing can find me. Some moments I need to make as much noise as I can so I can't even hear my own heart beat. Some moments I need to make it so quiet that my heart is all I can hear. There are many moments where I just need to dissappear where I cannot be found.

Both groups are the same, but because they are the same they will never understand eachother. Love is what balances the lives between us, and love is what drowns the sorrow away.

[that-guy-over-thare]

I hope I never fall in love again. Its been three years and she's all I think of when I wish for someone to hold me. Love hurts so much that sometimes I dont know if it was ever worth it. There are moments where I get stuck in my head wishing that I could just become so terminally sick that maybe she'll take pity on me again. Every moment I've had I dream of how much better it would be if she was there. The fibers of the heart of my soul are worn thin and I dont know if theyll last through even a good friendship.

Every once in a while I'll find myself in a moment of silence, and ill hear her laughter on the breeze. I see her bright eyes reflect in those beautiful stormy clouds. I'll see her every perfection in every flaw she has. And then my vision blurs as she drowns in the tears i cry.

Ive moved so far away from her and she still chases me in my mind. Every word I say that's not to her is one more word that doesn't matter. Every step I take is a step closer to the edge, the edge where I disregard my life because she's not in it.

If she ever speaks to me again, I will never be heard from. Because I will run to her side, and whether she holds me tight or destroys me nobody else will see me again.

[that-guy-over-thare]

"You did your best!"

And that's why I hurt.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Kiss me, love me, show me that I matter. Find my soul behind all thats tattered. Bring me life and love and laughter. Cause all I want is happily ever after. I dont know what you need. But I wish that it was me.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Every moment I am alone, I am fiercely reminded of how deep the wounds of my childhood reach. Of just how scarred my soul has become. I see the lashings and beatings, not of belts or wooden spoons, but of words and intonations that carve joy and curiosity away from me. Every time I want to sleep, to dream, to escape, I am more and more harshly reminded of the love and laughter I never received. I could never imagine any pain that could be worse. But just as I am lost at the very bottom of my sorrows, I wake up the next day. I wake up and I go do those things that my younger self could never do. I wake up and show myself just how much further I can go. Each and every night that I wish I never would wake again is followed by a day filled with adventures through the crushed dreams of my childhood. Each moment I am awake, I show my younger self that those ideas and longings were never that far away, that all that I needed to do was push myself just that little bit harder. As my demons writhe inside of me, breaking my spirit down as much as they can, I am building myself up faster and faster, accomplishing each and every dream that I ever had, growing constantly in every moment knowing that I am living out a fantasy. I know, with full certainty, that I could never be broken again. But even with the highs that I live, my heart lays shattered, waiting for love to mend it.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Can anybody explain to me how I can sit in my bed with the only thought being "I wish I still had somebody to talk to."? Cause I'm about to loose the little amount of sanity I have held on to because there aren't any people in my life who I can call and talk silly nonsense with to keep my mind off of things! I just want to vent about all the little things that don't matter. I want to be able to say what happens to be on my mind. I want to know that while the person on the other end of the line isn't truly interested in every word I have to say, they just care about hearing my voice, regardless of the mental dump I take on their cranial front lawn. I wanna talk for so long that I fall asleep with them on the other line as our snoring echoes across the call. I don't even need someone to cuddle me to sleep, I just want to have somebody who will listen late after bedtime.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Sometimes, I'll be sitting in a room, full of people, totally alone.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Broken

I'm broken

Please help me

For I am broken

You do not know me

Just know that I am broken

I wish my life could be saved

I wish that my time could be rearranged

But there is nothing that could be done now

Since I have decided to fall into pieces of myself

I am gone in your eyes forever and ever

Since my broken life could not be saved

And my history will now be erased

Don't fear now that I'm gone

I did not matter anyways

I am truly insignificant

I would leave

But im

Broken

[that-guy-over-thare]

I'm not allowed to complain. Since my heart isn't broken.

It would bring too much shame. To my public image.

My feelings get hurt. By all the happy young lovers.

Underneath this black shirt. My heart hates to beat

I'm tired of playing games. My soul feels worn down.

I'll just take all the blame. For your awkward crowds.

I'm in a state of mind. That's hard to get out of.

I feel like they're blind. All those who taunt me.

People think I don't care. When they don't see my effort.

They've had their fair share. While giving me nothing.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Life plays my heartstrings like a bass. Pulling and slapping them in their place. Not letting me have anybody that i can face. And show who I want to be.

Love is gone far away. Doesn't matter how I pray. I'm just caught inside the fray. Of the pains of a lonely heart.

I am lost but never found. The holes inside me just compound. I can feel them all around. Shining light beams through my soul.

Please forgive me i don't know. How to act inside your show. These deep chills inside my bones. Make me feel oh so far gone.

Kill me kill me kill me please. Right through my head for guarantees. I'm begging begging on my knees. Remove my sorry corpse.

Blood on the floor and up the walls. My splatter flies right up so tall. My empty torso slowly falls. And my life is finally gone.

[that-guy-over-thare]

I wish I had friends to lay down on the ground and cry with

[that-guy-over-thare]

I wish I knew what love felt like. Is it warm and fuzzy? Will it make me feel like I'm riding the clouds through a sunrise? Can I use it to motivate myself to accomplish great things? I wake up in the mornings wondering about love. I want to learn about love. I want to learn how to find love, how to feel it, and how to make it grow. The hole in my chest makes it hard to cry. Since without a heart, my soul can't reach my mind. I wish someone would show me love. I want somebody to show up and rip through every single last thing I know just to let one tiny beam of light seep through my cold, depressing life. Please, if you're out there, show me the glory of love. Show me the lost battles that are won with love. I need you. If you can hear my cries, I need you. If you can see my dry eyes, I need you. If you can feel my cold hands, I need you. If you can taste my sorrow that permeates the air around me, I need you. If you can smell the decay from my chest that has never beaten, I need you. If you are there, wherever you may have been, if you are with me, I need you. Please, show me what love is. Give me a beating heart, if only to break it, give me a heart. Make me feel alive. Make me want to be motivated. Show me how to make this worth it. Show me how to reach the end of each day, knowing that the things I did made the world just that little bit better. When my eyes turn grey, let me say the words I lived. Etch yourself onto my soul. Please. I beg you, please. Please show me what love is.

[that-guy-over-thare]

Fear

Me

For

I

Know

Not

How

To

Control

My

Anger

Nor

My

Sorrow

[that-guy-over-thare]

Broken broken broken

Why is it that I'm broken

I fall between the cracks

Of the mask I used to wear

Between those lies I fall

Into the murky water

Of tears I've cried for nothing

I drown under the waves

Made by my sobbing body

As I sink under the sea

Dead

Save yourself