Bernard

Head Elf of the North Pole Bad news can be directed to Number Two: @curtistheelf

[the-arch-elf]

Hello Elves!

I’m Bernard, the Head Elf! I figured this would be an easier way to keep everyone updated with the happenings of Santa’s Workshop instead of standing at the top of the stairs and yelling.

Any questions, comments, and concerns about the workshop or Christmas magic may be directed to me. If it’s about the broken hot chocolate machine though, Quintin already fixed it.

On a side note, he’s kindly requested that candy canes are NOT put into the milk compartment. It doesn’t flavour the milk. It breaks the machine.

So stop doing that. Please.

Yours, Bernard

[the-arch-elf]

girllll it’s christmas day how are we feeling

Deeply exhausted and very festive

[the-arch-elf]

Happy holidays, Elves!

Santa’s route went off without a single accident. No hitches, no misfortune, and absolutely no injuries. (Alan will be giving the incident report; meeting to be scheduled next week when we know the extent of the damage.)

The Christmas party is tonight, so don't forget to drop by! There will be carols, dancing, and all the figgy pudding you can eat.

And of course, excellent work this year. I couldn't ask for a better team.

Yours, Bernard

[the-arch-elf]

SANTA IS BEGINNING HIS ROUTE NOW, EVERYTHING’S OKAY

[the-arch-elf]

Santa’s scheduled to leave in less than 2 hours and he left to take care of some family drama but “jeez, Bernard, it’s okay, it’s fine, I’ll be back before I have to deliver the presents.”

[lifeisablackhole9]

you fuckers thought i forgot about elf practice didn’t you?

[the-arch-elf]

*sits you down and forces you to watch spiderman 2002*

It’s a great film! The acting is fantastic, and it’s very visually pleasing. I actually liked it a lot more than I thought I would. I’d rate it a solid 4/5 stars.

[the-arch-elf]

Bro you've been on my christmas list for 2 years in a row now I need at least one of my celebrity crushes under my tree. You're a celebrity in my mind bro ily<3

You have good taste!

But also, please don’t put me on your Christmas list. I’m scared one of the elves will take you serious one day. Can I suggest putting something that isn’t living on your list instead?

Concerned for you, Bernard

P.S. love you too

[the-arch-elf]

Michael Buble’s, Frank Sinatra’s or the Jackson Five’s Santa Claus is coming to town?

None of them.

Listen, it’s a good song, and I don’t hate it. But between Scott singing that song all day on Christmas Eve, and Curtis playing it all the time at the workshop, I feel like my mind starts to slowly turn to mush every time I hear it.

Occasionally though, when I feel like messing with Curtis, I turn Michael Buble’s version on the overhead system and watch him go feral.

It never gets old.

Uh, but if I had to choose then the Jackson Five’s version. You can never go wrong with a classic.

Yours, Bernard

[the-arch-elf]

wow you should maybe ... try to figure out who locked you in there... that's crazy....

…curtis, do you have something you want to confess to

[the-arch-elf]

Getting quite a few “where have you been? Where did you gone?” questions lately so I’m here to clear it up.

I was locked in the walk-in freezer.

Hope this helps 👍

[the-arch-elf]

Marry me.

Your favorite baker,

Neo

This sounds like a threat, and I am scared.

Shaking in my elf boots,

Bernard

[the-arch-elf]

Now that Christmas is over can I have my short friend back, I miss them a lot

I guess you can have them back

[the-arch-elf]

why are you so beautiful

Healthy lifestyle of spite, loathing, and Christmas spirit

[the-arch-elf]

Happy holidays, Elves!

Another successful Christmas season! I knew we could do it. The Christmas party is this evening, so make sure to dress your jolly best and join us for a holiday feast. (The Secret Santa gift exchange will take place then too, so don’t forget!)

Amazing work this year, and again, happy holidays.

Love,

Bernard

[the-arch-elf]

Santa is off!

Per the regular route, Santa’s headed to Kiribati first (where it is presently just before midnight on December 24th at the time of this update) and then moving around the world to deliver presents and Christmas cheer!

Excellent job getting everything packed and onto the sleigh, Elves. I knew you could do it!

But our work isn’t done yet. Let’s break out the good hot cocoa and keep an eye on those radars. Hopefully we don’t run into any issues this year, but you can never be too prepared.

Good luck today, and happy Christmas Eve!

[the-arch-elf]

BERNARDD- neuehe i got a plan to catch santa lmao>:) ima pull a grinch, ima catch him and keep all the presents to myself, hold them hostage until they hand you over to me. (THIS is most likely a /j but idk yet-)

what

what do mean most likely a joke