Haru

21 | Blog 🌿 digital artist 🕊️ twt: @yyshiharu 📸 IG : @yyshiharu

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

220522

It's raining.. as if the clouds are crying their hearts out for the girl who cannot cry for herself.. She wanted to cry 'til she cannot cry anymore.. Maybe it's because.. she had found love again, but in a different face.

She never once thought of having a serious relationship with a love that was found online; She never once thought of having her walls broken down bit by bit; and she never once thought that her meeting with love will be so soon so soon that it has only been almost two years since she wrote about how frightening the thought of love is.

But she knows this is different. She hopes and prays that this one's way more different than her first encounter with love. She hopes and prays that this time, love is and will be patient; love is and will never rush. And she hopes and prays that this love will make sure that they are both on the same page; not keeping secrets nor breaking promises.

She once feared the phrase "I promise", because false love said those words without intending to keep them. False love made her think that promises are not worth keeping and are made to be broken.

But not with this love.

This love is patient and gentle Although there are times of disagreements and shared differences It still chooses to be gentle and kind It's not as shallow nor fragile as the first It's not really something to be afraid of But the only thing that triggers are the wounds from the false love she once had

Deep cuts that made her almost not believe in love anymore Deep cuts that made her question every green flag every bare minimum Deep cuts that made her think that "oh, so this is what healthy love should be?"

Because this love listens this love tries to comprehend to communicate This love's act towards her triggers her because of the things she did not know she deserved The way this love acts made her question if she is worth any of the bare minimum any of the soft gestures and being heard

And this love made her believe in genuinity again which scares her the most especially with the thought of its banishment But she hopes for the best she hopes and prays that this one will be the endgame that this one will last forever.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

210317

Covid...

She understands now..not that she havent processed the whole situation, given the fact that it has been a year since its widespread.. She understands now,, because she is currently experiencing it first hand.. And seeing people being all relaxed and chill made her feel more nauseated than she had ever been..

She badly wanted to stay at coffee shops to do her schoolworks and study.. She badly wanted to visit the newly constructed park in their city that is near a lake.. She badly wanted to go to places to feel at peace and yet..she never attempted to do so.. those things that usually helps keep her sanity intact were sacrificed for her to not get the virus and at the same time, for others to no catch the virus as well.. and yet people kept going to places which are objectively unnecessary to go to...

People still go to coffee shops, restaurants, barbecues, beaches,,, as if there is no life-threatening virus lingering in the air.. as if the country is now able to say that "YES, WE HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED COVID-19", but NO. People in the government are visibly incompetent, and with people's impatience and inconsiderateness, the situation had gotten worse. The incompetence of this government is the core reason why covid is still in this country the soul reason why the economy is dropping the real reason why everyone is still suffering..

People die everyday, but not this cruel. Some people should not have been dead if the virus had been taken care of sooner. Impatience and inconsiderateness of the people was mentioned, but the reason for these behavior is how the government has been treating the pandemic for the past year.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

210315

Rambled thoughts. Her mind was as rambled as her art materials, waiting to be organized. She once thought of love as something people enjoy; something that could bring only happiness to people's hearts. Love is something that can make people scared and feel brave at the same time.

She once thought that once she found love, it will never fade away in complete vanish. She once thought that love is this constant thing people can offer to others, as was mentioned, it brings joy. She never thought of how love could damage people, and how finding the wrong one could actually ruin the trust she once had.

She once found love in a most weirdly expected way. She often has crushes, only mere infatuation to others. Before finding love, she almost fell upon someone deceitful and tiresome - she almost let that person go deeper into her life without realizing sooner that this person was a fraud and never was honest. She found love while doing something she loves. She found love without having doubts if this love was the right one for her. She never once thought that this person might be as deceitful as the almost. She never once doubt that this person might not share the same views as her. She only thought of how much she wanted to risk for that person, because that's how she saw love upon others.

Risk. Risking for something stronger than anything you have ever felt is neither something regretful nor rewarding. Risking something is never planned; something no one knows the thread's end.

She knew, that risking her life for something she had never felt before was worth while, and facing the inevitable could change her perspective forever.

She knew.

And now, that person could be fleeing towards the other end of another rope, thinking that maybe she had gotten better now, after leaving her wounded.

He never knew how hurt she was...how hurt she has been..

She never knew what love is again.

She never knew how real it was again.

Everything she knew and risked about the love she found...everything now is just..pain.

She never thought how this wrong love could change how she sees love now. She doesn't even know love anymore.

She was certain of one thing though.

Love is patient, when it's right.

She was wounded when love found her. She had scars, and continuously received wounds from sharp words and eyes that kills. That person saw that, and she thought he would still stay after seeing her world.

He did. Two years.

He grew tired, and love vanished.

That was not the right love for her. She knew, that once the right one comes, she does not have to change. She has to endure, and face the cruelty of life. The right one would never leave, the right one would hold her hand and face everything with her together, even when she pushes it away. The right one would be like the elephant trainer who never left the lonely elephant 'til that elephant sees how wonderful the world it is. The trainer held the elephant and went to its journey of healing together; as for the right one would hold her hand and make her feel like she is in safe hands.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

201117

20:45

So I just finished :RE pt. 1...waiting for our internet to return ASAP para madownload ko pt. 2..

tbh, as i was watching the anime..i grew more emotionally attached...siguro kasi yung pagiging introverted ni Kaneki,,it kinda hit home..and the hatred of how the world works..tangina minsan naiisip ko na sana nandoon ako sa mundong 'yon at kaibiganin si Kaneki,, just like Koutarou, i would love to have a chat with him..

Maybe this is me badly wanting to meet someone to talk to na kapareho kong mag-isip..or maybe I'm just lonely,, kasi i have no one to talk to about how I question life everyday..

why am i here

why do i even exist..

or the mundane things like

bakit arki kinuha ko e alam ko namang hindi 'yon yung buhay na gusto ko..

why do i have to be trapped sa National Building Code kung may choice akong iexpress ang ideas ko nang walang naghihinder sa akin..

why do i have to live in a way na i should always consider others first before myself..

why does putting myself first sounds harsh and fucking selifish.....

at first akala ko si alyssa na yung makakausap ko about those thoughts kasi she seemed like she has answers..

but then naalala ko, pinipilit niya sa sarili niya yung ideal na dapat you're in a group..you should coordinate with a group.. and not be so individualistic because it is selfish and inhumane..

then again, what is inhumanity..what are the factors that would make you inhumane..what does it take to be humane..

stuff like that..

as if wanting to isolate myself from time to time and just enjoy my company is a crime..

but it isn't...

akala ko rin si {redacted} na yung magiging partner ko sa pag"question" sa mundo..

he does have a lot of questions in mind..pero sobrang absurd naman.. like alternate universes, multiverse.. altho may possibility naman talaga yon..pero those aren't the questions i have in mind..

he may question humanity and our existence sometimes,,pero he often conveys those questions na parang pinaparamdamsakin lalo na ang lungkot mabuhay hahahaha

and now... now i realized that when you put your 100% trust on someone as quick as a month, you'd get hurt a lot...reason why i kinda dont want to connect with others anymore..

i do want affection,,pero the fear hinders me to actually take the risk again..

anw

balik sa kanina

i don't want to live in guilt anymore haha and idk if my questions that doesnt have any concrete answers are one o the reasons of my almost everyday headache..minsan din kasi hinahayaan kong idevour ako ng mga iniisip ko haha...

nakakapagod mabuhay..

pagod na ako.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[ 20.09.16 // 00:35 ]

Today was a fine day; and this art of mine was a few weeks old now. The story behind it was bittersweet - as warm and as cold as the current season.

I met a wonderful person way back summer of 2017, and I kid you not, he was one of the best persons I have come across with in my entire life. We share the same interests, some hobbies; and our differences made our relationship more interesting than it already was. He’s a very open-minded person who seeks freedom of expressing his emotions; a person who wants to be heard; a human of passion and love for music; and his eyes glistens with mixture of courage and fear of the inevitable - he’s just..perfectly imperfect.

But our relationship lasted only for two years due to some problems that is kind of out of our hands. We were unstable, full of doubts; fear almost ate us whole, and the unexpected came to life.

This place was our safe haven, our place of quietness and peace. Our first closure took place at this very spot, and honestly, I still wish to sit here, alone or not, just to remember the days of bliss and bitterness; to remember the lasts - last hug, last kiss, last touch..

last goodbye...

And up to this point, I still occasionally cry about it, thought that wasn’t really our last encounter because our paths met again after three months (but it didn’t worked out lol).

And after a year, our paths crossed once again,, we’re friends now, and honestly, it’s better than nothing. I don’t want to lose this unique person again. 

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[02.08.25]

Nude Art.

I have been contemplating a lot if I should post this on my artstagram (for there are way more sensitive people there than here on my tumblr page). Why? Because it is something debatable, something that not everyone could understand.

Nudity does not necessarily equate to something sexual. Our bodies are not just made for sex (well, technically yes, but you get the point). Nudity is a form of expression; a form of art. Nudity in different art forms mostly advocates self-love and being comfortable within one's skin—body positivity.

Think of it this way (if you're religious though), our bodies are like sculptures that God made from mud(?), and sculpting is a form of art that requires patience and love for what you are doing; and you expect human sculptures to be ALWAYS sexualized? Think again. We are all initially made naked, and only sick people would sexualize a child born with no clothes.

That's all. I suck at writing, but I wouldn't mind if you teach how to end a paragraph. HAHA! I had fun painting this though, it's my first time painting a human body, such a refreshing experience. Good Afternoon.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[bts-trans]

200819 Suga’s Tweet 

가라 다이너마이트! #Dynamite pic.twitter.com/QUuPPraDip

Off we go, Dynamite! #Dynamite

(T/N: The tweet could also be a possible reference to Pokémon catchphrase: “Pikachu, I choose you!”, in this case - “Dynamite, I choose you!”.)

Trans cr; Faith @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[20.08.24 // 18:22]

Remember when I said that I am currently studying architecture? Hehe well here are some of my architectural studies that I have been working on since the day I started studying more about watercolor. The first photo, though, was one of my plates from Visual Techniques 1 (Monochromatic Rendering).

Hope y'all like it :)

[olllua]

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[20.08.24 // 15:20]

TW: Anxiety and Brokenhearts

Looking at these pictures makes me feel the warmth of the life I wish I have; a life where I have my own pace, my own decisions, and own entirety.

These past few months, I have been endlessly wishing that I have my own speed when it comes to doing the things that should be done and the things I just want to do (e.g. painting). Being all anxiety driven for almost everyday is kind of tiring; but I honestly don't have the power to avoid the things that gets me agitated because only a few people genuinely understands my agony with constant human interaction (well, interactions with strangers, at least).

So what I do is that, whenever I am in that certain situation where I have to communicate with people I don't know, I look at the sky and smile. Such cloud formations makes my heart feel warm and at ease; and that's why my feed here and on instagram looks warm and periwinkle like. uwu

Having this fear of constant interaction is hard, so please do not force someone when they genuinely do not like interacting with people who they think they wouldn't get along with (I know this is odd, but 99% of the time, intuitions are correct, well, based from my experience though).

Welp, thanks again for reading my rambled thoughts. Have a great afternoon! ✨

[dailyexo]

Sehun - 200821 Instagram account update: “Soon”

Photo links: 1, 2

Credit: oohsehun.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[20.08.24 // 11:51]

Good morning! So I have finished taking a photo of my finsihed work. The original artwork was from Butter (link at the end of the caption), and because of my emotional breakdown last night, I decided to make art as something to make me feel better (even a little :<)..

So, how was your morning? Mine isn't that really good, well, I wasn't really able to wake up earlier than 11am HAHA! Anw, the song was Sugarvine, originally by Vocaloid. A friend of mine recommended it to me, saying that listening to that song reminded her of me. lol And while reading the lyrics, dude istg I can kinda relate to it, especially with the first art of the song where it says that the person who got dumped went to a coffee shop and thought deeply about what just happened while sipping a cup of coffee. LOOL A THING I WOULD DO. hehe

So yeah, thanks for reading, have a great day!

• original art from: https://youtu.be/-4-3Blu8aEs •

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[20.08.24 // 04:18]

Before I go to sleep, I just wanna share this artwork of mine that I made a few weeks ago uwu

• original by urbanowicz •

a painting request by my ate Jules HHAHA 🤗💜

I painted this while being in the middle of what they call an "art-block"..and while I was in that pit hole, my friend sent me some artworks that I think were made by an artist called urbanowicz (search this hooman out, s/he is superb!!💯💯) So, because of my art-block, this painting took me three days to finish; lack of motivation and low self-esteem made a few hours art-work into a few days. But at least, it came out quite nicely, right?😅

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

hey baby, wanna play with me? please? just one round then we’ll go to sleep.

i have a bunch of knives here, in different kinds, i have a butcher knife, bread knife, etc. want one? haha.

i wanna play, connect the dots /smirks/ and your precious body will be my ‘paper’, my knife as my 'pen’ and your freckles as the 'dots’.

i’ll tie you down honey, on your bed. You and your body, oohlala, the game is exciting me.  as i connect the dots from your neck to your upper body, moans everywhere, blood is comin’ out making me more excited. You screamed for my name, “this won’t hurt” i whispered upon your ears as i cut your skin from your chest to your wonderful abs. I wonder what your abs will look like when they’re covered with blood *u*

“uggh, haruuu~ yaaa~” you screamed again, my goodness you excite me once more, and i almost finish connecting the dots on your upper body.

Blood is all over the bed. Both of us were lying against your bed full of blood from your bloody body. I kissed you on your forhead full of sweat and asked you if you enjoyed our game. And i’ll cut you harder next time.

you just nodded and said “you psychotic little bitch, it will be your turn next time” i smirked. Kissed you on the lips, hard as you like. Then we slept, still lying on your bloody bed.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

dude I WROTE THIS??????

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[20.08.24 // 04:00]

TW : DEATH

Hi! So i just wanna share a thought of mine that has been lingering for a few hours now..

"People come and go"

Easy to say, but hard to swallow. People come unexpectedly in our lives, and randomly contributes tints and shades we never knew we would need to fill up our color palette. I'm not making any sense, eh? Well, a friend, who's not really that close to me, died a few hours ago.. and it really made me feel devasted..despite the fact that we have'nt spoken in a while now, the thought of that person not being here anymore, stings.

People come and go, yes, but how about acceptance? grief? Is it as easy as how we say say the phrase? Nope. This pandemic has taken a toll to the mental health of many of us, and people dying right before us isn't any of a help..

And what I'm trying to say is, please, if someone's having a hard time swallowing some pill, please do not make them feel invalidated. Those people have been hurt, even for the lightest of reasons, or even reasons that doesn't really involve them that much, but still affects them deeply. I was told to not cry about the incident because I wasn't THAT involved to the person who passed away..and as cliché as it sounds, it didn't help ease the pain..

Thanks for reading my rambled thoughts, have a great day.

[the-caffeinated-snowflake]

[FIRST POST AFTER A LOOOOONG TIME]

Hi there! I'm wintercaffeine, and a little background about myself, I am a 19-year-old architecture student who's currently studying at Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila (University of the City of Manila). I started making art at the age of 6 (a cousin of mine taught me basic crayola rendering HAHA), and here I am now : D

Anw, welcome to my Tumblr account! I will post my artworks here just like how I post my artworks on instagram! But unlike ig, I will post my progess here, as well as videos (if i have time hehe). Do note that I am still in the process of improvement, so please don't hate me if my work did not please you : ( hehe thank you!

(here's a work-in-progress art that I just made earlier this evening✨)

Mats used:

• Seamiart Watercolor

• Zhu Ting Artist brush

• Limelight Sketchbook