To you in 2000 years... never pass up an opportunity to pee.

The collected journal works of those in military conscription, warriors with shitty parents, and annoyed Eldians... including field notes, family recipes, illustrations, and discarded letters of resignation. We are all alive except Marco bc lol RIP.

[the-snk-diaries]

Marco: Entry 2

Oh, fuck I'm dead.

Fuck.

No wonder.

...

But this is fun so I'm gonna haunt the shit out of some people.

-Marco

[the-snk-diaries]

Mike: Entry 1

Dear Journal, 

It seems that we have a ghost around here...and it seems that I am the only one aware of it. Why is it in a world where titans are a real thing but ghosts are allegedly impossible? Nay. I can smell a ghost from a mile away and I’m compiling as much evidence as possible to present to the Command---Commodore...whichever...whatever...so as to verify there may be something more to this world than we see. But also a ghost army would be really fucking sweet?? No more dead soldiers; they’re already dead? Now hiring: ghosts with telekinesis? Also ghosts that can make Eren stop yelling? Army of undead. There’s literally no downside. Except as a sensitive person with annoyingly good instincts and razor sharp senses, this shit is keeping me awake and I feel grouchy most of the day.

Thus far, I have witnessed:

Footsteps over my bunk, directly above my head on the floor above me

Doors opening and closing

A disembodied male voice saying “Jean you idiot” (but it might have been in my head?)

Puddles of water in the library

Dark shaped darting around on the edge of my vision

Something slapped my ass in the showers ( I don’t blame them but...)

I discovered a collection of forks arranged lengthwise end to end on a table in the mess hall, hours after cleanup. 

A book flew off the shelf in the library and hit Eld in the face

The only person that seems to believe me is Nanaba...and maybe Petra...but that’s because they witnessed the assault on Eld. Can’t be sure. It might be more than one...in fact I’m fairly certain that makes sense. 

Tomorrow, Nanaba and I are going ghosthunting in the library after our daily duties are over. We’d bring Erwin along but...he’s too easily distracted by reflective surfaces. Like a betta fish. Gotta love him. I stare at him too.

More soon, 

Mike Zacharius

[the-snk-diaries]

Marco: Entry 1

I took a nap in Trost and now I have no idea where I am.  More distressing than being lost, however, is the discovery that I appear to be missing a body? That’s not a good thing to lose, Marco you need that! Ugh, how did I manage it? I don’t know.  In order to try to remedy this little problem of mine, I’ve begun practice with human possession! Which...hasn’t worked yet but my command of the chicken form is quite good.  More soon,  Marco

[the-snk-diaries]

Reiner: Entry 3

Journal,  I think I’m getting it sorted out; being home has been a pleasure. And by pleasure I mean I await the sweet release of death were it not for les adorables that seem to look up to me, and I don’t want to set a bad example.  I have roughly sorted them in my mind to inspire me to stay upright until I can pass this ‘privilege’ on. To keep sharp and stay focused on what’s important, I refer to them as: Gabi: Cousin Eren Udo: Smol Bert Zophia: Smoller Annie Falco: Mini Me Colt: Jean 2 Electric Bugaloo (Don’t let this one drink) Gotta keep my head on straight; they deserve the world.

-A Warrior

[the-snk-diaries]

Hanji: Entry 3

Greetings to you journal! Now that I am in charge, the lists of things I am no longer allowed to do has been trimmed by...quite a lot! Unfortunately, I can now refer to this list as the things Levi won’t allow me to do despite my rank. Poo. 

I cannot use the heat from Eren’s titan form to fire my pottery. ...Or Armin’s. I may use neither to fire my pottery. Which is a waste of thermal energy.

I may not keep a live octopus in my office and refer to it as our mascot. 

I may not attempt to teach the vocal titans to sing. 

I am not allowed to refer to our time at the shore as our ‘beach episode’. 

Despite our seizing of many ships, I am not permitted to refer to myself as “Commodore”. I reject this notion.

I am not allowed to eat the foreign tinned herring ‘for science.’ 

Despite my innermost desires, I am not allowed to punch Flocke in the face no matter how many of Levi’s decisions he questions. 

Necromancy is still forbidden, despite evidence for irresponsible contract magic having been the reason we’re this fucked to begin with. 

I cannot keep all of the books, but I can read them. 

Referring to Grisha’s diaries as ‘my precious’ is too weird for Levi. 

More soon my little unformed titan friends! Until then, keep visualizing peace and victory! -Commodore Hanji

[the-snk-diaries]

Admin Post

If there’s a character you’d like to see an entry from, send it our way. We’ll catch it.

[the-snk-diaries]

Connie: Entry 2

Holy Supercalifragilisticexistentialcrisis! Within one friend, lies an enemy! And then you take the enemy and ...within them lies a friend! And then...within the friend an enemy who is friends with your friends!  IT’S LIKE HUMAN INCEPTION! WHEN WILL I WAKE UP!?

[the-snk-diaries]

Reiner: Entry 2

It’s amazing what a solid 8 hours of sleepy time will do for a man! I’m refreshed! I’m flexin! I’m …back in Marley living in a goddamn nightmare. And I’ve adopted children. Thank god they don’t call me daddy.

-Reiner, out.

[the-snk-diaries]

Levi: Entry 5

Journal,  Apparently I’m not allowed to shave the entire survey corps. Or forcibly bathe them. There are a lot of rules I disagree with but probably these two suck the most.  More later,

Captain of the Unwashed Irritated Leader of the Questionably facial haired masses.

[the-snk-diaries]

Willy: Entry 1

I don’t know why no one else hears the booms??? The booms! They’re in the sky, I think. The earth doesn’t make that sound…the booms are carried on the air. Somewhere up there beyond the blue an ancient civilization watches over us…revelling in their titan experiment. There is no devil, there is no deal, only aliens. And the lead one, their leading scientist…is in Eren Jaeger. I know it. I can feel it. They can’t fool me. NONE CAN FOOL THE MIND OF WILLY TYBUR AT IT’S PEAK KNOWINGNESS! Aliens.

-William Cosette Tyber the IV

[the-snk-diaries]

Erwin: Entry 3

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.  A body like this cannot be killed by any means mortal or mythological. 

I’m back, baby. Yours in beauty,  Commander Handsome

[the-snk-diaries]

Hanji: Entry 2

Good Afternoon, Journal!  I have missed you. 

I’ve been rather lax in my daily recordings because frankly I’ve been on the verge of some major discoveries about things that actually matter, but since I love Erwin dearly I will continue to fulfill his request that I write.  The list of things I am no longer permitted to do continues as such:  -I am no longer allowed to create land mines without warning the MP that they explode.  -I am no longer allowed access to food coloring and various dyes unless for holidays which require their use in celebratory egg format.  -I am not allowed to take fabric samples of the Green MP unicorn patch to see if the horn bears healing properties.  -When I create weapons, I am not allowed to give them frankly adorable names like ChimChim, Sweetums, or Fluffylumpkin; Titan Slayer.  -There is no national “Dance With Your Horse” competition, and I have never won it four years running.  -I am not allowed to tell civilians that Moblit was created in my lab.  -I am not allowed to claim that Levi is a reverse titan, even if the reverse of a titan would in fact be a human being I think. No matter how small. -I am not allowed to paint our 3dmg harnesses funky colors.  -I can no longer suggest that a deer would be a suitable steed for Levi and Armin both no matter how practical the idea seems to me.  -I’m not allowed to try dipping Annie’s Crystal in a vat of boiling water until it is cold enough outside to freeze. And then, I am not allowed to call it Stone Soup. -blade boxes cannot be fashioned into gigantic harmonicas to see if the titans have any musical aptitude.  -I’m not allowed to paint useless diagonal lines on the butterknives so the Scouts can slice butter aggressively because it looks like the tiniest of paring blades. (Seriously why do our blades break off like this-- it isn’t as if that has any use at all that I’m aware of...we use the entire edge to slay titans not just the tip that breaks off.)  -I can no longer keep specimens anywhere but the designated lab areas, and especially not in Levi’s room even though he has more room and better light for growing plants than I do in my room.  -I’m not allowed to make hooch in the bath barrels.  -Kick Me stickers apparently stopped being funny in primary school. Apparently. -I cannot claim that Annie’s crystal is a Titan Egg that we can hatch.  -Animal calls are not acceptable in place of human language when greeting one another in the hall.  Anyway, it’s been a productive week for me. I’m sure I will have lots more to update with later!

-Hanji

[the-snk-diaries]

Nile: Entry 2

From the Desk of Commander Nile Dawk:

Memo: 

Someone has shipped four carts of horse manure to my home address.  Someone has replaced the ink in my inkwells with grape juice.  Someone glued my sandwich shut at lunch.  Someone also glued my chair to the floor and all of the objects on my desk TO the desk.  Is it any fucking wonder I can’t get anything done around here? I feel like I spend more time un-fucking the situation-also-known-as-my-life than I do focusing on my job and it’s really starting to piss me off.  That reminds me. 

Someone also replaced the liquid in my flask.  That’s it. I’m hiring a private investigator. And Erwin Smith is gonna foot this bill. 

-C. N. Dawk

[the-snk-diaries]

Mikasa: Entry 3

Dear Diary, 

I recognize that I don’t get paid all that much for all of the hard work I do, but could we at least all respect the hard earned occasional luxury purchase and leave it be? We all have things we miss about civilian life, I’m sure. I cannot help that half of my fresh beauty products are also made out of edible ingredients, but the SCOUTS WHO DECIDED THEY WANTED TO SPREAD MY FACE CREAM ON THEIR BREAD IS GOING TO GET EVERYTHING THAT’S COMING TO THEM.  And not from me directly. I realize it had honey in it. What you didn’t realize is that it also had dandelion and nettle extract in it. RIP your bowels.  You reap what you sow, motherfuckers. 

-Mikasa

[the-snk-diaries]

Petra: Entry 1

Dear Diary,  It is impossible to get any sleep these days. Half of the scouts are down with a cold, the other half are absorbed in some variety of table top gaming that goes on well into the night with its shouting and carrying on. It isn’t very professional in my opinion, but I guess it can’t be helped. People are getting nervous about autumn settling in as usual and never being sure if we have enough food to last us through the winter.  I’ve decided to spend some extra time in the gardens this week to make sure we have plenty of rations. Getting some dirt under your fingernails is a lot better than some of the alternatives of our profession.  I just wish I could get some sleep. I’m nearly to the level of exhaustion when you start hallucinating. On top of the sick house we’ve seem to become, there’s also a sudden spike in bear sightings in the area. I have no idea where they came from, all out of nowhere like that. I thought it was crazy until I actually saw one myself and realized it wasn’t Mike carrying logs after all.  Alright, that’s it. I’m spiking my chamomile tea to get some rest.  More later,  Petra Ral PS: Whoever gave the Captain a copy of Lord of the Rings is going to hear from me. 

[the-snk-diaries]

Eren: Entry 3

Dear Diary, 

I am writing this from the dark of the deepest dungeon we have. I didn’t even know we HAD this level of dungeon. It’s like a dungeon upon a dungeon. The Scouts delved too greedily and too deep. I now know what they awoke in the darkness down here: shadow and flame. I have indigestion. Ok, actually I made the mistake of calling Captain Levi a hobbit for that last note. I think he took it the wrong way, and to be fair I was only repeating what Jean said under his breath and of the two of us I was easier to catch. I would never directly call the Captain something that might make him feel self conscious about his height. I didn’t make the connection until it was too late.  But as it is.  Drums, drums in the deep.  He is coming. 

-Eren

[the-snk-diaries]

Levi: Entry 4

Journal, 

In an attempt to reach the younger recruits on their level of comprehension, I have been encouraged by some to deign to become familiar with things popular for their age group. Whether or not it will actually help isn’t important I guess, because pain is otherwise a pretty great motivator I can fall back on. Still, in the interest of broadening my horizons, I have attempted prose on the following task-list memo:  Three meals for scouts, this promised have I If Seven dorm buildings are scrubbed clean to each stone Nine stables for mucking are also nearby To please One Commander working alone. One mop to wash it all One task to consign them One squad to weed it all Or in the dungeon I’ll bind them In the land of fuck this I hate rhymes Eren I’m not kidding.  Just clean headquarters and don’t let me catch you cutting corners. A clean dorm is a happy disease free dorm.  Erwin has the Ring. 

-Levi