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official daine visual archive
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YOU ARE THE REASON
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
cherry valley forever
todays bird
oozey mess
EXPECTATIONS
Mike Driver
Game of Thrones Daily
roma★
Color Me Curious
ellievsbear
RMH
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
macklin celebrini has autism
ojovivo
The Stonewall Inn
NASA
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seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from France
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seen from Honduras
seen from United Kingdom
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@the-ultimate-tsbs-kin
Okay I think this is like the third time i made an intro but uhhtmfmm
Hiii I'm N and this is my account!
- Fictionkin (currently N!)
- Plural (4 fictives atm, Mud, Breadhead, Ken the butcher and Solver Cyn)
- Glitch show enthusiast
- Darkshipper
- Physically we are 20!
- Any pronouns will do
- Abroromantic asexual
Alter accs:
- @mud-the-rotling (Mud)
- @solver-of-the-absolute-flesh (Cyn)
Minors DNI please! Thank u <3
funniest thing I’ve ever seen I think (not to be mean to the creator, this is lovely might check out their blog). it won’t happen again they promise
YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME THIS LATE IM GONNA START LAUGHING TOO HARD AND WAKE MY SISTER UP-
Pinging User-ID-@the-ultimate-tsbs-kin
Big bruvver N, another Cyn wit a human host is lookin fur ye, luv. -Dr. Cyn
Someone in the comments said the blog is proshippers dni lol
Immediately excludes me, for obvious reasons... they would not like my primary canon 🥲
Best of luck to that person tho!
Istg there's only like a small handful of Hazbin characters that are actually written well, and Vox is towards the top
He's written SO well. The way he manipulates people, including allies, makes a lot of sense. And it's not even just that he manipulates, it's HOW he does it. He used to be a cult leader more or less, and it definitely shows.
Lucifer? Awfully done. Vaggie and Charlie? Kinda suck. Husk? Holy shit he's written so badly. Alastor??? GOD they completely fucked up his entire character.
If only the like- 3-4 characters that weren't written like they're from a 13 year old's first edgy fanfic actually saved the show lol. Vox ALMOST makes it worth it.
Took a tiny break from AU making to draw Dr. Cyn @forgivemeomycyns :3
I’m not very experienced with drawing braids but I hope they look somewhat normal heheh
It looks smashing, luv! Spot on! I will treasure it-
The braids look positively spiffing, m8! Thanks loads fur th fanart. I'm truly chuffed te bits. And you're a very cool human te ave followin me! Cheers! -Dr. Cyn
Oh this is it!! That's so sweet, congrats sis!! I haven't gotten fanart since my first tumblr blog (now gone, bad memories, that.) What a lovely thing for someone to make!
Murder Drones button designs
We're button buddies. Or YOU'RE button buddies!
Pinging User-ID-@the-ultimate-tsbs-kin and @chillinlikeavillain811
[Giggies.] -Dr. Cyn
Oh those are so cute!! I love the colours! The fandom makes such cool stuff :D
Indeed they do. Just got a nice bit of fanart from onea me followers. Pinned it te th top. -Dr. Cyn
I need to go look at that
Murder Drones button designs
We're button buddies. Or YOU'RE button buddies!
Pinging User-ID-@the-ultimate-tsbs-kin and @chillinlikeavillain811
[Giggies.] -Dr. Cyn
Oh those are so cute!! I love the colours! The fandom makes such cool stuff :D
Psssssst pssst its ur secret admirieirirr!!!!!! i think ur soso cutie patootie and and also a good big brother eee *mwah* (thats me giving u a kissy!!!!!), i run away now eeeeee byebye big brother!!!!!!!
– ur secret admirieir (NOT YOUR LIL SISTER EEEE /lying)
:000
Oh jeez, I wonder who this could be!!!
@chillinlikeavillain811 babe help a stranger is making moves on me :(
Sorry secret admirer person, but I already have a little sister! I mean-.... a girlfriend!
EEEEEE BIG BROTHERRR IM THE STRANGER, I MAKEDED THE MOVES ON YOU EEJEDJFMFJEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!
:000
AAAAA PLOT TWIST!!!
Eee that's a happy ending :3!!!
Psssssst pssst its ur secret admirieirirr!!!!!! i think ur soso cutie patootie and and also a good big brother eee *mwah* (thats me giving u a kissy!!!!!), i run away now eeeeee byebye big brother!!!!!!!
– ur secret admirieir (NOT YOUR LIL SISTER EEEE /lying)
:000
Oh jeez, I wonder who this could be!!!
@chillinlikeavillain811 babe help a stranger is making moves on me :(
Sorry secret admirer person, but I already have a little sister! I mean-.... a girlfriend!
This is weird. Found some old doodles from high school. I remember my art being way worse when I was drawing. I mean, not that these are amazing or anything, but I was expecting worse. I don't even remember some of these. I don't even remember that art style in the Sun and Moon ones. You can really see what my old interests were lol.
movie night
first time trying to shading/lighting, hope to improve from here!
Ha. Used te be th o'her way round, luv. Somethin merciful bout me being able te finally rest while he finishes th movie. Our pajamas are both really sweet! -Dr. Cyn
Pinging User-ID-@chillinlikeavillain811 and @the-ultimate-tsbs-kin
AAAA THE PUPPY SLIPPERS!!!!
This is such a peaceful image. I miss having these movie nights. She used to insist on spending the whole movie cuddled up to me lol.
Very sweet picture ^^<3
Indeed. Again, it was th o'her way round when somethin spooky was on screen, luv. Ye'd snuggle up next te me. I dinna know what te do, plonker that I was, so I jus kept still. Called it "body-pillow-mode". Later I learned te mimic yur hand placement in a soothing manner. I dinna understand why this calmed ye, only that th results were satisfactory. SD-N was th only one who could be calmed by me presence. -Dr. Cyn
Aha well I wasn't good with scary stuff!!
And we do come from different sources of course. I wouldn't let my lil sis watch anything scary in the first place bc it's not good for her. Of course, she put on scary stuff when I wasn't actively supervising anyway. Sigh.
movie night
first time trying to shading/lighting, hope to improve from here!
Ha. Used te be th o'her way round, luv. Somethin merciful bout me being able te finally rest while he finishes th movie. Our pajamas are both really sweet! -Dr. Cyn
Pinging User-ID-@chillinlikeavillain811 and @the-ultimate-tsbs-kin
AAAA THE PUPPY SLIPPERS!!!!
This is such a peaceful image. I miss having these movie nights. She used to insist on spending the whole movie cuddled up to me lol.
Very sweet picture ^^<3
I was originally just gonna make this a post but I specifically wanted to talk to you about it so-
I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but basically I've been in one of my moods where I miss Cyn a lot and miss being with her in canon. And usually this affects me by making me think about her 24/7
But also this time I have been feeling kind of guilty- for like a couple things, but I won't get into all of them. But one of them includes the fact that I can't hold her accountable for anything
Like, I still need to acknowledge that she did not very good things, under the influence of the Solver but still. Rewatching episode 5, I can't feel anything but bad for her, to the point where I don't even care that she killed so many innocent people. Or that she killed and reset V multiple times. Or me. I feel like maybe I should care about those things??
Another thing I feel bad about is the relationship itself. I loved her more than anything, but I feel like sometimes maybe it wasn't a good thing that we were romantic. I mean, I basically functioned as her caretaker and she was probably emotionally dependent on me. I don't know that she fully understood romantic love in her position.
I feel like I was indulging her instead of guiding her. But at the end of the day, I was extremely attached to her too. I don't know if I was dependent like she was, but it kind of feels like it sometimes when it feels painful that we aren't together like that anymore, or when I can't even be upset or uncomfortable with what the Solver did to her.
I think that's everything. Just some stuff that's been building up the past few days. This is yet another situation where I feel like being emotional is a flaw of mine.
Anyway, off to work for the day. Yay.
[Deep cleansing breath.] My dear bruvver N, your feelings are quite natural. My own Nathaniel has struggled wit this. I have been strait up wit em.
My choices were my own an it resulted in the unintentional murders and mutilation of SD-V and Tessa. It resulted in the loss of SD-N and the daily torment of my older sister SD-J.
He refuses to this day to accept this. I maintain that murdering V was my choice only because I thought I was improving her an dinna understand that one has to keep a patient alive during surgery or th soul slips away. Tessa's demise was just wrath. I felt betrayed. I dinna realize she was jus doing what I was doin, protecting an abusive mum.
Tessa an J were cruel te me. They locked me away from ye, on Louisa's order. They dinna explain why, they simply abandoned me an Tessa dinna repair me as she promised. That was fine. I dinna hold a grudge. Just as ye can not hold me te account I could not do so to me "mum" an older sister. I suffered in silence. I plotted an experimented on o'her drones in darkness.
When she shot me, The Solver screamed at me that she was just the same as her rotten parents. We both let ye die for our petty revenge game.
Forgiveness is a gift but your trust I an she must earn.
Your relationship is complicated that you fell for the one you were taking care of as your adopted sister. I understand you feel guilt that ye somehow might ave taken advantage of er.
No judgement.
Ye were both young, if not in bod, in mind an spirit. We make mistakes in our youth. We do not perceive the world wit wise eyes. Your expereince has give ye knew perspective that leads ye to question your actions as a child.
This is natural progression. It is part of growing up. The Good Lord knows I question every day why i did what I did as a sprog an what I could have done different wit the insight and expereince I now have.
I am sure you had only the best of intentions. Ye wouldn have done harm te her knowingly. She may have not been able to understan fully, but she made you feel loved, needed and wanted, in a way Tessa never provided for you, one assumes. Everyone treated N like a toy or a tool, save for Cyn and V.
Talk to her, N. Talk to your Cyn bout how ye feel. I could tell ye how I felt about my N, but, we connected as siblings. My N went off to work today to train former W.D.F. officers as fighter pilots. I began work by checkin on human clones in me basement.
We are very different from your Cyn an yurself, luv. But, being emotional is not a bug, it is a feature. ;3 It is one ye share wit em.
I hope that is sufficiently helpful.
To summarize. Don't worry bout not worrying. It is a blessing that ye can forgive so easily, as long as ye are not put in danger. Be careful whom ye give a pass. I canna speak fur yur Cyn, I can only encourage ye te ave a chat wit er bout your doubts, fears and guilt. Your feelings are quite natural an logical. An even if they could not be supported by a shred of evidence they would still be valid.
Aye. Right then. I've prattled on long enough. Back in the trenches, fur th both of us. Steady on, then.
Yeah the problem with talking to her about it is that I feel like I shouldn't-
Just, I feel like she shouldn't have to concern herself with me being such a worrier about everything
She doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship so I don't know if she'll fully understand where I'm coming from here
And I just don't think it's very polite to dump all this on her anyway
I see. Quite the conundrum. You feel guilt but recognize that ye may be overthinking. Our fears an doubts may be irrational but they are still real, to us.
Perhaps try to take solace in th admission that ye make er happy an that she feels your relationship is healthy and positive.
I suggest concentrating on how much you benefit from her love an make sure to be the best partner ye can be. You offer her unconditional love, an forgiveness that surpasses all understanding, even your own. She in turn appears te be very devoted te ye.
Do ye see any benefit in questioning how yur relationship started, lad?
I guess not... I know I can't change the past, it's just difficult to sit with sometimes. Ofc it doesn't help that I have so many N canons and sometimes the different memories blur together and confuse me. Sigh.
It's just that she's very important to me (I am not subtle abt that) and, yk, you can't help but think those you love most deserve better. I guess i shouldn't be too hard on myself. We were kids in a weird situation. I only wanted what was best for her. She used to be a bit delicate and I wanted to keep her safe. She insists I have, so... I don't know. The human mind has a wonderful ability for twisting anything into the worst possible outcome.
And whether or not I wanted to tell her about this, I guess she knows anyway since I put all this out in the open here lol.
[Chuckling.] We aven't tagged her in, but, Aye. It's out there fur her te read if she got th notion.
None of us can change th past or th future, from yur perspective.
I entertain the question of what I could have done differently so that I can impart that wisdom to the young, in hopes so they may not repeat the worse of me mistakes.
O'herwise, I am only torturing myself wit what could have been.
Ye both made th best of a dire an desperate situation. Ye foun comfort in each other. You grew closer than expected. Yur connection was not what ye planned. But, would it be any more or less beautiful if ye had just met a week ago an started dating proper?
I guess you're right. It could have always been worse for her I suppose. I was only like, what, 16 in human years back then? Hardly the peak of maturity yet. I like to think I matured a lot in this life, but sometimes it's like I get mentally stuck at that point in my life as N. I'm not sure why. I don't think I've really gotten over everything at the manor. I mean, if the pain transcends lifetimes, it must have been an especially bad blow to the processors.
Eh. I'm rambling. Long story short, life is weird, regardless of if you're a drone or a human (or... a drone in a human's body, in my case. Ha. Seen that one before.)
I can't comment on how my N is processing. I could only offer my own expereince in having the choice and ability to comaprtmentaliz [Repressing.] or delete memory in real time. The important thing te remember is that ye made her previous life better by bein wit her an she did th same fur ye. Ye loved each o'her then and ye love each o'her still.
We've come to terms that it doesn matter when or how it started only what ye do an say te each other today. That nothing can be gained by the "what if".
Ye chose te spare her the existential crises of goin back in time and wondering "should I ave fallen for him?". The how an why is irrelevant.
The connection was made, whether involuntary or an active ping. It is up to the two of you te chose to maintain it or not.
Do ye ave any o'her concerns, me dear bruvver?
Nah I think I'm good for now. Thank you for listening though. You're always good company ^^
NEW GLITCH POSTERS JUST CAME IN!! The Gaslight one is even signed by Nick Szopko himself!
I was originally just gonna make this a post but I specifically wanted to talk to you about it so-
I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but basically I've been in one of my moods where I miss Cyn a lot and miss being with her in canon. And usually this affects me by making me think about her 24/7
But also this time I have been feeling kind of guilty- for like a couple things, but I won't get into all of them. But one of them includes the fact that I can't hold her accountable for anything
Like, I still need to acknowledge that she did not very good things, under the influence of the Solver but still. Rewatching episode 5, I can't feel anything but bad for her, to the point where I don't even care that she killed so many innocent people. Or that she killed and reset V multiple times. Or me. I feel like maybe I should care about those things??
Another thing I feel bad about is the relationship itself. I loved her more than anything, but I feel like sometimes maybe it wasn't a good thing that we were romantic. I mean, I basically functioned as her caretaker and she was probably emotionally dependent on me. I don't know that she fully understood romantic love in her position.
I feel like I was indulging her instead of guiding her. But at the end of the day, I was extremely attached to her too. I don't know if I was dependent like she was, but it kind of feels like it sometimes when it feels painful that we aren't together like that anymore, or when I can't even be upset or uncomfortable with what the Solver did to her.
I think that's everything. Just some stuff that's been building up the past few days. This is yet another situation where I feel like being emotional is a flaw of mine.
Anyway, off to work for the day. Yay.
[Deep cleansing breath.] My dear bruvver N, your feelings are quite natural. My own Nathaniel has struggled wit this. I have been strait up wit em.
My choices were my own an it resulted in the unintentional murders and mutilation of SD-V and Tessa. It resulted in the loss of SD-N and the daily torment of my older sister SD-J.
He refuses to this day to accept this. I maintain that murdering V was my choice only because I thought I was improving her an dinna understand that one has to keep a patient alive during surgery or th soul slips away. Tessa's demise was just wrath. I felt betrayed. I dinna realize she was jus doing what I was doin, protecting an abusive mum.
Tessa an J were cruel te me. They locked me away from ye, on Louisa's order. They dinna explain why, they simply abandoned me an Tessa dinna repair me as she promised. That was fine. I dinna hold a grudge. Just as ye can not hold me te account I could not do so to me "mum" an older sister. I suffered in silence. I plotted an experimented on o'her drones in darkness.
When she shot me, The Solver screamed at me that she was just the same as her rotten parents. We both let ye die for our petty revenge game.
Forgiveness is a gift but your trust I an she must earn.
Your relationship is complicated that you fell for the one you were taking care of as your adopted sister. I understand you feel guilt that ye somehow might ave taken advantage of er.
No judgement.
Ye were both young, if not in bod, in mind an spirit. We make mistakes in our youth. We do not perceive the world wit wise eyes. Your expereince has give ye knew perspective that leads ye to question your actions as a child.
This is natural progression. It is part of growing up. The Good Lord knows I question every day why i did what I did as a sprog an what I could have done different wit the insight and expereince I now have.
I am sure you had only the best of intentions. Ye wouldn have done harm te her knowingly. She may have not been able to understan fully, but she made you feel loved, needed and wanted, in a way Tessa never provided for you, one assumes. Everyone treated N like a toy or a tool, save for Cyn and V.
Talk to her, N. Talk to your Cyn bout how ye feel. I could tell ye how I felt about my N, but, we connected as siblings. My N went off to work today to train former W.D.F. officers as fighter pilots. I began work by checkin on human clones in me basement.
We are very different from your Cyn an yurself, luv. But, being emotional is not a bug, it is a feature. ;3 It is one ye share wit em.
I hope that is sufficiently helpful.
To summarize. Don't worry bout not worrying. It is a blessing that ye can forgive so easily, as long as ye are not put in danger. Be careful whom ye give a pass. I canna speak fur yur Cyn, I can only encourage ye te ave a chat wit er bout your doubts, fears and guilt. Your feelings are quite natural an logical. An even if they could not be supported by a shred of evidence they would still be valid.
Aye. Right then. I've prattled on long enough. Back in the trenches, fur th both of us. Steady on, then.
Yeah the problem with talking to her about it is that I feel like I shouldn't-
Just, I feel like she shouldn't have to concern herself with me being such a worrier about everything
She doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship so I don't know if she'll fully understand where I'm coming from here
And I just don't think it's very polite to dump all this on her anyway
I see. Quite the conundrum. You feel guilt but recognize that ye may be overthinking. Our fears an doubts may be irrational but they are still real, to us.
Perhaps try to take solace in th admission that ye make er happy an that she feels your relationship is healthy and positive.
I suggest concentrating on how much you benefit from her love an make sure to be the best partner ye can be. You offer her unconditional love, an forgiveness that surpasses all understanding, even your own. She in turn appears te be very devoted te ye.
Do ye see any benefit in questioning how yur relationship started, lad?
I guess not... I know I can't change the past, it's just difficult to sit with sometimes. Ofc it doesn't help that I have so many N canons and sometimes the different memories blur together and confuse me. Sigh.
It's just that she's very important to me (I am not subtle abt that) and, yk, you can't help but think those you love most deserve better. I guess i shouldn't be too hard on myself. We were kids in a weird situation. I only wanted what was best for her. She used to be a bit delicate and I wanted to keep her safe. She insists I have, so... I don't know. The human mind has a wonderful ability for twisting anything into the worst possible outcome.
And whether or not I wanted to tell her about this, I guess she knows anyway since I put all this out in the open here lol.
[Chuckling.] We aven't tagged her in, but, Aye. It's out there fur her te read if she got th notion.
None of us can change th past or th future, from yur perspective.
I entertain the question of what I could have done differently so that I can impart that wisdom to the young, in hopes so they may not repeat the worse of me mistakes.
O'herwise, I am only torturing myself wit what could have been.
Ye both made th best of a dire an desperate situation. Ye foun comfort in each other. You grew closer than expected. Yur connection was not what ye planned. But, would it be any more or less beautiful if ye had just met a week ago an started dating proper?
I guess you're right. It could have always been worse for her I suppose. I was only like, what, 16 in human years back then? Hardly the peak of maturity yet. I like to think I matured a lot in this life, but sometimes it's like I get mentally stuck at that point in my life as N. I'm not sure why. I don't think I've really gotten over everything at the manor. I mean, if the pain transcends lifetimes, it must have been an especially bad blow to the processors.
Eh. I'm rambling. Long story short, life is weird, regardless of if you're a drone or a human (or... a drone in a human's body, in my case. Ha. Seen that one before.)
I was originally just gonna make this a post but I specifically wanted to talk to you about it so-
I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but basically I've been in one of my moods where I miss Cyn a lot and miss being with her in canon. And usually this affects me by making me think about her 24/7
But also this time I have been feeling kind of guilty- for like a couple things, but I won't get into all of them. But one of them includes the fact that I can't hold her accountable for anything
Like, I still need to acknowledge that she did not very good things, under the influence of the Solver but still. Rewatching episode 5, I can't feel anything but bad for her, to the point where I don't even care that she killed so many innocent people. Or that she killed and reset V multiple times. Or me. I feel like maybe I should care about those things??
Another thing I feel bad about is the relationship itself. I loved her more than anything, but I feel like sometimes maybe it wasn't a good thing that we were romantic. I mean, I basically functioned as her caretaker and she was probably emotionally dependent on me. I don't know that she fully understood romantic love in her position.
I feel like I was indulging her instead of guiding her. But at the end of the day, I was extremely attached to her too. I don't know if I was dependent like she was, but it kind of feels like it sometimes when it feels painful that we aren't together like that anymore, or when I can't even be upset or uncomfortable with what the Solver did to her.
I think that's everything. Just some stuff that's been building up the past few days. This is yet another situation where I feel like being emotional is a flaw of mine.
Anyway, off to work for the day. Yay.
[Deep cleansing breath.] My dear bruvver N, your feelings are quite natural. My own Nathaniel has struggled wit this. I have been strait up wit em.
My choices were my own an it resulted in the unintentional murders and mutilation of SD-V and Tessa. It resulted in the loss of SD-N and the daily torment of my older sister SD-J.
He refuses to this day to accept this. I maintain that murdering V was my choice only because I thought I was improving her an dinna understand that one has to keep a patient alive during surgery or th soul slips away. Tessa's demise was just wrath. I felt betrayed. I dinna realize she was jus doing what I was doin, protecting an abusive mum.
Tessa an J were cruel te me. They locked me away from ye, on Louisa's order. They dinna explain why, they simply abandoned me an Tessa dinna repair me as she promised. That was fine. I dinna hold a grudge. Just as ye can not hold me te account I could not do so to me "mum" an older sister. I suffered in silence. I plotted an experimented on o'her drones in darkness.
When she shot me, The Solver screamed at me that she was just the same as her rotten parents. We both let ye die for our petty revenge game.
Forgiveness is a gift but your trust I an she must earn.
Your relationship is complicated that you fell for the one you were taking care of as your adopted sister. I understand you feel guilt that ye somehow might ave taken advantage of er.
No judgement.
Ye were both young, if not in bod, in mind an spirit. We make mistakes in our youth. We do not perceive the world wit wise eyes. Your expereince has give ye knew perspective that leads ye to question your actions as a child.
This is natural progression. It is part of growing up. The Good Lord knows I question every day why i did what I did as a sprog an what I could have done different wit the insight and expereince I now have.
I am sure you had only the best of intentions. Ye wouldn have done harm te her knowingly. She may have not been able to understan fully, but she made you feel loved, needed and wanted, in a way Tessa never provided for you, one assumes. Everyone treated N like a toy or a tool, save for Cyn and V.
Talk to her, N. Talk to your Cyn bout how ye feel. I could tell ye how I felt about my N, but, we connected as siblings. My N went off to work today to train former W.D.F. officers as fighter pilots. I began work by checkin on human clones in me basement.
We are very different from your Cyn an yurself, luv. But, being emotional is not a bug, it is a feature. ;3 It is one ye share wit em.
I hope that is sufficiently helpful.
To summarize. Don't worry bout not worrying. It is a blessing that ye can forgive so easily, as long as ye are not put in danger. Be careful whom ye give a pass. I canna speak fur yur Cyn, I can only encourage ye te ave a chat wit er bout your doubts, fears and guilt. Your feelings are quite natural an logical. An even if they could not be supported by a shred of evidence they would still be valid.
Aye. Right then. I've prattled on long enough. Back in the trenches, fur th both of us. Steady on, then.
Yeah the problem with talking to her about it is that I feel like I shouldn't-
Just, I feel like she shouldn't have to concern herself with me being such a worrier about everything
She doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship so I don't know if she'll fully understand where I'm coming from here
And I just don't think it's very polite to dump all this on her anyway
I see. Quite the conundrum. You feel guilt but recognize that ye may be overthinking. Our fears an doubts may be irrational but they are still real, to us.
Perhaps try to take solace in th admission that ye make er happy an that she feels your relationship is healthy and positive.
I suggest concentrating on how much you benefit from her love an make sure to be the best partner ye can be. You offer her unconditional love, an forgiveness that surpasses all understanding, even your own. She in turn appears te be very devoted te ye.
Do ye see any benefit in questioning how yur relationship started, lad?
I guess not... I know I can't change the past, it's just difficult to sit with sometimes. Ofc it doesn't help that I have so many N canons and sometimes the different memories blur together and confuse me. Sigh.
It's just that she's very important to me (I am not subtle abt that) and, yk, you can't help but think those you love most deserve better. I guess i shouldn't be too hard on myself. We were kids in a weird situation. I only wanted what was best for her. She used to be a bit delicate and I wanted to keep her safe. She insists I have, so... I don't know. The human mind has a wonderful ability for twisting anything into the worst possible outcome.
And whether or not I wanted to tell her about this, I guess she knows anyway since I put all this out in the open here lol.
I was originally just gonna make this a post but I specifically wanted to talk to you about it so-
I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but basically I've been in one of my moods where I miss Cyn a lot and miss being with her in canon. And usually this affects me by making me think about her 24/7
But also this time I have been feeling kind of guilty- for like a couple things, but I won't get into all of them. But one of them includes the fact that I can't hold her accountable for anything
Like, I still need to acknowledge that she did not very good things, under the influence of the Solver but still. Rewatching episode 5, I can't feel anything but bad for her, to the point where I don't even care that she killed so many innocent people. Or that she killed and reset V multiple times. Or me. I feel like maybe I should care about those things??
Another thing I feel bad about is the relationship itself. I loved her more than anything, but I feel like sometimes maybe it wasn't a good thing that we were romantic. I mean, I basically functioned as her caretaker and she was probably emotionally dependent on me. I don't know that she fully understood romantic love in her position.
I feel like I was indulging her instead of guiding her. But at the end of the day, I was extremely attached to her too. I don't know if I was dependent like she was, but it kind of feels like it sometimes when it feels painful that we aren't together like that anymore, or when I can't even be upset or uncomfortable with what the Solver did to her.
I think that's everything. Just some stuff that's been building up the past few days. This is yet another situation where I feel like being emotional is a flaw of mine.
Anyway, off to work for the day. Yay.
[Deep cleansing breath.] My dear bruvver N, your feelings are quite natural. My own Nathaniel has struggled wit this. I have been strait up wit em.
My choices were my own an it resulted in the unintentional murders and mutilation of SD-V and Tessa. It resulted in the loss of SD-N and the daily torment of my older sister SD-J.
He refuses to this day to accept this. I maintain that murdering V was my choice only because I thought I was improving her an dinna understand that one has to keep a patient alive during surgery or th soul slips away. Tessa's demise was just wrath. I felt betrayed. I dinna realize she was jus doing what I was doin, protecting an abusive mum.
Tessa an J were cruel te me. They locked me away from ye, on Louisa's order. They dinna explain why, they simply abandoned me an Tessa dinna repair me as she promised. That was fine. I dinna hold a grudge. Just as ye can not hold me te account I could not do so to me "mum" an older sister. I suffered in silence. I plotted an experimented on o'her drones in darkness.
When she shot me, The Solver screamed at me that she was just the same as her rotten parents. We both let ye die for our petty revenge game.
Forgiveness is a gift but your trust I an she must earn.
Your relationship is complicated that you fell for the one you were taking care of as your adopted sister. I understand you feel guilt that ye somehow might ave taken advantage of er.
No judgement.
Ye were both young, if not in bod, in mind an spirit. We make mistakes in our youth. We do not perceive the world wit wise eyes. Your expereince has give ye knew perspective that leads ye to question your actions as a child.
This is natural progression. It is part of growing up. The Good Lord knows I question every day why i did what I did as a sprog an what I could have done different wit the insight and expereince I now have.
I am sure you had only the best of intentions. Ye wouldn have done harm te her knowingly. She may have not been able to understan fully, but she made you feel loved, needed and wanted, in a way Tessa never provided for you, one assumes. Everyone treated N like a toy or a tool, save for Cyn and V.
Talk to her, N. Talk to your Cyn bout how ye feel. I could tell ye how I felt about my N, but, we connected as siblings. My N went off to work today to train former W.D.F. officers as fighter pilots. I began work by checkin on human clones in me basement.
We are very different from your Cyn an yurself, luv. But, being emotional is not a bug, it is a feature. ;3 It is one ye share wit em.
I hope that is sufficiently helpful.
To summarize. Don't worry bout not worrying. It is a blessing that ye can forgive so easily, as long as ye are not put in danger. Be careful whom ye give a pass. I canna speak fur yur Cyn, I can only encourage ye te ave a chat wit er bout your doubts, fears and guilt. Your feelings are quite natural an logical. An even if they could not be supported by a shred of evidence they would still be valid.
Aye. Right then. I've prattled on long enough. Back in the trenches, fur th both of us. Steady on, then.
Yeah the problem with talking to her about it is that I feel like I shouldn't-
Just, I feel like she shouldn't have to concern herself with me being such a worrier about everything
She doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship so I don't know if she'll fully understand where I'm coming from here
And I just don't think it's very polite to dump all this on her anyway
Pets I think Murder Drones characters would have
Uzi - Crow
Probable names: Corvus, Midnight, Deathblood
It's an unconventional pet, but that's probably exactly why she has one. Also she thinks they're badass. She teaches it to steal shiny things and cause chaos.
N - Golden Retriever
Probable names: Biscuit, Pancake, Waffles
Easy one. He plays with it all the time, talks to it like it's a person, and lets it sleep on the bed (he probably sleeps on the floor). The dog treats him the same way he treats it.
V - Maine Coon mix
Probable names: Knife, Butcher, Blade
She'd definitely get the type of cat that doesn't listen to anyone, knocks things over and attacks anything that moves, but also occasionally lays with you. She would pretend the cat just lives with her and deny any emotional attachment to it.
J - German Shepherd
Probable names: Atlas, Cyrus, Jenson
J would want something obedient that can be trained to be useful. She would see it more like a utility than a companion. The dog would follow a very strict schedule and know several cues for each command. That said, J isn't cruel to it at all. Just strict.
Cyn - Ball Python
Probable names: Worm, The Silly, Flesh Eater
From the outside, it'd look like Cyn has no idea how to take care of one, but she's actually incredibly meticulous with its care. She somehow understands what it's thinking. She would also be insistent that it's a worm.
Lizzy - American Fuzzy Lop
Probable names: Princess, Sparkles, Cupcake
Lizzy would wrap a pink bow around it (gently) and make it a social media account. She posts pictures of it eating carrots and captions it "girl's got standards", it gets 50k likes in three days. She talks to it the same exact way she posts about it.
Thad - Dwarf hamster
Probable names: The Man. That's it. That's all he calls it.
I don't know why, I can just see him having the tiniest hamster, exclusively referring to it as "the man", calling it a "chill guy", and claims it knows how to skateboard.
Khan - Hyacinth Macaw
Probable names: Hinge, Knob, Lock
He would say it's there to guard the door entrances and alert them of anything. When anyone asks why not just get a guard dog in that case, he just laughs. Nori becomes convinced it's their second child and constantly tells Uzi it's her sibling.
