Today, I fucked up... I got grounded by the wife
Ok so brace for a long one. Iv'e recently had an operation on my jaw to remove a large cyst, so I have been bed ridden these past few days just wasting away watching shit daytime television and countless episodes of sunny. To cut a long story short, the other day I decided to take the dog for a walk, completely against my wifes/doctors advice. In all honesty i knew that she would kill me if she found out i’d left the house–but she was in work and I just had to get some fresh air on a beautiful day.
On my normal route around the park I couldn’t help but notice a group of kids stood by a large fence. So I swoop over to investigate, and the kids had accidentally kicked their ball over the fence; the majority of the kids were under 12 so weren’t able to retrieve it. Do you remember what its like losing your only ball on a beautiful day? Yeah, exactly.
Now im quite an athletic dude, or so i like to think so, so in some badass sequence I hand the dog to one of the kids, roll up my sleeves, set my phone to one side and made my ascent. It was all going well until i reached the top. As I mentioned it was a hot day, so my hands were quite clammy, and as I slipped my legs over the top the palms of my hands gave way like water through a sieve, next thing i felt my t-shirt suspend and cut right up into my armpits; I was caught on a fucking fence.
Picture me fucking dangling there, every kid behind me on the ground, stomachs clenched with laughter. A few thoughts go through my head, firstly I tried to get out but honestly the top of the fence had cut right up into the neck of my t-shirt, with a 12 foot drop below me. I then try to grab my phone but swiftly realised i left it on the ground…Fuck. “Kid, unlock my phone, call my wife” I strain. The kid in the midst of a laughing fit follows my instruction, and knocks my phone onto speaker phone. I proceed to explain my prediciment to which my wife replies “For fucks sake”.
My wife swings by on her lunch hour, and led by one of the kids she finds me suspended (i’d been hanging for at least 20 minutes). So to bring the story to a close, my wife cuts me free and I climb back over. She gives me a row in front of the kids and following a few “oooo’s” from my new pals she drags my dumb ass and the dog back to the car. Its now safe to say that im grounded with a new lesson learned.
TL;DR I left the house against my wifes will, tried to be a hero, got caught on a fence and got myself grounded by the mrs.
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