The Gray Knight

Hey there, my names Dan. This is going to be a very personal blog, where I explore my interests and life in general. be warned that's likely also going to include me getting dark at times while I work through my traumas. I want to move on in life abd improve. This is where I'm going to get it all out. It might end up sounding like a lot of complaining but please bear with me as I work through things.

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Who I am

Alrighty, this is a personal blog so let's get personal.

Name: Dan, or you can call me Astor here too

Age: 30

Interests: Fantasy, psychology, cats, games, poetry, spooky things

Newly out as bi. I tend to like fem or nb people. I'm still figuring it out and how I fit in all it.

I have an amazing partner, who has been very supportive of my journey

I struggle a bit with weight but I've been working on improving myself

I love to read, love to write, rp occasionally

I'm adopted

I have chronic Insomnia, depression, adhd, trauma, and anxiety

I used to write poetry

I want to go back to school to study behavioral psychology

Currently work in a warehouse

This all feels a bit cringe to me but I'm going to grin and bear it to express myself and heal

[artofwinterleigh]

An Angel of Despair

[smhmyheaddude]

I love you children's shows fans, I love you obscure object show fans, I love you random books you read as a kid you were never able to forget fans, I love you random web comics fans, I love you campy movies no one has ever heard of let alone seen fans, I love you old fanfiction that will never be updated again fans, I love you random game you found on steam that you love so much, I love you people who refuse to let obscurity drive them away from something

[yuumei-art]

Mycella Nightcap It's getting close to my favorite spooky season and my head is full of art ideas sprouting like mushrooms ahahaha

I'm really excited to go mushroom hunting after my move to Sweden. I actually poisoned myself once because while the mushroom I found was edible, the tree it was growing on was toxic and leached toxins into the mushroom. I vomited three times, 0/10 do not recommend. I'll have be to extra careful when foraging in Sweden!

[yuumei-art]

I painted this 12 years ago but it is more relevant than ever today.

YOU ARE FREE

[mint-clackelroy-deactivated2026]

Hack for if you're struggling with ADHD paralysis and you can't get started on a task:

Step 1: Add some silly rule to the task to make it more interesting and whimsical.

Step 2: Pretend Sam Reich just told you to do it.

Here are a few examples that have worked for me recently.

(Bonus points if you can hear @samreich in your head. "Alright, players, for your next challenge" 🎶ding🎶)

[catchymemes]

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Holy shit! (I thought I was the only one.)

[deeptrospection]

[kenapiece-main]

Can you believe I'm having to make this meme even after successfully finishing up taxes and applying to job

[rederiswrites]

The real thing with ADHD is not "I forgot", but that forgetting is this ongoing process. I remembered! And then I forgot.

At ten this (hypothetical) morning I remembered that I have a meeting at six. And then from 11 through 3 I worked on other stuff and had zero thoughts about that meeting. Maybe even thought about what I was gonna do with my evening at home. Got attached to the idea of taking the time to make a good dinner, maybe play some video games.

And then at three I said, "Oh! Fuck!" and remembered again, hopefully long enough to set an alarm. And then I went to the bathroom and remembered that I need to clean the counter and spent twenty minutes cleaning the bathroom and went to get a snack and then at five I said, "OH! FUCK!" and had to scramble to dress like a real adult and get out the door.

It isn't one clean forgetting. It's a constant process of forgetting and then, with an exhausting adrenaline spike, remembering. And then forgetting. Baby, I can forget the same thing more times in a day than you ever forgot your parents' anniversary.

[the-gray-knight-astor]

God same, it's so jarring every time. The only way I can even kind of cope is the constant reminders and alarms but even then those are starting to lose effect.

[suffering-and-misery]

adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

[the-future-is-chrome]

the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Ugh, it's so weird realizing you're queer later in life. Like suddenly so much makes sense that never did.... but I also feel like I'm kinda relearning who I am as I'm getting more honest with myself. That's been hard sometimes... having to look deep into the mirror like that. Hard, but still rewarding.

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Oh my God, the "lol so random" culture was the brainrot of our generation. With sub-genres like YouTube poop and whatnot transitioning in-between.

[crybabysatan]

Personally, I miss it. We wouldn’t have TikTok without the entire “lol so random” era that gave way to YouTube poop and then later Vine. It’s an entire genre of comedy based on layered memebased improv. It’s what gave us both deep fried memes and Naruto the Abridged Series(funny story, the softcore porn line in episode two got me grounded once), Bo Burnham, and the Lonely Island. I’d even go to say that it is the ONLY thing that keeps some Twilight fans engaged online half the time lmao. I’d honestly call it the most problematic art form I have ever enjoyed, having turned 10 and discovering MCR and Tumblr in ‘05. Pretty much the only nostalgia I have if I’m completely honest.

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. It's become a strange nostalgia in upon itself almost, that I think alot of the folks that grew up around that time are starting to feel.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Stop just asking "is it normal?" and start asking "is it harming anyone?" Lots of harmful things are normalized in this society and lots of things considered weird or rare are completely harmless. Whether something is considered normal or common shouldn't be the deciding factor in whether it's okay

[the-gray-knight-astor]

Oh my God, the "lol so random" culture was the brainrot of our generation. With sub-genres like YouTube poop and whatnot transitioning in-between.

[yuumei-art]

How I painted Space Void with moon eyes~ I have a huge backlog of painting videos to share, but they take so long to edit down from hours to a minute 😭I wish I had discovered the timelapse hack for Paint Tool SAI sooner, sigh...