Don’t you think that the leak that was dropped heavily calls back another episode?
Garnet: It looks like Steven is trying to avoid a serious discussion about this altogether.
Garnet: Steven! You have got to calm down and talk to us!
Amethyst: Just chill, man!
“I don’t want to talk about it- I don’t even want to THINK about it!”
It seems like a very adamant and aggressive callback of this line:
“But you didn't mean to hurt him! [sighs] I know what it's like... Sometimes, you hurt people... by accident..? Y-you just have to try not to think about it.”
In Steven’s case, at this moment, it’s all of the people that Pink has hurt. He wants to help them to the best of his ability, but he can’t seem to stand the fact that he’ll need to accept what Pink Diamond has done to do so. He’s trying to fix things without wanting to understand how to.
Steven is trying to avoid his mother’s past and the responsibilities coming with it because it’s so much. It’s extremely overwhelming for him; he really believes that he can’t do it.
Which brings us back to a certain somebody who will consistently try to help him with that:
In Mindful Education, after ‘Here Comes A Thought’, Steven still hasn’t fully grasped the concept that Garnet was trying to show him. And that might be the same case now.
“To find balance, you must understand your feelings. To understand your feelings, you must see them clearly without running from them.”
Back then, Connie had immediately understood.
“I-I tried to help you. You wouldn't listen. I...”
“I told you to stop! I-I had no choice! I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't be-“
But here, Connie interjects. She immediately takes over, reminding Steven:
“No! It's okay! It's okay to think about it!”
“I thought I could, but it's so much! I can't do it!”
Steven is crying, and it’s because the butterflies have just formed into the one thing he never wants to think about, even in Future:
But as everybody remembers, Steven didn’t lose complete sight of himself and transitioned into this angry, benevolent Pink form of himself. That wasn’t the ending to Mindful Education as we all know.
Connie was there by his side.
“I didn't want to hurt anyone! I'm sorry! None of them would let me help them! I had no choice!”
Steven expresses how hard it is for him to accept that he can’t help some things, and that he has to move on to accept that he couldn’t help people, despite how much he tried. He’s still in denial that he can’t help everybody, those who were hurt by Rose and those he didn’t have any part in hurting at all.
and Connie tells him that it’s okay.
“But it's okay to think about it!”
“That's okay, too! There was nothing else you could've done!”
Steven hates thinking about everything in relation to his mother because it reminds him of everything he couldn’t do. He just wants to give and give, without ever caring for himself, and it hurts him deeply when he finds that he can’t just solve everything. But Connie was able to tell him that it’s okay.
“I don't want to feel this way.”
“You have to. You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on. That's how it was for me.”
In Future, there isn’t a person that Steven can anchor to, to help remind him that all of this isn’t something he can run away from. He’s growing further from the gems; he finds them to be incapable of understanding what he’s going through, which is probably worsened by how much Pearl pressures him to talk to the three main crystal gems. He needs somebody he can let loose with, somebody he trusts with his whole heart, and mind.
I sincerely believe that Connie will help him talk it out, that she’ll help him face his trauma and start to move on. To remind him that, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel the way you feel, to think the way you think, but you have to move on. And that’s okay too, because they have one another.
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