my jokes are bad

really really bad

[thatsnotpunny]

My clock broke but don't worry, it's only temporally out of order.

[thatsnotpunny]

I want to have a child so that I can name them "Yet Again." That way whenever they get in trouble I'll be able to say "Yet Again you're late for school..."

[thatsnotpunny]

Did you hear about the pet rental company?

They're now leashing.

[thatsnotpunny]

When it comes to making the shape of an "L" on your forehead, you need to make sure you've got the right hand for the job.

[thatsnotpunny]

When an opaque ruled pattern with transparent gaps is overlaid on another similar pattern and large-scale interference patterns are produced, that's a moiré!

[thatsnotpunny]

Where's should you keep notes on the latest goings-on?

In your abreast pocket

[thatsnotpunny]

A piano bar is a place where pianists can go to have a drink and play the piano, but if they have one too many then the bartender will step in and take their keys... all 88 of them!

[thatsnotpunny]

Hey what do you call a short sleeve shirt when you're very truly scared.

A "t-t-t-t-t-shirt"

[memewhore]

[thatsnotpunny]

My wrist watch is so temperamental. One minute it'll tell me one time and the next minute it'll tell a time that's completely different.

[thatsnotpunny]

I knew a doctor who accidentally ate an apple a day and they disappeared.

[thatsnotpunny]

When a person has a child it's apparent.

[thatsnotpunny]

What do you call it when joke masters don't put leading spaces before their clever wordplay?

"No pun indented"

[thatsnotpunny]

What is the reggae musician's favorite math topic?

"Loga-riddums"

[thatsnotpunny]

"Excuse me, but what is the oak coffee table made out of?"

"Wooden you like to know!"

[thatsnotpunny]

The reason the US Goverment never tells its citizens about UFOs is because they only have "Inalienable Rights".

[thatsnotpunny]

What do you call an arborist in Southern California?

A palm reader