When the Onion makes shit up, it’s funny and satirical.
But when I do it

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@the-meme-crusader
When the Onion makes shit up, it’s funny and satirical.
But when I do it
I am something of an Icarus apologist. If I was trapped in a cell in the center of an infinite maze and suddenly granted sudden freedom, I too, would cock it up immediately.
Now for a more modern example. Take a new driver. They get a car and their parents are no longer criticizing every move, the instructor isn’t looking over their shoulder. What happens? They noticed the speedometer, wonder, ‘how fast can this really go?’ Don’t act surprised when they get a speeding ticket in the first year. But once they do get a ticket, or crash the car, they’re much more likely to drive safely. So let Icarus fly high before sending him over the sea.
The demons are fast but I’m faster.
I’m fast as fuck boiii
I’m not just trying to beat the game. I’m trying to complete it.
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G O F U C K Y O U R S E L F C O R P O B A S T A R D
Book that was good: I liked it 👍
Book that was bad: this sucked 👎
Book that I wanted to like but which failed to live up to my hopes: I am going to write 10,000+ words explaining exactly why this book wronged me
it’s monday i’m in the labyrinth
it’s tuesday i’m in the evil lab
it’s wednesday i’m in the time loop
it’s thursday i’m in the medieval torture apparatus
🌸it’s friday i’m in love🌸
When will you stop breathing over my shoulder and just fuck off
“I don’t even have disgust for you. You’re pathetic. I almost pity you.”
DFAC choccy milk ❤️❤️❤️
The demons are fast but I’m faster.
When assessing problems, you must consider your ability to solve them and their severity like you’re triaging patients.
Extreme severity but on the opposite side of the world and you make under 5k a month? Not your problem. It’s what the Red Cross is for. Support them and other humanitarian organizations.
Low severity but in your house? Do those fuckin dishes.
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There should be an option to punch Myers at the end of Phantom Liberty.
This fucking song always plays in the worst parts of my life.
Life was better before my dumb ass raised my stupid fucking hand in that office.
Fuck this.