Subliminal Sadness

This blog will be offensive and sad. It is not one of those 'feel good' things. It is mostly just thoughts of a depressed college drop-out. Good luck to anyone who looks at it.

[the-drunken-loner]

One for the Ages

I was doing good. For so long, I was doing good. And then it all came back. The depression, The anxiety, The emptiness, All back. And it’s worse than ever, But that’s fine, It can’t last forever. It’ll go away in time. For now, I’ll keep pressing, I’ll keep pushing, and keep fighting, It’s all so frightening, Fast as lightning. So I try to do the right thing, and push myself through living. But it’s hard. It’s really fucking hard sometimes. If I make it through this, It’ll be one for the ages.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Everyone wants to live like a boss on a dirtbag’s salary. I just want to live like a dirtbag on a boss’s salary.

[the-drunken-loner]

They say...

They say your friends will be there when you need it. They won't. Never have been. Never will be. Or maybe it's just you? You push everyone away. Never did get close to anyone. Never let anyone past that barrier. And it eats you, y'know? Like some kind of parasite. From the inside out. At first, you don't even notice. And by the time you figure it out, you've got noone left. Even your family doesn't get it. They get being sad. But they don't know what it means to be the one blocking your own happiness. They don't know. So no matter what they say, carry on. No matter what they say, push through. Because even if you do wanna die, even if you push everyone away, even if it is your fault, You are you. And you are alive. And you are strong.

[the-drunken-loner]

And i think

I think the internet broke me. It chewed me up. It spit me out. Turned me from my relationships. So now i sit in my room And i play games. And that's okay. I'll never have a real relationship. I'll be lonely my whole life. But i'll be able to talk to anyone. Anywhere Anytime. Because i'm not afraid to talk to people. I'm afraid that people will leave. Because they always leave. And i'm like this, Because i'd rather look at a screen, Than at a face.

[the-drunken-loner]

I have no doubt

That for honor is fun to play. That does not make it a good game.

[the-drunken-loner]

Right

So I'm watching my aunts dog for the week. But i got out of work early and i had to go to the bank. Well i was also waiting on a package to get to my house that was marked for delivery today. So i decided to go get my package after i stopped at the bank. My package wasn't there. Okay whatever the mailman was down the street. Did a few things i had to do at my house and headed back to my aunts. Checked my mailbox on the way out. No mail even though the mailman dropped off mail while i was in my house. I know cuz i saw him at the house before mine. Think 'oh well. Maybe tmm.' But not 10 minutes into my ride back, my mom texted me saying my package arrived. Tomorrow is a long day and i won't be going home. Stuck between wanting a short day thursday and needing more hours to pay my bills.

[ruinedchildhood]

[the-drunken-loner]

I chased this girl for years...

She posts 'someday i'm gonna marry a nerd.' Girl you had your chance.

[the-drunken-loner]

I haven't slept in weeks.

Bills are piling up. Work is slow. Short on cash. I'm on the edge. I gotta do something. Nothing makes sense anymore. I need some rest.

[the-drunken-loner]

Plant log: germination

Currently i have procured 12 seeds of premium quality. They have been placed in water to germinate. Hopefully we can get all 12 to germinate. With a bit more luck we might be able to get them all to be feminized.

[the-drunken-loner]

And i'll fly into the flame, Just to save myself some shame. Try and steel myself from fame, Just to keep myself sane, And control this mighty pain, Just for what i have to gain.

[the-drunken-loner]

Stressed Depressed Looking at my life like a test. Lonely Only me Time is moving slowly.

[the-drunken-loner]

Fuck off

'You guys gotta stay late but these other people in your area get to leave early and the 4 of you are gonna be the only ones in the building for 4 hours while you stay late and everyone else goes home early. What the fuck is this company doing?

[the-drunken-loner]

Building slowly, Go from feeling, Just a bit lowly, Breaking the ceiling. Rising up to the top, Is a struggle all the same. But you can never stop, Or you will go insane.

[just-shower-thoughts]

People go to prison for amounts of marijuana that I, as a resident of a recreational state wouldn’t bother picking up off the floor if spilt.

[the-drunken-loner]

Changes

You've walked a lonely road. And your eyes are mighty bowed. Forgotten, the fields you sowed. The trials you overcome, Have been over cumbersome. And as you beat upon the drum, Lights will shine upon the prize, If you keep the world clockwise. You are destined to become wise.

[the-drunken-loner]

The seductive flora

A seed in the soil, Some green and some foil. Water and light, A splendid sight. Little green buds, Start to show their suds. clip them down, Trim them up. A rough grind, and a small fire. I'll show you the canna, The seductive flora.