Summary: You loved Robby enough to build a life around him once. The kind of life you thought people only talked about. Then things changed slowly, and then all at once, until the man beside you no longer felt familiar. Time apart was supposed to make things easier. Instead, a series of circumstances forces the two of you back into the same room, where everything left unsaid is still waiting.
Pairing: Husband! Robby x Wife! reader
WC: 6.5k
Warnings: 18+, smut, stressful work life, mentions of depression, not accurate lmao, strained marriage, arguments, lying, toxic dynamics, inappropriate workplace behavior, jack and mckay are two of reader’s close friends, mentions of a previous miscarriage, mentions of langdon’s addiction, fade to black at the end.
(this was my first robby fic, i hope i captured him well lol)
Working in the Pitt was its own kind of hell, a hell where life was sucked out of you. No fun, no laughs, only stress.
Before Michael, all you knew was work, home, and the few hours of sleep that you allowed yourself after your shift.
It was a cliche thing to say, but you always swore that your life brightened some when he came into it. He had a way about him, a way about him that made you feel at ease.
How the hell your marriage ended up in a spot where you were heavily considering divorce was beyond you. It had been another night of you trying to be there for him, but it turned into a fight— it always did. Your words were always wrong and rotten, no matter how softly they were spoken or how sweet they were laced.
Robby was a ticking time bomb and you weren’t going to let him drag you down with him. It was so unfair, because he acted as if you didn’t struggle too— like you didn’t also have a lot on your plate at work. It was all about him and his feelings.
The thought of your marriage being at that point was foreign, ridiculous even. You loved him and he loved you, how could things sour when that mattered most? How could you give up on him?
Robby was the man that couldn’t see yourself without, the one that made you smile at work, the one that would drop anything to be there for you.
Why would you abandon him when he just needed help?
God, you felt so fucking guilty for even considering it. The guilt gnawed at you every time you thought about it, you were being unfair.
He just needed space, is what you told yourself— hoping that it would turn out differently.
When the two of you got together it was with the help of Jack, he kept giving hints about how you’d do well together and how you two were looking for the same thing. How both of you had been alone for quite some time.
You brushed him off, because you weren’t looking for anything or anyone. You were okay with being by yourself and you had been okay with that for a really long time.
When you finally caved and said yes to the “blind date”, Jack joked that it would be it — you’d never be single again. Robby would be the one for you, the one that would make you change your mind.
You would roll your eyes and mock him, but he was right.
“Fuck.” You whined, your ass bouncing on his cock.
He smacked your ass, biting his lip.
“There you go, sweetheart.” He coached.
It had been so long since you had been touched, Robby was only the second person that you had ever slept with. It felt so fucking good, but you’d told yourself beforehand that it wouldn’t go that far. You didn’t plan to fuck him after the third date, you just couldn’t help yourself— he was so charming.
“I’m gonna cum—“
“Fuck, Robby.” You rasped, your pussy clenching around his cock.
“That’s it baby.” He groaned, his tongue sliding into your mouth as he kissed you again.
You kept riding him, riding out your orgasm while his cock twitched inside you.
“I’m so fucking close.” He panted.
You loved this, every fucking moment of it. “You can cum inside me, I’m on the pill.”
He looked at you, “you sure?”
You nodded.
It didn’t take long before Robby’s deep, guttural groans filled the air— his cum coating your walls.
The two of you stayed in each other’s arms, falling asleep together and waking up together the next morning.
You knew then that Jack was right, Robby was it.
A year later the two of you were married, married at the cathedral that you’d picked out.
It was perfect in every way imaginable and you had smiled more than you ever had in your life. The way that Robby looked at you, held your hand through every moment, whispered cute things into your ear— he was your soulmate.
Your wedding wasn’t big, but it had everyone who mattered there. It was exactly what the two of you had envisioned and talked about on numerous occasions.
Shortly after the wedding, the two of you started house hunting. You both sold your houses and wanted a space that was picked by both of you, something where you could potentially start a family.
Having children was something that you never considered, something that you had written off years ago. I mean, the Pitt was your life— it was all that you had time for. However, experiencing love and being loved made you feel differently about it.
Before you got married, the two of you were also on opposite shifts—just barely able to spend time together. With a little persuasion, you joined the day shift, which made things ten times easier for both of you.
Years later…
You took the empty chair at the nurses station, wanting to rest your feet. The emergency room was buzzing with patients, talking, and machines beeping— you could barely hear yourself think.
“Don’t go to sleep on us.” Dana spoke, nudging you as you blinked slowly.
You wanted to cry internally and externally, “I couldn’t even if I tried.”
The entire day had been more non-stop than usual and you were exhausted, truthfully beyond exhausted.
You glanced at your watch and stood up from the chair, dragging yourself to the next task— going to the bathroom for peace and quiet. On the way to the bathroom, you caught Robby once again grilling Samira for being too slow.
You watched as she walked away, looking like a bit more of her confidence had been shaved off.
Robby walked out of the room, putting hand sanitizer on his hands.
Things between the two of you were already tense, but you were going to say something— you had to. Not just because he was your husband, but his behavior and attitude was getting ridiculous. The low point in your marriage was an all new low, lower than it had ever been. You believed that it was something every marriage went through, something your marriage would overcome— but as the nights passed your confidence dwindled. Your patience for his treatment of you and everyone else thinned.
His behavior at home had been carried with him at work, the one thing he always warned everyone about. It was downright embarrassing to you and him.
He was losing himself right before your eyes— snappy with everyone, sleeping less, and talking less. You were losing your husband and you couldn’t stop it. You wanted to guide him through it and be there for him, but he only pushed you farther away. It had gotten to the point where you drove your own car to work and that you could barely work with him, without arguing.
He was affecting you and your career, he was ruining you.
You walked beside him, “can we have a word?”
He scoffed, the lines near his eyes deepening.
“Here we go—“
“Again.” He muttered.
You walked in front of him, halting his steps and trying not to let his words make you angry.
“Robby, you cannot keep treating Samira that way.” You gently reminded him.
“Dr. Mohan.” He corrected you.
Your brows furrowed, a confused look on your face.
“What?”
He pressed his hands together in front of him, his lips pursed and brows slightly raised.
“She is Dr.Mohan. We are professionals and she is not your friend, she is Dr. Mohan.”
You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief.
“We are professionals, you’re right— but that isn’t a lesson that I need.”
He pulled his shoulders back in offense, pointing his finger at himself.
“Are you trying to say that I need a fucking lesson in professionalism? That’s rich.”
“Robby.. what I’m saying is that—“
“Your treatment of her, constantly nagging and knocking her down a peg.. is unprofessional and comes off sexist.” You stammered.
He stared at you in disbelief.
“You, my lovely wife— are unbelievable.”
“I only say this out of concern, Michael. I love you, but—“
“Just because we are married does not mean that you can talk to me this way, I am still your superior. You need to remember your place and get back to work, we do not have time for bullshit.” He gritted.
You were admittedly startled by his tone, it sent shivers down your spine. The way that he so casually brushed you and your concern off, the way that he pulled the authority card.
It was as if the rose colored glasses that you had on and the excuses for him instantly vanished, that was it— the final straw. It wasn’t something big or catastrophic like you had imagined, it was that.
Your eyes watered as you stared at your husband, the eyes of your coworkers on both of you.
Robby stared at you and you didn’t even recognize him, his eyes no longer held the sanctuary that you used to get lost in.
You leaned close to him, making sure that he could hear you perfectly.
“I can’t do this anymore, Michael.. I thought that I could and that I could tolerate your cruelty, but I can’t.”
His brows raised, “my cruelty?”
“You need to get your shit out of the house and be gone by the time that I am at home.” You added.
Your words were sharp and short, no more apologies and excuses— just straight to the point.
He feigned a smile and nodded, walking away without saying anything.
You turned around to see everyone staring after, considering it was obvious the two of you were arguing.
“What the fuck is everyone looking at?” You yelled, tears finally falling from your eyes.
Dana stared at you a moment longer, before averting her gaze.
“She’s right people, this isn’t a zoo— get back to work!”
Although you appreciated her effort to keep eyes off of you and your failing marriage, everyone knew— it was obvious. Everyone noticed how things between the two of you seemed strained, how easily Robby snapped, or how it seemed like your light dimmed.
You loved him, but this was ridiculous and it just couldn’t continue— not this way.
After your shift, you went home and he was gone— along with his things. He didn’t even hesitate.
You stayed later for charting, hoping for anything from him— but there was nothing. You didn’t know what hurt worse, him not trying or him treating you that way.
When you got home, you realized that you still had a vial in your pocket and needed to return it. You drove back to the hospital, hoping to be in and out.
“Back so soon?” Dana questioned as she prepared to walk out of the door herself.
You held the vial in your hand, showing her. “I needed to return this.”
Dana stopped you in your tracks as you went to walk past her, her hand on your shoulder and her eyes giving you a look that you knew all too well.
“What was that with Robby earlier?”
You fidgeted with the vial, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall from your eyes again.
“He’s.. uh, just having a day— I guess.”
She leaned in closer to you, her brow slightly raised.
“He shouldn’t be like that with you, that isn’t okay and you don’t deserve it.”
You nodded, biting the inside of your lip.
“Tell me about it.”
Dana rubbed your shoulder and gave it a pat before she continued on her way while you continued on yours.
It was embarrassing, embarrassing that your marriage couldn’t even struggle in private— that everyone knew.
The emergency room had quieted some from earlier, but not by much. Dr. Abbott and Mateo were approaching the desk when you walked by, your mind completely focused on the task at hand and nothing else.
You were in the middle of returning the vial when Jack came to the side of you.
“What are you doing back here?” He asked.
You took a deep breath, your eyes red from crying and hands unable to stop shaking.
“I just brought back that vial, I realized I still had it in my pocket.”
He stared at you, his eyes raking over you and your appearance.
“Talk to me.”
Your brow raised, “about?”
He leaned against the wall, glancing around and making sure that the two of you were alone.
“I’ve heard about it, I mean everyone has— tell me what happened.”
You wiped your mouth, a sigh of defeat escaping your lips— your eyes sore from crying.
Jack grabbed your hand and guided you into a nearby empty room, shutting the door behind him.
“He’s just.. he’s slipping. I don’t know what’s going on, but nothing I say is right or okay. He’s an asshole most of the time, like I don’t even recognize him.. my own fucking husband.” You stammered.
Jack watched you, he watched how you also looked like you were falling apart and how you seemed completely alone.
“Why did he argue with you in front of people? What brought that about?”
You wiped your tears, shaking your head.
“He was scolding Dr. Mohan again. It’s like he’s always on her ass about one thing or another and she’s trying, she’s fucking trying.” You choked.
Jack tilted his head slightly and walked closer to you, pulling you into a hug.
“Hey, hey— it’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay and so will you.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
You pulled away, sniffing.
“Don’t, this isn’t your mess to clean up and I don’t want him getting upset over this too.”
“I don’t like him treating you this way. I won’t tolerate it.”
“It’ll be fine, just trust me.” You pleaded.
He rubbed your arm, “are you positive?”
You nodded, pulling a paper towel from the dispenser to blow your nose.
“Have you—“
“Have you told him about the medical emergency that you had?”
You turned to Jack, your mind clouded by the hum of the light overhead and everything else.
“Oh, the miscarriage?”
He folded his arms, leaning against the counter— his brow raised.
“No.. no. I just didn’t think he’d handle it well—“
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone, that is not okay.” Jack interrupted.
You shrugged, your lips pursed.
“I didn’t go through it alone, I had you and McKay.”
“You needed your husband, not just us. He should’ve been there, he would’ve wanted to be there.”
“What was I supposed to do, Jack? Hmm?—“
“Tell my already suicidal husband that during his own meanness and selfish worries, I had a miscarriage. The baby that we once talked about, I lost?”
He nodded, “yes.”
You laughed in disagreement, “that totally would’ve gone well.”
“Maybe, it would’ve changed things for him— made him actually seek out help.”
“It would’ve just changed how soon he’d put a gun in his mouth.” You digressed.
“He will get through this, he will.” Jack spoke, his voice coming out softer for reassurance.
“I told him to pack his things after earlier.. I told him to be gone before I got home.”
“Well, was he gone?” Jack questioned.
“Yeah, most of his things were gone.” You sighed.
“Is that what you wanted?”
You threw your hands up in defeat, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore, Jack. I am just tired of the back and forth, of this, of..”
You stopped yourself before you could finish your sentence, but both of you knew what it meant.
Mateo opened the door, interrupting the conversation.
“I need you right now.”
Jack looked at him and back at you, “I’ll be right back.”
Once he left, you took a few minutes to calm down before driving back home— but you left before he came back to the room. You were tired and wanted to go home. You needed to go home.
When you got home, you took a shower and practically collapsed. You didn’t have the mental capacity or energy to think about Robby. You barely had the capacity to think about yourself.
The next morning you had overslept and were running behind. You glanced at your phone as you rushed to get ready.
Two missed calls from Robby and three texts from him.
Is everything okay?
Where are you? They said that you didn’t call out.
If I don’t hear from you in the next twenty minutes, I’m leaving work and coming to the house.
You were more flustered about being late than anything else, so texting Robby back was the last thing on your mind at that moment.
You rushed in, your eyes still red and puffy— your voice hoarse.
“There she is! We were worried.” Dana smiled.
You set down your tumbler on the desk. “I overslept, I didn’t mean to.”
Langdon looked up from his chart, staring at you and how you looked. He wanted to ask if you were okay, but you were already walking away before he could.
You were walking to the bathroom, hoping to pee quickly before diving in. Robby appeared out of what seemed like thin air, leaning against the bathroom door in front of you.
“You were late.. an hour late, what happened?”
You scratched your brow, “I overslept.”
He bit his lip, “is that all? Or is there something that you’re not telling me?”
You rolled your eyes, signaling for him to move from in front of the door.
“For Christ sake, Michael l— I just overslept because I was exhausted. I was sad and exhausted, nothing more.”
Robby nodded and moved out of your way, walking back the other direction.
Dealing with him and the stress of what he was dealing with was making you snappy, making you act ugly towards other people. You weren’t being yourself.
When you came out of the bathroom, you bumped into Mckay.
“Are you okay?”
You scoffed, “what do you think?”
“That’s fair. If you’re interested, I need your assistance with this patient. She accidentally almost cut three fingers off.”
You agreed, putting hand sanitizer on your hand as the two of you approached the room.
After observing the wounds yourself and talking with the patient, you pulled your gloves off— standing up from the stool.
“Can you have Yoyo come check this out? I’m certain that it’s going to need more than just stitches.” You spoke to Cassie.
She nodded, picking the phone up from the hook on the wall near her.
You exited the room, putting on more hand sanitizer— your thoughts interrupted by Santos approaching.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Sure, what’s up?” You replied.
She glanced around, her hands in her pocket— “privately.”
The two of you went into an empty room and you didn’t know what to expect, quite frankly you were a little afraid.
Santos stood there, hesitant to open her mouth and tell you why she needed to talk.
“Everything okay?” You questioned, staring at her and her lost expression.
“I think that Langdon is stealing drugs from the hospital.” She blurted.
Her words threw you for a loop, like a prank was being played.
“Langdon?—“
“Frank?”
She slowly nodded, “yes.”
You crossed your arms, your eyes blinking more in that minute than they had since you’d woken up.
“What makes you say that? That’s a serious accusation, Santos.”
“There have been a few discrepancies with benzos on two cases of his.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose.
“You’re absolutely positive?”
“Yes.”
You sighed. “Okay, I’ll handle it from here—“
“Thank you for reporting it.”
She stood there a minute longer before exiting.
When she left, you started to laugh. It wasn’t due to anything being humorous— but it was the cherry on top. Robby’s star pupil was potentially stealing drugs from the hospital and you were going to tell him, it was the last thing that you needed.
Robby was busy, so you sat down and did the notes on a chart. You were so overwhelmed from the information that you could barely think straight.
Time passed with more people coming into the ER, so you had been too busy to talk to Robby— too busy to do anything.
You shook your head, walking from the last patient you had spoken to when you saw him. He glanced up from his iPad, staring at you.
“I need to talk to you.” You mouthed.
He put down the iPad, pulled off his glasses and walked towards you at the end of the hallway. The two of you hadn’t talked about what happened yesterday and he had hoped that you would, just maybe not at that moment.
“What’s going on?”
You leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath.
“Santos came to me earlier and made a troubling accusation—“
Robby sarcastically smiled, thinking that it would be nonsense.
“I can’t wait to hear this.”
“She accused Langdon of stealing drugs from the hospital.”
His smile dropped, “what the fuck are you talking about?”
“She said that on two occasions there have been clear and obvious discrepancies with benzos.”
“And she’s sure?” He questioned, gritting his teeth— his hands on his head.
“About as sure as she can be.”
Robby’s hand smacked the wall as he walked away from you and didn’t say anything else.
“Robby!” You yelled, calling after him to no avail.
Robby disappeared around the corner and you let him, you were just too tired to chase after him and try talking to him. It wasn’t worth the fight.
You made your way back over to the desk, rummaging through one of the drawers to find a report to fill out. Your task was interrupted as they always were, Whittaker asking for a hand.
The thoughts in your mind came and went at such a rampant speed that you couldn’t keep track. If you weren’t thinking or worried about your husband, you were thinking about how you felt inadequate and wanted to give up.
It was tiring.
You made quick work of helping Whittaker and returned to filling out the report. The report was tedious and exhaustingly long, you had finished most of it when you saw Robby again..
“I filled out the report, most of it anyway. I’ll just need your signature and get it sent to HR.” You mentioned, now walking beside Robby.
He rubbed hand sanitizer into his hands, “that won’t be necessary.”
You tilted your head in confusion, “what won’t be necessary?”
“The report, I handled it. Langdon is gone and it’s unnecessary.”
You stopped in your tracks, your feet squeaking slightly against the floor.
“You’re joking, right?”
He glanced at you, “nope.”
You grabbed his hand and forced him into the newly empty room that was closest to you. The smell of disinfectant lingering in the air.
“What Langdon did was a crime, it should be reported.”
He folded his arms in front of him.
“Santos reported it to you, you told me, and I handled it. There’s nothing more to it.”
You scoffed, shaking your head.
“He stole drugs and you’re trying to salvage his fucking career? Trying to help him out?”
Robby took a deep breath, holding his eyes shut for a moment.
“I am the senior attending, I don’t have to explain shit to you! I said it was handled and I meant that.”
You bit the inside of your lip, stepping closer to him and closing the gap between the two of you.
“You once again cut slack for Langdon, but you’d never do the same for me, or McKay, or Mohan— why is that?”
“We move just a little slower or become a step behind, take a small break, or make the wrong decision and you’re immediately riding our ass. Your precious pupil is a drug addict and you still spare him!”
Tears welled in your eyes, your lip beginning to quiver.
“I am doing my job and I don’t appreciate you taking me away from it, because you want to be emotional— because you can’t leave your self esteem issues at the door.” He hissed.
Your mouth was agape and it felt like your heart stilled in your chest for a moment.
“Wow.. just when I thought that you couldn’t get any lower.” You mumbled.
You stormed out of the room, Robby called your name and sounded remorseful— but you didn’t even bother.
The shift was the shift that kept on giving, no break in sight for you or anyone that day— especially after the pittfest nightmare.
You were so tired after that shift that you could barely keep your eyes open, you even fell asleep in the shower.
It was one of the hardest shifts that you had worked in a while, but nothing was harder than dealing with your husband— accepting how he was now.
After everything, you realized that you needed a break— you took off a week and simultaneously put in a transfer to another hospital. You couldn’t work with Robby anymore or just at that hospital in general.
You needed space and a lot of it.
Are you not coming in today?
Nevermind, I heard that you took time off. Take care of yourself.
Did you really put in a transfer request? You’re leaving the hospital, because of me?
I am sorry, baby.
Please, talk to me. I want to talk.
You ignored every text that Robby sent and reading them was like a knife twisting in your stomach. Things could have been so different.
All he had to do was accept your help, but even that was an unreasonable ask.
During your time off, you spent a lot of time lounging around your house—sorting things and watching a bit of some tv show.
It was odd being completely alone at home, Robby’s things being gone— his scent still lingering. You had been with Robby for years, made your life around him and now you were preparing for a life without him. A life without the man that you spent years loving and accepting.
You sat on the couch in your pajamas, scrolling through the options on Netflix— hoping to find something that would distract you.
Your phone dinged with a text from Jack.
Are you doing okay?
Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, because that was the million dollar question— were you okay?
You: I’m okay, as okay as I can possibly be lol. Thanks for checking in on me though!
He started typing, then stopped, and then started again.
I came in to fill in for you and Robby came to me shortly after our shift started.
You: Why? Was he okay?
He brought up what happened between the two of you, mentioned that he’d really fucked up.
You: I’m not sure what to say.
I didn’t know what to say either, I just hope this means that he’ll get the help he needs.
You: I hope so too, but we’ll see.
He misses you, I think more than he’s letting on.
You read Jack’s last text and didn’t respond, you weren’t sure what to say— not really.
It'd been two months since you left the Pitt, two months since you’d separated from Robby.
You had gotten used to the silence that lingered in your life now, used to not waking up beside Robby, used to the new hospital that you worked at.
At this hospital things were different, the unit wasn’t much of a “family” like you were at the Pitt. Each of you did your job and went home, that was it. Surprisingly, you didn’t mind it— not at much as you thought you would.
You sat in the lounge, mindlessly scrolling on your phone when a text came through from Robby.
I just want to warn you, I will be stopping by the house to grab something from the garage. I won’t be there long.
You: That’s fine, I’m not sure I’ll be there though. Do you still have your key?
Yes.
Things between you and Robby were stuck in limbo, they weren’t inherently improving nor were they getting worse.
It had been two months and you had cancelled three divorce consultations, unable to go through with it. The two of you barely talked and had been living separately, you couldn’t understand why you were hesitant.
He’d text you every now and then, checking in on you and letting you know that he missed you. Each text made your skin warm and made your stomach flutter, you still were in love with him— even when you shouldn’t have been.
You missed him— you missed seeing his face, feeling his arms around you, missed hearing his voice, and his snores in the bed beside you.
A text came through, this one from McKay.
Are you still coming over tonight? There’s so much that I have to tell you.
You: Can we do it tomorrow night, instead? I don’t feel well and there’s something that I need to handle.
Sure! No problem.
Thankfully, the work day didn’t drag on and was finished before you could even begin to complain. You wanted to go home, pour yourself a glass of wine, and fall asleep watching some shitty reality show.
When you got home, Robby wasn’t there— you had missed him. You did however find a bouquet of roses on the counter with a note attached.
These are for you, your favorite flower— but still nowhere as beautiful as you. I am sorry for how I treated you, what I ruined between us. I do hope that one day you’re able to forgive me. I love you more than anything. — Michael
You sat the card back onto the table, tears welling in your eyes. You picked up your phone, your finger hovering over the text thread between the two of you.
You: Thank you for the flowers.
You’re welcome, do you like them?
You: Yes.
You: Would you like to come over?
You held your breath after you sent that text, the feeling of regret already creeping into your stomach.
Everything okay? or do you want me over there for something else?
You: I just want to talk.
I’ll be there in thirty.
You liked his message and there was a lump in your throat, you were supposed to be keeping your distance from him— not inviting him over.
You turned off the lights, leaving only the lamp near the front door on— lighting the vanilla candle that also sat on the table.
While trying to process what you did, you took a hot shower— hoping that maybe you’d change your mind afterwards. The water rinsed over your skin, the steam filling the bathroom as you stood there deep in thought.
Could your marriage truly recover? Was this a mistake?
Once you were out of the shower, you threw on one of your baggy t-shirts and made your way back downstairs. You were going to tell Robby nevermind, but as soon your foot touched the last step— the doorbell rang.
Your heart raced as you walked to the door, your fingers sweating when you unlocked it and opened it.
Robby stood there, his eyes raking over your appearance— wet hair, his baggy college t-shirt, and no pants on.
“You wanted me to come over?” He asked, walking past you and down the hall.
You locked the door, your words hung in your throat as you followed him into the kitchen.
“Did you mean it—“
“Do you mean what you wrote on the notecard?” You mumbled.
He leaned against the kitchen counter.
“Every word of it.”
You held back the tears that threatened to leave your eyes.
“Why now? It’s been two months.”
“Two months of agony, two months of feeling like I cannot breathe, two months of feeling like the biggest asshole in the world.”
You bit your lip and just stood there, somehow he felt like your husband again— like the man that you’d fallen in love with years ago.
“You need help, Michael.. professional help that I cannot give.”
He nodded, a pained look on his face.
“I know.”
Somehow in the midst of talking, the two of you ended up closer than you should’ve been— his body against yours.
Robby titled his head, his eyes staring into yours while one his hands rested against your hip.
“I’m sorry for leaving you.” You muttered.
“You had to, baby. I don’t blame you one bit.” He replied softly.
His hand came up to your cheek, his thumb rubbing against it. You felt like you could melt into him, melt like you always did.
“I missed you.” He confessed.
“I missed you too.”
There was a silence, a heat between the two of your bodies.
He gently pressed his lips against yours, his hand cupping your face. He kissed you like he was scared he’d be punished for it, waiting for you to push him away— only you didn’t.
You kissed him back and you welcomed it.
The kiss deepened, your tongue sliding into his mouth.
“I missed you so much, baby.” He breathed in between kissing.
You pulled your lips from his, grabbing his hand and bringing him to the bedroom. As soon as you were in the room, his lips were back on yours.
He pulled off your t-shirt, leaving you completely naked.
“You look.. so beautiful.”
You pulled Robby’s shirt off, your fingers raking over his hairy stomach as he placed open mouthed kisses against your skin.
“I want you.” You whined.
He pulled off his pants, a wet spot on his boxers from precum.
You pulled down his boxers, wrapping your hand around his thick cock— slowly pumping it.
“Hmm, that feels good honey.”
He kissed you fiercely, full of hunger and need— guiding you back onto the bed.
You laid on your back, your legs spread open— watching as he came between your legs.
“Please, fuck me.”
He chuckled, his necklace dangling in your face.
He guided his cock to your entrance, his tub rubbing against your sensitive clit.
“You ready for me?”
You nodded, bringing your mouth to his.
He pushed inside you, a gasp leaving your mouth and a groan leaving his.
His cock filled you, every inch of him stretching you as you got used to him again.
“That’s it, baby.” He groaned, slowly thrusting in and out of you.
It felt good to feel him inside you again, to be close with him, and to feel love for him.
He was so deep inside you, it felt like he was in your stomach— taking your breath with every thrust.
Robby pushed your leg up slightly, his cock going even deeper.
“Fuck.” You whimpered.
Hearing you moan and watching you take every inch of him just about pushed him over the edge prematurely.
“That feels so good, Robby."
“Good, baby. I want to make you feel so good.” He breathed.
The intense feeling in your stomach began to build, your pussy already clenching around his cock.
“I’m so close, I’m so close.” You moaned.
He kissed you with a chuckle, his thrusts faster and messier.
“Me too—“
“Be a good girl and cum for me, honey.”
You loved hearing him talk to you like that, hearing him coach you through your orgasm.
Your orgasm washed over you like a violent tidal wave, his name spilling from your lips over and over again.
“Yeah, just like that, baby.”
Robby’s orgasm followed yours within seconds, his cock slamming into you one last time— his warm cum coating your walls.
Both of you laid there for a moment, reeling from the high that you rode— also now more confused than ever.
Robby pulled out of you, handing you his shirt.
“Do you want me to go?”
You pulled the shirt over your head, getting off the bed.
“You can stay, but you’ll have to leave in the morning.”
Robby stayed and you slept in his arms like you used to, some of the best sleep that you had gotten in a while. You knew that once the morning came, things would go back to how they were.
That night was a weak moment and it made what you said no less true, Robby needed help and the two of you couldn’t be together until he got it.
Weeks later..
Things between you and Robby had managed to somehow get worse, he hadn’t gotten help like he needed to and he was continuing to spiral.
You’d given up and just completely avoided him, even though it was painful. You really hoped that he would’ve taken your advice, that the time apart would have opened his eyes.
You sat on the couch, eating popcorn and decided to open a bottle of wine— a well needed drink.
This was your favorite wine, you’d often buy two bottles when you went to the store.
You glanced at the tv from the kitchen, watching the red wine pour into the glass.
The whiff of wine made your brows furrow, it smelled off. You brought the glass to your mouth, tasting it to be sure.
It tasted wrong and off like something had been done to it, you leaned over the sink spitting it out.
It wasn’t old and it hadn’t been opened, but it didn’t taste right and you couldn’t figure out why.
You stood at the sink, leaning against it and absentmindedly rinsing out the wine— your mind elsewhere.
That’s when it hit you, it felt like a shove to the chest. You grabbed your phone from the couch and pulled up your period app.
You were probably panicking, being ridiculous— there was no way that you were pregnant.
The app loaded and you were late, very fucking late.
“No, no, no.” You mumbled, rushing up the stairs to your bathroom.
You’d kept spare pregnancy tests in your bathroom and never got around to throwing them out once the two of you split.
The bathroom lights hummed as you stood there near the sink, staring at yourself in the mirror.
It was going to be negative, there’s no way it would be positive.
The timer on your phone went off and you took a deep breath, completely preparing for there to be another explanation.
You slowly turned over both pregnancy tests.
They were positive.
You held your head in defeat, tears falling from your eyes.
synopsis: Jack knows what love feels like, knows he could never feel it again. His lungs beg to differe.
warnings/notes: Hanahaki AU and everything that entails. mentions of Jack's late wife. I'm kind of in love with this. Flangst, my beloved.
wc: 5.9k
Jack Abbot knew a great many things.
He knew how to trach in the field under active fire. He knew how to run an emergency department efficiently and effectively. He knew how to make an omelet and fix a sink and change the oil in his car. He knew what it felt like to lose the greatest thing he’d ever held and he knew what it felt like to love. Or so he believed until a random Tuesday in June.
It was nearing the end of his shift when Jack felt it again. That hitch in his breathing that signaled the arrival of a deep, rattling cough that he’d been dealing with for weeks now. He pressed his fist to his mouth, trying to muffle the sound. Just a lingering cold, he told himself. Or allergies maybe. Nothing some water and cough drops wouldn’t fix.
Except the tightness in his chest had gotten worse. And the cough drops weren’t doing a damn thing. Every time he tried to take a deep breath, it felt like an invisible band was squeezing his lungs. His voice had taken on a rougher edge and he’d start wheezing if he tried to say more than few words at a time.
“You look like shit,” said a familiar voice behind him.
Jack turned to find Robby standing there, coffee in hand, ready to start his shift. “Good morning to you, too. Some of us have been up all night.”
Robby hummed. “And some of us are clearly coming down with something. Seriously, Jack, you don’t look good. Are you okay?”
Jack waved a hand through the air in dismissal. “Fine. Just a little under the weather.”
“Is that why you’re breathing like you just ran a marathon?” Robby took a step closer. “You’re wheezing and I’m not the only one that noticed. I got three texts from night shift.”
“It’s just a cold.” Jack tried to take a deep breath to prove his point but it caught in his throat, triggering another coughing fit. This one was worse than the others and had him gripping the edge of the counter for support.
When the coughing subsided, Robby’s gaze was stern. “That doesn’t sound like a cold to me.”
“It’s nothing,” Jack insisted, though the pain in his chest suggested otherwise. “Probably just moved to my chest is all.”
Robby sat his coffee down and crossed his arms. “That is not nothing. I want labs and a chest x-ray.”
“Christ, Mike. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I’m not asking, Jack. You’re a doctor. You know better than to ignore stuff like this.” His tone left no room for argument.
Jack recognized the look his friend was giving him. He wasn’t getting out of this. He sighed. “Fine. One x-ray. Then I’m going home to sleep.”
“Deal,” Robby said, already putting in the order for the portable chest x-ray into the system. He glanced at Dana who hadn’t even pretended she wasn’t listening.
“Eight’s open.”
“A room, man? Come on,” Jack complained but headed in that direction.
“Quit complaining,” Robby said as he trailed behind him, signaling the radiology tech with the machine to follow him. “Shirt off, Abbot.”
“Buy me dinner first,” Jack snarked even as he did as told. He laid down and the machine was positioned over the top of him.
“Take a deep breath and hold it,” Marcia the tech instructed.
The first time he attempted to follow instructions, he devolved into a coughing fit. “Sorry,” he apologized once he caught his breath.
“It’s fine. Just do the best you can.” The tech took three shots from different angles.
Robby slid on his glasses and stepped up to the machine while Jack put his t-shirt back on, forgoing the scrub top since his shift was over anyway.
“Let me guess. Nothing but a little inflammation. Can I go home now?”
“Leave us for a minute,” Robby said to Marcia, voice low.
Jack’s head snapped up, his gaze darting from his friend to the screen he was looking at and back again. “What is it?”
Robby turned the screen toward Jack so he could see for himself. Even from across the room, he could see the large white mass shadowing his right lung.
He swallowed hard. “That could be pneumonia. Or an abscess or something.”
“It could be,” Robby agreed but his tone suggested he didn’t believe it. “I’ve sent it up to pulmonary.” His phone rang before he could say anything else. He glanced at the screen. “That was fast.”
Jack shifted his weight as he listened to Robby’s one-sided conversation with pulmonary. When he hung up, he turned to look at Jack.
“Dr. Tanaka wants to see you immediately.” He paused and looked at Jack as if the name should mean something to him. It didn’t. After a moment, Robby took a breath. “He’s sent an order to CT. You’re to report there and then head to his office.”
“Right now?” Jack’s voice was little more than a whisper. The words having to be forced past the lump in his throat. This was all happening too fast. One moment he’d been dismissing his persistent cough and the next he was being scheduled for immediate appointments with pulmonary. “It’s probably nothing. Just a weird artefact in the imaging or something,” he said more to himself than Robby.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Robby agreed, but the worry in his eyes said something else entirely. “But you’re going to get checked out thoroughly just to be sure.”
Within half an hour, Jack was laying on the table in a gown as the CT hummed around him. The contrast dye made him feel warm and vaguely nauseous, but it was nothing compared to the cold fear settling in his stomach.
The tech entered the room. “All finished. By the time you get changed and to his office, Dr. Tanaka should have the images.”
Jack cleared his throat. “That’s fast.”
“You’re a VIP patient today, Dr. Abbot.”
There was nothing Jack wanted to be less. He didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to be doing this. He wanted to go home, go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened.
He made his way to the pulmonary floor trying to prepare himself for whatever Dr. Tanaka might say. He’d delivered bad news to patients and their families plenty of times, but he hadn’t been on the receiving end since Mari died.
The waiting room was empty when he arrived, the early hour meaning most patients hadn’t arrived for the appointments yet. The receptionist smiled as he approached. “Dr. Abbot? Dr. Tanaka is ready for you. Third door on the right.”
Jack took a deep breath, or tried to, and headed down the hall. Whatever was waiting for him, he would face it like he did everything else. Head on. Even if, for the first time in years, he was truly afraid.
When he entered the room, Jack was surprised to find himself in an office instead of an exam room. Tanaka rose to greet him. “Dr. Abbot,” he held out a hand to shake Jack’s.
“Just Jack,” he said with a nod before taking one of the chairs in front of the desk.
“Very well. Jack, then.” Tanaka stayed standing and pressed a couple of buttons on his computer and the large screen behind him lit up with an image of what Jack assumed were his lungs. He pointed at the mass that seemed to branch out from the right lung. “Do you know what you’re looking at here?”
Jack studied the image noting the abnormal density, the way it seemed to branch through his lung tissue like the roots of a plant. The mass was larger than it had appeared in the x-ray, more defined.
Jack swallowed. “A tumor. Probably malignant given the irregularities and the rapid growth.” He’d seen the symptoms enough in his patients to recognize the pattern. The cough, the tight chest, the fatigue. Classic presentation for lung cancer.
Tanaka shook his head. “I had my suspicions from your x-ray but the CT confirms.” He used a finger to indicate several areas on the scan. “Do you see these fine lines extending from the main mass?”
Jack leaned forward. Now that the doctor pointed it out, he could see delicate lines spreading through his lung tissue. “Vascularization?” he guessed.
“Not exactly.” Tanaka took a seat at his desk. “What you’re seeing is consistent with the presentation of Hanahaki disease.”
Jack physically jerked back in his seat. That wasn’t… “That’s impossible. I want a second opinion.”
“You are certainly entitled to one, but I am the leading expert in Hanahaki in the state.” He wasn’t bragging, just stating a fact.
The look Robby had given him when he’d said the name suddenly made so much sense. “I’ve only ever loved my wife, and she’s dead. Has been for years.”
Jack had seen Hanahaki before, of course he had. The condition was rare and still not well understood. Unrequited love manifesting physically with the growth of flowers in the lungs. But it was something that happened to young romantics or the occasional middle-age yearner, not to someone like him. Not to an old, broken ER attending who’d buried his heart with his wife six years ago.
“I’m sorry, but the blood tests confirm.” He clicked on his screen and Jack’s results populated the screen.
Jack shook his head, unable to process what he was hearing. “Run more tests. There has to be a mistake.”
“Dr. Abbot, Jack, we can run additional tests, but given your symptoms and the findings, Hanahaki is our working diagnosis.” He paused, studying Jack’s face. “I suggest you do some soul searching. You’re in love whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.”
Jack opened his mouth to argue but another coughing fit seized him, doubling him over. His lungs burned as he struggled to draw breath. When it finally subsided, he was surprised to find Tanaka standing in front of him holding a tissue. Only when he took it did he understand why. Delicate pink petals filled his palm.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, staring at the evidence in his hand.
“That’s confirmation enough for me,” Dr. Tanaka said quietly. “The small petals are consistent with early stage Hanahaki. They’ll become larger and more numerous as the disease progresses, until you are expelling full blooms.”
Jack couldn’t tear his gaze away from the petals. Each one was perfect, like they’d been plucked from some unseen garden growing inside him. And he supposed in a way they had. “How long?” he managed to ask.
“Hard to say without knowing how fast it’s progressing. We’ll do another scan in a week and go from there.” Tanaka paused then added, “I assume you are aware of your options.”
Jack nodded once. “Surgery or…death.” He had to force the last word past his lips. He’d engaged in reckless behavior, volunteering for SWAT, standing on the edge of the roof while he thought about how easy it would be to just not have to deal with it all anymore. To not be alone every fucking day of his life. But now that the very real possibility of his death was looming in the shadows he suddenly found he didn’t want it.
“As you are aware, the surgery would remove any feelings for the person in question. You may forget them entirely though that is very rare. There is also always the possibility that the person you love will return your affections. Then no intervention would be needed,” Tanaka said, voice soft. “The matter would resolve on its own. It’s quite remarkable really.”
Jack looked down at the petals again. The idea that his body had somehow conjured flowers from a love he wasn’t even aware of seemed impossible. Yet the evidence was literally in his hand.
“You have a lot to think about,” Tanaka said, standing. “I’ll schedule another scan for next week and we can talk about options.”
“Thank you,” Jack said as he stood as well.
“You should take it easy until then. The coughing may worsen, particularly if you’re stressed or physically exerted. I’d recommend time off work.”
“I’ll think about it,” Jack said, but the thought of sitting alone at home with his thoughts was not one he wanted to contemplate at the moment.
Dr. Tanaka seemed to sense his turmoil. “This is a lot to process. Many patients find it helpful to talk to someone. A therapist or a family member. And I suggest a discussion with the person—”
“There is no person,” Jack cut him off sharply. “My wife has been dead for six years. There’s been no one since.”
The other man didn’t argue, but his expression made it clear he wasn’t convinced. “I’ll see you next week. Call if you have any questions or concerns before then.”
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” Jack turned and hurried from the room, closing the door behind him. In the hall, he pressed his back against the wall. He took the deepest breath he had since entering the office. The tightness in his chest reminded him of the flowers blooming where they had no right to be.
Love.
The word echoed in his head. He’d buried that part of himself when Mari died. The idea that his body had somehow betrayed him, had grown flowers for someone else…It was too much. He couldn’t accept it. Wouldn’t.
He pushed off the wall and headed for the elevator. One foot in front of the other. That’s how he’d gotten through the worst days after Mari’s death and that’s how he would get through this.
Jack made it back to the ER on autopilot, his mind still reeling. Day shift was in full swing. Jack just stood for a minute, trying to orientate himself, feeling oddly disconnected from the familiar chaos.
“Jack!”
He turned to find Robby hurrying toward him. His face was creased with worry, eyes scanning Jack’s features as if searching for visible changes.
“Well? What did he say?”
Jack opened his mouth, then closed it again. How did he possibly explain he was coughing up petals for someone he was supposedly in love with? It was stupid. Ridiculous. And just the sort of thing that would happen to him. Of course it was.
“It’s not possible,” he finally forced out. “It’s not…Mike, I…” His voice cracked, another cough building in his chest.
“Okay, okay,” Robby said, his tone shifting from urgent to soothing. “Let’s sit down, huh? You look like you’re about ready to fall over.”
Before Jack could protest, Robby led him through the department toward the breakroom. He deposited him in a chair at one of the tables, then turned to fill a cup with water. “Here, drink,” he instructed as he sat it in front of Jack.
Jack obeyed mechanically, the cool liquid soothing his raw throat. The simple act centered him somewhat, anchoring him to the present moment.
Robby pulled out a chair and sat down. “Now, what did Tanaka say?”
Jack stared at the cup in his hands. “Hanahaki,” he said finally.
“Shit. I thought it might be when they said Tanaka wanted to see you.” Robby sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. “He’s the best, so there’s that at least.”
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t make any sense, man. I haven’t been in love with anyone since Mari died.”
An expression he couldn’t place flicked across Robby’s face before shifting to disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”
Jack frowned. “What’s with the tone? Why are you making it sound like I’m stupid?”
“Because you are,” Robby said without hesitation. When Jack just stared at him, Robby pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, then crossed his arms over his chest. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what?” Jack demanded, irritation briefly overriding his confusion.
Your name was the only thing that left Robby’s lips.
Jack blinked and repeated it like a question. Like your face hadn’t just appeared in his brain. Like he didn’t instantly think about your smile, hear your laugh.
“Yes!” Robby threw his hands up in exasperation. “The woman you’ve been staring at with a besotted expression for the past eight months? The one you look for anytime you enter the department? The one whose coffee order you have memorized?”
No, no. That couldn’t be right. “But she’s—”
“Brilliant,” Robby stated. “Funny. Kind. Beautiful. Should I continue to list off everything you said to me the last time we went out? You talked about her all night, man.”
“I mean…I respect her.” The words felt inadequate even as he said them. Images of you flashed through his mind. The way you laughed at your own jokes even if no one else did, how you always remembered small details about people, that furrow that appeared between your brows when you were concentrating.
“She’s dedicated,” he continued. “Compassionate. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s never mean about it. And she’s…” He trailed off, suddenly realizing he could continue talking about you for the rest of the day.
“She’s what?” Robby prompted, a knowing look on his face.
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t love her. I can’t.”
“Why not? Because you loved Mari? Loving someone else doesn’t erase what you had with her.”
“It’s not that simple,” Jack argued, though he couldn’t have explained why if someone pressed.
“It actually is,” Robby replied, not unkindly. “You loved your wife. She died and it broke you. For a long time, I wasn’t certain you’d ever put yourself back together. But you have. And against all odds you found someone who makes you feel something again. Instead of being grateful, instead of grasping it with both hands, you’re literally making yourself sick denying it.”
“It’s not…I haven’t—”
“You have,” Robby interrupted. “Everyone knows you’re in love with her except you and her, apparently.” He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Just think about it, okay? Really think about it.”
As if on cue, another coughing fit seized Jack, this one stronger than the last. He doubled over, hand braced against the table as his chest contracted painfully. When it finally subsided, he found his palm filled with more petals, the edges tinged with blood.
“Holy shit.” Robby stared at the evidence in front of him.
Jack closed his hand around the petals, as if hiding them from view would make them cease to exist. “I need to get out of here. I need to go home.” He pushed himself to his feet. The room titled slightly, his vision blurring at the edges.
“You’re in no condition to drive,” Robby said standing as well, typing on his phone. “Let me have someone run you home.”
“I’m fine,” Jack insisted though the wheeze in his voice undermined his claim. “I just need some sleep. I need to rest.” He needed to get you out of his brain.
“You need to figure this out, Jack. Finding out you have Hanahaki would throw anyone for a loop, especially when you didn’t even realize you were in love. But this isn’t something you can ignore. It won’t just go away, it will only get worse.
Robby was right, Jack knew he was. He’d been ignoring what was happening for weeks, dismissing symptoms, making excuses. And now he was paying the price.
“I know. I’ll think about what you said. I promise.”
“Good. That’s a start. Now get your things together. Your ride should be here in a minute.”
Now, when Robby said ride, Jack assumed he meant an intern. An uber perhaps. What he did not expect to see when he stepped through the doors was you. You’d pulled your car to the side where it wouldn’t impede any ambulances and you leaned against it. It took him longer than he’d admit to realize you were waiting for him.
Jack spun on his heel to glare at his former best friend. “What the fuck did you do?” he hissed.
Robby gave him a look of feigned innocence. “Got you a ride.”
“You asked her?”
At that he grinned. “Actually, I sent a message to the group chat. She volunteered.”
“Oh.” He looked over to find you in the same position, your gaze moving between the two attendings. He lifted a hand in greeting and to let you know he’d be right there.
You nodded, waved at Robby and got behind the wheel.
“What do I do?” Jack asked, suddenly at a loss.
Robby rested a heavy hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything, brother. Just let her take you home. Think about how you really feel about her. That’s all.”
“Yeah, yeah, I can do that,” Jack agreed with a nod of his head. “I’ll see you later.”
“Not tonight you won’t,” Robby corrected. “You’re off until Friday at the earliest. Doctor’s orders.”
Jack didn’t bother to argue. Knew there would be no point. And honestly, he could use a few days to get his head straight. He held up a hand in goodbye as he made his way to your car, his mind churning. What if Robby was right? What if he’d fallen in love without realizing it, what then? You had never given any indication you felt the same. The idea of confessing feelings that might not be returned…
Another cough built in his chest as if his body was responding to the thought. He swallowed hard, forcing it down. One problem at a time. First, he needed to get home. Then he needed to figure out if Robby was right.
As if sensing Jack was lost his head, you didn’t attempt to make conversation after your initial greeting once he got in the car. When you arrived at his house, he finally turned to look at you. “Thanks for the ride. I would have been fine driving but Robby insisted.”
“I didn’t mind, Jack. However, I’m afraid you can’t be rid of me just yet.”
His brows shot up into his hairline. “Excuse me?”
“Bossman said, and I quote, ‘get his ass inside and into bed with a glass of water and trashcan nearby.’ So that’s what I’m going to do. Let’s go.” You climbed out of the car and waited for him to exit before locking the doors.
“I assure you that his is not necessary,” Jack argued. More than that, it could be catastrophic. Having you in his house, where he’d now be able to picture you clearly instead of relying solely on his imagination? That sounded like a horrible idea. Not that he’d ever pictured you in his house. Sitting across from him at the table, nestled into his side as you watched TV. That would be absurd.
You took his bag from his loose hold and ignored his protests as you carried it up to the door. Jack stared at you hopeless for another moment before sighing and following after you. “Keys are in the front pocket.”
You pulled them out and handed them over. He unlocked the door, leaving it open for you to follow after. He gestured at the hooks just inside the door. “You can hang the bag there.”
You did and kicked off your shoes, nudging them to line up against the wall. “Robby didn’t exactly say what was wrong with you.” You paused, but Jack didn’t offer any clarification. No, that would be a monumentally stupid thing to do. You cleared your throat. “Are you hungry? I could make you something.”
“No, sweetheart, I’m fine.” The endearment slipped out without thought. He suddenly wondered when the first time was he had called you that. And when had that become the norm instead of your name? Christ. He wiped a hand down his face. “I’m fucking exhausted. I just want to go to bed.”
You nodded. “Sure. Let me get you that water at least.”
Jack just nodded and headed down the hall toward his bedroom to fish out something to change into after his shower. You stepped into the doorway just as he finished taking off his leg. He froze and swallowed. “Sorry. Forgot you’d be coming back here.”
You smiled and Jack had to glance away. “It’s your home, Jack, and I’ve seen you without the leg before. It’s not like you were nude. Here.” You sat the glass on the nightstand. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No. I’ve got it. Thank you.” You had seen him without the leg precisely once when it started rubbing wrong on a shift and you’d made him sit down and get an exam. You’d also bullied him into supervising from a wheelchair for the rest of the night when you saw his red, raw flesh by threatening to call Robby and tattle on him.
Your gaze ran over him, assessing. He could feel it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
His eyes found yours again but he said nothing.
“You just seem off.” Worry shone in your eyes and he forced himself to look away once more.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
After a moment, you stepped toward the door. “Call me if you need anything, okay? Anything at all.” When he only nodded, you added, “Promise?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat when he heard the gravel in his voice. “Promise.”
“Okay. Bye, Jack.” And with that, you left without waiting for a response.
Tension immediately flowed from Jack’s entire body. Jesus, Robby couldn’t have found literally anyone else to bring him home? He pushed thoughts of you from his head as he finished stripping. Using his crutches, he moved into the shower, ready to rinse the night off so he could get some sleep.
Not thinking of you lasted approximately two and a half minutes after he turned the water on. He’d turned the temp up on the water hoping it would help clear his lungs. His chest ached with each breath, a constant reminder of the flowers blooming in his lungs.
Flowers.
For you.
It was ridiculous. Yes, he enjoyed working with you. You were competent, smart, quick to smile and to make others laugh. You had a way with patients that made even the most difficult cases manageable. And so what if he’d noticed the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled, or that you tapped your fingers when you were thinking?
But that didn’t mean he was in love with you. Love was what he’d had with Mari. All consuming, life-altering, the kind that left you devastated and broken when it was no longer yours. What he felt for you was…appreciation. Admiration, perhaps. Friendship. That was it. He loved you like a very dear friend.
Except friends didn’t keep mental lists of your favorite foods, or notice when you changed your shampoo, or come in on their nights off because you were working. Friends didn’t feel their mood lift the moment you walked into a room or find themselves replaying conversations long after they’d ended.
Jack groaned, rinsing the last of the shampoo out of his hair. This was insane. He was a grown man, not some teenager with a crush. He’d been married, for fuck’s sake. He knew what love felt like.
Or he had once. Before Mari died, leaving him hollowed out and certain he would never feel that way again. He’d adjusted to his solitude. To the bed being too big and the house too quiet.
But lately…
He sucked in a shaky breath as he finally admitted to himself that he’d been pursuing you without even realizing it. No wonder Robby had looked at him like he was an idiot. He was.
“I’m fond of her,” he said aloud, testing the words. “That’s all it is. A fondness.” It couldn’t be love, because if it was that meant—
His chest contracted sharply, another cough building. This one came on faster than the others, stealing his breath before he could prepare. He curled forward, one hand pressed to his sternum as his lungs spasmed. The coughing fit seemed to last forever, each breath harder than the last, until finally, blessedly, it subsided.
When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes to see dozens of petals swirling toward the drain. Proof, if he’d needed it that Tanaka was right. That Robby was right.
He was in love with you. For far longer than he cared to admit.
Tears mixed with the water running down his cheeks as his shoulders shook in a silent sob. He’d fallen in love with you and hadn’t even realized because it was so subtle, so quiet, compared to what he’d had with his wife. He’d lost out on so much time with you because he was too afraid to examine his feelings. To admit to himself what everyone else had known all along.
But what difference did it make really? Because even if he loved you, what then? You’d never given any indication you felt the same. No lingering looks or soft touches. Nothing to suggest you saw him as anything more than a colleague.
And why would you? He was damaged goods. A widower with a missing leg and more baggage than most people would want to deal with. You were vibrant, fully engaged with life in a way he had long forgotten. You deserved someone whole, someone who could love you without reservation or complication. Someone who didn’t still wake reaching for a wife that would never be there again.
Jack closed his eyes and took another shaky breath as he turned off the water. As he dried off and headed for bed, he considered his options. He’d meet with Tanaka and schedule the surgery. But he should talk to you first. He knew he should. But he was so fucking scared.
He reached for his phone, thumb hovering over your name in his contacts. You’d told him to call if he needed anything, but what if he only needed you? He could hear your voice, ask you to come back. He could tell you everything and hope maybe you felt the same.
He moved to the call button, then stopped. He needed to sleep first. Needed to be fully about himself before he decided how to approach this. It took hours of tossing and turning before he finally found rest, but even that was fitful.
He glanced at the clock when he woke to find it nearing seven. At least he’d managed a few hours. You were working, so his grand confession would have to wait. Maybe he could meet you after shift and take you to breakfast.
He was so lost in his head when he opened the bedroom door that he almost disregarded the rich aroma filling the air and the soft sounds from his kitchen. He frowned and moved into the other room, calling a soft “Hello?” as he went.
As he stepped into the doorway, you glanced at him over your shoulder and he sucked in a breath. You were here. In his home. Making dinner.
“You stayed?” he asked, voice rougher than intended.
You shrugged and turned back to the stove. “You didn’t look okay. I wanted to be close, crashed on the couch. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
He swallowed down the words that rose in his throat. No. Never. Stay the night. Stay forever. “Don’t you have to work?”
“Bossman gave me the night off. Told me to take care of you if I was that worried. I wasn’t going to argue with him. Thought I’d make you some soup.” You didn’t look at him, but he could hear the concern in your tone, the worry that he would be upset with you for taking care of him.
He just watched you move in his space like you belonged there.
Finally, you glanced at him again and gave him a small smile when you found him watching. “Where’s your bowls?”
“I’ll get them,” he said, suddenly desperate to do something.
It was a simple task but before he could even open the cabinet, he was seized by another violent coughing fit. He bent over the sink, bracing against the edge for support. His chest burned and his vision blurred at the edge. He vaguely registered you saying his name and a hand landing on his back, warm even through the fabric of his shirt.
When the fit finally subsided, he was horrified to see the petals that littered the sink.
You went completely still beside him. “Jack, are those…”
“It’s not…” he started then trailed off. There was no explanation he could give you beside the truth.
“Oh,” you said softly, your fingers curling in as you removed your touch from his back. You took a step away. “Who is it?” You sounded resigned, maybe even a little hurt.
The question hung between you. Jack remained braced against the sink, unable to look at you. “When my wife died, I thought I would never love anyone again. That it would be impossible. So, when it happened, I didn’t even realize it. Or I suppose it’s more like I ignored it.” He risked a glance at your reflection in the window above the sink. “I guess my body didn’t like that. It’s making me face it.”
“That wasn’t my question, Jack.” Your voice was smaller than he’d ever heard it.
He turned to face you then, his hip leaning against the counter to take his weight. “Don’t you know, sweetheart? According to Robby, it’s obvious to everyone in the department that I’m crazy about you.”
Jack watched your face for your reaction. Anything. But your expression remained carefully blank aside from a slight widening of your eyes.
“Me?” you finally said, the word barely audible.
“Yeah.” Jack pushed off from the counter, using his crutches to move over to one of the chairs and dropping into it. He kept his gaze on anything but you. “But I don’t expect anything. You don’t owe me anything. I have options. I’ll be fine. I see the doctor again next week and I can get the surgery scheduled.”
“Jack Abbot, if you have that surgery, I will never forgive you.” Your sharp tone had his head immediately snapping over to follow you as you stepped toward him.
“What? Why?”
“Because it is completely unnecessary, you idiot. I have been in love with you for ages.”
Time seemed to stop. Jack stared at you, certain he’d misheard. “What?”
You came to a stop in front of him. “I’ve loved you for months, probably longer. I just didn’t think that you would ever…that you could ever…”
The rest of your sentence was lost as Jack pulled you forward into his arms, one hand coming up to cradle your face. His thumb traced your lips as your eyes searched his. He leaned in, giving you every chance to pull away.
You didn’t.
His lips found yours hesitantly at first, then with growing certainty as you responded. He laughed against your mouth as you turned and sat sideways in his lap. When he finally pulled back completely, the first thing he noticed was your wide smile and the joy in your eyes.
The second was, that for the first time in weeks—in six years really—he could finally, simply, breathe.
synopsis: Jack knows what love feels like, knows he could never feel it again. His lungs beg to differe.
warnings/notes: Hanahaki AU and everything that entails. mentions of Jack's late wife. I'm kind of in love with this. Flangst, my beloved.
wc: 5.9k
Jack Abbot knew a great many things.
He knew how to trach in the field under active fire. He knew how to run an emergency department efficiently and effectively. He knew how to make an omelet and fix a sink and change the oil in his car. He knew what it felt like to lose the greatest thing he’d ever held and he knew what it felt like to love. Or so he believed until a random Tuesday in June.
It was nearing the end of his shift when Jack felt it again. That hitch in his breathing that signaled the arrival of a deep, rattling cough that he’d been dealing with for weeks now. He pressed his fist to his mouth, trying to muffle the sound. Just a lingering cold, he told himself. Or allergies maybe. Nothing some water and cough drops wouldn’t fix.
Except the tightness in his chest had gotten worse. And the cough drops weren’t doing a damn thing. Every time he tried to take a deep breath, it felt like an invisible band was squeezing his lungs. His voice had taken on a rougher edge and he’d start wheezing if he tried to say more than few words at a time.
“You look like shit,” said a familiar voice behind him.
Jack turned to find Robby standing there, coffee in hand, ready to start his shift. “Good morning to you, too. Some of us have been up all night.”
Robby hummed. “And some of us are clearly coming down with something. Seriously, Jack, you don’t look good. Are you okay?”
Jack waved a hand through the air in dismissal. “Fine. Just a little under the weather.”
“Is that why you’re breathing like you just ran a marathon?” Robby took a step closer. “You’re wheezing and I’m not the only one that noticed. I got three texts from night shift.”
“It’s just a cold.” Jack tried to take a deep breath to prove his point but it caught in his throat, triggering another coughing fit. This one was worse than the others and had him gripping the edge of the counter for support.
When the coughing subsided, Robby’s gaze was stern. “That doesn’t sound like a cold to me.”
“It’s nothing,” Jack insisted, though the pain in his chest suggested otherwise. “Probably just moved to my chest is all.”
Robby sat his coffee down and crossed his arms. “That is not nothing. I want labs and a chest x-ray.”
“Christ, Mike. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I’m not asking, Jack. You’re a doctor. You know better than to ignore stuff like this.” His tone left no room for argument.
Jack recognized the look his friend was giving him. He wasn’t getting out of this. He sighed. “Fine. One x-ray. Then I’m going home to sleep.”
“Deal,” Robby said, already putting in the order for the portable chest x-ray into the system. He glanced at Dana who hadn’t even pretended she wasn’t listening.
“Eight’s open.”
“A room, man? Come on,” Jack complained but headed in that direction.
“Quit complaining,” Robby said as he trailed behind him, signaling the radiology tech with the machine to follow him. “Shirt off, Abbot.”
“Buy me dinner first,” Jack snarked even as he did as told. He laid down and the machine was positioned over the top of him.
“Take a deep breath and hold it,” Marcia the tech instructed.
The first time he attempted to follow instructions, he devolved into a coughing fit. “Sorry,” he apologized once he caught his breath.
“It’s fine. Just do the best you can.” The tech took three shots from different angles.
Robby slid on his glasses and stepped up to the machine while Jack put his t-shirt back on, forgoing the scrub top since his shift was over anyway.
“Let me guess. Nothing but a little inflammation. Can I go home now?”
“Leave us for a minute,” Robby said to Marcia, voice low.
Jack’s head snapped up, his gaze darting from his friend to the screen he was looking at and back again. “What is it?”
Robby turned the screen toward Jack so he could see for himself. Even from across the room, he could see the large white mass shadowing his right lung.
He swallowed hard. “That could be pneumonia. Or an abscess or something.”
“It could be,” Robby agreed but his tone suggested he didn’t believe it. “I’ve sent it up to pulmonary.” His phone rang before he could say anything else. He glanced at the screen. “That was fast.”
Jack shifted his weight as he listened to Robby’s one-sided conversation with pulmonary. When he hung up, he turned to look at Jack.
“Dr. Tanaka wants to see you immediately.” He paused and looked at Jack as if the name should mean something to him. It didn’t. After a moment, Robby took a breath. “He’s sent an order to CT. You’re to report there and then head to his office.”
“Right now?” Jack’s voice was little more than a whisper. The words having to be forced past the lump in his throat. This was all happening too fast. One moment he’d been dismissing his persistent cough and the next he was being scheduled for immediate appointments with pulmonary. “It’s probably nothing. Just a weird artefact in the imaging or something,” he said more to himself than Robby.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Robby agreed, but the worry in his eyes said something else entirely. “But you’re going to get checked out thoroughly just to be sure.”
Within half an hour, Jack was laying on the table in a gown as the CT hummed around him. The contrast dye made him feel warm and vaguely nauseous, but it was nothing compared to the cold fear settling in his stomach.
The tech entered the room. “All finished. By the time you get changed and to his office, Dr. Tanaka should have the images.”
Jack cleared his throat. “That’s fast.”
“You’re a VIP patient today, Dr. Abbot.”
There was nothing Jack wanted to be less. He didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to be doing this. He wanted to go home, go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened.
He made his way to the pulmonary floor trying to prepare himself for whatever Dr. Tanaka might say. He’d delivered bad news to patients and their families plenty of times, but he hadn’t been on the receiving end since Mari died.
The waiting room was empty when he arrived, the early hour meaning most patients hadn’t arrived for the appointments yet. The receptionist smiled as he approached. “Dr. Abbot? Dr. Tanaka is ready for you. Third door on the right.”
Jack took a deep breath, or tried to, and headed down the hall. Whatever was waiting for him, he would face it like he did everything else. Head on. Even if, for the first time in years, he was truly afraid.
When he entered the room, Jack was surprised to find himself in an office instead of an exam room. Tanaka rose to greet him. “Dr. Abbot,” he held out a hand to shake Jack’s.
“Just Jack,” he said with a nod before taking one of the chairs in front of the desk.
“Very well. Jack, then.” Tanaka stayed standing and pressed a couple of buttons on his computer and the large screen behind him lit up with an image of what Jack assumed were his lungs. He pointed at the mass that seemed to branch out from the right lung. “Do you know what you’re looking at here?”
Jack studied the image noting the abnormal density, the way it seemed to branch through his lung tissue like the roots of a plant. The mass was larger than it had appeared in the x-ray, more defined.
Jack swallowed. “A tumor. Probably malignant given the irregularities and the rapid growth.” He’d seen the symptoms enough in his patients to recognize the pattern. The cough, the tight chest, the fatigue. Classic presentation for lung cancer.
Tanaka shook his head. “I had my suspicions from your x-ray but the CT confirms.” He used a finger to indicate several areas on the scan. “Do you see these fine lines extending from the main mass?”
Jack leaned forward. Now that the doctor pointed it out, he could see delicate lines spreading through his lung tissue. “Vascularization?” he guessed.
“Not exactly.” Tanaka took a seat at his desk. “What you’re seeing is consistent with the presentation of Hanahaki disease.”
Jack physically jerked back in his seat. That wasn’t… “That’s impossible. I want a second opinion.”
“You are certainly entitled to one, but I am the leading expert in Hanahaki in the state.” He wasn’t bragging, just stating a fact.
The look Robby had given him when he’d said the name suddenly made so much sense. “I’ve only ever loved my wife, and she’s dead. Has been for years.”
Jack had seen Hanahaki before, of course he had. The condition was rare and still not well understood. Unrequited love manifesting physically with the growth of flowers in the lungs. But it was something that happened to young romantics or the occasional middle-age yearner, not to someone like him. Not to an old, broken ER attending who’d buried his heart with his wife six years ago.
“I’m sorry, but the blood tests confirm.” He clicked on his screen and Jack’s results populated the screen.
Jack shook his head, unable to process what he was hearing. “Run more tests. There has to be a mistake.”
“Dr. Abbot, Jack, we can run additional tests, but given your symptoms and the findings, Hanahaki is our working diagnosis.” He paused, studying Jack’s face. “I suggest you do some soul searching. You’re in love whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.”
Jack opened his mouth to argue but another coughing fit seized him, doubling him over. His lungs burned as he struggled to draw breath. When it finally subsided, he was surprised to find Tanaka standing in front of him holding a tissue. Only when he took it did he understand why. Delicate pink petals filled his palm.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, staring at the evidence in his hand.
“That’s confirmation enough for me,” Dr. Tanaka said quietly. “The small petals are consistent with early stage Hanahaki. They’ll become larger and more numerous as the disease progresses, until you are expelling full blooms.”
Jack couldn’t tear his gaze away from the petals. Each one was perfect, like they’d been plucked from some unseen garden growing inside him. And he supposed in a way they had. “How long?” he managed to ask.
“Hard to say without knowing how fast it’s progressing. We’ll do another scan in a week and go from there.” Tanaka paused then added, “I assume you are aware of your options.”
Jack nodded once. “Surgery or…death.” He had to force the last word past his lips. He’d engaged in reckless behavior, volunteering for SWAT, standing on the edge of the roof while he thought about how easy it would be to just not have to deal with it all anymore. To not be alone every fucking day of his life. But now that the very real possibility of his death was looming in the shadows he suddenly found he didn’t want it.
“As you are aware, the surgery would remove any feelings for the person in question. You may forget them entirely though that is very rare. There is also always the possibility that the person you love will return your affections. Then no intervention would be needed,” Tanaka said, voice soft. “The matter would resolve on its own. It’s quite remarkable really.”
Jack looked down at the petals again. The idea that his body had somehow conjured flowers from a love he wasn’t even aware of seemed impossible. Yet the evidence was literally in his hand.
“You have a lot to think about,” Tanaka said, standing. “I’ll schedule another scan for next week and we can talk about options.”
“Thank you,” Jack said as he stood as well.
“You should take it easy until then. The coughing may worsen, particularly if you’re stressed or physically exerted. I’d recommend time off work.”
“I’ll think about it,” Jack said, but the thought of sitting alone at home with his thoughts was not one he wanted to contemplate at the moment.
Dr. Tanaka seemed to sense his turmoil. “This is a lot to process. Many patients find it helpful to talk to someone. A therapist or a family member. And I suggest a discussion with the person—”
“There is no person,” Jack cut him off sharply. “My wife has been dead for six years. There’s been no one since.”
The other man didn’t argue, but his expression made it clear he wasn’t convinced. “I’ll see you next week. Call if you have any questions or concerns before then.”
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” Jack turned and hurried from the room, closing the door behind him. In the hall, he pressed his back against the wall. He took the deepest breath he had since entering the office. The tightness in his chest reminded him of the flowers blooming where they had no right to be.
Love.
The word echoed in his head. He’d buried that part of himself when Mari died. The idea that his body had somehow betrayed him, had grown flowers for someone else…It was too much. He couldn’t accept it. Wouldn’t.
He pushed off the wall and headed for the elevator. One foot in front of the other. That’s how he’d gotten through the worst days after Mari’s death and that’s how he would get through this.
Jack made it back to the ER on autopilot, his mind still reeling. Day shift was in full swing. Jack just stood for a minute, trying to orientate himself, feeling oddly disconnected from the familiar chaos.
“Jack!”
He turned to find Robby hurrying toward him. His face was creased with worry, eyes scanning Jack’s features as if searching for visible changes.
“Well? What did he say?”
Jack opened his mouth, then closed it again. How did he possibly explain he was coughing up petals for someone he was supposedly in love with? It was stupid. Ridiculous. And just the sort of thing that would happen to him. Of course it was.
“It’s not possible,” he finally forced out. “It’s not…Mike, I…” His voice cracked, another cough building in his chest.
“Okay, okay,” Robby said, his tone shifting from urgent to soothing. “Let’s sit down, huh? You look like you’re about ready to fall over.”
Before Jack could protest, Robby led him through the department toward the breakroom. He deposited him in a chair at one of the tables, then turned to fill a cup with water. “Here, drink,” he instructed as he sat it in front of Jack.
Jack obeyed mechanically, the cool liquid soothing his raw throat. The simple act centered him somewhat, anchoring him to the present moment.
Robby pulled out a chair and sat down. “Now, what did Tanaka say?”
Jack stared at the cup in his hands. “Hanahaki,” he said finally.
“Shit. I thought it might be when they said Tanaka wanted to see you.” Robby sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. “He’s the best, so there’s that at least.”
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t make any sense, man. I haven’t been in love with anyone since Mari died.”
An expression he couldn’t place flicked across Robby’s face before shifting to disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”
Jack frowned. “What’s with the tone? Why are you making it sound like I’m stupid?”
“Because you are,” Robby said without hesitation. When Jack just stared at him, Robby pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, then crossed his arms over his chest. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what?” Jack demanded, irritation briefly overriding his confusion.
Your name was the only thing that left Robby’s lips.
Jack blinked and repeated it like a question. Like your face hadn’t just appeared in his brain. Like he didn’t instantly think about your smile, hear your laugh.
“Yes!” Robby threw his hands up in exasperation. “The woman you’ve been staring at with a besotted expression for the past eight months? The one you look for anytime you enter the department? The one whose coffee order you have memorized?”
No, no. That couldn’t be right. “But she’s—”
“Brilliant,” Robby stated. “Funny. Kind. Beautiful. Should I continue to list off everything you said to me the last time we went out? You talked about her all night, man.”
“I mean…I respect her.” The words felt inadequate even as he said them. Images of you flashed through his mind. The way you laughed at your own jokes even if no one else did, how you always remembered small details about people, that furrow that appeared between your brows when you were concentrating.
“She’s dedicated,” he continued. “Compassionate. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s never mean about it. And she’s…” He trailed off, suddenly realizing he could continue talking about you for the rest of the day.
“She’s what?” Robby prompted, a knowing look on his face.
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t love her. I can’t.”
“Why not? Because you loved Mari? Loving someone else doesn’t erase what you had with her.”
“It’s not that simple,” Jack argued, though he couldn’t have explained why if someone pressed.
“It actually is,” Robby replied, not unkindly. “You loved your wife. She died and it broke you. For a long time, I wasn’t certain you’d ever put yourself back together. But you have. And against all odds you found someone who makes you feel something again. Instead of being grateful, instead of grasping it with both hands, you’re literally making yourself sick denying it.”
“It’s not…I haven’t—”
“You have,” Robby interrupted. “Everyone knows you’re in love with her except you and her, apparently.” He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Just think about it, okay? Really think about it.”
As if on cue, another coughing fit seized Jack, this one stronger than the last. He doubled over, hand braced against the table as his chest contracted painfully. When it finally subsided, he found his palm filled with more petals, the edges tinged with blood.
“Holy shit.” Robby stared at the evidence in front of him.
Jack closed his hand around the petals, as if hiding them from view would make them cease to exist. “I need to get out of here. I need to go home.” He pushed himself to his feet. The room titled slightly, his vision blurring at the edges.
“You’re in no condition to drive,” Robby said standing as well, typing on his phone. “Let me have someone run you home.”
“I’m fine,” Jack insisted though the wheeze in his voice undermined his claim. “I just need some sleep. I need to rest.” He needed to get you out of his brain.
“You need to figure this out, Jack. Finding out you have Hanahaki would throw anyone for a loop, especially when you didn’t even realize you were in love. But this isn’t something you can ignore. It won’t just go away, it will only get worse.
Robby was right, Jack knew he was. He’d been ignoring what was happening for weeks, dismissing symptoms, making excuses. And now he was paying the price.
“I know. I’ll think about what you said. I promise.”
“Good. That’s a start. Now get your things together. Your ride should be here in a minute.”
Now, when Robby said ride, Jack assumed he meant an intern. An uber perhaps. What he did not expect to see when he stepped through the doors was you. You’d pulled your car to the side where it wouldn’t impede any ambulances and you leaned against it. It took him longer than he’d admit to realize you were waiting for him.
Jack spun on his heel to glare at his former best friend. “What the fuck did you do?” he hissed.
Robby gave him a look of feigned innocence. “Got you a ride.”
“You asked her?”
At that he grinned. “Actually, I sent a message to the group chat. She volunteered.”
“Oh.” He looked over to find you in the same position, your gaze moving between the two attendings. He lifted a hand in greeting and to let you know he’d be right there.
You nodded, waved at Robby and got behind the wheel.
“What do I do?” Jack asked, suddenly at a loss.
Robby rested a heavy hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything, brother. Just let her take you home. Think about how you really feel about her. That’s all.”
“Yeah, yeah, I can do that,” Jack agreed with a nod of his head. “I’ll see you later.”
“Not tonight you won’t,” Robby corrected. “You’re off until Friday at the earliest. Doctor’s orders.”
Jack didn’t bother to argue. Knew there would be no point. And honestly, he could use a few days to get his head straight. He held up a hand in goodbye as he made his way to your car, his mind churning. What if Robby was right? What if he’d fallen in love without realizing it, what then? You had never given any indication you felt the same. The idea of confessing feelings that might not be returned…
Another cough built in his chest as if his body was responding to the thought. He swallowed hard, forcing it down. One problem at a time. First, he needed to get home. Then he needed to figure out if Robby was right.
As if sensing Jack was lost his head, you didn’t attempt to make conversation after your initial greeting once he got in the car. When you arrived at his house, he finally turned to look at you. “Thanks for the ride. I would have been fine driving but Robby insisted.”
“I didn’t mind, Jack. However, I’m afraid you can’t be rid of me just yet.”
His brows shot up into his hairline. “Excuse me?”
“Bossman said, and I quote, ‘get his ass inside and into bed with a glass of water and trashcan nearby.’ So that’s what I’m going to do. Let’s go.” You climbed out of the car and waited for him to exit before locking the doors.
“I assure you that his is not necessary,” Jack argued. More than that, it could be catastrophic. Having you in his house, where he’d now be able to picture you clearly instead of relying solely on his imagination? That sounded like a horrible idea. Not that he’d ever pictured you in his house. Sitting across from him at the table, nestled into his side as you watched TV. That would be absurd.
You took his bag from his loose hold and ignored his protests as you carried it up to the door. Jack stared at you hopeless for another moment before sighing and following after you. “Keys are in the front pocket.”
You pulled them out and handed them over. He unlocked the door, leaving it open for you to follow after. He gestured at the hooks just inside the door. “You can hang the bag there.”
You did and kicked off your shoes, nudging them to line up against the wall. “Robby didn’t exactly say what was wrong with you.” You paused, but Jack didn’t offer any clarification. No, that would be a monumentally stupid thing to do. You cleared your throat. “Are you hungry? I could make you something.”
“No, sweetheart, I’m fine.” The endearment slipped out without thought. He suddenly wondered when the first time was he had called you that. And when had that become the norm instead of your name? Christ. He wiped a hand down his face. “I’m fucking exhausted. I just want to go to bed.”
You nodded. “Sure. Let me get you that water at least.”
Jack just nodded and headed down the hall toward his bedroom to fish out something to change into after his shower. You stepped into the doorway just as he finished taking off his leg. He froze and swallowed. “Sorry. Forgot you’d be coming back here.”
You smiled and Jack had to glance away. “It’s your home, Jack, and I’ve seen you without the leg before. It’s not like you were nude. Here.” You sat the glass on the nightstand. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No. I’ve got it. Thank you.” You had seen him without the leg precisely once when it started rubbing wrong on a shift and you’d made him sit down and get an exam. You’d also bullied him into supervising from a wheelchair for the rest of the night when you saw his red, raw flesh by threatening to call Robby and tattle on him.
Your gaze ran over him, assessing. He could feel it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
His eyes found yours again but he said nothing.
“You just seem off.” Worry shone in your eyes and he forced himself to look away once more.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
After a moment, you stepped toward the door. “Call me if you need anything, okay? Anything at all.” When he only nodded, you added, “Promise?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat when he heard the gravel in his voice. “Promise.”
“Okay. Bye, Jack.” And with that, you left without waiting for a response.
Tension immediately flowed from Jack’s entire body. Jesus, Robby couldn’t have found literally anyone else to bring him home? He pushed thoughts of you from his head as he finished stripping. Using his crutches, he moved into the shower, ready to rinse the night off so he could get some sleep.
Not thinking of you lasted approximately two and a half minutes after he turned the water on. He’d turned the temp up on the water hoping it would help clear his lungs. His chest ached with each breath, a constant reminder of the flowers blooming in his lungs.
Flowers.
For you.
It was ridiculous. Yes, he enjoyed working with you. You were competent, smart, quick to smile and to make others laugh. You had a way with patients that made even the most difficult cases manageable. And so what if he’d noticed the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled, or that you tapped your fingers when you were thinking?
But that didn’t mean he was in love with you. Love was what he’d had with Mari. All consuming, life-altering, the kind that left you devastated and broken when it was no longer yours. What he felt for you was…appreciation. Admiration, perhaps. Friendship. That was it. He loved you like a very dear friend.
Except friends didn’t keep mental lists of your favorite foods, or notice when you changed your shampoo, or come in on their nights off because you were working. Friends didn’t feel their mood lift the moment you walked into a room or find themselves replaying conversations long after they’d ended.
Jack groaned, rinsing the last of the shampoo out of his hair. This was insane. He was a grown man, not some teenager with a crush. He’d been married, for fuck’s sake. He knew what love felt like.
Or he had once. Before Mari died, leaving him hollowed out and certain he would never feel that way again. He’d adjusted to his solitude. To the bed being too big and the house too quiet.
But lately…
He sucked in a shaky breath as he finally admitted to himself that he’d been pursuing you without even realizing it. No wonder Robby had looked at him like he was an idiot. He was.
“I’m fond of her,” he said aloud, testing the words. “That’s all it is. A fondness.” It couldn’t be love, because if it was that meant—
His chest contracted sharply, another cough building. This one came on faster than the others, stealing his breath before he could prepare. He curled forward, one hand pressed to his sternum as his lungs spasmed. The coughing fit seemed to last forever, each breath harder than the last, until finally, blessedly, it subsided.
When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes to see dozens of petals swirling toward the drain. Proof, if he’d needed it that Tanaka was right. That Robby was right.
He was in love with you. For far longer than he cared to admit.
Tears mixed with the water running down his cheeks as his shoulders shook in a silent sob. He’d fallen in love with you and hadn’t even realized because it was so subtle, so quiet, compared to what he’d had with his wife. He’d lost out on so much time with you because he was too afraid to examine his feelings. To admit to himself what everyone else had known all along.
But what difference did it make really? Because even if he loved you, what then? You’d never given any indication you felt the same. No lingering looks or soft touches. Nothing to suggest you saw him as anything more than a colleague.
And why would you? He was damaged goods. A widower with a missing leg and more baggage than most people would want to deal with. You were vibrant, fully engaged with life in a way he had long forgotten. You deserved someone whole, someone who could love you without reservation or complication. Someone who didn’t still wake reaching for a wife that would never be there again.
Jack closed his eyes and took another shaky breath as he turned off the water. As he dried off and headed for bed, he considered his options. He’d meet with Tanaka and schedule the surgery. But he should talk to you first. He knew he should. But he was so fucking scared.
He reached for his phone, thumb hovering over your name in his contacts. You’d told him to call if he needed anything, but what if he only needed you? He could hear your voice, ask you to come back. He could tell you everything and hope maybe you felt the same.
He moved to the call button, then stopped. He needed to sleep first. Needed to be fully about himself before he decided how to approach this. It took hours of tossing and turning before he finally found rest, but even that was fitful.
He glanced at the clock when he woke to find it nearing seven. At least he’d managed a few hours. You were working, so his grand confession would have to wait. Maybe he could meet you after shift and take you to breakfast.
He was so lost in his head when he opened the bedroom door that he almost disregarded the rich aroma filling the air and the soft sounds from his kitchen. He frowned and moved into the other room, calling a soft “Hello?” as he went.
As he stepped into the doorway, you glanced at him over your shoulder and he sucked in a breath. You were here. In his home. Making dinner.
“You stayed?” he asked, voice rougher than intended.
You shrugged and turned back to the stove. “You didn’t look okay. I wanted to be close, crashed on the couch. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
He swallowed down the words that rose in his throat. No. Never. Stay the night. Stay forever. “Don’t you have to work?”
“Bossman gave me the night off. Told me to take care of you if I was that worried. I wasn’t going to argue with him. Thought I’d make you some soup.” You didn’t look at him, but he could hear the concern in your tone, the worry that he would be upset with you for taking care of him.
He just watched you move in his space like you belonged there.
Finally, you glanced at him again and gave him a small smile when you found him watching. “Where’s your bowls?”
“I’ll get them,” he said, suddenly desperate to do something.
It was a simple task but before he could even open the cabinet, he was seized by another violent coughing fit. He bent over the sink, bracing against the edge for support. His chest burned and his vision blurred at the edge. He vaguely registered you saying his name and a hand landing on his back, warm even through the fabric of his shirt.
When the fit finally subsided, he was horrified to see the petals that littered the sink.
You went completely still beside him. “Jack, are those…”
“It’s not…” he started then trailed off. There was no explanation he could give you beside the truth.
“Oh,” you said softly, your fingers curling in as you removed your touch from his back. You took a step away. “Who is it?” You sounded resigned, maybe even a little hurt.
The question hung between you. Jack remained braced against the sink, unable to look at you. “When my wife died, I thought I would never love anyone again. That it would be impossible. So, when it happened, I didn’t even realize it. Or I suppose it’s more like I ignored it.” He risked a glance at your reflection in the window above the sink. “I guess my body didn’t like that. It’s making me face it.”
“That wasn’t my question, Jack.” Your voice was smaller than he’d ever heard it.
He turned to face you then, his hip leaning against the counter to take his weight. “Don’t you know, sweetheart? According to Robby, it’s obvious to everyone in the department that I’m crazy about you.”
Jack watched your face for your reaction. Anything. But your expression remained carefully blank aside from a slight widening of your eyes.
“Me?” you finally said, the word barely audible.
“Yeah.” Jack pushed off from the counter, using his crutches to move over to one of the chairs and dropping into it. He kept his gaze on anything but you. “But I don’t expect anything. You don’t owe me anything. I have options. I’ll be fine. I see the doctor again next week and I can get the surgery scheduled.”
“Jack Abbot, if you have that surgery, I will never forgive you.” Your sharp tone had his head immediately snapping over to follow you as you stepped toward him.
“What? Why?”
“Because it is completely unnecessary, you idiot. I have been in love with you for ages.”
Time seemed to stop. Jack stared at you, certain he’d misheard. “What?”
You came to a stop in front of him. “I’ve loved you for months, probably longer. I just didn’t think that you would ever…that you could ever…”
The rest of your sentence was lost as Jack pulled you forward into his arms, one hand coming up to cradle your face. His thumb traced your lips as your eyes searched his. He leaned in, giving you every chance to pull away.
You didn’t.
His lips found yours hesitantly at first, then with growing certainty as you responded. He laughed against your mouth as you turned and sat sideways in his lap. When he finally pulled back completely, the first thing he noticed was your wide smile and the joy in your eyes.
The second was, that for the first time in weeks—in six years really—he could finally, simply, breathe.
synopsis: Jack knows what love feels like, knows he could never feel it again. His lungs beg to differ.
warnings/notes: Hanahaki AU and everything that entails. mentions of Jack's late wife. I'm kind of in love with this. Flangst, my beloved.
wc: 5.9k
Jack Abbot knew a great many things.
He knew how to trach in the field under active fire. He knew how to run an emergency department efficiently and effectively. He knew how to make an omelet and fix a sink and change the oil in his car. He knew what it felt like to lose the greatest thing he’d ever held and he knew what it felt like to love. Or so he believed until a random Tuesday in June.
It was nearing the end of his shift when Jack felt it again. That hitch in his breathing that signaled the arrival of a deep, rattling cough that he’d been dealing with for weeks now. He pressed his fist to his mouth, trying to muffle the sound. Just a lingering cold, he told himself. Or allergies maybe. Nothing some water and cough drops wouldn’t fix.
Except the tightness in his chest had gotten worse. And the cough drops weren’t doing a damn thing. Every time he tried to take a deep breath, it felt like an invisible band was squeezing his lungs. His voice had taken on a rougher edge and he’d start wheezing if he tried to say more than few words at a time.
“You look like shit,” said a familiar voice behind him.
Jack turned to find Robby standing there, coffee in hand, ready to start his shift. “Good morning to you, too. Some of us have been up all night.”
Robby hummed. “And some of us are clearly coming down with something. Seriously, Jack, you don’t look good. Are you okay?”
Jack waved a hand through the air in dismissal. “Fine. Just a little under the weather.”
“Is that why you’re breathing like you just ran a marathon?” Robby took a step closer. “You’re wheezing and I’m not the only one that noticed. I got three texts from night shift.”
“It’s just a cold.” Jack tried to take a deep breath to prove his point but it caught in his throat, triggering another coughing fit. This one was worse than the others and had him gripping the edge of the counter for support.
When the coughing subsided, Robby’s gaze was stern. “That doesn’t sound like a cold to me.”
“It’s nothing,” Jack insisted, though the pain in his chest suggested otherwise. “Probably just moved to my chest is all.”
Robby sat his coffee down and crossed his arms. “That is not nothing. I want labs and a chest x-ray.”
“Christ, Mike. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I’m not asking, Jack. You’re a doctor. You know better than to ignore stuff like this.” His tone left no room for argument.
Jack recognized the look his friend was giving him. He wasn’t getting out of this. He sighed. “Fine. One x-ray. Then I’m going home to sleep.”
“Deal,” Robby said, already putting in the order for the portable chest x-ray into the system. He glanced at Dana who hadn’t even pretended she wasn’t listening.
“Eight’s open.”
“A room, man? Come on,” Jack complained but headed in that direction.
“Quit complaining,” Robby said as he trailed behind him, signaling the radiology tech with the machine to follow him. “Shirt off, Abbot.”
“Buy me dinner first,” Jack snarked even as he did as told. He laid down and the machine was positioned over the top of him.
“Take a deep breath and hold it,” Marcia the tech instructed.
The first time he attempted to follow instructions, he devolved into a coughing fit. “Sorry,” he apologized once he caught his breath.
“It’s fine. Just do the best you can.” The tech took three shots from different angles.
Robby slid on his glasses and stepped up to the machine while Jack put his t-shirt back on, forgoing the scrub top since his shift was over anyway.
“Let me guess. Nothing but a little inflammation. Can I go home now?”
“Leave us for a minute,” Robby said to Marcia, voice low.
Jack’s head snapped up, his gaze darting from his friend to the screen he was looking at and back again. “What is it?”
Robby turned the screen toward Jack so he could see for himself. Even from across the room, he could see the large white mass shadowing his right lung.
He swallowed hard. “That could be pneumonia. Or an abscess or something.”
“It could be,” Robby agreed but his tone suggested he didn’t believe it. “I’ve sent it up to pulmonary.” His phone rang before he could say anything else. He glanced at the screen. “That was fast.”
Jack shifted his weight as he listened to Robby’s one-sided conversation with pulmonary. When he hung up, he turned to look at Jack.
“Dr. Tanaka wants to see you immediately.” He paused and looked at Jack as if the name should mean something to him. It didn’t. After a moment, Robby took a breath. “He’s sent an order to CT. You’re to report there and then head to his office.”
“Right now?” Jack’s voice was little more than a whisper. The words having to be forced past the lump in his throat. This was all happening too fast. One moment he’d been dismissing his persistent cough and the next he was being scheduled for immediate appointments with pulmonary. “It’s probably nothing. Just a weird artefact in the imaging or something,” he said more to himself than Robby.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Robby agreed, but the worry in his eyes said something else entirely. “But you’re going to get checked out thoroughly just to be sure.”
Within half an hour, Jack was laying on the table in a gown as the CT hummed around him. The contrast dye made him feel warm and vaguely nauseous, but it was nothing compared to the cold fear settling in his stomach.
The tech entered the room. “All finished. By the time you get changed and to his office, Dr. Tanaka should have the images.”
Jack cleared his throat. “That’s fast.”
“You’re a VIP patient today, Dr. Abbot.”
There was nothing Jack wanted to be less. He didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to be doing this. He wanted to go home, go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened.
He made his way to the pulmonary floor trying to prepare himself for whatever Dr. Tanaka might say. He’d delivered bad news to patients and their families plenty of times, but he hadn’t been on the receiving end since Mari died.
The waiting room was empty when he arrived, the early hour meaning most patients hadn’t arrived for the appointments yet. The receptionist smiled as he approached. “Dr. Abbot? Dr. Tanaka is ready for you. Third door on the right.”
Jack took a deep breath, or tried to, and headed down the hall. Whatever was waiting for him, he would face it like he did everything else. Head on. Even if, for the first time in years, he was truly afraid.
When he entered the room, Jack was surprised to find himself in an office instead of an exam room. Tanaka rose to greet him. “Dr. Abbot,” he held out a hand to shake Jack’s.
“Just Jack,” he said with a nod before taking one of the chairs in front of the desk.
“Very well. Jack, then.” Tanaka stayed standing and pressed a couple of buttons on his computer and the large screen behind him lit up with an image of what Jack assumed were his lungs. He pointed at the mass that seemed to branch out from the right lung. “Do you know what you’re looking at here?”
Jack studied the image noting the abnormal density, the way it seemed to branch through his lung tissue like the roots of a plant. The mass was larger than it had appeared in the x-ray, more defined.
Jack swallowed. “A tumor. Probably malignant given the irregularities and the rapid growth.” He’d seen the symptoms enough in his patients to recognize the pattern. The cough, the tight chest, the fatigue. Classic presentation for lung cancer.
Tanaka shook his head. “I had my suspicions from your x-ray but the CT confirms.” He used a finger to indicate several areas on the scan. “Do you see these fine lines extending from the main mass?”
Jack leaned forward. Now that the doctor pointed it out, he could see delicate lines spreading through his lung tissue. “Vascularization?” he guessed.
“Not exactly.” Tanaka took a seat at his desk. “What you’re seeing is consistent with the presentation of Hanahaki disease.”
Jack physically jerked back in his seat. That wasn’t… “That’s impossible. I want a second opinion.”
“You are certainly entitled to one, but I am the leading expert in Hanahaki in the state.” He wasn’t bragging, just stating a fact.
The look Robby had given him when he’d said the name suddenly made so much sense. “I’ve only ever loved my wife, and she’s dead. Has been for years.”
Jack had seen Hanahaki before, of course he had. The condition was rare and still not well understood. Unrequited love manifesting physically with the growth of flowers in the lungs. But it was something that happened to young romantics or the occasional middle-age yearner, not to someone like him. Not to an old, broken ER attending who’d buried his heart with his wife six years ago.
“I’m sorry, but the blood tests confirm.” He clicked on his screen and Jack’s results populated the screen.
Jack shook his head, unable to process what he was hearing. “Run more tests. There has to be a mistake.”
“Dr. Abbot, Jack, we can run additional tests, but given your symptoms and the findings, Hanahaki is our working diagnosis.” He paused, studying Jack’s face. “I suggest you do some soul searching. You’re in love whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.”
Jack opened his mouth to argue but another coughing fit seized him, doubling him over. His lungs burned as he struggled to draw breath. When it finally subsided, he was surprised to find Tanaka standing in front of him holding a tissue. Only when he took it did he understand why. Delicate pink petals filled his palm.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, staring at the evidence in his hand.
“That’s confirmation enough for me,” Dr. Tanaka said quietly. “The small petals are consistent with early stage Hanahaki. They’ll become larger and more numerous as the disease progresses, until you are expelling full blooms.”
Jack couldn’t tear his gaze away from the petals. Each one was perfect, like they’d been plucked from some unseen garden growing inside him. And he supposed in a way they had. “How long?” he managed to ask.
“Hard to say without knowing how fast it’s progressing. We’ll do another scan in a week and go from there.” Tanaka paused then added, “I assume you are aware of your options.”
Jack nodded once. “Surgery or…death.” He had to force the last word past his lips. He’d engaged in reckless behavior, volunteering for SWAT, standing on the edge of the roof while he thought about how easy it would be to just not have to deal with it all anymore. To not be alone every fucking day of his life. But now that the very real possibility of his death was looming in the shadows he suddenly found he didn’t want it.
“As you are aware, the surgery would remove any feelings for the person in question. You may forget them entirely though that is very rare. There is also always the possibility that the person you love will return your affections. Then no intervention would be needed,” Tanaka said, voice soft. “The matter would resolve on its own. It’s quite remarkable really.”
Jack looked down at the petals again. The idea that his body had somehow conjured flowers from a love he wasn’t even aware of seemed impossible. Yet the evidence was literally in his hand.
“You have a lot to think about,” Tanaka said, standing. “I’ll schedule another scan for next week and we can talk about options.”
“Thank you,” Jack said as he stood as well.
“You should take it easy until then. The coughing may worsen, particularly if you’re stressed or physically exerted. I’d recommend time off work.”
“I’ll think about it,” Jack said, but the thought of sitting alone at home with his thoughts was not one he wanted to contemplate at the moment.
Dr. Tanaka seemed to sense his turmoil. “This is a lot to process. Many patients find it helpful to talk to someone. A therapist or a family member. And I suggest a discussion with the person—”
“There is no person,” Jack cut him off sharply. “My wife has been dead for six years. There’s been no one since.”
The other man didn’t argue, but his expression made it clear he wasn’t convinced. “I’ll see you next week. Call if you have any questions or concerns before then.”
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” Jack turned and hurried from the room, closing the door behind him. In the hall, he pressed his back against the wall. He took the deepest breath he had since entering the office. The tightness in his chest reminded him of the flowers blooming where they had no right to be.
Love.
The word echoed in his head. He’d buried that part of himself when Mari died. The idea that his body had somehow betrayed him, had grown flowers for someone else…It was too much. He couldn’t accept it. Wouldn’t.
He pushed off the wall and headed for the elevator. One foot in front of the other. That’s how he’d gotten through the worst days after Mari’s death and that’s how he would get through this.
Jack made it back to the ER on autopilot, his mind still reeling. Day shift was in full swing. Jack just stood for a minute, trying to orientate himself, feeling oddly disconnected from the familiar chaos.
“Jack!”
He turned to find Robby hurrying toward him. His face was creased with worry, eyes scanning Jack’s features as if searching for visible changes.
“Well? What did he say?”
Jack opened his mouth, then closed it again. How did he possibly explain he was coughing up petals for someone he was supposedly in love with? It was stupid. Ridiculous. And just the sort of thing that would happen to him. Of course it was.
“It’s not possible,” he finally forced out. “It’s not…Mike, I…” His voice cracked, another cough building in his chest.
“Okay, okay,” Robby said, his tone shifting from urgent to soothing. “Let’s sit down, huh? You look like you’re about ready to fall over.”
Before Jack could protest, Robby led him through the department toward the breakroom. He deposited him in a chair at one of the tables, then turned to fill a cup with water. “Here, drink,” he instructed as he sat it in front of Jack.
Jack obeyed mechanically, the cool liquid soothing his raw throat. The simple act centered him somewhat, anchoring him to the present moment.
Robby pulled out a chair and sat down. “Now, what did Tanaka say?”
Jack stared at the cup in his hands. “Hanahaki,” he said finally.
“Shit. I thought it might be when they said Tanaka wanted to see you.” Robby sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. “He’s the best, so there’s that at least.”
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t make any sense, man. I haven’t been in love with anyone since Mari died.”
An expression he couldn’t place flicked across Robby’s face before shifting to disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”
Jack frowned. “What’s with the tone? Why are you making it sound like I’m stupid?”
“Because you are,” Robby said without hesitation. When Jack just stared at him, Robby pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, then crossed his arms over his chest. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what?” Jack demanded, irritation briefly overriding his confusion.
Your name was the only thing that left Robby’s lips.
Jack blinked and repeated it like a question. Like your face hadn’t just appeared in his brain. Like he didn’t instantly think about your smile, hear your laugh.
“Yes!” Robby threw his hands up in exasperation. “The woman you’ve been staring at with a besotted expression for the past eight months? The one you look for anytime you enter the department? The one whose coffee order you have memorized?”
No, no. That couldn’t be right. “But she’s—”
“Brilliant,” Robby stated. “Funny. Kind. Beautiful. Should I continue to list off everything you said to me the last time we went out? You talked about her all night, man.”
“I mean…I respect her.” The words felt inadequate even as he said them. Images of you flashed through his mind. The way you laughed at your own jokes even if no one else did, how you always remembered small details about people, that furrow that appeared between your brows when you were concentrating.
“She’s dedicated,” he continued. “Compassionate. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s never mean about it. And she’s…” He trailed off, suddenly realizing he could continue talking about you for the rest of the day.
“She’s what?” Robby prompted, a knowing look on his face.
Jack shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t love her. I can’t.”
“Why not? Because you loved Mari? Loving someone else doesn’t erase what you had with her.”
“It’s not that simple,” Jack argued, though he couldn’t have explained why if someone pressed.
“It actually is,” Robby replied, not unkindly. “You loved your wife. She died and it broke you. For a long time, I wasn’t certain you’d ever put yourself back together. But you have. And against all odds you found someone who makes you feel something again. Instead of being grateful, instead of grasping it with both hands, you’re literally making yourself sick denying it.”
“It’s not…I haven’t—”
“You have,” Robby interrupted. “Everyone knows you’re in love with her except you and her, apparently.” He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Just think about it, okay? Really think about it.”
As if on cue, another coughing fit seized Jack, this one stronger than the last. He doubled over, hand braced against the table as his chest contracted painfully. When it finally subsided, he found his palm filled with more petals, the edges tinged with blood.
“Holy shit.” Robby stared at the evidence in front of him.
Jack closed his hand around the petals, as if hiding them from view would make them cease to exist. “I need to get out of here. I need to go home.” He pushed himself to his feet. The room titled slightly, his vision blurring at the edges.
“You’re in no condition to drive,” Robby said standing as well, typing on his phone. “Let me have someone run you home.”
“I’m fine,” Jack insisted though the wheeze in his voice undermined his claim. “I just need some sleep. I need to rest.” He needed to get you out of his brain.
“You need to figure this out, Jack. Finding out you have Hanahaki would throw anyone for a loop, especially when you didn’t even realize you were in love. But this isn’t something you can ignore. It won’t just go away, it will only get worse.
Robby was right, Jack knew he was. He’d been ignoring what was happening for weeks, dismissing symptoms, making excuses. And now he was paying the price.
“I know. I’ll think about what you said. I promise.”
“Good. That’s a start. Now get your things together. Your ride should be here in a minute.”
Now, when Robby said ride, Jack assumed he meant an intern. An uber perhaps. What he did not expect to see when he stepped through the doors was you. You’d pulled your car to the side where it wouldn’t impede any ambulances and you leaned against it. It took him longer than he’d admit to realize you were waiting for him.
Jack spun on his heel to glare at his former best friend. “What the fuck did you do?” he hissed.
Robby gave him a look of feigned innocence. “Got you a ride.”
“You asked her?”
At that he grinned. “Actually, I sent a message to the group chat. She volunteered.”
“Oh.” He looked over to find you in the same position, your gaze moving between the two attendings. He lifted a hand in greeting and to let you know he’d be right there.
You nodded, waved at Robby and got behind the wheel.
“What do I do?” Jack asked, suddenly at a loss.
Robby rested a heavy hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything, brother. Just let her take you home. Think about how you really feel about her. That’s all.”
“Yeah, yeah, I can do that,” Jack agreed with a nod of his head. “I’ll see you later.”
“Not tonight you won’t,” Robby corrected. “You’re off until Friday at the earliest. Doctor’s orders.”
Jack didn’t bother to argue. Knew there would be no point. And honestly, he could use a few days to get his head straight. He held up a hand in goodbye as he made his way to your car, his mind churning. What if Robby was right? What if he’d fallen in love without realizing it, what then? You had never given any indication you felt the same. The idea of confessing feelings that might not be returned…
Another cough built in his chest as if his body was responding to the thought. He swallowed hard, forcing it down. One problem at a time. First, he needed to get home. Then he needed to figure out if Robby was right.
As if sensing Jack was lost his head, you didn’t attempt to make conversation after your initial greeting once he got in the car. When you arrived at his house, he finally turned to look at you. “Thanks for the ride. I would have been fine driving but Robby insisted.”
“I didn’t mind, Jack. However, I’m afraid you can’t be rid of me just yet.”
His brows shot up into his hairline. “Excuse me?”
“Bossman said, and I quote, ‘get his ass inside and into bed with a glass of water and trashcan nearby.’ So that’s what I’m going to do. Let’s go.” You climbed out of the car and waited for him to exit before locking the doors.
“I assure you that his is not necessary,” Jack argued. More than that, it could be catastrophic. Having you in his house, where he’d now be able to picture you clearly instead of relying solely on his imagination? That sounded like a horrible idea. Not that he’d ever pictured you in his house. Sitting across from him at the table, nestled into his side as you watched TV. That would be absurd.
You took his bag from his loose hold and ignored his protests as you carried it up to the door. Jack stared at you hopeless for another moment before sighing and following after you. “Keys are in the front pocket.”
You pulled them out and handed them over. He unlocked the door, leaving it open for you to follow after. He gestured at the hooks just inside the door. “You can hang the bag there.”
You did and kicked off your shoes, nudging them to line up against the wall. “Robby didn’t exactly say what was wrong with you.” You paused, but Jack didn’t offer any clarification. No, that would be a monumentally stupid thing to do. You cleared your throat. “Are you hungry? I could make you something.”
“No, sweetheart, I’m fine.” The endearment slipped out without thought. He suddenly wondered when the first time was he had called you that. And when had that become the norm instead of your name? Christ. He wiped a hand down his face. “I’m fucking exhausted. I just want to go to bed.”
You nodded. “Sure. Let me get you that water at least.”
Jack just nodded and headed down the hall toward his bedroom to fish out something to change into after his shower. You stepped into the doorway just as he finished taking off his leg. He froze and swallowed. “Sorry. Forgot you’d be coming back here.”
You smiled and Jack had to glance away. “It’s your home, Jack, and I’ve seen you without the leg before. It’s not like you were nude. Here.” You sat the glass on the nightstand. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No. I’ve got it. Thank you.” You had seen him without the leg precisely once when it started rubbing wrong on a shift and you’d made him sit down and get an exam. You’d also bullied him into supervising from a wheelchair for the rest of the night when you saw his red, raw flesh by threatening to call Robby and tattle on him.
Your gaze ran over him, assessing. He could feel it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
His eyes found yours again but he said nothing.
“You just seem off.” Worry shone in your eyes and he forced himself to look away once more.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
After a moment, you stepped toward the door. “Call me if you need anything, okay? Anything at all.” When he only nodded, you added, “Promise?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat when he heard the gravel in his voice. “Promise.”
“Okay. Bye, Jack.” And with that, you left without waiting for a response.
Tension immediately flowed from Jack’s entire body. Jesus, Robby couldn’t have found literally anyone else to bring him home? He pushed thoughts of you from his head as he finished stripping. Using his crutches, he moved into the shower, ready to rinse the night off so he could get some sleep.
Not thinking of you lasted approximately two and a half minutes after he turned the water on. He’d turned the temp up on the water hoping it would help clear his lungs. His chest ached with each breath, a constant reminder of the flowers blooming in his lungs.
Flowers.
For you.
It was ridiculous. Yes, he enjoyed working with you. You were competent, smart, quick to smile and to make others laugh. You had a way with patients that made even the most difficult cases manageable. And so what if he’d noticed the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled, or that you tapped your fingers when you were thinking?
But that didn’t mean he was in love with you. Love was what he’d had with Mari. All consuming, life-altering, the kind that left you devastated and broken when it was no longer yours. What he felt for you was…appreciation. Admiration, perhaps. Friendship. That was it. He loved you like a very dear friend.
Except friends didn’t keep mental lists of your favorite foods, or notice when you changed your shampoo, or come in on their nights off because you were working. Friends didn’t feel their mood lift the moment you walked into a room or find themselves replaying conversations long after they’d ended.
Jack groaned, rinsing the last of the shampoo out of his hair. This was insane. He was a grown man, not some teenager with a crush. He’d been married, for fuck’s sake. He knew what love felt like.
Or he had once. Before Mari died, leaving him hollowed out and certain he would never feel that way again. He’d adjusted to his solitude. To the bed being too big and the house too quiet.
But lately…
He sucked in a shaky breath as he finally admitted to himself that he’d been pursuing you without even realizing it. No wonder Robby had looked at him like he was an idiot. He was.
“I’m fond of her,” he said aloud, testing the words. “That’s all it is. A fondness.” It couldn’t be love, because if it was that meant—
His chest contracted sharply, another cough building. This one came on faster than the others, stealing his breath before he could prepare. He curled forward, one hand pressed to his sternum as his lungs spasmed. The coughing fit seemed to last forever, each breath harder than the last, until finally, blessedly, it subsided.
When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes to see dozens of petals swirling toward the drain. Proof, if he’d needed it that Tanaka was right. That Robby was right.
He was in love with you. For far longer than he cared to admit.
Tears mixed with the water running down his cheeks as his shoulders shook in a silent sob. He’d fallen in love with you and hadn’t even realized because it was so subtle, so quiet, compared to what he’d had with his wife. He’d lost out on so much time with you because he was too afraid to examine his feelings. To admit to himself what everyone else had known all along.
But what difference did it make really? Because even if he loved you, what then? You’d never given any indication you felt the same. No lingering looks or soft touches. Nothing to suggest you saw him as anything more than a colleague.
And why would you? He was damaged goods. A widower with a missing leg and more baggage than most people would want to deal with. You were vibrant, fully engaged with life in a way he had long forgotten. You deserved someone whole, someone who could love you without reservation or complication. Someone who didn’t still wake reaching for a wife that would never be there again.
Jack closed his eyes and took another shaky breath as he turned off the water. As he dried off and headed for bed, he considered his options. He’d meet with Tanaka and schedule the surgery. But he should talk to you first. He knew he should. But he was so fucking scared.
He reached for his phone, thumb hovering over your name in his contacts. You’d told him to call if he needed anything, but what if he only needed you? He could hear your voice, ask you to come back. He could tell you everything and hope maybe you felt the same.
He moved to the call button, then stopped. He needed to sleep first. Needed to be fully about himself before he decided how to approach this. It took hours of tossing and turning before he finally found rest, but even that was fitful.
He glanced at the clock when he woke to find it nearing seven. At least he’d managed a few hours. You were working, so his grand confession would have to wait. Maybe he could meet you after shift and take you to breakfast.
He was so lost in his head when he opened the bedroom door that he almost disregarded the rich aroma filling the air and the soft sounds from his kitchen. He frowned and moved into the other room, calling a soft “Hello?” as he went.
As he stepped into the doorway, you glanced at him over your shoulder and he sucked in a breath. You were here. In his home. Making dinner.
“You stayed?” he asked, voice rougher than intended.
You shrugged and turned back to the stove. “You didn’t look okay. I wanted to be close, crashed on the couch. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
He swallowed down the words that rose in his throat. No. Never. Stay the night. Stay forever. “Don’t you have to work?”
“Bossman gave me the night off. Told me to take care of you if I was that worried. I wasn’t going to argue with him. Thought I’d make you some soup.” You didn’t look at him, but he could hear the concern in your tone, the worry that he would be upset with you for taking care of him.
He just watched you move in his space like you belonged there.
Finally, you glanced at him again and gave him a small smile when you found him watching. “Where’s your bowls?”
“I’ll get them,” he said, suddenly desperate to do something.
It was a simple task but before he could even open the cabinet, he was seized by another violent coughing fit. He bent over the sink, bracing against the edge for support. His chest burned and his vision blurred at the edge. He vaguely registered you saying his name and a hand landing on his back, warm even through the fabric of his shirt.
When the fit finally subsided, he was horrified to see the petals that littered the sink.
You went completely still beside him. “Jack, are those…”
“It’s not…” he started then trailed off. There was no explanation he could give you beside the truth.
“Oh,” you said softly, your fingers curling in as you removed your touch from his back. You took a step away. “Who is it?” You sounded resigned, maybe even a little hurt.
The question hung between you. Jack remained braced against the sink, unable to look at you. “When my wife died, I thought I would never love anyone again. That it would be impossible. So, when it happened, I didn’t even realize it. Or I suppose it’s more like I ignored it.” He risked a glance at your reflection in the window above the sink. “I guess my body didn’t like that. It’s making me face it.”
“That wasn’t my question, Jack.” Your voice was smaller than he’d ever heard it.
He turned to face you then, his hip leaning against the counter to take his weight. “Don’t you know, sweetheart? According to Robby, it’s obvious to everyone in the department that I’m crazy about you.”
Jack watched your face for your reaction. Anything. But your expression remained carefully blank aside from a slight widening of your eyes.
“Me?” you finally said, the word barely audible.
“Yeah.” Jack pushed off from the counter, using his crutches to move over to one of the chairs and dropping into it. He kept his gaze on anything but you. “But I don’t expect anything. You don’t owe me anything. I have options. I’ll be fine. I see the doctor again next week and I can get the surgery scheduled.”
“Jack Abbot, if you have that surgery, I will never forgive you.” Your sharp tone had his head immediately snapping over to follow you as you stepped toward him.
“What? Why?”
“Because it is completely unnecessary, you idiot. I have been in love with you for ages.”
Time seemed to stop. Jack stared at you, certain he’d misheard. “What?”
You came to a stop in front of him. “I’ve loved you for months, probably longer. I just didn’t think that you would ever…that you could ever…”
The rest of your sentence was lost as Jack pulled you forward into his arms, one hand coming up to cradle your face. His thumb traced your lips as your eyes searched his. He leaned in, giving you every chance to pull away.
You didn’t.
His lips found yours hesitantly at first, then with growing certainty as you responded. He laughed against your mouth as you turned and sat sideways in his lap. When he finally pulled back completely, the first thing he noticed was your wide smile and the joy in your eyes.
The second was, that for the first time in weeks—in six years, really—he could finally, simply, breathe.
synopsis: you have a horrible day and Jack just makes it worse.
warnings/notes: written to fulfill a request from @orphanbird95. was not intending to write this yet, but here we are. Flangst, my favorite. My language in this one is worse than usual. Sorry.
wc: 3.1k
It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
You could blame the heat you supposed. The fact you were working days for the week when you were used to nights. Or perhaps, it was just the simple fact you seemed to encounter every asshole in the city of Pittsburgh throughout the day.
You hadn’t even made it through chairs before someone grabbed your ass. One ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ later, and he’d been escorted out by security. Every patient you dealt with was short tempered, half of your co-workers as well. You thought some of the snappy words sent your way had been teasing, but you couldn’t be sure. You weren’t used to these people that lived in the daytime. They were weird. By the time noon came around, you wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Jack and forget about the rest of the world.
You were more than aware that part of the problem came from the fact you’d barely seen your boyfriend all week. You were used to working with him, spending your time outside of the hospital with him. For the last five days you’d only gotten to see him for a few minutes at work during shift change. You were never agreeing to cover days again no matter how much Dana and Robby both begged.
You headed to the hub to check on some lab results Langdon had asked you to keep an eye out for. You’d checked half an hour ago then got pulled into taking care of patients.
“Hey!” someone called out as you walked past a room. You stopped and stepped backward. “Finally,” the man in the bed said when you met his eye. “Get me some water.”
“I’ll have someone get right back to you, sir,” you said. He wasn’t your patient and you didn’t have time to look up if he was NPO or not.
“No, you get it, you fucking bitch!” he practically screamed.
Your brows rose as you just stared at him. “Okay.” You walked off, leaving him shouting behind you.
Dana stood a short distance away looking between you and the room you’d never entered. She stepped into the doorway. “Sir, you need to stop right now or I will have you escorted out of the hospital. Do you understand?”
“You can’t just fucking—”
“Hey,” she snapped, cutting him off. “Shut it. You’re NPO anyway. No water, no food.”
With that she left the room, her eyes searching for you. She knew you’d been having a horrible day and that you were missing Jack on top of it. She found you talking to Emma and smiled softly. The young nurse had taken a liking to you. Emma smiled at whatever you’d said and nodded before hurrying off. Dana headed toward you but before she could reach you, Langdon suddenly appeared, a scowl on his face. “I thought I told you to keep an eye out for the labs on Reynolds. This says they’ve been back for twenty minutes.”
You sighed and turned to face the resident. “I was just going to check. I do have other tasks to see to, Dr. Langdon.”
Frank stepped closer, trying to make himself look taller. “When I tell you to do something, you do it.”
Dana was ready to intervene but realized she didn’t need to. Not with you.
You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “Who do you think you are? I’m a nurse and a damn good one. I am not your lackey or your slave. You want something done? You ask. Nicely. If that’s all, I’ve got shit to do.”
Her gaze trailed you as you walked over to the hub. Jesse walked by and Dana reached out and grasped his wrist to halt his steps. “Langdon’s on the list.”
Jesse’s brows shot up in surprise. “How long?”
Dana shrugged. “Rest of the day at least. We’ll see if he learns his lesson.”
He turned to eye the doctor in question then followed Dana’s gaze to you. “What’d he do?”
“When I tell you to do something, you do it,” she said mimicking Frank.
Jesse blew out a breath. “God, he’s an idiot. I’ll spread the word. You gonna tell Robby?”
She hummed in agreement and nodded. “Abbot, too. Kid will be on triage for a week.”
Knowing things would be taken care of, Dana finally got the chance to make her way to you. She rubbed your shoulder. “How you doing, sweetheart?”
You glanced at her and leaned back in your chair. “This has been the absolute worst day, Dana.”
She smiled. “Yeah. It has. Why don’t you take a break and call Jack?”
You shook your head. “No. He hasn’t been sleeping well with us on opposite shifts.” You shrugged. “He manages just fine when we sleep at our own places so I don’t know what the problem is.”
“Uh huh. And before this week when was the last time you did that?”
The longer it took you to answer, the bigger Dana’s smile got.
“Oh, shut up,” you finally said before heading to check on a patient.
Robby appeared at the hub, grabbing a tablet. “I’m gonna be sorry to see her go back to nights, but I will be thrilled to not have to listen to Jack bitch about it anymore.”
Dana chuckled as she slipped on her glasses to look at something on the computer. “Oh, by the way,” she said casually. “Langdon’s on the list.”
Robby blinked several times. “Who did he piss off?”
She looked pointedly in the direction where you had just disappeared.
“He didn’t.”
Dana nodded.
Robby ran a hand down his face and sighed. “Jesus Christ, I didn’t think he was that stupid.”
Hours passed and with them came more bitchy patients and cranky coworkers. Frank was half losing his mind as none of the nurses would do anything for him that he was fully capable of doing himself. Patient care was never compromised, but if he wanted labs checked on or a sandwich fetched, all the nurses were suddenly otherwise occupied. It made you chuckle every time you saw it. Idiot.
When he’d tried to complain to Robby, he found himself redirected to triage to ‘consider his life choices’. He kept walking through the department to see if there were any cases he could jump on, which turned out to be fortunate for you.
“When am I going to get something else for my pain?” Leonard Smith grumbled from the bed. He was in for abdominal pain and waiting on test results.
You checked his chart then the time. “You’re not due for another dose quite yet. I’ll check with the doctor and see if there’s something else we can give you.”
He huffed and rolled his eyes. You frowned as his blood pressure displayed then you realized the cuff was out of place. You moved over to fix it so you could get an accurate reading. As soon as you’d finished, a hand wrapped around your wrist. His hold wasn’t tight. Not yet.
“Let go of me.”
“Get me some more pain meds. This fucking hurts.”
You tried to pull your hand from his grip but he only tightened it.
“Hul—” was all you managed to get out before he jerked you forward with all of his considerable strength and your side collided with the bed rail, forcing all the air from your lungs with a grunt.
Pain flared through you and before you could suck in a good breath, Frank ran into the room shouting, “Hula hoop in five” over his shoulder.
“Release her. Right now,” he demanded as he grabbed both of the man’s wrists, but the patient only seemed to hold onto you more tightly. People poured into the room as your eyes flooded with tears. You jerked your arm just as Langdon got Smith to let go and your elbow flew back and hit the asshole in the nose. His howl of pain cut through the air but you ignored it.
Hands found your arms and steered you from the room. It took a moment for you to realize Dana and Robby were talking to you as they led you into a different room. You sucked in a breath and willed yourself to focus, to calm down.
“You’re okay,” Robby said as he helped you sit on the edge of the bed. “Breathe for me, sweetheart.”
You followed the breathing pattern he was doing, shaky but better than you had been. Seeing you’d calmed somewhat, Robby looked at Dana. “Call Jack.”
“No,” you said instantly.
Both of them looked at you with lifted brows and wide eyes.
You shook your head. “He’s slept like shit all week, Robby. I’m not bleeding. No head injury. It can wait.”
Robby huffed as he pressed his lips together. “He would want to know about this.”
“And I’ll tell him. Later.”
Robby shook his head and you could tell he wanted to argue but thankfully he didn’t. “What exactly happened?”
You went through the story as quickly and precisely as you could. When you finished he looked first at your already bruising wrist then at your ribs. He pressed gently and you hissed as pain flared. “Get the portable x-ray in here for these ribs. Might as well do the wrist just to be sure,” he instructed.
“That’s not necessary, Robby. My wrist is fine and even if the ribs are broken, it’s minor. The treatment will be the same.”
He straightened and crossed his arms over his chest. “If they’re broken, you’re going to need more than the three days I’m already making you take.”
“Robby—”
“You can get the scans or I can call Jack. Your choice.”
You said nothing, just gave him a disgruntled expression which you supposed was answer enough. He left after telling Dana to let him know when the x-rays were done. Dana shook her head as she typed on the computer. “You’re as stubborn as that man of yours. You know he’s gonna be pissed you didn’t call.”
“I’ll handle it. I’m just ready for this day to be over.”
“Well, you’re in luck because once your workup is finished you’re going home,” Dana said turning to you.
“No, Dana,” you pleaded. “If Robby’s making me take three days off, I need the money. I’ll work on admin stuff or something. Please.”
She sighed. “Let’s see what the scans say first.”
Jack was in a mood when he arrived three hours early for his shift. He knew it, but there didn’t seem much he could do about it. He hadn’t seen you for more than a few minutes at a time all week and it was driving him insane. On top of that, he was only catching a couple hours of sleep at a time. He’d come in early just to get a chance to spend some time with you, even if you were working.
He didn’t even have the opportunity to find you before he was pulled into a trauma, passing his bag off to a nurse. His gaze kept finding the door as he worked to save a middle schooler that had been hit by a car. He was used to working with you, to the rhythm the two of you had when you worked together. As everything he tried failed, he couldn’t help but think maybe, just maybe, things would have been different if you were there with him.
They spent forty-five minutes working on the boy before they called it. Jack stripped his PPE and tossed it in the bin before walking out of the room. His ear immediately picked up the sound of your quiet laughter as you sat at a computer at the hub, Perlah leaning on the counter in front of you telling you something.
He’d been trying to save the life of a child and you’d been here just…what? Gossiping? Irritation slithered up Jack’s spine and as soon as Perlah stepped away, he strode straight to you. He ignored the way your eyes lit up when you saw him as he took in the granola bar in your hand and the juice box at your elbow. Were you fucking serious?
“Jack—”
He cut you off with a scowl. “I’m glad you have time to sit on your fucking ass and have a snack while patients are fucking dying. We could have used your help in there. I could have used your help in there, but don’t let me fucking interrupt.”
As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to take them back. When he saw the tears in your eyes and the tremble in your bottom lip, he wanted to fall at your feet and beg forgiveness. “Honey—”
“Don’t you honey her, you asshole. Fuck off, Abbot,” Dana snapped, resting a hand on your shoulder. When he hesitated, she pointed down the hallway. “You heard me. Go.”
He did as ordered, shoulders slumped and head bowed. God, he was a fucking idiot.
He waited for an hour before circling back to the hub, hoping he could find you or Dana would at least not bite his head off for looking for you. Robby arrived at the same time, glancing around before looking at Dana and asking where you were. Jack grabbed a tablet and pretended he wasn’t listening. “Did you finally get her to go home?”
At that, Jack’s head snapped up. “Why would she need to go home?”
Robby’s brow furrowed as he frowned. “She didn’t tell you?”
“Well, he didn’t exactly give her the chance, did you, Jack?” Dana said, turning to face him.
Robby looked between the two of them. “What did I miss?”
“Abbot here decided to yell at her for taking a break as soon as he saw her.” Dana’s voice was flat and distinctly unimpressed.
Robby ran a hand down his face. “Of all the days…”
“Okay, I fucked up. I get it. Now can someone please tell me what the hell is going on with my girlfriend?”
So, Dana filled him in on your day, starting with the asshole groping you in chairs, to the bitchy patients, to Frank, Robby adding in his two cents occasionally.
And Jack hated that you’d had such an awful day, more that he’d added to it, but it still didn’t answer his question. “That doesn’t explain why she went home.”
Robby and Dana exchanged a look before Robby sighed. “There was an incident with a patient. He grabbed her, pulled her into the bedrail.” Jack froze. “She sprained her wrist and bruised three, maybe four, ribs on her right side.”
“Why the fuck didn’t someone call me?” he asked, feeling nauseous as he pulled out his phone to text Shen.
Dana stared at him with an arched brow. “Because she begged us not to. Said you needed your sleep.”
Jesus, he was an asshole.
You laid on your side on your couch, stretched out due to your ribs when normally you’d curl into a ball. One of your softest blankets was wrapped around your shoulders as you cried. You wiped at your cheeks and sniffed into your tissue. You’d cry for a while then think you were finished, only to start up all over again. And the sobbing hurt your sore ribs. Which only made you cry more.
You didn’t hear your front door opening though it must have because the next thing you knew, Jack was kneeling on the floor in front of you. “Oh, baby.” His hand rested on your cheek and you jerked backward, biting back a wince.
Your hands hastily wiped at your cheeks as you pushed yourself upright. You cleared your throat but didn’t look at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“Shen’s covering for me.” He moved closer, only for you to press yourself into the corner of the couch. He stopped and sighed. “Baby, I am so sorry. I came to work early so I could see you. Instead, I got pulled into a trauma and the whole time I just kept thinking if you were there maybe we could save him. Then we lost him and I heard you laughing with Perlah and…I’m a dick”
“Why are you here, Jack?” You were so done with this day and didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to reassure your boyfriend that you didn’t hate him.
“Because I love you and I’m sorry. I went to find you to apologize and found out you’d gone home. Dana and Robby filled me in on everything that happened today.”
“Are you actually sorry or do you just feel guilty?”
He pushed himself up to sit on the couch beside you, leaving just enough space between you that he wasn’t touching you. “I am so fucking sorry. I was in a foul mood and took it out on you, the absolute last person I should be doing that to. Please forgive me?”
You could see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his tone. And frankly, you just wanted to cuddle with your boyfriend and forget this day ever happened. “How are you going to make it up to me?”
Tension visibly flowed from him as he scooted closer taking your hands in his. He kissed the back of each one before kissing the bruises ringing your wrist. “First, we’re going to get changed into more comfortable clothing and while we do that, I’m going to look at those ribs.”
“They’re fine, Jack. Robby cleared me,” you insisted.
“Yeah, well, Robby’s not me.” He leaned forward to kiss first one cheek, then the other before kissing your forehead and taking a deep breath. He pulled back to look at you again. “I’m going to check your ribs, then we’ll order food and curl up on the couch together while we watch whatever you want. Sound good?”
“That sounds kind of perfect actually.”
“I really am sorry, baby. It kills me that I made you cry.”
You cupped the side of his face with your hand, tracing your thumb across his skin. “It wasn’t just you. It was the whole day. All I wanted was you and then…” You sucked in a breath as a sob threatened. You did not want to cry anymore than you already had.
Jack shushed you and shifted the two of you so he could wrap an arm around you. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I won’t be an asshole anymore.”
You huffed a laugh. “I find that hard to believe.”
“If you weren’t hurt, I would pinch your side for that one. I won’t be an asshole anymore today. How’s that?”
“That I’ll believe.” You nuzzled into his side. “I love you, Jack.”
Hi! Do you still take requests for the Mikaelsons?💖
Absolutely! I would love some requests for any of them individually or poly. Just so you know i don't do well with super detailed requests and they may take me a bit to get to but I will.
Soft!Brendon Park doesn't want a one night stand - Finished
Summary
Brendon Park had waited a while before he had the courage to talk to you, and of course he didn't regret it especially as it had led to one of the best nights in his life.
But when he realises that you think that it was only a one night stand, he knows that he has to grovel to show you that it meant much more to him than just that.
Chapters:
Part 1: In which he grows some balls
Part 2: In which he asks you out
Part 3: In which you realise that Park the Shark is just Brendon
More info:
Light hearted story ; head cannons ; minimal smut ; soft!brendon
synopsis: you have a horrible day and Jack just makes it worse.
warnings/notes: written to fulfill a request from @orphanbird95. was not intending to write this yet, but here we are. Flangst, my favorite. My language in this one is worse than usual. Sorry.
wc: 3.1k
It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
You could blame the heat you supposed. The fact you were working days for the week when you were used to nights. Or perhaps, it was just the simple fact you seemed to encounter every asshole in the city of Pittsburgh throughout the day.
You hadn’t even made it through chairs before someone grabbed your ass. One ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ later, and he’d been escorted out by security. Every patient you dealt with was short tempered, half of your co-workers as well. You thought some of the snappy words sent your way had been teasing, but you couldn’t be sure. You weren’t used to these people that lived in the daytime. They were weird. By the time noon came around, you wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Jack and forget about the rest of the world.
You were more than aware that part of the problem came from the fact you’d barely seen your boyfriend all week. You were used to working with him, spending your time outside of the hospital with him. For the last five days you’d only gotten to see him for a few minutes at work during shift change. You were never agreeing to cover days again no matter how much Dana and Robby both begged.
You headed to the hub to check on some lab results Langdon had asked you to keep an eye out for. You’d checked half an hour ago then got pulled into taking care of patients.
“Hey!” someone called out as you walked past a room. You stopped and stepped backward. “Finally,” the man in the bed said when you met his eye. “Get me some water.”
“I’ll have someone get right back to you, sir,” you said. He wasn’t your patient and you didn’t have time to look up if he was NPO or not.
“No, you get it, you fucking bitch!” he practically screamed.
Your brows rose as you just stared at him. “Okay.” You walked off, leaving him shouting behind you.
Dana stood a short distance away looking between you and the room you’d never entered. She stepped into the doorway. “Sir, you need to stop right now or I will have you escorted out of the hospital. Do you understand?”
“You can’t just fucking—”
“Hey,” she snapped, cutting him off. “Shut it. You’re NPO anyway. No water, no food.”
With that she left the room, her eyes searching for you. She knew you’d been having a horrible day and that you were missing Jack on top of it. She found you talking to Emma and smiled softly. The young nurse had taken a liking to you. Emma smiled at whatever you’d said and nodded before hurrying off. Dana headed toward you but before she could reach you, Langdon suddenly appeared, a scowl on his face. “I thought I told you to keep an eye out for the labs on Reynolds. This says they’ve been back for twenty minutes.”
You sighed and turned to face the resident. “I was just going to check. I do have other tasks to see to, Dr. Langdon.”
Frank stepped closer, trying to make himself look taller. “When I tell you to do something, you do it.”
Dana was ready to intervene but realized she didn’t need to. Not with you.
You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “Who do you think you are? I’m a nurse and a damn good one. I am not your lackey or your slave. You want something done? You ask. Nicely. If that’s all, I’ve got shit to do.”
Her gaze trailed you as you walked over to the hub. Jesse walked by and Dana reached out and grasped his wrist to halt his steps. “Langdon’s on the list.”
Jesse’s brows shot up in surprise. “How long?”
Dana shrugged. “Rest of the day at least. We’ll see if he learns his lesson.”
He turned to eye the doctor in question then followed Dana’s gaze to you. “What’d he do?”
“When I tell you to do something, you do it,” she said mimicking Frank.
Jesse blew out a breath. “God, he’s an idiot. I’ll spread the word. You gonna tell Robby?”
She hummed in agreement and nodded. “Abbot, too. Kid will be on triage for a week.”
Knowing things would be taken care of, Dana finally got the chance to make her way to you. She rubbed your shoulder. “How you doing, sweetheart?”
You glanced at her and leaned back in your chair. “This has been the absolute worst day, Dana.”
She smiled. “Yeah. It has. Why don’t you take a break and call Jack?”
You shook your head. “No. He hasn’t been sleeping well with us on opposite shifts.” You shrugged. “He manages just fine when we sleep at our own places so I don’t know what the problem is.”
“Uh huh. And before this week when was the last time you did that?”
The longer it took you to answer, the bigger Dana’s smile got.
“Oh, shut up,” you finally said before heading to check on a patient.
Robby appeared at the hub, grabbing a tablet. “I’m gonna be sorry to see her go back to nights, but I will be thrilled to not have to listen to Jack bitch about it anymore.”
Dana chuckled as she slipped on her glasses to look at something on the computer. “Oh, by the way,” she said casually. “Langdon’s on the list.”
Robby blinked several times. “Who did he piss off?”
She looked pointedly in the direction where you had just disappeared.
“He didn’t.”
Dana nodded.
Robby ran a hand down his face and sighed. “Jesus Christ, I didn’t think he was that stupid.”
Hours passed and with them came more bitchy patients and cranky coworkers. Frank was half losing his mind as none of the nurses would do anything for him that he was fully capable of doing himself. Patient care was never compromised, but if he wanted labs checked on or a sandwich fetched, all the nurses were suddenly otherwise occupied. It made you chuckle every time you saw it. Idiot.
When he’d tried to complain to Robby, he found himself redirected to triage to ‘consider his life choices’. He kept walking through the department to see if there were any cases he could jump on, which turned out to be fortunate for you.
“When am I going to get something else for my pain?” Leonard Smith grumbled from the bed. He was in for abdominal pain and waiting on test results.
You checked his chart then the time. “You’re not due for another dose quite yet. I’ll check with the doctor and see if there’s something else we can give you.”
He huffed and rolled his eyes. You frowned as his blood pressure displayed then you realized the cuff was out of place. You moved over to fix it so you could get an accurate reading. As soon as you’d finished, a hand wrapped around your wrist. His hold wasn’t tight. Not yet.
“Let go of me.”
“Get me some more pain meds. This fucking hurts.”
You tried to pull your hand from his grip but he only tightened it.
“Hul—” was all you managed to get out before he jerked you forward with all of his considerable strength and your side collided with the bed rail, forcing all the air from your lungs with a grunt.
Pain flared through you and before you could suck in a good breath, Frank ran into the room shouting, “Hula hoop in five” over his shoulder.
“Release her. Right now,” he demanded as he grabbed both of the man’s wrists, but the patient only seemed to hold onto you more tightly. People poured into the room as your eyes flooded with tears. You jerked your arm just as Langdon got Smith to let go and your elbow flew back and hit the asshole in the nose. His howl of pain cut through the air but you ignored it.
Hands found your arms and steered you from the room. It took a moment for you to realize Dana and Robby were talking to you as they led you into a different room. You sucked in a breath and willed yourself to focus, to calm down.
“You’re okay,” Robby said as he helped you sit on the edge of the bed. “Breathe for me, sweetheart.”
You followed the breathing pattern he was doing, shaky but better than you had been. Seeing you’d calmed somewhat, Robby looked at Dana. “Call Jack.”
“No,” you said instantly.
Both of them looked at you with lifted brows and wide eyes.
You shook your head. “He’s slept like shit all week, Robby. I’m not bleeding. No head injury. It can wait.”
Robby huffed as he pressed his lips together. “He would want to know about this.”
“And I’ll tell him. Later.”
Robby shook his head and you could tell he wanted to argue but thankfully he didn’t. “What exactly happened?”
You went through the story as quickly and precisely as you could. When you finished he looked first at your already bruising wrist then at your ribs. He pressed gently and you hissed as pain flared. “Get the portable x-ray in here for these ribs. Might as well do the wrist just to be sure,” he instructed.
“That’s not necessary, Robby. My wrist is fine and even if the ribs are broken, it’s minor. The treatment will be the same.”
He straightened and crossed his arms over his chest. “If they’re broken, you’re going to need more than the three days I’m already making you take.”
“Robby—”
“You can get the scans or I can call Jack. Your choice.”
You said nothing, just gave him a disgruntled expression which you supposed was answer enough. He left after telling Dana to let him know when the x-rays were done. Dana shook her head as she typed on the computer. “You’re as stubborn as that man of yours. You know he’s gonna be pissed you didn’t call.”
“I’ll handle it. I’m just ready for this day to be over.”
“Well, you’re in luck because once your workup is finished you’re going home,” Dana said turning to you.
“No, Dana,” you pleaded. “If Robby’s making me take three days off, I need the money. I’ll work on admin stuff or something. Please.”
She sighed. “Let’s see what the scans say first.”
Jack was in a mood when he arrived three hours early for his shift. He knew it, but there didn’t seem much he could do about it. He hadn’t seen you for more than a few minutes at a time all week and it was driving him insane. On top of that, he was only catching a couple hours of sleep at a time. He’d come in early just to get a chance to spend some time with you, even if you were working.
He didn’t even have the opportunity to find you before he was pulled into a trauma, passing his bag off to a nurse. His gaze kept finding the door as he worked to save a middle schooler that had been hit by a car. He was used to working with you, to the rhythm the two of you had when you worked together. As everything he tried failed, he couldn’t help but think maybe, just maybe, things would have been different if you were there with him.
They spent forty-five minutes working on the boy before they called it. Jack stripped his PPE and tossed it in the bin before walking out of the room. His ear immediately picked up the sound of your quiet laughter as you sat at a computer at the hub, Perlah leaning on the counter in front of you telling you something.
He’d been trying to save the life of a child and you’d been here just…what? Gossiping? Irritation slithered up Jack’s spine and as soon as Perlah stepped away, he strode straight to you. He ignored the way your eyes lit up when you saw him as he took in the granola bar in your hand and the juice box at your elbow. Were you fucking serious?
“Jack—”
He cut you off with a scowl. “I’m glad you have time to sit on your fucking ass and have a snack while patients are fucking dying. We could have used your help in there. I could have used your help in there, but don’t let me fucking interrupt.”
As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to take them back. When he saw the tears in your eyes and the tremble in your bottom lip, he wanted to fall at your feet and beg forgiveness. “Honey—”
“Don’t you honey her, you asshole. Fuck off, Abbot,” Dana snapped, resting a hand on your shoulder. When he hesitated, she pointed down the hallway. “You heard me. Go.”
He did as ordered, shoulders slumped and head bowed. God, he was a fucking idiot.
He waited for an hour before circling back to the hub, hoping he could find you or Dana would at least not bite his head off for looking for you. Robby arrived at the same time, glancing around before looking at Dana and asking where you were. Jack grabbed a tablet and pretended he wasn’t listening. “Did you finally get her to go home?”
At that, Jack’s head snapped up. “Why would she need to go home?”
Robby’s brow furrowed as he frowned. “She didn’t tell you?”
“Well, he didn’t exactly give her the chance, did you, Jack?” Dana said, turning to face him.
Robby looked between the two of them. “What did I miss?”
“Abbot here decided to yell at her for taking a break as soon as he saw her.” Dana’s voice was flat and distinctly unimpressed.
Robby ran a hand down his face. “Of all the days…”
“Okay, I fucked up. I get it. Now can someone please tell me what the hell is going on with my girlfriend?”
So, Dana filled him in on your day, starting with the asshole groping you in chairs, to the bitchy patients, to Frank, Robby adding in his two cents occasionally.
And Jack hated that you’d had such an awful day, more that he’d added to it, but it still didn’t answer his question. “That doesn’t explain why she went home.”
Robby and Dana exchanged a look before Robby sighed. “There was an incident with a patient. He grabbed her, pulled her into the bedrail.” Jack froze. “She sprained her wrist and bruised three, maybe four, ribs on her right side.”
“Why the fuck didn’t someone call me?” he asked, feeling nauseous as he pulled out his phone to text Shen.
Dana stared at him with an arched brow. “Because she begged us not to. Said you needed your sleep.”
Jesus, he was an asshole.
You laid on your side on your couch, stretched out due to your ribs when normally you’d curl into a ball. One of your softest blankets was wrapped around your shoulders as you cried. You wiped at your cheeks and sniffed into your tissue. You’d cry for a while then think you were finished, only to start up all over again. And the sobbing hurt your sore ribs. Which only made you cry more.
You didn’t hear your front door opening though it must have because the next thing you knew, Jack was kneeling on the floor in front of you. “Oh, baby.” His hand rested on your cheek and you jerked backward, biting back a wince.
Your hands hastily wiped at your cheeks as you pushed yourself upright. You cleared your throat but didn’t look at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“Shen’s covering for me.” He moved closer, only for you to press yourself into the corner of the couch. He stopped and sighed. “Baby, I am so sorry. I came to work early so I could see you. Instead, I got pulled into a trauma and the whole time I just kept thinking if you were there maybe we could save him. Then we lost him and I heard you laughing with Perlah and…I’m a dick”
“Why are you here, Jack?” You were so done with this day and didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to reassure your boyfriend that you didn’t hate him.
“Because I love you and I’m sorry. I went to find you to apologize and found out you’d gone home. Dana and Robby filled me in on everything that happened today.”
“Are you actually sorry or do you just feel guilty?”
He pushed himself up to sit on the couch beside you, leaving just enough space between you that he wasn’t touching you. “I am so fucking sorry. I was in a foul mood and took it out on you, the absolute last person I should be doing that to. Please forgive me?”
You could see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his tone. And frankly, you just wanted to cuddle with your boyfriend and forget this day ever happened. “How are you going to make it up to me?”
Tension visibly flowed from him as he scooted closer taking your hands in his. He kissed the back of each one before kissing the bruises ringing your wrist. “First, we’re going to get changed into more comfortable clothing and while we do that, I’m going to look at those ribs.”
“They’re fine, Jack. Robby cleared me,” you insisted.
“Yeah, well, Robby’s not me.” He leaned forward to kiss first one cheek, then the other before kissing your forehead and taking a deep breath. He pulled back to look at you again. “I’m going to check your ribs, then we’ll order food and curl up on the couch together while we watch whatever you want. Sound good?”
“That sounds kind of perfect actually.”
“I really am sorry, baby. It kills me that I made you cry.”
You cupped the side of his face with your hand, tracing your thumb across his skin. “It wasn’t just you. It was the whole day. All I wanted was you and then…” You sucked in a breath as a sob threatened. You did not want to cry anymore than you already had.
Jack shushed you and shifted the two of you so he could wrap an arm around you. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. I won’t be an asshole anymore.”
You huffed a laugh. “I find that hard to believe.”
“If you weren’t hurt, I would pinch your side for that one. I won’t be an asshole anymore today. How’s that?”
“That I’ll believe.” You nuzzled into his side. “I love you, Jack.”
Plot: Y/n keeps receiving various flowers at headquarters from an unknown person. Each flower seems to hold some sort of confession.
Pairing: Harry Wilson x Gn!Reader
Prompts: 'Secret Admirer' + Receiving flowers with secret meanings + 'Receiving flowers but you don't know who they are from.' and 'Hand-written love letter (confession).' <notes instead of letter
Requested By: @youngcroissantturkeyworribler
Warnings: None~
Words: 1.5k
-
Hearing Sophie enter the room, you looked over, your interest piquing as you saw a large bouquet of flowers in her hands.
Hearing Parker let out a soft "ooh" you realized everyone's attention was now on her.
"Nice flowers who are they from?" You asked with a smile and curious tone.
She smiled "I have no idea, they're for you."
You sat up straight as she came and set the flowers in front of you. Your heart seemed to beat faster as you grew ever more curious.
The bouquet was comprised of red dahlias with green foliage littered throughout.
"Ooh, Y/n got flowers?" Breanna said with a mused and playful tone.
You looked around to see everyone's eyes, on you and you suddenly felt a bit nervous. Your eyes lingered on Harry for a moment, and a thought briefly fluttered through your mind before disappearing.
The smell of the flowers drifted to your nose and you smiled softly. Maybe a thank you for the last job? You became pretty friendly with the client.
Seeing a small card sticking out of the flowers, you pulled it out and opened it up. The note was short, and typed out.
'Red Dahlias: Love at First Sight.'
Your heart seemed to skip a beat as it felt heavy in your chest. What is this, a love confession? The last client didn't fall in love with you did they? Your neck and ears seemed to burn hot as you stared at the note. No name was left.
"So what does it say?" Sophie asked.
You looked over at he "Nothing, just-"
"A love confession!"
You jumped as Parker's voice sounded from right behind you, where she had read the note over your shoulder.
"Parker!"
She skipped around you and plopped down on a stool "Who do you think it's from?"
You shrugged lightly, speechless at the sudden turn of events.
"There's no name?" Sophie asked as she came over and plucked the note from your hand "Wow, how bold, and romantic." She mused.
"Well it is almost Valentines Day." Harry spoke up from the other side of the bar.
You met this eyes and he had his brow raised as he made the suggestion.
"I don't know." You said slowly "Maybe it's from the last client?"
"You two did seem to get along really well." Breanna noted "You gonna reach out and ask?"
You shook your head "No, I don't think so." Placing the note back in the flowers, you smelled them, your eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
Whether or not it was from the client, or someone else, the thought was kind. Though the message would linger on your mind all day.
Harry watched as you took the flowers to the kitchen, saying you were going to put them in some water. He forced his smile to stay hidden as his own heart pounded in his chest. At least you seemed to like them.
He hoped you would like the others as well.
--- ---
The next day as you sat at the bar once again, talking with Sophie about the most current con, you jumped slightly when Breanna burst into the rom.
"Guess who got more flowers?" She said in a sing-song voice.
Looking over you saw a bundle of yellow flowers wrapped in brown paper. Your heart jolted in your chest as she brought them over to you.
"More?" You said with a soft breath as you looked down at the fully bloomed branches of yellow jasmines.
Gently touching the flowers, you saw another note dangling from one of the branches. Grabbing the note, your heart was pounding heavily in your chest. Would the note say who they were from this time?
"Look's like someones got a secret admirer." Breanna said with a suggestive raise of her eyebrows.
"Or a stalker." Eliot added as he crossed his arms.
Harry sat up a bit straighter at this "No" he laughed awkwardly "Surely they're just...thank you's or- or something."
Sophie, Eliot and Breanna looked over at Harry with a curious stare. He raised his brows in an attempt to appear innocent before glancing over at you.
He could immediately tell you were too preoccupied with the note to have heard anything they said.
'Yellow Jasmine: Affection, Joy, Friendship.'
Still no name, and the meaning was not as abrupt, but the message still made your heart radiate warmth. Though there was a sense of concern lingering beneath it. It all depending on who they were from in the end.
Sophie moved her gaze from the suspiciously acting Harry, to you. "Any name this time?"
You tore your eyes away from the note and looked up at her, shaking your head.
She hummed before looking over at Harry who looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
Smiling softly she turned around "Well, as curious as this all is, that's enough of that for now, we've got a con to do."
Harry let out a relieved breath as everyone's attention turned away from him. His eyes fell on you as you gently an your fingers over the flowers.
He smiled softly as he watched you for a moment. Tomorrow, he would tell you. Tomorrow he would know for sure if his feelings are returned.
--- --- ---
Making your way into the building with an arm full of groceries, you immedietely noticed the lack of voices or noise coming from within the building. You looked around you, seeing no one. Frowning, you wondered where they all went.
As you looked through one of the bags, you took out the boxes of chocolates you got everyone lingering on the one you got for Harry. You wish you had the courage to tell him how you felt, but you didnt.
Looking over at the table your eyes landed on the jasmine flowers you put into a vase. You wish you had the confidence to do something like that.
Your mysterious secret admirer had yet to make a real move and part of you was relieved. You hated turning people down.
Looking back at the box of chocolates, you let out a soft sigh. If they were from Harry though...
As you heard the door open and close your eyes rose, to see Harry standing in the doorway. Partially hidden by the staircase.
"Hey Harry." You smiled.
"Hey." He greeted in response.
"Where'd everyone go?" You asked as you took some more groceries out of the bags.
"Uhm, out, I guess. They'll be gone for a while."
You frowned slightly, knowing that to be odd, as everyone should have been here by now. As you turned back to Harry, you saw a bouquet of red tulips in his hands. You paused in your step as your heart seemed to do a flip in your chest.
Harry looked down to the flowers and then back to you "Oh, yeah. These are for you."
"More flowers?" You asked softly with a mild tone of bewilderment.
Taking the flowers from him, you were aware his eyes were locked on you. Seeing yet another note, you gabbed it and opened it. Expecting to see another typed out note from an anonymous person.
But instead, the note was written in pen, in familiar hand writing.
'Red Tulips: Declaration of feelings; love.'
Your eyes slowly rose to meet Harry's and he was clearly nervous, as his brow raised slightly.
"This is your handwriting Harry." You said softly, your tone conveying your surprise and confusion.
He nodded slightly, as a ghost of a smile played on his face "Yes it is."
"The other flowers were...from you?"
He nodded again as he placed his hands behind his back "They were."
Your face was frozen in surprise for a moment and you saw Harry's trepidation. But slowly a smile stretched across your face.
You shrugged your shoulder lightly. "All I got you was some chocolates."
"I like chocolates." He said with a soft chuckle.
Your smile grew as you looked at the tulips. "They're beautiful Harry. They all are. But...why this way?"
He smiled and shrugged his head, knowing you were asking why he would confess how he felt like this.
"I was feeling...brave, and slightly romantic given the fact that Valentines Day is right around the corner, so, you know, I went with it."
"Well it's definitely the most creative confession I've received."
"You get a lot?" He asked playfully and you chuckled. He cleared his throat before he spoke again "So, you've received the confession, and now, you return the sentiment, I hope?" He asked softly.
Turning away, you grabbed the box of chocolates from the table before scribbling on it with a nearby pen.
Walking back over to Harry, you handed it to him.
Harry read it with a soft chuckle.
'Chocolates: For returned feelings'
Looking back up to meet your eyes you smiled at each other softly for a moment before he motioned his head towards the exit.
"Wanna go get some dinner?"
You smiled and nodded your head "I'd love to"
xx End xx
General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @imaginesfire, @onuen, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry
Leverage Taglist: @groovy-lady, @aaannabbanana, @peoniarose, @fablesrose, @spuffyfan394, @malindacath, @winnifredburkleismyhero, @that-marvel-simp, @gatefleet,
@bthtallmadge2 < I wasn't sure if you just wanted to be tagged in just Eliot stuff or all of Leverage content, let me know! :)
Plot: Harry, out of panic, encourages you to go on a date with someone else, much to his own dismay. But before you go, he hopes he can find the courage to tell you not to.
Pairing: Harry Wilson x Gn!Reader
Prompts: "Don't go on that date." "Why?" "You know why." "Say it." <changed slightly + "You're an idiot you know that?" "I am entirely aware, yes."
Requested By: @spuffyfan394; thank you for feeding my Harry crush lol
Warnings: Nothing!
Words: 1.4k
-
Hearing your phone buzz again for the third time, you let out a soft breath. Reaching over, you flipped your phone, reading the series of texts.
'Hey, it was great seeing you again, we should hang out soon!'
'Hey Y/n I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight? I've got a great spot I think you'd enjoy.'
'Let me know! I'd love to see you again.'
You felt the other's eyes on you, but you ignored them as you set your phone back down, before looking up at the screen. You needed to focus on the con, not a date.
"Was that Danny?"
You felt your body freeze for a second as Sophie spoke. Looking over, you saw a small smirk on her face, and from beside her, the others with obvious piqued interest.
"Danny?" Breanna asked with a musing tone.
"An old friend, recently moved back here, we caught up a few days ago." You said simply, hoping to satiate their curiosity.
Sophie hummed "He seems keen to see you again it seems."
Your eyes briefly shot over to Harry, who's face showed he was interested in what was occurring.
Forcing yourself to look back at Sophie, you nodded "Yeah. He, uh, asked me out, but we've got the con-"
"The con should be over and done with this afternoon, you should definitely go!" Sophie said with a slightly raised voice
"Oh, uh."
"Yeah, go get your date on!" Breanna said with an exaggerated movement of her head.
You looked over at Eliot who seemed unconcerned, and then Parker and Hardison, who just stared at you, as if waiting for your response. Your eyes moved to Harry who's face remained almost blank.
He nodded his head softly "Yeah, uh, I agree with Sophie and Breanna, you should go."
You felt your chest tighten a bit as disappointment washed over you. "You...all, think I should go?"
'All'
Harry, Harry thinks you should go. Then again, why wouldn't he. Why would he care who you dated, even if you wanted him to care.
Sophie and Breanna nodded their heads fervently. As Parker and Hardison glanced between each other, something you failed to notice.
Harry stared at you with growing anxiety, as he berated himself in his mind for encouraing you to go.
You let out a soft laugh as Sophie and Breanna stared at you intently. "Okay okay, I'll go. If the con is done by then. Just stop staring at me already."
Sophie smiled brightly "Great, well then. Lets not waste any time."
As Sophie rose from her seat, you moved to go get prepared, following Eliot out of the room. Grabbing your phone, you re-read Danny's messages back before replying, almost reluctantly.
'Yeah I'd love to. I got work to do, but it should be finished in time, I'll let you know.'
Harry watched you walk off, and his heart sank in his chest. Suddenly feeling a hard smack against his shoulder he let out a soft yelp, as Hardison sat beside him.
"What was that for?" Harry asked in confusion.
"What the hell was that dude?
"What was wha- ow!"
Parker smacked him in the other arm as she sat beside him. "What was what? That, was you telling Y/n they should go on that date!"
"Well-" Harry stumbled a bit "Why shouldn't they?"
Parker and Hardison rolled their eyes in unison.
"Dude, it's obvious you got a thing for Y/n. So what you don't go and do, is tell the person you are into, to go on a date with someone else!" Hardison's voice grew in volume and frustration as he spoke.
"Okay, okay!" Harry said, with his voice hushed. "What was I supposed to do? Y/n doesn't know how I feel."
"That's why you have to tell them" Parker started "Before they go on a date, fall madly in love, causing Y/n to leave their life of crime behind, abandoning us all and moving to a quaint countryside and opening up a cafe where they sell coffee to old people!"
Hardison and Harry stared at Parker for a moment before Harry shook his head with a sigh "Well when you put it that way."
Hardison lightly smacked his arm again "Dude, I see how you feel about Y/n. I get it. You think you aren't worthy enough for them, you think they wont see anything in you. But dude, Y/n already does."
"You think so?"
"We know so." Parker said softly. "Y/n looked at you when they weren't sure what to do with Darren."
"Danny"
"Whatever. They were hoping you'd tell them not to go. But you didn't."
Hardison nudged him "And you have too. Otherwise you might lose your chance all together."
Harry looked out the door you had gone through, as he took a deep breath. They were right. It would kill him to see you with someone else. And it would be his fault.
--- --- ---
Seeing Sophie and Eliot leave, lost in conversation, you let out a soft sigh as you looked around. It seemed like everyone had left.
Grabbing your bag, you looked at your phone. You had yet to tell Danny you could meet up with him. The con was done, you were free. All you had to do was tell him you could see him.
'Hey, I'm done with work, still want to get that dinner?'
You looked at your unsent message, your finger hovering over the send button.
Hearing a suddenly bang as someone rushed through the door behind you, you spun around in surprise.
Seeing Harry with a look of urgency on his face, you set your phone down.
Harry felt a sense of relief wash over him "Oh, uh, you're still here!"
"Yeah.." You let out a soft laugh "Is everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, just...thought I-" As Harry's eyes cast over the table, he stepped forward "lost my phone, but there it is" He pointed at it with a smile.
"Oh" You smiled, amused at his distress.
Your heat fluttered a bit in your chest as he looked back over at you with a smile. You noted how it faltered before he spoke again, his eyes trailing you up and down pausing on your bag briefly.
"Uh, you heading out? I mean, going on a date with Danny still?"
You looked down at your phone and smiled, though it did not meet your eyes. "Yeah, I was just getting ready to text him."
Harry nodded, but remained silent, he wracked his brain for something to say, anything, as you stared at him, almost expectantly.
As Harry said nothing, you felt a familiar pang of disappointment in your chest. You smiled at him. "I should go."
Turning to leave, you grabbed your phone. Harry felt a sudden jolt of panic course through him.
"Wait!" He suddenly yelled out, catching both of you by surprise.
You turned back around, eyes wide with surprise "What?"
Harry let out a soft sigh "Don't go on that date."
Your heart leapt in your chest as you turned back totwards him. You swallowed "Why?"
Harry let out a soft laugh as he shook his head. "Come on, you gotta know why."
You could hear your heavy heartbeat in your head as you softly shook your head. "Say it." You were almost pleading.
Harry let out a sigh as he walked closer to you. "Because I don't want to see you with someone else."
"Someone else?" You asked softly
"Someone who's not me." He shrugged lightly "I want you to be with me. And I almost ruined that by saying you should go on that date with Danny. But I don't want you to. So don't. Please."
You refrained from smiling as you took a step closer to him "So you waited 'til the very last second to stop me?"
Harry looked around before nodding awkwardly.
You let out a soft laugh "You're an idiot you know that?"
His smile grew as he nodded "I am entirely aware, yes." He took a small step closer, nearly closing the distance between the two of you. "Was my stupidity entirely in vain?"
You eyed him for a moment before you smiled softly and shook your head "No, Harry, it was not."
His smile turned into a grin as he moved ever so closer, before gently taking your hand in his, and caressing the back of it with his thumb.
Looking from your hand, back to your eyes, he smiled softly, almost shyly "Then would you like to go get dinner with me?"
You nodded with a smile "I'd love too."
xx End xx
Since no one else is writing any Harry x reader fics, I decided I would try my hand at it. Hope you like it!
General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @imaginesfire, @onuen, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry
Walking through the library, I looked up and down the aisles. Biting my lip, I sighed as I paused and leaned against one of the stacks.
“Flynn!” I called out. The sound of a sword fight caught my ears and I turned towards where I heard it coming from. “Flynn!” I smiled as I watched him fighting with Excalibur. He turned towards me and smiled back.
“(Y/N)!” He called as he parried cal. “Give me…one second.” He grunted as he tried to disarm the floating sword.
“Jenkins know you still do this?” I asked as Excalibur floated away. Flynn pulled the tie off his head and started to put it back on as he walked over to me. Putting his hands on my hips, he leaned in to kiss me. I cupped his cheeks and hummed happily.
“no. And I don’t want him to know.” Flynn said with a smile as he pulled away. “Something about using ancient artifacts for the wrong things and tempting fate playing with cal.” He shrugged as he wrapped his arms around me tighter. I smiled at him and laid my head on his shoulder.
“I see. Your secret is safe with me.” I laughed as I leaned up kiss his cheek. Flynn blushed slightly before wrapping his arm around me and starting to walk through the library again. He swung his sword at his side as we walked. “Can you teach me?” I asked suddenly. Flynn looked over at me confused.
“teach you what?” He asked. I smiled at him.
“how to sword fight.” I said. Flynn made a small noise and nodded.
“yeah. I can do that.” He paused and looked around for another sword. “Here. You can use this one.” Turning around he found the umbrella stand of swords that Jenkins kept around for some reason.
“ok.” I took the sword and took up the fighting stance I’ve seen Flynn use time and time again. Putting the tie back around his head, Flynn walked around me and gently tapped my feet to readjust me.
“you’ve done well already from just watching me.” Flynn acknowledged. “You know how to move?” I looked over my shoulder at him and nodded.
“think so.” I said with a smile. Flynn took a step back and I copied the movements I’d seen him make. Flynn regarded me with a smile. With a hand on my back, he leaned over my shoulder to kiss my cheek.
“not bad.” He said as he lined up in front of me. “The rest is just reflex and instinct.” Flynn crossed his sword with mine. “Ready?” I nodded. “I’ll go slow.” I nodded again and Flynn swung his sword. I blocked and moved forward with my own hit. I smiled at Flynn as I realized how easy it was coming to me.
“this isn’t bad.” I said with a smile as we crossed swords again at one point. Flynn smirked at me.
“you remember something I said a while ago? That I would do anything for the librarians?” I nodded and Flynn got a mischievous glint in his eye. “That includes teaching them to protect themselves. In all cases.” Flynn stepped up and started to move faster, his strikes more harsh and less predictable.
“oh shit.” I mumbled as I tried to move as quickly as he was. I stumbled a few times, making Flynn pause. I always waved him off before starting to match him. Flynn crossed swords and leaned into it. Smiling at me, he leaned between the swords to kiss me.
“you’re doing wonderfully for your first lesson.” He whispered against my lips before pulling back and starting the dance again. I paused when the tip of Flynn’s sword appeared under my chin. “And that’s match point.” He said, pulling it away. I sighed and sagged slightly against him.
“that’s more work than I thought I was.” I breathed as Flynn kissed my forehead. Flynn took the sword from me and put both of them away. Wrapping his arm around me, he steered us towards the annex.
“yeah. But it’s eventually worth it. Some of the people we interact with…” Flynn trailed off, looking around at some of the artifacts he brought back. “They are infinitely better with a sword than I am. It’s not something anyone every would have prepared us for out there. Only in the library are there threats like that.” I nodded against him as I wrapped my arm around him.
“lucky for me I have you.” I smiled at him. Flynn nodded with a smile back. “Thank you for teaching me.” He leaned over to kiss me.
Warnings: Boyfriend’s Dad, Cheating, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mild Intoxication, Age Gap, Unprotected Sex, Oral Receiving, Choking, Porn without Plot
Reader is mid to late 20’s, no use of Y/N
Summary: After months of tension between you and your boyfriend’s annoyingly hot father, Charlie Reid, things finally come to a turning point at your boyfriend’s birthday party.
Had to hop in on the Shawn Hatosy DBF! hype train, but with a twist ✨
Word Count: 6,047k
You pulled down the sunglasses from your hair when you looked around the backyard, your eyes landing on your boyfriend, Shane, in the middle of a conversation with his buddies, beer can in his left hand and an easy smile on his face. You let out a soft sigh and pulled down your jean shorts when they started riding up your thighs, looking around for anyone else free to entertain you. Your parents were too busy in conversation with Shane’s uncles and aunts who came over for his 28th birthday, same as the rest for his family, except for his dad, who owned the house his birthday was held at. Shane had to move back in with him after losing his job 3 months ago, so you had been coming over every other week to visit him here. His dad was not around much, long shifts at the police station rendering him tired as soon as he got home, exchanging quick greetings and goodnights before disappearing into his bedroom upstairs.
You decided to walk back inside to grab a new beer before coming back out and dropping down on one of the lounge chairs at the large pool, letting the dripping cold bottle rest on your thigh to give you some relief from the summer heat, the sun shining brightly above everyone’s heads. You looked up to where your parents and Shane’s uncles stood, surging towards a single spot which made you peek over your sunglasses to see what was going on. But there was only one man in Shane’s social circle who would attain such attention, your eyes falling on Deputy Chief Charlie Reid, his father. He exchanged quick greetings with the people surrounding him, thanking your father who handed him a cold beer. If you didn’t know who he was you’d expect him to be the president of the United States, with everyone kissing his ass. His eyes shifted to you on the lounge chair by yourself, raising an eyebrow before giving you a short wave, you returning it before your eyes followed him walking over to his son to congratulate him. Shane jumped up happily to return the tight hug Charlie had pulled him into, drifting into a conversation before nodding his head towards you with a questioning look on his face.
This made Shane glance back at you for a moment before waving his hand dismissively, Charlie shrugging at him before giving you one last look, Shane pulling him along to introduce him to his new friends he’d met during his ongoing job hunt. You puffed out a breath before gulping down the beer in your hand and setting it down on the table next to you when it was empty, leaning back in the lounge chair as you closed your eyes. “Long time no see, sweetheart” Charlie’s gravelly voice sounded after a while, glad your sunglasses hid your shocked eyes as you quickly pushed off on the arm rests of the chair to stand up. “Too long, nice to see you again Mr. Reid, and congrats with Shane’s birthday” You smiled, Charlie taking a step closer to you to place one of his large hands on your upper arm, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your cheekbone, lingering for a moment before returning to his full height. You bit down on your lip when you got too short of a whiff of his familiar scent, a mixture of his warm cologne, leather and the faintest hint of sweat after his shift at the station. “You too, although our birthday boy seems busier with his dumb friends than with you. And what did I tell you to call me?” Charlie replied, pushing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, tilting his chin up slightly as he looked down at the much younger woman stood in front of him. You glanced down at his brown button up shirt that had the top few buttons undone, showing just the meanest glimpse of his broad chest hidden below, sleeves rolled up to his elbows as his deputy badge was still hanging from his belt. “Sorry, force of habit, Charlie. And I don’t know any better, it’s his birthday after all, he’s not here to entertain me” You replied, shifting back and forth on your feet at your proximity, Charlie’s eyes not moving from yours, not even for a split second.
“Shame he still doesn’t have his priorities straight, maybe it’ll come at a later age’ Charlie teased, the corner of his mouth pulling up in the tiniest hint of a grin, wrinkles forming around his eyes when he finally got the desired breath of a laugh from you. “There’s lots of people waiting for you to entertain them though, so don’t let me keep you, Chief” You told him, Charlie raising an eyebrow before turning on his heel to look behind him, several eyes already staring back at him waiting. “Jesus.. Well, you and I have plenty more catching up to do, so talk to you later” Charlie replied, giving you a wink and heading back to the people wanting to speak to him. You quickly turned away to hide your flushed cheeks, wanting to head to the bathroom to calm yourself down but exactly now Shane decided to involve you in his shenanigans. “Hey you ok? you’re bright red, get out of the sun and join us for a while” Shane spoke, blissfully unaware of the actual cause of your redness so you took advantage of it, nodding your head as you let him drag you along to his friends. You gained a few glances up and down from his friend group that now only existed out of guys his age, having dropped his previous friend group that was a mix of all sorts of people when he lost his job.
“Hey! Nice of you to finally join us” Bryce spoke, raising your eyebrows at the use of a nickname by a guy you had only met twice before, same as the others. Shane spent most of his weekends with them but after having joined him the two times previous you decided it was better for Shane to go by himself, saying they were not your type of people, which was a huge understatement. It only took a minute of shallow questions about your life and work for the conversation to drift off to crypto and sex again, you puffing out a sigh as you turned your head to look at Charlie, who looked just as unamused with his conversation as you were with yours. You took the opportunity to stare at him through your sunglasses shamelessly, first looking at his dark grey curls that were just slightly damp from the summer heat, the hair at his temples lighter than the rest. The patch of skin from his chest that was exposed under his slightly unbuttoned shirt, and his underarms revealed from under his rolled up sleeves were glistening with a layer of sweat, his outfit not really suited for the high temperatures today. The bright sun highlighted the freckles covering his arms and hands, muscles flexing every time he lifted his beer to take a sip, nodding every few seconds when someone said something to him. You cleared your throat when his gaze shifted towards you, catching you staring red handed before your parents followed his gaze, waving innocently at their daughter as Charlie gave you a knowing smile.
“Hello? Planet earth to bunny?” Shane’s voice suddenly broke through the tension in the air, You rolling your eyes at his stupid nickname for you. “Sorry, what?” You questioned, taking off your sunglasses to meet his searching hazel eyes, the same color as his father, but that was also where the similarities between them ended. “Which of those three companies would you invest in?” Shane asked you, shaking your head before raising your shoulders with a sigh. “I don’t know Shane, and I don’t really care, as you’re well aware. I gotta pee” You spoke, patting Shane’s bare knee before standing up, Shane telling his friends off when a few of them stared at you walking away. You quickly made your way into the house, walking over to the bathroom and quickly locking the door behind you, feeling a damp heat between your thighs just from your staring contest with Charlie. You cursed softly to yourself before turning on the tap, cupping your hands under it before moving the cold water up to your face, rubbing your cold wet hands over the back of your neck with a relieved sigh.
You were suddenly very aware of how short your jean shorts were, and how your white cropped tank top showed your black bikini underneath, your outfit leaving very little for the imagination. You put your hair up in a bun to at least give you some relief from the heat of the sun and Charlie’s gaze, turning the tap back off before unlocking the bathroom door to walk out. You let out a gasp when you almost walked right into Charlie’s chest, waiting right outside the bathroom door and barely reacting when you almost ran into him, hand still rested against the doorframe when he looked down at you. “Jeez, sorry, didn’t expect you here” You muttered, a bashful look on your face when you looked up at him, cheeks even a brighter shade of red than before. “You would make an awful undercover cop, y’know? You’d be spotted within a few seconds” Charlie spoke with that awfully attractive confident grin of his, lines forming next to his lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You laughed, opting to be the one to take a step back from him to create a little space between you when he stayed frozen in place. “Caught you staring at me, sweetheart. A couple of times already” Charlie told you, lowering his hand from the doorframe to fold his arms over his chest, tilting his head slightly to the side when you let out a surprised laugh at his words.
“I wasn’t- I- I uhm..” You mumbled as your gaze dropped to the floor, a mean chuckle escaping Charlie when you saw his boots enter your view, taking a few steps to close the distance you had just created between you seconds before. “Don’t even try to lie to me, it’s my job to see right through those, remember?” Charlie teased, you letting out a deep breath before finally bringing up the courage to meet his eyes again, quickly realizing your mistake when you noticed how close he had gotten to you. “What do you want me to say?” You questioned, Charlie’s eyes shifting over your features, his jaw clenching as he took you in fully. “The truth. You looked at me like you were about to have me for dinner, honey. So you liked what you were seeing, hm?” Charlie replied, another grin on his face when he saw your reaction to his statement. “Of course I did. Come on Mr. Reid- Charlie, you don’t need someone like me to stroke your ego even further, I bet you get those looks from women all the time” You told him, gaining you a raised eyebrow and a huffed out breath of a laugh. “I don’t, quite frankly I can’t remember the last time someone looked at me the way you were just now” Charlie responded, taking his bottom lip between his teeth for a split second, seemingly contemplating something before stepping aside to let you finally pass him.
Instead of doing so immediately, you leaned just a tad bit closer to him, glad to see you managed to catch him off guard for the first time, Charlie inhaling sharply as you tilted your head up towards his. “I can see right through your lies too” You smiled before moving back down and making your way back outside, Charlie gripping the doorframe again as he let out a low groan, feeling his cock strain underneath his jeans, waiting for a moment to calm himself down before heading back out too. The rest of the evening you managed to avoid Charlie to your best abilities, wishing Shane’s family and your own parents goodnight when they left, you had promised Shane you’d spend the night, something you deeply regretted by now. Charlie had already started cleaning up when Shane begged you to join him and his friends in the pool for a nighttime dip, you doubting for a second before agreeing, pulling off your shorts and tank top to reveal your black string tied bikini, Shane lifting you up to jump into the pool with you in his arms. You let out a yelp at how cold the water had gotten, the moment quickly ruined when Shane’s buddies jumped in too. Shane let go of you, his cheeks flushed from how much alcohol he had consumed by now, to join the water fight his friends had started, as you quickly moved to the side of the pool to avoid the splashes.
“Need a hand?” Charlie’s voice sounded from above you, glancing up at his outreached hands, biting down on your cheeks before grabbing onto them. He lifted you out of the cold water with ease, your wet body brushing against his, leaving behind a dark spot on his button up shirt. Charlie glanced down at your revealing bikini, eyes moving to your clothes in a pile on the floor next to his feet. “Oh, oops” He dryly spoke, kicking his booted foot forward so your clothes landed in the pool, sinking to the bottom. “Thanks, I didn’t pack anything else” You sighed as you looked behind you to see your clothes disappear from view, pressing a hand up against Charlie’s chest to give you enough space to move away from the pool edge, a low chuckle escaping him. “You’re in a bikini, nothing to hide” Charlie spoke from behind you, shaking your head before helping him clean, Shane walking over to you when you two were almost finished. “Me and the boys are going clubbing, you can just use my bed, keep it warm for me yeah?” He nonchalantly told you, pressing a wet kiss on your cheek as you smelled the alcohol on his breath, Shane not even giving you the time to respond before walking out with his buddies. “Fucking fantastic..” You breathed, glancing down at your bikini clad body before looking at Charlie who had an exasperated look on his face at what just transpired, suddenly very aware of your lack of clothing and that you were alone now.
“I’ll see if I can still fix an Uber to drive me home at this hour, sorry” You mumbled, wanting to walk inside to grab your phone but Charlie clicking his tongue stopped you in your tracks. “Nonsense, you were planning to spend the night here right? It’s not like you’re only allowed to be here when Shane is, stay” Charlie told you, sounding more like an order than a suggestion, your shoulders dropping before taking him up on the offer. “Alright, I’ll help you with the dishes and then I’ll head to bed” You spoke, a satisfied hum leaving Charlie before following you inside, eyes glued to your backside when he walked a few steps behind you. When he saw the goosebumps on your back he quickly went upstairs to his own bedroom, hearing his boots thump down the stairs before reappearing in the kitchen, one of his black t-shirts in his hands. “Come here” Charlie spoke, drying off your hands as you were already halfway done with the dishes, walking over to stand in front of him. Charlie allowed himself one more glance at your bikini clad curves before telling you to raise your arms, easily pulling the too large shirt over your shorter frame, feeling his breaths growing heavier at the sight of you in his clothes. “Can you help me dry the dishes off? We’ll be finished in no time” You spoke, quickly turning back towards the sink as Charlie exhaled deeply, grabbing a towel to do as you asked. “Shane’s been treatin’ you right? I barely see you around anymore” Charlie asked, taking whatever wet dish you handed him to dry it off like clockwork. “He’s too busy with job hunting lately, so we barely have time to see each other, and the weekends are spent with his new buddies who work on weekdays” You replied, seeing Charlie stare at you from the corner of your eyes. “Ah so that’s what he calls getting drunk, good to know” Charlie replied, your head snapping to the side to give him a confused look at his words.
“What do you mean?” You asked, hands halted in the water, Charlie letting out a laugh. “He isn’t putting any effort into finding a job, that’s what he tells me too, but he seems to have forgotten his old man owns every fucking cop around here, so it takes me less than an hour to find out where he is at all times” Charlie explained, and now it was your turn to laugh. “That absolute piece of trash of a man, goddammit” You groaned, resuming with the dishes as you shook your head. And just like you predicted a few minutes later the dishes were done, you wanting to put the glasses back in the cabinet but Charlie was blocking your way, giving him a questioning look. Instead of stepping aside to give you space he simply raised a hand to open the cabinet door, giving you just enough space to put the glasses away. You shimmied in front of him which made your ass brush against the front of his jeans, making him puff out a breath as you reached up to place the glasses on the shelf. Charlie’s eyes moved down to his t-shirt on your body that rode up your thighs when you reached up, revealing the curve of your ass just below, your bikini bottoms not hiding much either.
Charlie took a step forward to press his hips against your ass, trapping you between his body and the kitchen counter, your hands moving up to grip the edge as a surprised gasp escaped your lips. “Charlie, what are you-“ You tried to say but when he rolled his hips against your ass you felt how hard he was, even through the layers of clothes separating you, feeling his cold belt buckle against your back. “My insolent brat of a son doesn’t fucking deserve such a pretty little thing as you” Charlie rasped against your hair, lifting his hand to pull it free from the bun you put it into, running his fingers through your locks before grabbing a fistful, pulling your head back against his shoulder. “Do you feel what you’re doing to me? Happens every fuckin’ time you’re around, since the first time he introduced you to me” Charlie lowly spoke, dipping his head down to graze his lips over your cheek, inhaling you deeply before you pressed back against him. “We shouldn’t be doing this” You softly moaned, Charlie letting go of your hair to grip your hips tightly, holding you in place as he bucked his hips into you again, a moan escaping both of you. “I think we should, been a long time coming, no? Shane doesn’t have to know how your body’s been begging for my cock” Charlie replied, your smaller hands coming to rest on top of his, the mixture of his own scent on his shirt that you were wearing, combined with your own sweet smell making him dizzy. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you” He growled against your ear, releasing his grip on you slightly when he felt you wanted to turn around to face him, letting you do so before pressing into you again.
Charlie glanced down to your throat to see you swallow thickly, lips parted but still no words coming out, making him lean down until his hot breath ghosted over your neck. You dipped your head back to give him more space, his lips grazing over your throat before pressing them against you, teeth nipping at your soft skin. “Let me make you feel good, I can fuck you so much better than my imbecile of a son can” Charlie muttered against your neck, a moan escaping your lips as one of your hands moved up to bury in his silver locks, tugging on the strands when he dragged his tongue over your skin. “Please, fuck yes, I want you to” You finally managed to bring out, the alcohol in your system making any semblance of a barrier disappear completely, a low growl escaping Charlie before lifting his head from your neck until your faces were leveled. He grabbed onto your waist before easily lifting you up on the counter, pulling your knees apart to move himself in between. His fingers sunk into your plush thighs to pull you towards the edge, wrapping your legs around his waist and locking your ankles behind his back, both your lips parted as heavy breaths left you.
Charlie finally moved in to kiss you, a messy open mouthed kiss with his tongue slipping inside, moaning into his mouth as you grabbed onto his strong shoulders. A deep growl escaped him when his hands slid up your thighs before reaching your ass, wrapping an arm around you to lift you up slightly from the marble counter. His free hand moved to the strings holding your bikini bottoms together, slowly pulling the knots free, your arms wrapping around his neck, tongue now in his mouth as you mewled against him. “Should’ve just fucking taken you for myself the first time that dumbass brought you here, would’ve made you never want to leave” Charlie muttered against your lips before undoing the second knot, lowering you back on the counter and pulling your ankles apart behind him when the fabric gave way, taking a step back now that he had the space to. It allowed him to look down at your lower half now fully exposed to him, seeing how wet you already were, his hand bunching your shirt up at your belly to give him full access. “Jesus, you are absolutely perfect” Charlie moaned, your face flushing at the look he gave you, tongue moving out to wet his lips after inhaling deeply.
“Been fucking jerking off to what I thought you’d look and sound like with my cock buried inside of you more often than I’d like to admit, you’re driving me insane sweetheart” Charlie breathed, you sitting fully upright to kiss him again, softer than how he kissed you. “I’ve been thinking about you too” You coyly spoke, another growl escaping Charlie before he raised his right hand, telling you to open your mouth. You complied which made Charlie stuff two of his thick fingers between your parted lips, moaning when your tongue lapped at his digits before removing them, lowering his hand between your bodies. “Oh you naughty little brat..” He breathed against your cheek before running his spit slicked fingers over your opening, and instead of easing one finger in he pushed them both inside you, groaning at how you stretched around his fingers, your head falling back as a soft moan left you. “So wet already just for me, fuck” Charlie gasped, his eyes moving down from yours to where his fingers were knuckle deep inside of you, fighting back the urge to rip open his jeans and just fuck into you already. “That feel good?” He asked, tearing away his eyes from his fingers to glance up at your flushed face, eyes shut and mouth hanging open as soft gasps and moans escaped you, your hands still holding on to his shoulders.
“Y-yeah, really good” You mewled, Charlie leaning closer to you to nip at your exposed neck again, sucking your soft skin into his mouth, not caring about the marks he was probably leaving behind on you. Charlie curled his fingers up, a louder moan escaping you which informed him he hit exactly the right spot, one of your hands moving down to wrap around his wrist, feeling his muscles tense every time he pumped his fingers into you. “Charlie-Fuck, I’m already close-“ You gasped, a low moan escaping him before quickly moving his fingers out of you, a whine escaping you at the loss of your orgasm that was so close to tipping over. “Hold on, want you to come on my tongue” He rasped as you let go of him, Charlie sinking down to his knees as he grabbed onto your thighs, moving them over his shoulders. You placed your hands on the counter to lean back far enough to look down at him, feeling his warm breath ghost over your pussy before he finally pressed his face against you, tongue dragging over your opening before lapping at your clit.
You were unable to hold down the loud moan that escaped you, your elbows shaking as you tried to keep yourself propped up, one of your hands shifting to bury itself in his soft silver curls, pulling on the strands every time his tongue pressed against exactly the right spot. His fingers were gripping your thighs so hard you could already feel bruises forming under the rough pads of his fingertips, Charlie moaning against you as he pushed his fingers back into you, his nose pressing against your pubic bone when your hips started bucking up against his face. He felt your grip on his hair tighten as your thighs started quivering against the sides of his face, glancing up at you to see you bite down on your bottom lip, nostrils flaring as you heaved for air, eyes pressed shut as a drip of sweat ran down your temple. “Please, don’t stop, I’m gonna- fuck!” You gasped, trying not to squish him between your thighs as he did exactly what you asked him too, not going any harder or faster but keeping his tongue moving in the same spot which sent you over the edge. Charlie moved his fingers out of your pussy again to move his hand up to grab your hip, holding you down when you almost lifted off the counter from the intensity of the orgasm spreading through your body. Instead of moving away to let you come down from your high like you expected him to, Charlie only slowed down a bit, using slower strokes over you with his tongue but not moving away for even the tiniest amount.
“W-wait, stop, please stop. It’s too much..” You mewled as your vision began to blur, thighs unable to stop shaking as your elbows buckled from trying to keep yourself propped up, to your dismay only feeling Charlie start licking you with more pressure. You sat up properly to be able to move your hands down again, reaching for his head to push him away, but Charlie was quick to slap your hands away. You could already feel your second orgasm start to form in your belly, feeling tears threaten to spill from the outer corners of your eyes when you closed them again, too overwhelmed to be able to form a coherent thought any more. When Charlie moaned against your clit it was enough to send the second orgasm through your body, whines escaping you as your thighs shook in his hands, Charlie finally moving away when he felt the tension leave your body. He let out a pained groan when he moved back up to stand, feeling his knees cracking as a laugh escaped him, at the way his body gave away his age but he still was able to turn this much younger woman into a complete mess within minutes. You were still trying to catch your breath, pupils blown and face flushed, hair slightly messy with sweat before you finally looked up at him. Charlie moved back between your still parted thighs to kiss you, tasting yourself on his tongue when he slipped it back into your mouth.
“Bet he never made you come like that, hm?” Charlie rasped against your lips, moving back slightly to catch the shock that spread over your features, hearing the soft gasp that left you at his words. “No.. no one has” You honestly replied, gaining you the nastiest grin you’d ever seen on his handsome face, before closing the distance between you to kiss you again. “Let’s get you upstairs, ‘m not gonna fuck you on this counter” Charlie lowly spoke before wrapping his arms around your waist again, yours moving up around his neck and circling your legs around his waist. He easily picked you up before making his way upstairs, letting go of you with one hand to open his bedroom door, stopping when he felt the edge of his bed against his knees, leaning down to lower you down on the soft navy colored sheets. Charlie let go of you to quickly take off his boots and socks before climbing on top of you, your legs parting to give him space as he lowered himself on top of you. Your fingers reached for the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one as Charlie reached down to pull his shirt off your body, throwing it to the floor and making short work of your bikini top that landed somewhere on the floor as well. “Such a pretty girl, god..” Charlie growled as he moved up slightly to take you in fully now that all your clothes were off, before dipping his head down to trail kisses down your neck and collarbone, until reaching your sensitive nipples, warm breath ghosting over them which already gained him a pathetic moan from your pretty lips.
You finally reached the final button of Charlie’s shirt, pulling it free from behind his belt to undo it, quickly pulling it down his shoulders and arms and carefully dropping it to the floor. Your hands clawed at his thick biceps and broad shoulders before digging into his muscled chest, Charlie moaning at you touching him up, you rubbing up against him at the look and feel of him without anything covering his upper half. “Fuck, turn around, on your belly” Charlie ordered with a deep groan, quickly complying as Charlie moved up on his knees to unbuckle his belt, a desperate moan escaping you in anticipation at the well-known sound. Charlie hissed in relief when he undid the fly off his jeans and quickly took them off along with his boxers, wanting to turn back to look at him but Charlie’s large hand on your head pushed you back into the mattress. “Really wanna see your pretty face when you take me, but if I fuck you like this I can go deeper to feel every fucking inch of you around my cock” Charlie growled, as you were not able to reply with much more than a whimper which made him wrap his arm around your throat, his warm chest pressing against the back of your shoulders and his stomach against your lower back. You moved your hands up to grab onto the bicep wrapped around your throat, Charlie using his other hand to move your hair out of your face, pressing his lips against your cheek before moving the same hand down to line himself up to your entrance.
“Wait, we should use a-“ You tried to say but you already felt the tip of his cock press against your opening, Charlie moaning at how incredibly wet you were, rubbing his cock against you to coat himself in your slick. “You on the pill, right?” He asked, and as soon as you had barely nodded your head he pushed into you, your brain turning to mush as soon as you felt yourself stretch around him, your fingers sinking into the arm around your throat. “Fuuuck..” Charlie growled against your hair, subconsciously tightening his arm around your neck as he sheathed his cock deeper into you with every thrust, your body accommodating to his size slowly but surely. “Want to feel your flesh against mine, not through a fuckin’ rubber” He muttered before picking up his pace, your head flying back against his shoulder as you turned right back into a blubbering mess, letting out a mixture of curse words and his name. “You feel so fucking good, taking me so well, good girl..” Charlie rasped as his hips rammed into you, your nails breaking through his skin as he looked down to see tears rolling down your cheeks, the feeling of him fucking you hard into the mattress after your double orgasm just before too much to handle. “Shit, I’m not gonna last long, already fuckin’ close” Charlie moaned, letting his full weight now lower on top of you, fully crushing you beneath him as he felt his sweat mix with yours between your warm bodies. “Charlie, please..” You whimpered into the sheets beneath you, feeling his thrusts turning sloppy as louder growls escaped him, almost cutting off your airway by how tightly he was squeezing your throat now between his bicep and underarm. “Fuck, can I come in you?” Charlie managed to bring out, barely able to hold back until you nodded your head before thrusting into you so he was fully buried inside your pussy, rolling his hips into you as he pumped you full with his cum.
Charlie quickly removed his arm from your throat and propped himself up on his elbows to ease some of his weight off you, his chest heaving for air as he tried to gather himself, his hips still slowly thrusting into you to ride out the last of his orgasm. “You ok sweetheart?” Charlie asked, voice even raspier than usual after all the loud groaning and growling, carefully pulling out before moving off you. “Y-yeah, at least I think so, god..” You sighed, face still buried into the sheets below as Charlie moved to lie down on his back beside you, moving his hand to gently run through your sweaty hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever come like that before in my entire forty nine years on this planet, jesus” Charlie moaned, lifting his other hand to wipe away the sweat that had gathered on his chest and forehead. The realization of what just happened, with your boyfriend’s dad to make matters worse, finally dawned on you, making you quickly move back up, causing the hand he had in your hair to drop down on the sheets. Charlie raised an eyebrow at your sudden hurry, seeing you want to get out of bed so he grabbed your wrist, disabling you from doing so. “Where are you running off to all of a sudden?” He asked, now also moving up to properly look at you, your shoulders dropping as you pressed a hand against your forehead. “I should really get out of here, what if Shane comes home and- fuck what have we done?” You breathed, shaking your head as you purposefully kept your gaze averted from him, Charlie letting out a sigh before pulling you down against him.
“Calm down honey, I have a lock on my door, and he won’t be home anytime soon. We can figure the rest out tomorrow, yeah?” Charlie calmly spoke, pulling you out of your train of thoughts before nodding in agreement, letting out a relieved sigh as you laid down against him. You slung your leg over his hips as Charlie pulled the sheets over your bodies, your hand moving to rest on his chest as Charlie wrapped his arm around your back to hold you close. “Thank you” You mumbled as he leaned over to turn off the bedside lamp, turning his head to face you, the moonlight illuminating you just enough that he could still faintly make out your features. He moved his head down to press a soft kiss on your lips before pulling back to plant another on your forehead, holding you like that before you both drifted off to sleep, leaving the rest of your worries for the morning after.
summary: you need help getting one of J's asshole friends to stop hitting on you.
|| pope cody x reader || angst, heavy making out, touchstarved!pope, jealous!pope, fake dating trope, pope is v socially awkward (leave my baby alone!!), age gap, non canon timeline, no specific season but earlyish, mentions of drugs and alcohol consumption, character study ||
a/n: based on diet pepsi by addison rae - potential smutty p2?
wc: 3k
Pope wasn't sure if he hated the summer or loved it.
He hung out awkwardly in a chair by the pool, cold beer sweating in his hand under the glare of the early summer sun. San Diego had a habit of being hot nearly all year round, but there was something about the end of spring that had everyone and their mother calling the Codys for a party. Bikinis, drugs, old friends of his brothers he barely talked to. All in the name of summer. By noon the backyard already smelled like chlorine, sunscreen, cigarette smoke, and grilled meat from the burgers Deran was flipping on the grill. Music blared from the speakers mounted under the patio awning so loud it vibrated the large floor to ceiling windows of the house.
With J taking college classes too, there had been more people around. Pope always figured his nephew was more the loner type, same as him, even if girls seemed to flock to the kid anyway. But college had done something to J—it seemed to draw him out of his shell a little. He had more friends around the house, more nights out, more people filling Smurf’s backyard until Pope barely recognized half of them anymore.
That's how they'd met you, too.
You—just a friend of J's, you'd clarified more than once to Pope—who looked so fucking cute in that little red bikini you had on. He could just see the red ties of the bottoms poking from cutoff shorts with the frays brushing your thighs every time you moved. A can of Diet Pepsi sat in your hand with one of those little pink straws poking out the top so you wouldn’t ruin your lipstick. Pope always made sure they stayed stocked in the garage fridge, even if he didn’t spend as much time at Smurf’s house anymore. But when he knew the guys were throwing something, when he knew J would be here, he somehow always found his way back over. Because if J was here, there was a good chance you’d be trailing in behind him sooner or later.
But he often wondered what you and J truly were, no matter how many times you said he was a friend. Why were the two of you tied at the hip so god damn much? It made Pope's knuckles blanch when he thought of all the time his nephew got to spend with you.
Now you were standing across the yard with your head tipped back laughing at something J said while Nicky stood beside you smoking a shared joint, the end burning bright orange each time she inhaled. Smoke curled through the air around all of you, mixing with the sharp chemical smell of pool chlorine baking under the heat. Pope watched J lean down closer to hear whatever you were saying over the music and felt his jaw tighten hard enough to ache.
"Hey—"
He looked over to see Craig handing him a fresh beer. Pope hadn’t even realized the one in his hand was empty already, his knuckles white around the neck of the bottle.
He merely grunted, taking it from his brother.
"You look like you need something harder than a beer, but I know you better."
Pope's lip twitched, hardly stealing a glance at him.
Craig let out a low whistle. “What’s got your panties in a twist today, huh?”
Pope finally looked over at him then. Craig had his sunglasses shoved up into his hair, dark locks tucked behind his ears, blue eyes narrowed with curiosity and amusement.
"Go away." Pope said simply.
"Oh, now I really wanna know." Craig grinned as he sat down beside him.
Pope clicked his tongue against his teeth and twisted the cap off the beer, taking a long drink of the cold amber liquid while his eyes drifted back toward you again. By then the back gate was opening, and he watched your entire demeanor change.
First, it was your smile that slipped. Then your eyes flicked toward the guys coming through the gate, then over to Nicky beside you, and you murmured something to her, but Pope was too far away and it was so fucking loud out here to hear anything. His attention sharpened immediately anyway, ears pricking up like a mutt waiting for a command.
The guys spilling into the backyard were long and lean in only that college-kid kind of way. Floppy hair, muscle tees loose over wiry arms, sunburnt shoulders, a thirty pack of Bud Light swinging between them. Pope knew the type without ever stepping foot on a campus himself.
"Oh, shit." Craig muttered when he followed Pope's hardened gaze.
One of the guys had walked right up behind you, tossing an arm over your shoulders familiarly, and yet Pope saw your whole body go still under it. He couldn’t see your expression from here, only the way your head turned slightly toward Nicky. Across from you, J stood with his beer hanging loose in his hand, watching quietly, his face flattening out into that cold look he’d gotten better at lately. The Cody look.
"Easy, man. She's fine." he heard his little brother say beside him.
Pope felt like he was vibrating as he watched, ready to jump at any sign of this asshole giving you a hard time. He knew you could handle yourself too, but there was something about this guys confidence, how he thought he could come into his house and prey on his girl.
Pope stopped himself there. Not his girl. Not his house, really, either. He bit down on the inside of his cheek until his mouth filled with the taste of iron.
Then you slipped neatly out from under the guy’s arm, moving away from the group while lifting your drink toward the questioning looks they threw after you. Gotta get a refill. you called over your shoulder, as you walked away quickly.
But the second your back turned to them, your expression dropped. Plain annoyance sat across your face clear as day. Your shoulders folded inward a little while you crossed through the yard, weaving between people with your drink clutched against your stomach, making yourself smaller.
A little bit later, when you came back out into the yard with a new cold drink in hand, Craig was talking about some job he'd found—some mattress warehouse with a safe stacked with cash. Pope was only half listening. His attention snagged the second you stepped through the sliding glass door barefoot, little beads of condensation sliding down the side of your soda can onto your fingers.
You paused halfway across the patio, clearly intending to head back toward J, but the view of all those guys still talking around him seemed to make you pause. Your fingers tapped the side of the aluminum can in your hand, and then—to his surprise and horror—your head swiveled, and you were looking at him.
At Pope.
And now you were walking towards him. His heart lept in his chest.
Craig noticed immediately, straightening up in his lounge chair with that easy grin he wore around pretty girls.
"Hey—" Craig started, but you weren't even looking at him.
“Do me a favor?” you asked Pope quietly. He didn't even register the question—the answer would always be yes for you. He was nodding before he knew what you needed.
Your gaze flicked over your shoulder at the sound of footsteps coming across the concrete.
It all happened very quickly, and yet—he remembered it as if it was slow motion.
You bent toward him, fingers slipping around his wrist first, then into his hand—cold and wet to the touch from your soda—and his callouses scraped against your soft skin. You lifted his hand carefully, guiding his arm out of the way so you could turn yourself between and sit down onto his lap. The soft wash of your shorts brushed against the black denim of his jeans, your weight settling over his left thigh, and Pope stopped breathing for a second.
You—you were touching him. Sitting in his lap. In front of everyone.
His hand stayed where you’d moved it, hovering awkwardly over your hip, fingers flexing in midair, his brain choking on what to do next. He could smell your green apple shampoo when you leaned back into him, could feel the heat of your legs through his jeans.
Was this a joke? Had you planned to make fun of him? To show all your little friends how much of a freak he was?
"Just go with it," you whispered into his ear, your hand coming up behind his neck, manicured fingers delicately cupping his skin. Despite the heat, his flesh rose up in goosebumps. You were balancing your soda awkwardly in the other hand while reaching back for his still-hovering arm, guiding it around your waist yourself. Your fingers pressed gently against the back of his hand until he held you properly, as if soothing him.
Most of his palm landed against the rough denim of your shorts, but his fingertips brushed frayed fabric and warm skin underneath. The bare top of your thigh. He wouldn't let himself look at you properly— the skimpy red bikini top showing more skin than he could handle so close to him, bare shoulders shining with the glow of sunscreen and your chest dabbled with sweat. He swallowed thickly.
Your head turned towards the guys who were walking over, and the one in the middle—Asshole who put his arm around you—had stopped completely. His shoulders were tight, his glare ice cold.
But Pope was meaner. He knew how to do this, at least—how to play the guard dog, the meanest, eldest Cody brother. It was a role he slipped into easily, like second nature. The two of them stared at each other for a long minute.
Then J appeared beside the kid, clapping a hand onto his shoulder and saying something about putting their beer in the fridge. The group drifted away slowly after that, disappearing through the sliding door.
You let out a long sigh, your shoulders lightening as your fingers unlatched from Pope's neck. He missed the touch almost immediately.
"Thanks," you said.
Pope looked up at you. You were smiling gently down at him, casual as anything, but he soon realized that you weren't making any moves to get up. Your arm was still around his back, his still on the top of your thigh, but neither of you seemed eager to move away.
He just nodded stiffly. "Sure."
Your smile widened as the two of you studied each other. He watched you lift your soda, bringing the pink straw to your mouth. Pope did his god damn best not to let his eyes flit over your lips as you took a long sip.
He heard a huff of breath beside him suddenly.
"Well, that guy seemed like a dick."
You startled a little, turning your head like you’d forgotten Craig was still sitting there at all.
"Oh, hey Craig, I'm sorry—" you said, and you moved to finally get up, but Pope held on fast. He wouldn't let his baby brother take this from him.
When you looked back at Pope, your brows pulled together faintly in question. Something curious flickered there for a moment, but then your expression softened, like you understood anyway. You leaned down, lips to his ear, "Let me just switch sides, that okay?"
Pope's lips tightened. He suddenly became painfully aware of every awkward thing about himself. The way his hand probably sat too stiff against your waist. The fact that your breath sent a tingle down his spine, making his jeans suddenly feel too tight. And the fact he hadn’t said anything smooth this entire time. Anybody else would've known how to play this—smile, flirt a little, maybe make you laugh. But no, you were the charming one. The one who knew how to flirt, how to handle him.
So, he let go.
You kept your promise, only switching to his other thigh, letting his brother get an eye full of you now. You did the same thing again—bringing your hand around so you could take his, pulling it against yourself without even a moment of hesitation while you looked at the tallest Cody.
“Sick party,” you told Craig, lifting your drink in distant cheers. “How are you?”
Craig smiled back, all shiny teeth and charm as he held his beer up in salute, "I'm doin' good. What's up with your little friend?"
You rolled your eyes, "The guy has been trying to get me to go out with him for weeks." you sipped your drink again, eyes flickering over into the glass windows of the house, watching Asshole and his cronies from afar, "Except his version of taking me out is fucking me in the back his mom's BMW."
Pope was in the middle of taking a sip of beer when you said it, nearly choking.
"What the fuck did you just say?" he demanded. It was probably the most words he’d strung together to you all day. Hell, maybe all month.
But suddenly his head was making up different scenarios, none of them involving you in the back of Asshole's car, instead, he was wondering what the kid's head would sound like bouncing off the concrete when Pope's fist met it.
Your brows jumped a little at his reaction, but you only shrugged, unbothered. “He’s a dickhead. I’ve been trying to tell him I have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t believe me.”
"Do you?" Craig asked.
Pope thought maybe his little brother wasn’t completely useless after all.
He saw you shake your head in his periphery, and his heart, the traitorous thing, began to pound in his chest a little.
“No,” you admitted softly. “And I don’t think our little performance convinced him much either.”
Your gaze drifted back toward the sliding doors just as the group started filing outside again. Pope felt your body tense slightly on his thigh before you muttered a quiet, Oh, fuck my life under your breath. The asshole slowed when he passed, taking another long look at where you sat in Pope’s lap.
And Pope stared right back at him, lip curling.
Once they had gone towards the other side of the pool, he heard his brother say lightly: “I bet if you made out in front of him, they'd buy it.”
"Shut your mouth." Pope snapped, his hard glare turning on his brother.
But you barely seemed to hear either of them. You kept looking over your shoulder toward the yard, eyes skimming from Asshole to J and Nicky talking nearby, chewing lightly at your lip while you thought about something.
When you turned back to Pope and his brother, you had a funny look on your face.
Pope frowned slightly. “What's wrong?”
You hesitated, studying his face. You had lost that easy confidence from a moment before, fingers playing with your straw as you looked at him.
"Would that… ? No, no nevermind." you said, shaking your head. You cut yourself off by lifting your drink to your mouth again, shifting a little on his thigh in the process. The movement dragged your hip against him, making him painfully aware of just how much he was affected by your closeness.
Beside him, Craig made a strangled noise trying not to laugh. When Pope looked over, his brother was practically vibrating in his chair, eyebrows climbing halfway up his forehead while he grinned like a complete asshole.
"Get outta here, go—" Pope barked.
Craig finally lost the fight against his grin. He held both hands up in mock surrender while getting up from the lounge chair and walked away, shoulders shaking with mirth.
“Sorry,” Pope murmured once his brother was out of earshot.
He took another swallow of beer and leaned down to set the bottle carefully beside the chair, his movements slower now, more aware of you sitting there against him than anything else.
You shrugged, "It was…a good idea."
Pope's brows pulled together when he looked at you. God, you were so fucking close. The feel of your warm, soft skin against him, the smell of your apple shampoo mixing with sunscreen and the syrupy fake-sweet scent of the Diet Pepsi in your hand. He still couldn't believe you were sitting on his lap. Touching him. Pulling his arm around you as if it natural, like there wasn’t anything strange or dangerous about him to hesitate over.
And now you were looking at him with that look, something behind your eyes he couldn’t immediately sort out, and the fact he couldn’t sort it out made his stomach knot. As uncomfortable as he made people feel sometimes, Pope could still catch onto things. Patterns. He was always used to the way people acted, knew if they were lying because they started acting differently around him. But you never did that with him, and you never looked nervous around him like this before.
A thought occurred to him, one that made his stomach hurt even worse. Maybe you saw him for what he was—scary, mean; Smurf's dog made to heel and bark and bite when she commanded it. He became horribly aware of himself under your searching gaze—how tightly his hand was holding your thigh, how he could still just feel the top edge of your skin, your shoulder bumping into his chest when you'd shift.
And maybe you'd just realized whose lap you were in.
"Andrew…" you murmured, "Are you okay?"
He nodded.
You set your drink down in a hurry, cold aluminum knocking lightly against the concrete beside the chair before both your hands came up to his neck, fingers spreading against his skin as you tipped his face upward toward yours. Your touch was cold, wet from the soda.
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry."
You were touching him again. Both hands on his neck. Your face was so close to his. Noses nearly bumping. He could make out every clump of mascara around your eyes, your smudged lipstick. It made him nearly nauseous with want. Your eyes—they were worried. Why were you so worried to be around him now?
"I shouldn't have asked—or even—I don't know, Craig said it and for some reason I thought maybe—"
The gears in his brain finally started catching up after spinning uselessly for the last few minutes, thoughts grinding slowly into place one after another while he stared at your mouth moving so close to his.
What Craig had said… What had his brother said?
I bet if you made out in front of him, they’d buy it.
“You…” he managed finally, his mouth dry as cotton, heart thudding so hard it hurt. “Want to…?”
You licked your lips nervously, and the movement nearly derailed his thoughts again immediately.
"Not if it makes you uncomfortable. I just…” You sighed and glanced over your shoulder toward the yard. Your hair brushed lightly across his nose before you looked back at him again.
“I’m gonna lie to you and tell you it’s only to make this guy get off my back, okay?”
“What’s the truth?” he asked quietly, somehow finding enough nerve to force the words out.
Your teeth caught your bottom lip. “I just need you to tell me if it’s okay to do this—”
You leaned closer.
Pope’s hand moved before he could think better of it, wrapping carefully around your wrist to stop you there. So soft—the delicate bones of your joint in his rough hand.
"Y-yes but—what's the truth?" he echoed. He had to know. He had to.
You were hardly listening now, your attention splitting somewhere between him and the movement in the yard behind him, and Pope’s brain kept trying to grab onto something solid, some version of this that made sense, because he had to be out of his fucking mind to think maybe you meant what he desperately wanted you to mean. Maybe you actually—
But then your eyes flicked over his shoulder again, and Pope’s gaze followed yours automatically, catching the group of guys heading back across the patio towards you with J in tow, and suddenly your fingers tightened against Pope's face.
And then you turned into him, and kissed him.
You tasted like aspartame.
That syrupy sweet taste from the soda, like the waxy, cherry lipstick that you kept in your pocket. The smell of apple shampoo and sunscreen filled his nose while your lips pressed hard against his with a little gasp that went straight down his belly and into his dick. You didn’t kiss him shyly either. Pope could tell immediately you were trying to make a point, trying to push this far enough that anybody watching would understand exactly what they were seeing.
When he felt your tongue trace the seam of his lips, he didn't care anymore. He didn't care if this was some ruse to get Asshole off your back, he didn't care if you didn't actually like him, because fuck your tongue felt so good against his mouth. He was opening for you, tasting you back, and he could've sworn—under the noise of the music blaring, of the pool water splashing and people talking over one another—he heard a small, little helpless moan from your throat when he finally kissed you back properly.
His hands tightened around you immediately, both arms circling your waist to drag you closer against him until there was hardly any room left between you—your shoulder pressed tightly into his chest, a little awkward with the way you sat sideways across his thigh, but he didn't give a shit.
It felt endless and too short all at once, your tongues sliding together smoothly while you held his face so tenderly it made his throat tighten, and then little by little that tenderness started disappearing into want and hunger. Your fingers pushed into his hair harder now, nails scratching lightly at his scalp, making his breath stutter against your mouth.
“Holy shit.”
The voice cut through the air beside you like a gunshot beside him. The party seemed to rush back in all around at once—the sounds of people shouting scores for dives off the pool house, music blasting, the sliding door opening and closing.
And then you were pulling back, lips unlatching from his. To Pope’s immediate disappointment it was Deran standing there frozen beside the cooler with a beer halfway out of the ice.
He licked his lips automatically even as he glared at his brother, catching the lingering taste of you on his mouth, and when he looked up at you again your lips were swollen and shiny.
You glanced toward the group of guys across the yard, then Deran with a quick, oh-- hi, Deran, before looking back at Pope. Your hands were still around his neck, and you were leaning in again. But this time, your lips went to his ear.
“The truth is, Andy...” you murmured softly.
Pope felt another shiver move through him at the feel of your breath against his neck, and his grip tightened on your little denim shorts as you said, “…I've wanted to do that for a long time.”
And then, as if you'd merely said thanks, pope, bye! you were pulling away from him, brushing your thumb across his top lip, wiping away whatever lipstick you'd left him with, and you were standing from his lap and walking off through the yard like you hadn’t just detonated his entire fucking nervous system in front of half the party.
Deran let out a low laugh beside him before grabbing a pool towel from the chair nearby and tossing it at Pope’s chest.
“You’re gonna wanna sit there for a minute,” he said. “Wait out that, uh… problem.”
Pope glared at his brother over the towel clutched in his lap.
why am I literally so nervous and would you like a part two yes or no
warnings: 18+, mild smut, arranged marriage, unwilling reader, predator/prey situation, chasing through the woods, mentions of blood, hate sex
requested by: @lauraneedstochill
authors note: laura i HAVE to know what song you had in mind. btw i screamed when my shuffle gave me this song, so titus coded. this fic was requested from my birthday event! the fic is inspired by the song that was chosen
Your lungs burned and your legs ached and there was a pinching stitch in your side from the exertion of running. Your feet did their best to keep you upright as you stumbled over the uneven ground, rocks and unearthed tree roots trying hard to take you down. All you could see ahead of you were trees, a seemingly endless expanse of trees that swallowed you up as you moved further into the darkness. It felt like the tree branches were reaching out to stop you, the lace and fabric of your wedding dress catching constantly on the bark. Your veil had been ripped from your head at the start of your escape and the hem of your dress was definitely stained with dirt.
Growing up knowing your family made a deal with the devil meant your biggest fear about your wedding day was whether the groom would be hunted and you’d lose the man you loved. You never considered that your family would arrange your marriage with one of the scariest men from one of the other families. You’d originally protested but your family made it clear they’d drag you down the aisle by your hair if necessary.
You had no choice. Titus Danforth would be your husband.
You weren’t sure why you’d chosen this moment to make a break for it. The wedding ceremony was already over, there was no getting out of it now. You should have jumped out a window days ago or ran off right before the wedding when no one was looking. But no, you walked to your slaughter like a good girl and tied yourself to Titus for eternity.
Honestly, it was the way Titus looked at you. He stared at you, all night through the festivities, with this hungry, triumphant look like he wanted to swallow you whole. As the hours winded down you knew you were only moments away from having to consummate your marriage and that was the thought that lit this fire in you that made you run. You took a break from the party to powder your nose and bolted for an exit the moment you were alone.
Running was pointless really, but you knew Titus and right now you hated him. If you had to classify your relationship before the backstabbing arranged marriage, you’d say the two of you were something adjacent to friends. You two always gravitated to each other at cult functions, gossiping and whispering in a corner, saving the other from boring conversations with other guests. You could admit Titus was handsome and charming and if you’d been given a choice you could have maybe let yourself love him.
And that’s why you hated him. He orchestrated all of this. Instead of taking the time to court you, he jumped twelve steps ahead and snatched you up like a rabbit in a snare.
The forest didn’t end up bringing you to the ground, your husband did that. Despite his size, Titus snuck up on you quickly, running through the forest with powerful strides and catching you easily. Titus tackled you expertly to the ground, one hand sneaking under your head to brace the impact. You fought back feebly thanks to your lack of energy, your fists smacking any part of him you could reach as your heels scraped uselessly into the dirt due to your legs being trapped under Titus. He grabbed your wrists easily and pinned them to the ground, using his weight to hold you down.
You laid on the soft earth glaring up at your husband as your chest heaved from the run while Titus’ barely moved, which was so incredibly annoying you didn’t have words for it.
“Are you done running sweetheart?” Titus asked with a smirk and his frustratingly attractive gravelly voice.
“Fuck you.” You spat back, your breath gasping, which just amused Titus more.
“You surprised me, I expected you to run days ago. Why did you run now? It’s too late.” Titus said the first part like a compliment, that you’d exceeded his expectations.
“Maybe because I realized that the idea of having sex with you was like staring down the barrel of a gun.” You said, your brow furrowed in anger. Titus just kept smiling, like he knew something you didn’t.
“Oh sweetheart, you really believe sex with me would be so horrible?” No, you actually didn’t. In fact you’d thought about sleeping with him before all of this. You’d been close many times, the offer to sneak away to an empty room on the tip of your tongue any time you saw him. But after his betrayal you couldn’t sleep with Titus, it would mean you truly surrendered to the choice made for you.
“I don’t want to sleep with a man who took my choice from me. You didn’t even ask me to marry you.” Titus tilted his head at that, curious.
“You want choice? Okay, I can either have you right here or I can drag you back to the great hall and do it in front of everyone.” Your breath caught in your chest at his words. You knew he could do it, overpower you and take you back for the whole cult to see and he wouldn’t feel bad about it. The whole notion had a rage fueled fire grow and snarl in your chest, spreading through your veins and filling you with lightning.
“Fuck you!” You snarled, baring your teeth. Titus smiled again, amused by your anger. He leaned down so his face was mere inches from yours.
“That’s the idea.” He held your gaze, his dark hazel eyes watching you carefully. He moved his head, his breath hot on your skin as his lips pressed to the shell of your ear.
“What’ll it be sweetheart?” Your skin broke out in goosebumps at the low tone of his voice and how it reverberated through you. When you didn’t answer Titus pressed a kiss just below your ear and a surprised gasp left your throat without your permission. You cursed your treacherous body for betraying you like Titus had, for liking how it felt to have him so close. He kept moving, trailing kisses down the column of your throat, each kiss slow and savoring the taste of your skin. When Titus bite gently into the muscle of your neck that connected to your shoulder, your back arched into him as heat grew between your legs.
You’d never been in a position like this, completely at another persons mercy and it scared you how much it excited you. You decided the only way to take back your power was to take control.
“Have me here Titus.” Titus pulled back to look down at you and saw the genuine look in your eyes and he didn’t waste a moment. He ducked down to capture your lips in a searing kiss full of passion and possession. You moaned freely into his mouth, your fingers curling uselessly into the air where he still held them down. Titus kissed you until oxygen was absolutely necessary and he pulled back with a gasping breath before kissing along your jaw with desperate lips. Just as he nipped at your jaw and his hands slide from your wrists to your chest, you seized the opportunity to get your leg under his chest and flip him off you and onto his back.
Titus landed with a thud, momentarily caught off guard before you tackled him, straddling his hips and tearing his dress shirt open with a violent tug. The buttons went flying across the forest floor and Titus stared up at you in surprise and amazement. You wished you had a camera to remember the moment forever.
You grabbed Titus by the jaw, your fingernails digging into the flesh of his cheeks as you dove down to kiss him, your lips and tongue clashing with his. His hands shot to your waist, gripping your body tightly as your free hand settled over his throat. Your frail wedding dress tore under his strong hands, ripping easily to provide him with more access to you. He blindly pushed at the skirt of your wedding dress, bunching the fabric up over your hips.
Sitting here in Titus’ lap you realized he was already hard and you figured out instantly what had gotten him going. It had turned him on, hunting you through the estate like a predator after his prey. He enjoyed overpowering you and holding you down exactly how he wanted. And you were realizing you liked holding him down too, almost as much as you enjoyed being pinned under him.
When you pulled back from his lips to focus on releasing him from his pants, Titus stared up at you reverently, his pupils blown and dark like a sharks. His hands were under your skirts, his palms sliding up and down your thighs, squeezing and scratching. You raised up on your knees and locked your eyes with your husband, his attention all yours as you lowered yourself down on him. He stretched and filled you completely, the two of you slotting together like you were one entity.
Titus sat up, one arm banding around your back and the other behind him to hold himself up. He kissed you deeply as you began to move, rising up and down on him. Your hands twisted in the fabric of his suit jacket and you pulled hard enough the tear the sleeve. Titus pressed you impossibly close, the pressure of your chest against his almost painful. Your hands slid into Titus’ hair, your fingers twisting tightly in his silver curls hard enough to make his scalp throb as the two of you kissed like you were fighting each other.
“My sweet creature,” Titus murmured against your lips, claiming you as his and calling you what you truly were. His words stirred something deep inside you, something dark that had sat sleeping under your ribs. It was a beast that begged for blood and the tearing of flesh and for revenge. You’d been pushing it down inside yourself for days, ever since you learned of the marriage, and now it was set free, unleashed by Titus.
You pushed away from Titus and shoved him to the ground roughly, your hands on his chest pinning him down. You liked having him like this, under you and at your mercy. You knew he was allowing it but that made you feel even more wild and confident. He was submitting to you, in his own twisted way.
You attacked Titus with your hands and lips, clawing and biting as you moved your hips, your fingernails digging into his flesh and your teeth dragging across his chest as if you could taste his beating heart through his skin. You fucked him there in the forest, riding him roughly as your fingernails drew blood. You were just like him really, taking what you wanted without asking.
“Take what you want sweetheart.” Titus encouraged, his voice low and broken with pleasure. You fucked yourself down onto him, the heat inside you twisting and building until you threw your head back and screamed as your orgasm sang through you.
You were a vision cast in moonlight, sitting on Titus, claiming him as yours. Titus couldn’t have imagined a better wedding night.
“My wife,” Titus moaned. “My beautiful creature, my sweet killer.” Titus flipped your positions before your orgasm had even finished and he drove himself into you again and again as he chased his own pleasure. You writhed and moaned under him as his hips met yours over and over until he was spilling inside you with a howl.
The two of you stayed there for a long moment on the forest floor in your ripped clothes, catching your breath. Realization settled over you like a blanket as you looked up at your husband bathed in the moons glow - Titus Danforth was officially your husband and you were his wife, and not even Satan could help you now.
And most terrifying, you weren’t sure you wanted to be saved.
