Want to see the inside of my mind?

Here. It. Is.

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Why am I never enough?

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Desperate 09.29.18

I wonder if you notice 

If you’re here enough to see it 

The smile fading slowly 

The dim in my eyes 

My hands search for your familiar 

Yet unfamiliar warmth

Desperate to bring you back 

Knowing you’ve been gone for days

Weeks

Months

You’re here 

Yet I’m alone 

Wondering when you’ll return to me 

You may hate my words

But truth is all you see 

I’m desperate to be your cure 

A light on the porch 

That brings you home in the dark 

Your lighthouse when you’re lost at sea 

Your demons have a tight grip

Pulling you in further and further 

But darling 

I promise you one thing 

I’ll be here desperately waiting 

To reel you back in 

-s.p.

[the-blackjacket-blog]

I’m afraid

For years and years I have been terrified to let people see inside my mind.  To see the darkness that hides beneath all the smiles.  The darkness that has intertwined and clung to ever fiber of my being.  But without this darkness, who would I be?  

How can there be light without the dark?

My writings mean something to me. It’s a look into my soul.  And I may be afraid.  But if just one of you out there reads one of my poems and can relate or know that you are not alone in what you are feeling, then it’s worth it.  

Maybe it will make me feel less alone as well... 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

You See Me 08.26.18

You see me as your goddess 

Your safety net 

A beautiful masterpiece 

If only every kiss could change my thoughts

And heal a part of me 

If only every “I love you” untangled 

The hatred inside my mind 

You see me as your queen 

Your Sunday morning 

Your driving force 

But darling, I am only damaged goods 

Damaged goods who got her heart stolen

Unlike everyone else 

You see me 

You see me 

You see me 

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Your Presence 12.05.18

Like a dense fog 

On a silent night 

Wrapping around the trees 

Leaving nothing in sight 

Like suffocating smoke 

From a raging fire 

So dark 

And so heavy 

Smothering you 

Until no air is left 

The only thing remaining 

Is the deep color blue 

And the broken glass

We tried so hard not to step on 

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Friendship 10/21/18

A wooden shelf 

Fastened to the wall

Strong

Care free

Simple

But eventually 

The nails began to weaken

And the wood began to rot

Nothing remaining 

Except the holes in the walls

Holes that can be patched

But patched is all they’ll ever be 

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

3am thoughts 08.26.18

Deadly conversations

3am thoughts

You’d think with all the voices 

Inside my head

I wouldn’t feel so alone 

But here I am 

Like the last leaf left 

On an autumn tree

And I’m lonely 

And I’m afraid 

And I’m tired 

Just a lone wolf

Desperate to be heard 

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

I Could Lie 12.08.18

The desire to be seen 

Is consuming every ounce of me 

The feeling of being alone 

Is beginning to twist my mind 

Will you ever come home? 

Or have you forgotten where home is

How much longer can I pour myself into you?

I’ve been empty for months

How much longer can I put you back together?

I’ve been out of pieces to give 

Tried to mend you back 

But nothing ever stops you from leaving 

I could lie and say I’’m okay 

That I understand 

I could lie and say I’m not lonely 

I could lie 

I will lie

I lie 

s.p.

[the-blackjacket-blog]

The Black Jacket 02.18.19

They fill the stands 

Row by row 

Line by line 

Smiles across their faces 

But if you look closely 

In the back row

You’ll see the black jacket 

Thrown to the side 

Stepped on 

And forgotten like a passing thought 

--me

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Your Presence 12.05.18

Like a dense fog 

On a silent night 

Wrapping around the trees 

Leaving nothing in sight 

Like suffocating smoke 

From a raging fire 

So dark 

And so heavy 

Smothering you 

Until no air is left 

The only thing remaining 

Is the deep color blue 

And the broken glass

We tried so hard not to step on 

s.p. 

[the-blackjacket-blog]

Friendship 10/21/18

A wooden shelf 

Fastened to the wall

Strong

Care free

Simple

But eventually 

The nails began to weaken

And the wood began to rot

Nothing remaining 

Except the holes in the walls

Holes that can be patched

But patched is all they’ll ever be 

s.p.