Trashpool's Dumpster Fire

stormy | they/them | nonbinary trash panda | bisexual wrecking ball | WYSIWYG

[thatstormygeek]

You cannot rules-lawyer your way safe from bad faith

*jazz hands*

[scretladyspider]

demisexuality can be so hard to explain because it’s misconstrued as you just wanting to trust the other person before you have sex with them. and I get why the misconception happens. But demisexuality differs in that there isn’t sexual attraction at all before that bond forms.

I think what people have difficulty with is the idea that there are people out there who aren’t experiencing sexual attraction at all until a certain point, if ever, because we’re taught that sex, libido, and sexual attraction are all the same, both in and out of queer spaces.

And when you’re learning about asexuality and demisexuality, you may learn that people have romantic and aesthetic attraction separately from sexual attraction, and that sexual and romantic attraction aren’t necessarily intertwined, and that may challenge your worldview on sex.

But “I trust you enough to have sex with you” isn’t the same as “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone but you, and the reason I’m sexually attracted to you now after we’ve established this close bond is literally because of the bond of trust we’ve been able to form”.

It’s easy to see how those can get conflated. On the surface, if you’re unfamiliar with asexuality, they may sound the same. But it’s important to acknowledge the difference between “no sex until I trust you” and “no sexual attraction unless I trust you and maybe not even then”.

Demisexuality is housed under the asexuality spectrum. It’s part of the gray area between being allosexual and asexual. It’s part of why the definition for asexuality includes “little to no sexual attraction”. It’s a mostly asexual experience with an asterisk.

While being demisexual may have impacts on a persons sexual activity, even demisexuals have a varied relationship to the act of participating in sex. Libido and sexual attraction are not always intertwined either, which can make telling the difference tricky.

I think of sexual attraction as libido that has a compass. Since I rarely ever experience sexual attraction, but do have libido, it’s noticeable for me when that libido actually has a direction to go, rather than being a floating, nebulous, independent thing.

Remember, not everyone is demisexual. There’s a difference between waiting to have sex and not having sexual attraction at all until a certain point. This also inherently ties demisexuality to romantic attraction and relationships, and not all demisexuals are alloromantic.

But if you read what demisexuality is and think “everyone is like that” or “that’s just being a woman”, you either 1) are demisexual 2) don’t understand what it is or 3) both. And it’s okay to not know. Just as long as you’re willing to try to learn.

[runawaymarbles]

Been thinking more about guilt in activism and my current conclusion is "it's my responsibility to do what I can to improve this situation" is a useful feeling, but "I am an awful irredeemable person for being part of the problem" is counter-productive.

"I'm an awful person, the problem is all my fault, I can't taint any potential solutions with my awful hands, my entire contribution to the cause will be feeling bad about it in my heart" is, of course, the least useful of the emotions.

[runawaymarbles]

I do think it matters what's in your heart, but your actions are always gonna speak louder than that

[barrydeutsch]

You're Not Fat, You're Beautiful

A cartoon by me and Becky Hawkins.

[iamaine]

my most Millennial trait is that i want big screen to think properly. to compose my thoughts. app exists for your thing but no website? bad bad bad not good for think, need big screen for think. i wrote this post on the small screen btw

[creatingblackcharacters]

"While we like to give lip service to the diversity and open opportunity of our political process, the truth is that much of white America completely ignores the political lives of people of color- especially women of color.

We are often seen as a reliably Democratic voting bloc, to be pulled out each election cycle to vote for a mediocre white Democratic candidate and then put back in storage until the next election. At least that's how white Democrats see us. Many white Republicans also see us as a reliably Democratic voting bloc, to be prevented from exercising our right to vote at all costs. Sure, one is worse than the other, but both are pretty shitty.

Both the white right and the white left often like to assume that our issues are just "our issues," and that we may address them in our own little groups, but they have no place on the national stage. Any candidate of color who makes it to national politics will of course have to leave their racial identity behind in order to truly represent "real" America. And there is no way that a woman of color who insists on fully representing her community and her values would ever be able to garner enough votes to win any major election.

That has long been the case. And for many years, women of color who tried to lead with truly progressive values and refused to leave the issues facing their community behind did not often win elections. Over the years, merely existing as a self-proclaimed progressive white man was considered more than enough qualification to win votes. It has caused many of those white men to become lazy in their politics and in their connection with their constituents."

Chapter 6- Mediocre, Ijeoma Oluo

[victusinveritas]

[pisshandkerchief]

if you can accept that there will be trans men who look virtually indistinguishable from cis women, than you can accept that there will be trans women who look virtually indistinguishable from cis men. either by choice or by circumstance. and if you can't respect them the same as you would anybody else, you need to examine why that is

[hairscare]

comic ive been wanting to make for a while now! hope it resonates with people since i know my past intersex posts seem to have <3 being intersex and trying to figure out what gender im "allowed" to be has been an interesting journey but currently im learning to embrace being agenderfluid and having the potential to be anything i feel like no matter what body i have (something i havent seen talked about much through an intersex lens hence why i wanted to make a comic about it!)

[thatstormygeek]

As a person with an extremely Neurodivergent Relationship with words and language, the things techbros and the right wing have done to the way we communicate are constant burrs against my brain.

So many perfectly good words have been ruined by software dipshits and the management class/business guys. And now with the rise in right-wing influence, the worst people in the world get to declare any word off limits for everyone else simply by using it a lot.

wtf.

As an example, I'm not particularly attached to or fond of the word "slop," but I'm also a midwesterner who spent a quarter of my time as a kid on a farm (hooray for divorced parents), so it's been a word in my common vocabulary for most of my life.

But now some asshats have redefined it as something else and we all have to go along because that's the way the world works, apparently.

And just to be excessively pissy, but slop didn't mean "bad." It meant "low effort." Yano. Like sloppy? Oh shit...wonder what the root word of that adjective is...

You slop pigs, of course. Lots of folks know that one. But you can also slop your family. Though ideally not with the very same slop you're feeding the pigs....though pigs can and do eat leftovers, so maybe so. Outside of a traditionally rural context, you have artists who slop paint onto canvases. Cooks who slop soup into bowls. And so forth and so on.

Like I said, not a big deal. I'm just tired of having so little control over my own language and expression. To me, ceding control of language to bigoted bad-faith actors doesn't seem like a winning strategy. But what do I know.

[noelle-ism]

I will not call myself or other people "gooners" or "npcs" or "larpers". i will not call things i dont like "slop". i will not use terms like "-oids". i dont like how common language is slowly becoming more focused on shorthand terms for hate and apathy

[iamhavingsomuchfun]

[a-polite-melody]

It really fucking bothers me how much of people claiming trans men are privileged comes from specifically cis radical feminist definitions of gender and trying to claim that works perfectly when you port it over to trans people. And how much it has to ignore real transmasculine experience to do so. And as a result essentially says that the trans men and mascs who don’t fit into cis radical feminist definitions of man are lying and doing so to harm women.

[captain-price-returns]

gentrification is when trash goes in trash cans

[captain-price-returns]

Genuinely had to look up if this is a satire paper cause I can't believe anyone would actually publish this.

[thatstormygeek]

The other day we all woke up to discover the temporary president started another war in the night—this one against Iran. He's already waging a war against his own country, the United States. His rationales for both wars are hateful horseshit. The actions are unconstitutional. The murderous results are deeply unpopular. Nothing's stopping him from doing it, though, because he is supported by that same cult of personality—MAGA—that loves abuses of power as long as the people abused first and hardest are perceived as being the ones the cult wants to see abused, even, it seems, if those people are their own children. They certainly can't be bothered about other people's children.

Culture of Healing

Reparation, rehabilitation, redemption, reconciliation, restoration. A necessary taxonomy of healing in an age of unnecessary conversations.

As I said I'm a simple sort of person, so I start with simple things. What I see all around is trauma and harm, and incentives to create more trauma and more harm, all of which makes more trauma and more harm more likely. It's the sort of thing that speaks to deep cultural sickness and a deep cultural wounding, in which those who wound are rewarded and those who are wounded are blamed for it, which is how I know we live in a culture of abuse. I think liberation from sickness and wounding is something known as healing. So I put it to you that the answer to a culture of abuse is to build a culture of healing. The answer to a society that incentivizes and rewards abuse and nurtures and protects abusers is to make a society that incentivizes and rewards healing and nurtures and protects healers. What I'd like to do today is contemplate healing—what it is, what it isn't, how it works—so that, hopefully, I can construct a platform from which to operate. A quick count reveals I've written eight essays on our culture of abuse, so maybe I can make eight observations about healing, and then hopefully I can write at least as many entries about health as I have abuse. That's parallelism, baby!

[thatstormygeek]

You must be anti-racist.

It's crucial work. For all of us.

But.

It's not enough to just be anti-racist. It's important to continue rooting out the other bigotry you've internalized from living in a kyriarchy.

[thatstormygeek]

This post was inspired by the increasing amounts of blatant ableism and transphobia I've seen from anti-racists with sizeable audiences. That's not good, y'all.

[thatstormygeek]

You must be anti-racist.

It's crucial work. For all of us.

But.

It's not enough to just be anti-racist. It's important to continue rooting out the other bigotry you've internalized from living in a kyriarchy.