I miss Levi. I miss writing “To You, 2,000 Feet Above.”
I have so many things to do to prepare for my summer writing workshop (which starts Monday!! Guys, I actually got in!!). But tomorrow is the last day of the quarter, so maybe I can treat myself with an hour or two of working on 2000F before I have to go back to my workshop prep. 👀
That isn’t a promise — I *am* VERY busy — but I’m also so happy and relieved that I can still miss that story! I’ve been so busy with my original works that I’ve hardly ever thought of fics again since posting the final chapter of arc 2, but the fact that I’m missing the story right now means it’s still here to stay, you guys. I actually love the world that I’ve built for it. I love Maya, I love my Levi, and I’m proud of what I’ve done with the story and what I’ve got planned. It’s still my best work so far, in terms of sheer scope. 💜
Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort. Allusions to PTSD.
1,089 words. This is from Levi's POV, hence the third person POV and she/her pronouns. Originally on AO3.
Blood sprayed on Levi’s face — warm, he thought — and he whirled around in panic, and saw yet another limb on the ground…
“Levi? Levi!”
... a human limb — whose? — he didn’t know — one of them, one of his men — how many left? — the world shook — there's just one figure left zipping through the air …
“Levi! Wake up!”
The world shook and a titan’s hand came out of nowhere, swinging toward the dot in the sky … and Levi zipped toward it, flying — flying — in — slow — motion — slower than the titan’s hand —
“Levi, please!”
No. No no no no. He was always the fastest, always had to be the fastest — but why couldn’t he ... save them ...
“Levi!”
Levi opened his eyes. Everything was blurry, so blurry he couldn’t see; and so he blinked and blinked, and that was how he realized he was crying.
“What…?” he croaked.
“It’s just another nightmare,” a voice said.
Levi looked down and blinked again. A face came into focus.
She smiled. “Hi. You’re okay, you’re okay.”
She was kneeling before him, and he was sitting in a wingback chair … near the fireplace … in the library’s sitting room? Yes, he remembered now. They had come here as usual, to do their training reports, and they must’ve decided to just sleep here again: him in the chair, her in the sofa, taking turns guarding the other from nightmares.
Nightmares …
He realized he was shaking. She had his hands in her grasp, clutching gently, steadying. Levi stared at the tangle of their fingers: his own pressed together, bone-pale, peeking between hers. This wasn’t the first time she woke him up from a nightmare, and it wasn’t the first time she held his hands either.
The first time was a month ago, when her roommate went on a visit to Mitras with Erwin: Levi was working in the sitting room as usual, past midnight, avoiding his bedroom to avoid sleep at all; and she suddenly wandered in, trying not to fall asleep as well. My roommate isn’t here, she muttered, I can’t fall asleep alone.
So he let her share the desk with him; him with his paperwork and her with her sketches; and when she was nodding off over a half-finished drawing, he told her to go lie down on the sofa.
She looked at him suspiciously. He shrugged; he understood why she was wary of falling asleep around strangers.
So instead they tried to stay awake, the both of them, until Levi moved to the wingback chair, ostensibly to read a book. Next thing he knew, he was waking up from a nightmare; she was holding his hands and comforting him, and when they both realized where their hands were, they immediately pulled back. Sorry, it's just a reflex, she babbled. Didn't mean to ...
“Wanna tell me what it was about?” she said gently. Levi blinked, trying to reel his mind back to the present. He looked at her, her soft smile and patient eyes, and he was tempted to spill everything. But in the handful of times that this had happened, he had never told her what he saw in his nightmares, and he wasn’t sure if he ever should tell. She wasn’t even supposed to know about any of this; wasn’t supposed to know how fucking weak he actually was. She was training to be strong like him — but for fuck’s sake, he never was that strong, was he?
He no longer wanted to count the number of people he had let die. A long time ago he had reached the point where he needed to stop counting, needed to take responsibility for no soul at all.
“It’s nothing,” Levi murmured.
“It’s not nothing, is it?”
“It’s nothing.”
“You were screaming out a name.”
Levi fell quiet. He looked away, searching for an escape route, but she was still holding his hands, and her gaze was kind but unyielding.
“The name you were calling out, it was Ronan,” she said. “Ronan Strauss, right? Wasn’t he in your squad?”
“I don’t wanna talk about this.”
“The first squad you led?”
“I don’t wanna talk about this.”
“I know,” she said. “But maybe that’s why you keep seeing it in nightmares. Talking helps, you know?”
She scrutinized him. He was still trying to escape.
“You can talk to me too, if you want,” she said gently. “I don’t mind listening.”
It was an offer, one that came without imposition. It wasn’t the first time she had offered. For a moment Levi was tempted, to just pour it out, tell her how scared he really was—
“I’m fine,” he blurted out.
“Okay,” she smiled, then she let go of his hands. Suddenly he realized how cold it was in the room; the storm was still blowing outside and the fire had burned low.
She moved toward the fireplace — to stock the fire, he guessed — and as he stared at her back, he wondered why she was the one comforting him again, instead of the other way around. After the first time she saw his nightmare, she finally let herself lie down on the sofa — with a knife clutched in her hand; I’ll stab you if you come close, she said half-jokingly. But she did fall asleep; that was some comfort.
When she woke up from her nightmare, though, he could only watch her wrap herself tight in her blanket. He didn’t know what to do. She said her sisters used to hold her when she slept, and sometimes her roommate would too, on particularly bad nights. But Levi didn’t know if she would want him to hold her, and so all he could do was to sit by her, on the floor, leaning against the sofa, arms hugging his knees but eyes glued to her, watching her from the corner of his eye. He didn’t know what else to offer besides his company and silence.
But at least he had saved her — or helped her save herself — from titans, from bad men. He still breathed a sigh of relief every time he remembered she was alive — that he hadn’t got her killed. That was the one thing Levi held on to, amid all his failures and fears, all the close calls and letdowns: she was a risk taken and a risk paid off, and Levi understood all too well how rare this was. His hands didn’t always make miracles, but once in a blue moon, once in a lifetime, they did.
This is an excerpt from chapter 17 of my Levi longfic, "To You, 2,000 Feet Above" (on AO3). It's a slow-burn romance that's also an epic fantasy / action & adventure. Check it out if that sounds like your jam!
The art commission was drawn by scrawny.rey on Instagram, for myself, to illustrate this scene.
Reblogs and likes are always appreciated! And kudos over on AO3 haha.
Arc 3 of 2000F is now projected to have 14 chapters. This is probably not a split arc like arc 2 is. Arc 2 was just too long — in total it's 18 chapters (including 2 mid-arc interludes), so I had to split it into 7 chapters before the mid-arc break, and 9 chapters after.
I must admit I began arc 3 not knowing fully what I was in for. I had an outline, but it didn't resonate with me — it didn't feel right — and I ended up not consulting it at all as I started writing. I just knew it was going to be about the culling itself.
There's more structure now. I can say it has seven distinct sections: The Dream, The Departure, The Way There, The Mine, Prepping the Return, The Way Back, and The Repercussions. For spoiler purposes I'm not gonna elaborate more, of course.
Anyway. For my own record, I'd like to note that today I figured out there's a new plot thread I have to introduce this arc that I was barely aware of before. I mean, I've been prepping for it, but it didn't dawn on me that it has to be now. I might have told you that the story has different subplots and "teams": the Mitras subplot (Frieda's team and Battenberg's team), the Trost subplot (Maya and Levi's team), and the Underground subplot (the Descendants). This is the configuration as of the start of arc 3. There are then two additional teams introduced during arc 3 or at the end of it: the Underground Resistance team and the Wall Rose team. These are less fleshed out and peopled than the other teams. You know what that means: more OC building time! 😭
After three months, I finally updated my Levi long fic again! This project really takes all of me, for better or worse — and I won't complain because this is just how I love him to pieces — even if sometimes it feels like I'm falling to pieces.
I'm so excited for this arc of the story because this is when all that super slow burn is finally paying off hehe.
Anyway, Chapter 22 is now up! Please check it out: To You, 2,000 Feet Above. 💜
To You, 2,000 Feet Above @the-underground-resistance - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
