etiene @thatorchiiaa - Tumblr Blog

welcome to my blog ⟡

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

⋆˚𝜗 about me 𝜚˚⋆

⟡ my name is etiene

⟡ I am eighteen years old

⟡ I live in London

⟡ I will be posting aesthetics, venting my thoughts and ideas, generally girlblogging, extracts from my writing and mostly using this blog as an outlet for the things that I can’t say out loud

⟡ cishet

⟡ feminist

⟡ my dms / asks are always open, and I’m always looking to make new friends + meet new moots

⋆˚𝜗 my interests 𝜚˚⋆

⟡ my hobbies include collecting records, of which I have almost thirty now, art, particularly sketching in my sticker- clad sketchbook, long rambling walks through either the city or countryside, daytrips, club nights, reading, reality tv (drag race), visiting the cinema, visiting the theatre, academic research of any variety, posting on tumblr, playing video games, hanging out with my two best friends, and above all writing.

⟡ my favourite films are saltburn, the outsiders, labyrinth, priscilla, the hunger games (catching fire), young adult matters, heretic, and a streetcar named desire (1951)

⟡ my favourite books and plays are the beautiful and damned, the picture of Dorian gray, Lolita, Alice in Wonderland, sex and rage by eve babitz, play it as it lays, Anne of Green Gables, The Crucible, the importance of being earnest, a streetcar named desire, a woman of no importance, Richard ii (honorary Shakespeare mention), wonderland by Juno Dawson, bunny and manacled by senlinyu (I hope alchemised is just as good)

⟡ my music favourites are Ethel Cain, Taylor swift, MGMT, Fleetwood Mac, Olivia Rodrigo, Sophie Thatcher, Lana Del Rey, The Cure, Chappell Roan, Charli xcx, Sabrina Carpenter, Sky Ferreira, Harry Styles, Addison Rae, Any Stevie Nicks solo stuff, The smiths, elements of nineties Britpop, and whatever random music I’ve decided to enjoy for the week!

⟡ my favourite tv shows are Anne with an E, the good place, the end of the fucking world, drag race, bridgerton, squid game, celebrity, Gilmore girls, little women (the kdrama), Derry girls, season one of yellowjackets, season one of the oa

⟡ my nerdier interests are academic research, panopticonism in the digital age, research into cancel culture (anyone who wants it can see my six thousand word essay on the topic), consumerism and the rise of booktok, the cultural milieu of seventies LA, gentrification in london, brutalist architecture, intersectional feminist theory and a few other things that would be too obnoxious to list!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🦢ɞ˚‧｡⋆

i truly wish i could tell you. sadly my diary is the only one who can hear it

#female hysteria #femcel #this is what makes us girls #aesthetic #girlblogging #lizzy grant #moodboard #girlhood #ethel cain #lana del rey #24/7 sylvia plath #lux lisbon #personal vent #vent post #vent #personal #the virgin suicides #lana #lana del rey aesthetic

i have a levels in like three weeks

cherry blossom on your sycamore tree 𝜗𝜚

#female hysteria #femcel #this is what makes us girls #aesthetic #girlblogging #lizzy grant #moodboard #girlhood #lana del rey #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #lizzy grant aesthetic #lana stan #lana #blue banisters #cherry blossom

❝ Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell ❞

I never meant to be bad or unwell

So I went to a party the other day, a friend’s birthday party. It was outside, for one, so slightly removed from the dreamy, head- spinning, stolen kisses parties that I like to think of when I think party. But it was fun. Until this moment, when I was dragging myself home, a few paces away from my friends. The world was silent. My odd, particular, unimportant suburban world was completely deserted. There was nothing. Just me, and them. And I stood there, beneath the streetlights that forced the blackness of everything into stark focus, with the light pollution of everything obscuring any stars that might have been shining, feeling my body (combative calm from smoking and shuddering, reflective reality from avoiding drinking like the plague) realising how empty and hollow everything felt, and how, if I closed my eyes, if I removed myself from everything that was real, nothing changed. The inside of my head was the same as the out, and it was like, eyes open, I couldn’t see at all. So I walked down this long, twisting, summertime street, through the long grass that held memories of bare legs and linen shorts and the hand of my best friend as we laughed- so hopefully- last summer, thinking about all the things I want and all of the things that I don’t have and how blind I felt. I walked and walked and walked, and I look back on that moment now and worry that I’m still walking: that nothing is real and I’m still lingering in the emptiness caught up between the tall grass, knowing nothing and feeling everything. I’m struggling to accurately describe the feeling beyond how dark it was, but it was dark in a different way to the sensible, clinical darkness that can be described in a whole itemised list of diagnoses. I’m still lingering on it, but at least it feels transitory, and there’s a whole freeway to drive soon, one I’ll reach when my endless freedom sickens me and I’ll finally understand how it feels to succumb to your prospect-less preoccupation with the past, just like Joan Didion convinced me it would. Feelings are so hard to understand. They’re so much easier to read about.

#female hysteria #femcel #this is what makes us girls #aesthetic #girlblogging #lizzy grant #ethel cain #txt #girlhood #mental health #emotions #feelings #personal vent #vent post #joan didion #play it as it lays #Lana del rey #female rage

it’ll be ok

#female hysteria #femcel #this is what makes us girls #aesthetic #girlblogging #lizzy grant #txt #girlhood #addison rae #put your headphones on #female rage #divine feminine #radfem #lana del rey aesthetic #Lana #born to die

tell him that his cowgirl is gone

all my girls got their lace and their crimes

#female hysteria #femcel #this is what makes us girls #aesthetic #ethel cain #girlblogging #lizzy grant #moodboard #southern gothic #lace #Taylor swift #florence welch #florence and the machine #florida #divine feminine #feminine rage #swifties #southern gothic aesthetic #ew these tags

flames so hot that they turn blue

Nighttime is my time

Come summer, Antigone would stretch herself out upon the grass, allowing it to bunch and weave itself around her, lithe and limber upon its verdant blanket, a Babitz or Didion novel perched daintily in her hand, the spare leaning absentmindedly on her breast. She’d absorb herself in the cultural milieu of seventies LA, a passionate supporter of so called ‘rock and roll’ listening to thundering bass through a pair of skinny Walkman headphones, humming, under her breath, the wintery soliloquies of later times, nineties grunge whispered against the thudding rock and trembling roll of the stones or doors or other sensually vintage band of sensually beautiful men. Juxtaposition, a literate anachronism. The way things were supposed to be, she’d supposed. Things that made sense were never sensible. In a pair of torn up denim shorts, never enough to cover any part of her snow- white skin, she’d remark, casually, with the stolen vernacular (a childish American drawl) of her darling, tragic and woefully misunderstood Dolores Haze, borrowing her colloquialisms through an anachronistic British drone, crying out, “Gee, that’s swell,” to anything and everything that moved. She’d snort derisively as Max skirted around the grass, warning her of stains and muddying the babydoll shirts, or graphic vests she’d began to adorn, rolling her eyes and flicking back a curled pink pigtail, with dramatic, “whatevers” or careless giggles, as she absorbed the sunlight with all of the burgeoning grace of a blooming flower, petals outstretched to the sun, roots firmly planted to the ground, head in the clouds, as it always was.