I Am Normal

Sal, he/they/she. 17. 30 minutes of clerks 2 is my favorite movie.

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

Welcome to My Page!

Requests OPEN

Fandoms ~ View Askew, The Prescription

Fandoms I write for ~ View Askew(Headcanons, x reader headcanons, drabbles, playlists, whatever I feel like, etc), The Prescription(fics, playlists, Headcanons)

I do not write X Reader fics or headcanons for The Prescription. I do not write heavy NSFW for any fandom. You can ask for nsfw headcanons for Clerks but it will probably be things like “Randal gets the worst post nut clarity of his life every time”. 

Things I Have Not Watched:

-Chasing Amy

I may reject something that isn’t stated here because I didn’t write it down at the time. I’m not okay with writing anything ‘Spicy’ and if you’re questionable about it, please just send it and ask. 

I don’t write X Readers for The Prescription because too much of it reminds me of me or people I know and that would be strange. They are also all bitchless and no, you cannot fix them.

I will not write headcanons/fics/etc elias/randal, proships, pedophilia, zoophilia, piss, shit (bodily fluids other than blood), the mooby’s cow, kevin smith himself, any of the irl actors themselves, any incredibly minor side character such as pickle fucker, along with any obvious thing that I failed to mention.

If you have a request involving suicide, self harm, depression, or any sort of heavy topic, feel free to ask. I know some people find comfort in their characters for that kinda stuff. If I feel like I’m not qualified to write that, then I’ll tell you

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

follow my jasonsona  jasonleereal.tumblr.com

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

i should have never made myself a fucking x reader blog i hate being an x reader blog but i'll finish the stuff eventually and post headcanons that i come up with being an x reader blog sucks...I can do more than x readers...one time i wrote about bartleby and how much angst you can put in but maybe i'll draw fanart...you guys like animated men enough

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

just finished chasing amy i'll get to the requests soon guys i swear im just sos os sleepy

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

the ball shaver from clerks 3 headcanons

i couldn't do him justice sorry...that'd be a ballsy move

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

"say the line willwoodjak!"

"will dont do anything i woodnt do!"

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

gwen blehh!!

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

'' you've never kissed anyone before? '' Jay x reader oneshot please? I feel like Jay would be super eager to be someone’s first kiss.

"You've never kissed anyone before?" Jay x Reader Oneshot

To set the scene, it was you, Jay, and Silent Bob. You were chatting and gesturing amongst yourselves, reminiscing on days or hours before this moment. Right now it was years, you were discussing your love lives, which prompted the realization that you had never kissed anyone before. 

“God, you know, I don’t think I’ve ever had my first kiss before.” You mused. Wow, you’re really smart-I was just saying that! 

“What, you mean you’ve only had seconds and thirds? Man, you’re a slut! You hearin’ this Silent Bob?” Jay said, way too loudly. Silent Bob nodded frantically, eyes wide. You kind of expected him to be smarter than this, but figured it was to amuse Jay.

“No, I mean I’ve never kissed anyone,” You emphasised

“You ain’t ever kissed your mother on the cheek ever? You’ve never said bye to your pops? Never seen a little kitty in need of some smoochin’?” Jay was absolutely bewildered by what you were telling him. Perhaps you were evil, or contagious, or Tyler Durden. 

How could you put this in a way he could understand? You looked between him and Silent Bob, smacked your lips, and took a deep breath.

“I’ve never sucked face with any fine bitches before, dude.” You said, esaperated, with ample hand gestures to really bring the point home

“What the fuck?” You probably could have killed Silent Bob right there and Jay would look less terrified, “You’re telling me that you’re telling me that you’ve never kissed anyone before?” He said, his eyes bulleting around your face like you had suddenly grown more eyes to dart between. 

“Yeah, pretty sad. I guess I’ve never liked anyone enough to do that. Have you ever been in high school before? I could’ve gotten at least three STDs from using the same bathroom.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

Jay nodded intently, “Yeah, I knew a guy who got crabs by sitting in the same chair as someone, but you know I’ve never had a single STD or STI, you know? And I got a witness to confirm that I’m one fine ass motherfucker.” Silent Bob gestured to him like he was a brand new car. You turned your head, confused. 

“You want to be my first kiss?” You asked

“Well, hell yeah! And if you get any STDs I’ll pay for all the medical bills, scouts motherfuckin’ honor,”

You two kissed, naturally. Well, actually, there was nothing natural about it. Jay was so handsy you almost lost track, and when you pulled away you could have sworn he was still kissing the air. Silent Bob Applauded and gave you two thumbs up, nodding. 

You just said, “Thanks.”

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

HI!! I saw your list of what you write for and saw Wendell & Wild, can you do headcannons for Kat and Raul being friends with gn!reader pls? OFC ALL PLATONIC!!! -⭐ anon

I'm gonna sound dumb as hell but what is gn? is that gender nonconforming?

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

i'm on thanksgiving break so i'll be able to work on requests more!! i have 5 currently. Three oneshots and 2 headcanons i think?

[bigbababooeyboobies]

Happy Halloween!!

GO WATCH WENDELL & WILD

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

Yes hi hello, I just recently got into the Clerks franchise and was so happy to find this blog fr. I was wondering if you could write a post about meeting and dating Dante, similar to the one you did about Randal. Dante is my boi and he deserves everything. Thank you in advance~

Something was the name and playing hockey was your game

You were in no way new to the team, but you hadn’t bothered to get close to the people  in it, because in your mind, it wasn’t about friendship, it was about sportsmanship, which I’m sure is totally different. 

If you’re a dude or nonbinary reader, your reason may have been because the team was made up of cishet men, to your knowledge, and this  was te 90s

If you’re a chic, your reason may have been because these are all men

Not that you were discriminated against, because goddamn, you could play hockey, but for all the time you spent with these people, you expected to be a little closer. I mean hell, the only one whose full name you could remember was Randal Graves, and that’s only because he was the video store clerk

On this particular day, you were down a team member, which was no big thing. You’d have to make up for the extra person, as would everyone, which resulted in your unsatiable thirst…for a gatorade

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater…than a red gatorade

However, there was not one on standby, which meant you needed to mosey your way down to the quickstop

You did this, buying your drink, and one look at the cashier resulted in something like that spiderman meme, or maybe uncle sam since you were the only one pointing

Mentally, however, you couldnt remember his name… 

“How’s the game?” He asked, with a longing in his eyes that you had only ever seen in Randal’s eastern eurpean gay porn

You told him it was going okay, and that it’d be even more okay if they weren’t down a teammate. You asked why he was working today when he always skipped for hockey. Apparently he was close to getting fired for it. 

“Yeah, well don’t be a stranger” he said once you had bought the holy grail of drinks, and you wished him good luck on his misery.

You were not, in fact, a stranger after that. You greeted him when he returned for the next game and visting him during your breaks in the game(when he wasn’t there) became a normal occurrence. 

After a few months of being more than just hockey buddies, you two begin dating. 

This means asking him, ‘You come here often?’ while he’s at his job. 

And then…because I already wrote  the other half…

https://www.tumblr.com/thatguy-thisguy-yourguy/698503744023904256/dating-headcanons-for-dante-and-randal?source=share

(those are my dante dating headcanons)

Obligatory "this one's for you babe!" and missing the net completely. Maybe even falling.

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

sorry if you sent something and it's taking a while. Usually I do them at night, but I've been really tired lately. I'm also working on a fic and just finished one that I'll share soon

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

Feel free to send headcanon/playlist/drabble/oneshot requests for Wendell & Wild!

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

Fandoms I Will Write For

clerks (1,2,3)

Mallrats

Jay and silent bob strike back

jay and silent bob reboot

Dogma

Wendell & Wild

The Prescription

I will not write x readers for The Prescription. I will only write platonic headcanons for characters that are younger than 17 years of age. Only NSFW headcanons for characters 18+

[asavvyzavvy-deactivated20240124]

This was a warm up that spiraled into its own thing

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

I will write requests for this movie!!

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

To Do List

Meeting and Dating Dante headcanons

brodie headcanons