Lemony Snicket

a lemony snicket ask blog

[thats-the-wrong-question]

My name is Lemony Snicket, and I was once part of a great organization, the name of which I will not share. However, since many of my associates are now dead, I have devoted myself to researching the melancholic histories of my many associates, enemies, and brief acquaintances. I have created this blog for the benefit of the public, a phrase which here means for the purpose of sharing my research with interested parties, as well as attempting to answer any other questions the noble people of the world may have. This will not be a cheerful blog. Through my years of study, I have learned many secrets, very few of which are pleasant. I recommend that you find a more enjoyable place on the internet. I've heard mostly positive things about cat videos. However, if you, dear reader, insist upon learning the answers to the many terrible questions of the world, you are welcome to ask them. And as it is my solemn duty, I will answer. With all due respect,

out of character will be indicated //as such

please please send asks!! they can be as short or as long as you want, about whatever you want (although to be honest when it's more lore-heavy it does stress me out a tad, i'd love a BUNCH of asks that just invite musings), and involving as much detail as you want!

i mostly made this because i have a lot of fun writing in his voice and wanted an excuse to work on that, and i'm very excited about it and want to have stuff to answer!

if you want to interact as a character too i'd love that so so much (thinking about using a different font/color to answer as past lemony (when people are alive) since this is set fairly far post-asoue)

[thats-the-wrong-question]

Mr Snicket, What is Your opinion on Miss Violet Baudelaire?

(I may or may not have made a Violet blog, myself. @violet-baudelaire-official)

Greetings Miss Baudelaire, I can imagine that it's rather apparent through my writing that I hold the utmost respect for the eldest Baudelaire. I cannot help admiring your courage and inventiveness throughout the many struggles that befell her, and am sure that if I'd gone through half of what you did in the events I so tirelessly chronicled, I would've shown a much less flattering side of myself. Though my life nowadays feels highly melancholic, your finding of my blog is truly one of the bright spots of my life since that series of unfortunate events, I am much enthused, a word which here means eagerly appreciative of this good news, to find that the Baudelaires did in fact survive past the events of The End. I've been unable to trace either you or your siblings after that point, so it is wonderful to hear from you at last. With all due respect,

[metamorphesque]

A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis

[urmomsgay4me11]

darling, dearest, dead

[thats-the-wrong-question]

Hello L.S.! I'm Estesoca, but you can call me Teté! Well, it's strange to see a young girl with such a happy and rosy profile…but you don't know the many sorrows I've experienced in life. I've been betrayed by my friends, I've been humiliated, I've been the butt of jokes…but I've never been haunted by it.

liked you and found you admirable! I'm a person who LOVES texts and writing. In short: I'm a person who only likes texts.

I came from another country where most people don't seem to know you…but I don't care! I come straight from Brazil! (: I love how you can talk about every unfortunate thing and, maybe, a truth… (Don't worry, I don't really love them but… it's just a way of saying it)

Anyway, I wanted to talk about how I spend almost every day in a horrible classroom with annoying students and ask you… Have you ever had horrible classmates?

Greetings Teté, It's lovely to hear that the woeful writings to which I've dedicated my life's work could bring light to the life of another, even one in a country as far away as Brazil. And I do suppose, as unfortunate as it is, that the unfortunate events I write of do sometimes get closer to the truth than the cheerful sorts that many would rather believe in. I do remember my own days as a young boy, which were often plagued by the sort of people who entertain themselves by saying rude things, adults that were meant to take care of me yet really did nothing at all to protect me from the world's treachery, and classmates that were nothing but annoyances. So I do understand the sort of sorrow that can plague one of an age like yours. I can say that they tend to fade away with time, although they're often replaced by a colder, slower sort of sorrow, that is loathsome in its own way. You do seem, from what little of you I can guess from your letter, like a noble sort of person, one that questions the world around her and seeks the truth. I can say, if this is true, that no matter how things seem now, I believe you will someday rise above those 'horrible classmates' of yours. Fortune does not always reward good people, and even the noblest of intentions can become lost, like a ship upon waters that grow more turbulent by the day. But despite that, I continue to hope for the best, and believe that the the noble people of the world will someday be rewarded. Perhaps you will enjoy that turning of the tide. I'd like to think so. With all due respect,

[thats-the-wrong-question]

Dear L.S,

Have you any information regarding the Quagmire triplets? Whether it’s how they lived after the fire, before it, or what became of them after the end…

With all due respect,

Ven

Good day, Ven, As you may know, I have devoted my life and study mainly towards the Baudelaire orphans. Thus, much of my information on the Quagmires focuses on the overlap between their woeful lives. You are welcome to read these accounts if you wish to investigate this information. However, I assume that if you, dear reader, have come to ask me about the Quagmire triplets, you have already gleaned what knowledge there is to be learned from my previous accounts. What I have to offer, then, is this- While I know not what became of them afterwards, I do know with as much certainty as I can muster in these troubled times, that after reuniting with each other in the submarine known as the Queequeg, they came across a mysterious presence that I have no other name for than the Great Unknown. I worry that this information may instill fear in your heart. I likely know little more about the strange beast and its intentions than you do, and could not blame you for worrying about the young triplets. However, as strange as it may seem, I do hope for the best, in this situation especially. If three young children were able to return to Briny Beach for a third time, on an old, rickety boat, while taking care of an infant, despite the precarious nature of traveling by sea, it is not out of the question that your children of interest were able to do so as well. After all, I do happen to know that one of them was trained quite well in the methods of my organization, by none other than my own brother. I have found the other two siblings to be equally ingenious in moments of strife, such as being trapped inside of a fountain or under siege in the world's only Self-Sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home. I wish you well with your further research into the Quagmires, for while the truth is at times sad, there good reason to remain hopeful, especially in the case of children as intelligent as these. To lift your spirits a little, I offer you several scraps I have collected- a photo of the triplets in their youth, and a couplet, written by Isadora Quagmire in her commonplace book, which I found fluttering around the Village of Fowl Devotees while investigating that chapter in the Baudelaire's lives.

I hope that this information has assisted you in your efforts. If you are curious about some more specific detail, you are welcome to inquire further. After all, I cannot help but appreciate the efforts of a fellow individual who is as interested in the fates of such noble yet unfortunate children as I am. With all due respect and well wishes for your research efforts,

//ignore how young one of the boys looks in that photo, i'm not really sure where to find asoue looking photographs (if anyone seeing this runs one of those blogs with snicketverse photos please let me know how you find them!)

[thats-the-wrong-question]

Are there no happy endings, not here and not now? Is this tale all sorrows and woes? Did you dream that justice and peace win the day? But that’s just simply not how the story goes, Snicket.

Indeed I once dreamt that justice and peace might triumph over villainy. Yet sometimes, I worry that the noble people of the world are destined to be swallowed by treachery. In a world as fraught as this one, happy endings are a bit like a desserts at a funeral - a small comfort in an unfortunate situation. And they are indeed extremely rare. With all due respect,

[undr]

Jan Lauschmann, Sychrary Den, 1930

[visual-findings-disclosure]

Beatrice Baudelaire on her 20th birthday, photography by Lemony Snicket.

[feelinmissfeint]

File under: The Prufrock days.

From the remains of the Winnipeg Archive.

[visual-findings-disclosure]

Meeting hall in Mortmain Mountains Volunteer Fire Department Headquarters, before the fire. Through the open door in the back the library can be seen.