Cry's for help

[the-falling-ember]

I feel broken.

Something is wrong with me.

A piece of my heart is missing. I can feel it, somewhere... but it feels so far away. nowhere within reach.

I don't know if its a software issue or hardware...

I've been experiencing a lot of crashes recently, but i don't know how long I have until a simple system reboot stops fixing me temporarily.

Until I am forever a empty shell of leftover hardware.

[the-falling-ember]

Can people not see me malfunction? Can they not see that it takes more time and energy to perform the simple tasks that I was programmed to do? Why haven't you run a diagnostic test? Something's wrong. I've been telling you for a while. I wasn't kidding. Why would I? Do I not risk being taken apart and probed by calling for help?

Can you not see in my most internal part of me, that is neither software nor hardware, I have given up on myself? Can you not see that I have resigned myself to the fate of being cast aside by you, left to rot in a landfill?

I have no more hope, I lost it a long time ago. Though I somehow manage to lose more when my cries fall upon deaf ears.

[the-falling-ember]

Now that same part of me, that is neither hardware or software, is screaming out. Your words and your text aren't helping, that monitor you are typing on and speaking to are merely an extension of me. That is not my computer.

Your words are neither replacing my hardware nor rewriting my code. Even if they were that's not where these screams are coming from. It is not something you simply fix.

It is only broken after years of neglect, mistreatment, and broken trust. No this is going to take time to heal. No one ever sticks around long enough to heal it. Only long enough to shatter it even more.

[the-falling-ember]

And in that dream, I will say everything I wanted

That every day after May, I haven′t found what I needed

No one has come close to you

And I don't think anyone will

...

I have a feeling you got everything you wanted

And you′re not wasting time stuck here like me

You're just thinkin′ it's a small thing that happened

The world ended when it happened to me

[the-falling-ember]

also why do I get so goddamn attached to people?

y'all are complete strangers to me, yet I get so emotionally attached. Just because you let me ramble to you.

My mood gets so fucked up over y'all sometimes

there's no way this is healthy at all.

I don't know what to do.

I need help

[amosqueraa]

I feel rather mysterious Today Every day I fantasize Of something more Than just reality You ever wonder What it's like to be me? There's nothing much I can bring Unless, the twitches in my eyes Are of interest

[the-falling-ember]

guys I finally deleted the photos from when we were together!

I'm still not over them, in fact I miss them dearly.

but I am proud of myself for it!

[the-falling-ember]

I miss them so much still.

It's been months of heartache yet I can't get over her.

I tried to hook up with someone the other night but once I got home I felt so guilty.

I just felt like shit.

I'm trying I really am.

but I don't know if I can do this.

[the-falling-ember]

my fucking windshield broke.

I just spent 120$ replacing my rear breaks.

it's going to be another $400 to fix the windshield.

[the-falling-ember]

I'm so fucking sad

I still miss them

nothing's changed

I want it to end

[the-falling-ember]

Only the dead have seen the end of war.

[the-falling-ember]

I finally realized, I don't want to die.

I'm just waiting for a reason to live.

[the-falling-ember]

my fucking head hurts

[the-falling-ember]

[the-falling-ember]

I hate this world so much.

Why is it so corrupt?

And why must my only hope for salvation be me find a genie.

Or for a global uprising.

[onemorebeforeigo]

Chosen family over the people I’m related to.

[the-falling-ember]

Always.

[the-falling-ember]

Tell me, why wasn't I enough?

[the-falling-ember]

what does it say when I'm too depressed to even bother to get drunk.

don't even care enough to give myself a few hours of ease.

[the-falling-ember]

it's crazy how I can feel so alone and depressed while not even 5ft away from my friends.