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@theaceoftales
Sorry for my absence y'all. Your girl had stuff going on. I should be back soon!
I've been workshopping a better layout for my book spotlights and have plenty more characters to share with y'all! In the meantime, please feel free to drop some of your fav ace and ace-coded characters down below in the comments or reposts!
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
It can be embarrassing and/or overwhelming talking about your identity sometimes. Especially when faced with so many people who do not understand it. But it's instances like this that can make it all worth it. When someone else recognizes themselves in you and feels a little less alone. A little more empowered. A little more at peace.
It's why so many bloggers and content creators do what they/we do.
So to all my fellow asexuals out there: You're not the only one. 😉
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
It's interesting being asexual, because so many people do not believe that it exists. Or that it's being used as an excuse to avoid returning feelings. Even among people who are accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, or fellow queer folks, asexuality is too different. Unbelievable.
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
I am sure we're all familiar with the rhetoric that mentioning gayness to kids is indoctrinating them. It's the rhetoric that is littering our school systems and media industries.
Asexuality is not immune to the same accusation. In theory, you'd think that people would be happy with the message of kids not needing a romantic relationship to be happy in life. But alas, what they actually want is for everyone to follow the societal norm of what a happy life looks like.
And so, while sexuality, heterosexuality, is ever present in the classrooms and on TV for children to see, other sexualities are criticized for indoctrinating impressionable children.
Unfortunately, Sobata was not immune to this - even though she never said the word "asexual."
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
How can anyone deny the value of a great friendship? Sobata has such a real one right here. Her friend understands her, supports her, and defends her.
And look how happy she is here! Her plans were disrupted, but she's so happy for her friend's happiness and the fact that they're friends.
There's no doubt in my mind that Sobata is happy and content in this friendship. There is no hierarchy to relationships!
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
Another experience that everyone can relate to? The awkwardness of a first date (especially a blind date). We all tend to just nod along with the conversation - even if we don't necessarily feel or think the same thing - just to make sure that we're not the reason the conversation comes to a halt.
I'm sure no one particularly likes family butting into our relationship business. Familial pressure to find a partner, especially the right kind of partner, is one that's pretty much universally applicable. But the threat of disownment is very real amongst the LGBTQ+ community, aces included. So even while Sobata is aware and comfortable in her aroace identity, she just can't seem to go against her mother's marriage insistence.
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
A great sign that Sobata has met her people is that when she gushes about War of the Worlds - specifically about how Tom Cruise's running is different in this film than most of his others - instead of the conversation fizzling out at the first distraction, someone listens to the whole thing.
No matter our identity, I think we can all identify with the feeling of not being listened to, and the feeling of when we finally are.
The film "I Am What I Am" is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #7: Sobata Kasumi
I am back! And I bring you glad tidings of the canon aroace main character from the 2022 Japanese film "I Am What I Am": Sobata Kasumi
What's great about Sobata is that she's a slightly older age than most of our asexual rep at the moment. At the age of 30, she'd already graduated from school (she majored in Cello) and had settled into an office job before moving to a childcare job in the beginning of the film. She already knows she's aroace (or, as Japanese media tends to simply state, asexual) and she's comfortable with that fact.
The movie centers around the tension between her and her family as she rejects their wish for her to get married, and as she works on building meaningful and accepting friendships.
The film is currently available officially and for free through JFF Theater, the streaming platform of The Japan Foundation dedicated to bringing Japanese media to international audiences. The film is available until May 1st, 2025. You can also expect many different subtitle options for an easy watching experience.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
Mariana is one of the main characters in the contemporary romcom novel "Border CTRL + ESC" by Ivy L. James. In this friends/penpals to lovers marriage of convenience romance (ah, all the tropey goodness).
She herself is demisexual, and we get to see her journey to finding the label during the course of this book. It's a label she accepts with ease. Furthermore, her love interest is bisexual (something he's known since before the events of the book) and has an aroace sister (we'll be talking about her at a later time, I promise).
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. A shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog
MASTER POST LIST!
Mariana entered into a marriage of convenience with her long-time best friend from across the world. It was an arrangement that benefited th
One thing I absolutely loved from this book that kinda served as social commentary of sorts is some of the questions asked by the U.S. Citiz
One of the most adorable things about the couple from "Border CTRL + ESC" is their origin story! Mariana and Santiago met online, where Sant
A common argument to try and invalidate the asexual experience is that "everyone feels that way." But just like with any topic, this often c
Now we get to talk about one of the asexuality microlabels! Demisexuality First, please enjoy the obligatory food metaphor (seriously, food
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
Now we get to talk about one of the asexuality microlabels!
Demisexuality
First, please enjoy the obligatory food metaphor (seriously, food metaphors are so common in asexual circles. Consider it revenge for the sexualizing of food enjoyment moans 😜):
"Sort of like... pizza? If I never cared about pizza, but there's one particular pizza I became hungry for after I smelled it for a long time?"
Demisexuality and abstinence are commonly confused. Demisexuality is not about 'not wanting to be intimate till you're in a relationship/some other requirement.' It's about genuinely not even feeling the desire to do so until you hit some emotional point of closeness. And it's often just as much of a surprise to the demisexual as the other person. There's no metric for emotional closeness, so there's no way of telling when, or even if, you'll get there. And, although it's not discussed in this fluffy romcom novel, it can also fall away when you're no longer as close.
"It sounds to me like you could be demiromantic demisexual - when you don't feel those attractions until you've established a strong emotional connection first." That... that made sense. So much sense. But: "isn't that being abstinent?" Maca shook her head. "If you're abstinent, you feel the attraction and desire but choose not to act on it. If you're demi, you don't feel the desire at all until you hit that certain point."
The concern with demisexuality though is that when you do hit that point, that you may or may not know you have, how do you adjust your relationship to accommodate this new element? The answer, as always, is communication. It may feel a bit awkward, as allosexuals certainly don't have to deal with this. And your partner/potential partner may have (and hopefully) gotten used to the idea of what your relationship looked like and operated like without that attraction. But they'd come out of that conversation(s) with the knowledge that they are desired by you, that you consider them to be that special, and that they now have another option to explore in your dynamic if they wish.
"So, I don't feel attracted to someone unless there's a strong emotional bond first. Which we have. And obviously I'm attracted to you." Smiling, she ducked her head. "A lot." He grinned. "And I couldn't be happier about it." "I love kissing you - not right now!" She tapped him on the nose when he leaned in. "And I'm interested in experimenting with touching. But as we go, I don't know what I'll be down for, so please be patient, okay?"
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. Also, a shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
A common argument to try and invalidate the asexual experience is that "everyone feels that way." But just like with any topic, this often comes from a place of not realizing just how integrated sexual attraction is in daily life.
Take crushes on teachers for instance? No one really expects or hopes anything to come out of them, but it's a common experience to find some teacher or another as attractive and develop a surface level crush on them.
"It's a tiny teacher crush. Mine was Ms. Takahashi in ninth grade English. Futile but harmless. You know how it is." No... no, she didn't. Mariana's flustered frustration charred into embarrassment. years ago, had her classmates pined for their teachers too? She'd never felt whatever it was these girls felt, young and green and premature as it was. Had she missed some kind of pubescent rite of passage? Was that why, when it came to romance and sexual attraction, her ex had called her broken?
I can't get enough of this Waldo metaphor Mariana uses to describe her experience. Everyone seems to inherently get it, they don't even seem to realize what's not to get? It feels like common sense to them, and when you're inundated with that approach around you, you might just give up on understanding it. Faking it. Avoiding it. Adopting the idea that you're "broken."
"I don't know what attraction is supposed to feel like, but it seems like I'm supposed to. It seems like everyone else understands without even trying. Like they found Wado, and I'm running around just trying to figure out what he looks like!" She trembled with the memory that had shadowed the back of her mind for years. "My high school boyfriend told me I was broken for not feeling... whatever it is."
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. Also, a shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog.
Aro and Ace Feeds on Bluesky
If you're on Bluesky, I've created a bunch of aro and ace related topic feeds. Just head to the "Feeds" tab on my profile or use the feed search for ace and aro related terms to find them.
Let me know what you think or if there are any other feeds I should make! Also, please tell me if I'm missing any words the feeds should be tracking, or if they're picking up a bunch of junk that they shouldn't be and I can try to tune them.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
One of the most adorable things about the couple from "Border CTRL + ESC" is their origin story!
Mariana and Santiago met online, where Santiago had a blog dedicated to a certain ship from a sci-fi show. Mariana, in all her queenly ace-ness, decided fandom wars was the best place to practice her budding Spanish skills from class and hopped into his messages to defend the two characters' platonic relationship status.
Reminds me of a few debates on here actually.
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. Also, a shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
One thing I absolutely loved from this book that kinda served as social commentary of sorts is some of the questions asked by the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. A big "gotcha" moment during their interview was about the fact that they weren't sexually intimate. As if that's a necessary defining factor of a couple's legitimacy. How very compulsory allosexual of them.
"-How regularly would you say you and your husband are intimate?" "Um." She glanced at Santi, scrambling for an appropriate answer. were romance fanfics or sci-fi TV shows more accurate about sex? "A normal amount?" "Can you be more specific?" Once a week? Every day? What was the right answer here? "How is this relevant?" "It's relevant if you're lying about being in a genuine relationship and aren't actually involved. So, how regularly?"
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. Also, a shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
Mariana entered into a marriage of convenience with her long-time best friend from across the world. It was an arrangement that benefited them both: it would help her get ahold of an inheritance that would pay off all her debt, and it would help him get a visa so that he could work at a well-paying job in the U.S. that would help pay for his mother's lifesaving surgery.
But that doesn't stop her from being extremely nervous about the arrangement:
"Did she even know what romantic and sexual attraction felt like? How was she supposed to mimic something when she didn't know what it was?"
"You're a failure. She'd been the one to suggest a fake relationship, and now she was going to be the one to ruin it."
"I don't know how to be all romantic and touchy. I just know how to be friends."
"I don't... I can feel attraction, I have before, but it's been a long time. I was a kid. I don't know what it's supposed to look like now. I'm afraid I'm going to do it wrong."
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. Also, a shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog.
Ace of the Week #6: Mariana Mitogo
Mariana is one of the main characters in the contemporary romcom novel "Border CTRL + ESC" by Ivy L. James. In this friends/penpals to lovers marriage of convenience romance (ah, all the tropey goodness).
She herself is demisexual, and we get to see her journey to finding the label during the course of this book. It's a label she accepts with ease. Furthermore, her love interest is bisexual (something he's known since before the events of the book) and has an aroace sister (we'll be talking about her at a later time, I promise).
Pick up a copy of "Border Ctrl + Esc" by Ivy L. James from the publisher NineStar Press or from other book retailers. A shout out to Queer Liberation Library for having this gem in their catalog
Ace of the Week #5: Goth / Felix
Goth is a main character from the comic "Boyfriends" on Webtoon and is canonically asexual. We're not quite to the point where he's come out with the identity in the story yet, but the creator, refrainbow, has mentioned it a few times on their social media since 2021.
Goth is flirtatious and is dedicated to making his partners happy (yes, he's polyamorous). Also, of important note this week: He's trans (ftm) - an identity we're already quite familiar with in the comic. Happy Trans Awareness Week!
Asexual Identity Sources: Twitter/X post from 2021 | Instagram post from 2023
See more of Goth in the comic "Boyfriends" by refrainbow on Webtoon! https://www.webtoons.com/en/slice-of-life/boyfriends/list?title_no=2616
Master Post List!
At the start of the "Boyfriends," all of the characters start off reminiscent of one-dimensional stereotypes, as further evidenced as intent
Once you get to know Goth (also known as Felix by peeps on the creator's socials), you see multiple sides to him that take him away from bei
Now, while Goth's ace identity is most obvious on the creator's social media, don't think that it's completely absent from the webcomic! For
For all of Goth's flirtatiousness, he's not promiscuous. He's only really willing to engage in bedroom intimacy when he wants to please his
Goth is another of those interesting characters where he does not like touch... but mainly when he's not the one initiating the contact. H
This is one of my favorite panels from the comic. So relatable. I admire Goth's ability to proudly engage with media that most associate wit
