Large Heart, Tiny Photographs | Doggy Paddle: A Memoir by Sirius Black | Snowflakes | Raindrops | Meggi’s Magical Ice Cream | What I Would Do | Maybe He Should Tell Her | There’s Only One Hospital Bed | I’m Gonna Steal The Marauders Map | Lightning Strikes | Who Knows Who Cares
She was there, staring into infinity and finding herself staring back.
With the stars shining, the painting came alive, shimmering and sparkling and bouncing its brilliance around the room[...] With a gasp, Lily noticed the dots of light reflected onto her dress, her arms, the glare catching in her eye. Like a disco ball, the painting scattered its light. She looked down at herself and saw that she was made of starlight.
Who Knows Who Cares, Chapter 17
We have to start by being honest. Being in Harry Potter fandom sustains the visibility of the IP. That’s just the truth. Even if you’re not spending money. Even if you’re just reading fic, or making playlists. You are still part of the reason WB thinks this franchise has cultural power. We think we’re just vibing in fandom, but they’re watching (and there’s this odd sense that this is somehow an underground movement). The WB marketing execs measure every post, and what they see is market potential. That’s why the official WB TikTok teases Wolfstar (and teasing is the operative word because in places where openly queer relationships are illegal they need to have plausible deniability so they can still flog merch there), they know there’s a market here, and they want to tap into it.
I say all this as someone who came back to fandom during the pandemic while I was looking in the abyss of my soul via EMDR, and who escaped to the HP universe during some of the worst years of my life. I’ve made friends here, and this space has been so nourishing for me.
But none of that changes the truth: this is a morally grey space, and pretending it’s not is intellectually dishonest.
Just to add nuance, being here doesn’t make you evil (it doesn’t mean you support JKR’s views), but it does mean you need to hold that discomfort. And that work goes way beyond having “fuck JKR” in your bio or writing x character a wearing eyeliner (your shipping opinions are not activism and your reimagined canon isn’t a shield).
Because if you’re still here (and I include myself in this) you need to ask yourself: what am I doing in real life? Not to "offset" the guilt, not as performative atonement, but as a reflection of the values you claim to hold . Are you standing up for trans people in your personal life? Are you donating, sharing resources, pushing back in your workplace or your family? In the UK are you lobbying your MP to challenge the high court decision? There’s a myriad of real-life things you can be doing.
You don’t have to leave fandom. But you don’t get to pretend it’s harmless, either.
After her best friend is reaped for the 50th Hunger Games, Asterid March is left drowning in grief and stuck with an unwanted canary. But a certain Burdock Everdeen has a plan to fix all that.
A Hunger Games One-shot
My mother always said my stomach was stronger than my heart. She didn’t like how much time I spent playing healer in the Seam, didn’t understand how I could meet bone and gore with a stoney face but crumple under the wide-eyed stare of some soot-stained brat. She was right, of course. Not about the less fortunate miner families on the other side of town, but about my weak heart. Ever since I could properly think about life, I was susceptible to drowning in its sorrows.
Most days, at least outwardly, I kept the ever-rising tides at bay. Did well at school. Spent time with friends. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday I clocked into my shift at the family shop—our District’s only apothecary—with a friendly smile for every customer. Then at night I would quietly ruminate over the fear and pain and grief that choked our town, choked me, more than any amount of coal dust ever could.
When James Potter took a teaching post at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to say his appointment was met with skepticism would have been an understatement. But now, James – Professor Potter – at the ripe age of twenty-two was, in his mind, a seasoned veteran embarking on his third year of teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Lily Evans had been eagerly awaiting a promotion to reporter ever since she moved to London and began working for the Daily Prophet. Now her first-ever assignment finds her undercover, posing as a seventh year Hogwarts student, set to discover some of the school's most thought-provoking secrets while juggling academia, making friends, staving off admirers, and getting to know her professors.
Coming soon to an AO3 near you
special shout out to @the-dream-team for making this og banner back in 2020 :')
Everyone is gearing up for the 74th Hunger Games, a year that should be just like any other year.
Lily just wants to get the games over with, even though there is no getting back to normal in District 11 for her. In the years since she's won, she's alienated herself from her sister and she's started fighting with her childhood friend. She feels like she's a few seconds away from screaming at any given time.
It's James' first year being a mentor. It's only his third year since he won his own games, and he knows there's not much he can do to help whoever is picked as a tribute. Every one knows it. The job of mentor is just to keep you from putting distance between yourself and that games. He won, but with each passing year, it feels more and more like he lost.
The Capital citizens love Sirius Black. He's from District 4, he's not one of them, but they are fascinated by him. He's all over billboards and he's invited to all the parties and events when he's in the Capital. If they're lucky, they can snag him for a date. Everything about his life looks so glamorous, and he hates all of it.
All of their lives take a dramatic turn when Mary MacDonald throws a wrench into how the games always play out.
She was there, staring into infinity and finding herself staring back.
With the stars shining, the painting came alive, shimmering and sparkling and bouncing its brilliance around the room[...] With a gasp, Lily noticed the dots of light reflected onto her dress, her arms, the glare catching in her eye. Like a disco ball, the painting scattered its light. She looked down at herself and saw that she was made of starlight.
Who Knows Who Cares, Chapter 17
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️
Omg hello Fel, my dear <3 I was actually just rereading some of my old stuff to help get through some writers block with new stuff (originals! not fanfic!), so perfect timing!
Large Heart, Tiny Photographs
My love letter to all the side characters who contributed photos to Hagrid's album he gifted to Harry in Sorcerer's Stone :') All my favorite lines I've ever written are in these vignettes. Molly and Remus's chapters are especially dear to me and I'm just very proud with how this fic turned out! It's depressing as shit... You're going to suffer, but you're going to be happy about it! Y'know the vibes
2. Meggi’s Magical Ice Cream
I wrote this one-shot as a way to basically vent about my own ice cream shop job in college that I hated with a fiery passion! This is the only fic in which I've fully written Lily as a self-insert. She is me. I am her. This fic is my diary. The only difference between us is the blossoming romance with the sandwich shop boy (I already had my own sandwich shop boy at home, thank you very much!!)
3. Snowflakes
At 12 years old, tweenage Dylan went on a family ski trip and her already fanfic-riddled brain said "jily should be here." And thus, Snowflakes was born. This is my baby. It's completely absurd and plagued by awful 2000s tropes, but I love it dearly. In a desperate attempt to remain canon-compliant, I ended it with a crazy plot twist that bothered me so much it forced me to return to fandom almost a decade later to write a sequel, and without that, I wouldn't have started writing again! Or met many dear friends! So thanks baby Dylan!
4. Who Knows Who Cares
After reading Beach Read by Emily Henry for the first time, I decided to try my hand at proper contemp romcom banter, but leaning more YA. As someone whose adolescence was often haunted by her repressed bisexuality, I wanted to write a story about acceptance and I think it turned out well! I enjoy rereading it, at least hahaha and the readers who reach out to let me know they feel seen by Lily's story make me so grateful <3
5. What I Would Do
HAD TO INCLUDE SOME FEM!JILY FOR YOU, FEL!! Some people think that WKWC was influenced by my own experiences, but in reality I put way more of myself in this little two-shot! It's cute and fluffy and features a much more pleasant side of ice cream than MMIC does lol Also, Fem!Jily February was the first time I participated in a fandom event of any kind and it was so magical and there were so many wonderful fics that year, I could cry just thinking back on it now :')
🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
Garganeys, because I wanted to write about migratory ducks.
❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?
Inspired by the ending of Spiderman: No Way Home, an AU where Harry makes everyone forget who he is to defeat Voldemort. He returns to finish his Seventh Year, only Ron and Hermione don't remember him and Ginny cannot help but be drawn to him.
(I can think about two or three writers who would ace this, but no pressure)
🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh
i just wanted to say i'm so so so incredibly grateful for you for writing who knows who cares... i was really struggling with being bi and on the aro/ace spectrum in the past 2 years. especially since some irl people i thought to be my friends were accusing me behind my back of being a lesbian pretending to like men and/or queerbaiting amongst other things. i genuinely think reading your fic changed my life... i'd go as far too say it kinda saved my life too... even when i felt alone and betrayed reading wkwc made me feel seen and like i was able to keep going. the way you wrote lily's character, the way you wrote other characters reacting to her being herself, all the emotions and experiences you showed. everything was perfect for me. this is probably the best representation i've ever felt when seeing someone else's creation. this paragraph in particular is one of my favourite things i've read... like ever:
“This is actually the happiest I’ve been in a long time,” she continued despite James’s look of confusion. “No, really, it’s just… for so long now I’ve felt extremely insecure about myself and my bisexuality. Even before coming out, I was basically obsessed with how people would react to it—how my family would respond, how my friends would see me after they learned… And then after Idid tell people, my worries shifted to how the queer community would see me, if they’d accept me,if I was ticking enough boxes to fit the right definitions. It was exhausting. I basically lost myself trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be. But these last couple of weeks, with the help of my friends, and the community, and even you… I realized how infeasible it was trying to control what other people thought of me. Because, in the end, who cares? The only one who needs to know me... is me.”
^ this paragraph is so incredibly special in ways i can't even describe. i also adore the way you described pandora lovegood's art and the way lily is entranced by it... i love the concept of using mirrors to see yourself as part of beautiful artwork... so much that i wish i could see it in real life:
In front of her, painted in painstaking detail, was the night sky. Or, more accurately, it was the universe. Swirls of violet galaxies overlapped burnt-orange nebulas expanding across the dark blues of the piece. It was nearly identical to one of those pictures NASA released from their extra-fancy telescopes, but as Lily stepped closer to the painting she could pick out the humanity of the brush strokes. Little hand-made squiggles off the ends of a comet, a stroke of paint thicker than the others, a fleck of purple trapped amongst teal.But more importantly, up close, she could see herself.
Every dotted star spanning the entire painting was actually a blank space, revealing the mirror on which the piece of art was created on top of. In place of every star, where every glowing sun should have been, Lily saw glimpses of her freckles, of the red in her hair, the greens in her eyes.
Her lips mingled with planets, ears flew alongside asteroids, nose made up the moons. She was there, staring into infinity and finding herself staring back.
Without warning, a light flipped on somewhere behind her, angled perfectly toward the piece so that every exposed bit of mirror illuminated like glowing embers. The shock of it—the beauty of it all—sent her staggering backward in order to see the full view of its magnificence. With the stars shining, the painting came alive, shimmering and sparkling and bouncing its brilliance around the room.
With a gasp, Lily noticed the dots of light reflected onto her dress, her arms, the glare catching in her eye. Like a disco ball, the painting scattered its light. She looked down at herself and saw that she was made of starlight. An amazing laugh escaped her throat, which constricted as she felt a tingling sensation in the corners of her eyes.
the way she feels so much that i could so clearly see and feel everything. i wish i could see the art you imagined... i was wondering are there any specific pieces you thought of when creating these descriptions? i'm in awe of your talent and you really helped me when i was struggling to stick with the things that brought me joy. at the time of reading wkwc (how is it over a year ago now?!) i tried so many times to put into words how much your story means to me... now i've realised that it is impossible to describe how important this has been in the past 2 years of my life. even now i can't help but get emotional even if i reread just one paragraph or even a sentence. thank you so much for sharing your beautiful writing... you truly have a special gift <3 sorry for the rant but i really wanted to let you know how much i appreciate you... thank you!
Wow!! I don't know how to properly respond to such a kind and thoughtful message other than saying thank you thank you thank you a million times over <3 It's such a privilege to have readers like you who can relate to this story and its characters on such a personal level. It means the world to me that wkwc helped you in any way and I so appreciate that you took the time to share this with me :)
I've gotten a lot of questions about Pandora's art in the past, and I wish there was a real life piece I could point to because I'd love to see it! Actually, I'd love to be able to paint it myself, but unfortunately I was not blessed with those skills hahaha
However, I can go into more detail about how I came up with Pandora's art under the cut! (some light spoilers and rambling discussions about themes below)
Okay! So! The main inspiration came from wanting to incorporate mirrors as a motif in the fic, seeing as the story was largely about self-reflection. There's a line where Marlene calls the mirrors heavy-handed—which I agree with to an extent haha—but I wrote the story with a younger audience in mind, so I thought the symbolism should be clear and concise.
Another big theme is representation, so I wanted to really hammer that home by having artwork that Lily could *literally* see herself in. Sometimes that's more direct, like when she sees her and James in the "Car" painting's review mirror or within the faces of the "Happiness" paintings. Sometimes, she just catches glimpses of herself, like in the "Universe" piece.
As for the painting of the universe, this is a little more abstract but I wanted Lily to be able to transcend the whole idea of labels that she'd been really caught up on the entire story. At this point in the fic, she has to let go of her preconceived notions that there's a "correct" way to be bisexual and realize there are infinite ways to be queer and they're all correct! To me, nothing says "infinite" more than the universe hahaha so that's how I brought those three ideas together to come up with the idea for the final painting!
I kinda tried creating the art in this old banner I made for the fic... I blended Lily into this vague universe-esque painting I found on pexels.com and then the words "Who Knows Who Cares" are meant to look like mirrors. I'd like to say I'm better at photoshop now than I was a few years ago lol
Anyway, this is way more than you asked for, but since I've gotten comments and asks about the paintings before, I figured I could include a deeper dive here!
Thank you again for such a lovely message and I hope you continue to find positive representation in all the media and art and life that you experience <3
“Here we are,” said James, breezing into the bookshop as merrily as the jingling bell that announced their arrival. “Hotbed of dangerous political activity, and all that.”
He peered around cheerfully. Though he, Remus, and Peter had arrived on the early side, arms laden with signs for the protest they’d crafted in the dormitory earlier, the place was already quite full of activity. He’d been inside this tiny little shop once before, and it had been utterly empty. Today, however, it was teeming with people, all students, all milling around picking up books and chatting.
“Blimey,” said James. “I guess we successfully got the word out?”
“I’d say so,” agreed Remus. “Here, give me those signs, I’ll set them up on a table over there to hand out later.”
“Right you are.” James unburdened himself of his political paraphernalia and turned back to beam around the shop, basking in the bustle of activity as one might enjoy a really sunny day. He’d been quite grumpy on the way over, to tell the truth. They’d taken that tunnel hidden behind the mirror, not wanting to draw attention to their protest signs and Muggle clothing, and James had engaged in a good sulk most of the way about the fact that Sirius had opted to stay behind to “get to know Garrett.” It didn’t take a genius to spot that Sirius was, one might say, up to no good.
"Lily Evans liked girls. Well, she liked boys, too. Bisexual. That was the term she’d settled on." After 22 years spent in the closet, Lily is excited to finally start dating girls. In fact, she's quite determined to make up for a lifetime of relationships with mediocre men, and the messy-haired boy who works at the art museum isn't going to change her plans anytime soon. Definitely not.
Chapter 18: Who Cares
You could let it down
Jump into the river baby
Easy as it sounds
It's never quite as easily done
The current has us now, it's okay
Take into account that it's all about to change
Who knows, who cares
No one's been there
But I don't care
I know all have been there
I don't care
I know
-Who Knows Who Cares by Local Natives
I just wanted to take a minute now that Who Knows Who Cares is finished to thank everyone who has read, commented, or interacted with this story in any way <3
When I started writing it back in October 2021 (like what the heck!! that was a lifetime ago) I was mostly focused on telling a story that I wish I could have read, myself, as a confused nineteen-year-old trying to grapple with liking girls while in a loving relationship with a boy. The fact that so many people could relate to Lily's journey—which I originally assumed would be a rather niche topic—was such a wonderful surprise and I'm so thankful for how rewarding this experience has been.
Tis the WKWC season! Happy NYE from me and my New Years fic <3 Finishing this story and watching it live in the world was such a bright spot in 2023 and I’m so thankful for everyone who has been so lovely about this little fic :’) I hope everyone has a brilliant 2024 (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
@hprecfest Day 4: A Fic With Art
(both literally and in the text!)
Who Knows Who Cares by @the-dream-team
Ship: James/Lily
Rating: Teen
Relevant Tags: Modern-Day AU, Muggle AU, Queer Themes, Light Angst, Bisexual Lily Evans, Holiday Vibes
Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 80,036
Art Here and Here!
"Lily Evans liked girls. Well, she liked boys, too. Bisexual. That was the term she’d settled on."
After 22 years spent in the closet, Lily is excited to finally start dating girls. In fact, she's quite determined to make up for a lifetime of relationships with mediocre men, and the messy-haired boy who works at the art museum isn't going to change her plans anytime soon. Definitely not.
I haven't written anything (yet) for jilytober, and when I do it will (mostly) be lighthearted, but if you find yourself really wanting to stew in the aftermath of James and Lily's deaths, I'll just point you towards my recently finished fic:
Large Heart, Tiny Photographs [9ch | 23kw]
Hagrid reaches out to James and Lily's "old school friends" for photographs to create the album he gives Harry at the end of Philosopher's Stone. Each chapter follows a different character as they look back on their memories of Lily and James and deal with the aftermath of the war [yes, there's a Remus chapter]. I've been told it's quite sad, so if that's where you're at this October, then this might be the depressing fic for you </3
Hi! Just binged Who Knows, Who Cares and wanted to tell you it was amazing and I enjoyed it so much. I'm bi and haven't dated a woman yet and could really relate to lily in her thoughts and I feel super validated. Thank you for this masterpiece ❤
Anon ❤️ Thank you so much for reading! It’s such a nice feeling to know this fic is still finding it’s intended audience now that it’s finished 🥹 And thank you for sending this very kind message!!