Zac was shocked to say the least. He was sure that Thea has caught his emotions, but not to this extent. Weirdly though, he didn’t get nervous about it, he just felt bad that she had to full on deal with that. Instead of this information triggering anxiety, it instead relaxed him a little more, enough to say what he said next. She was being truthful to him, and he decided to return the favor. “I’ve dealt with anxiety for most my life, and then when my Mom died, it was like it gradually got out of control, and someone with crap lungs, anxiety and panic attacks were not fun at all. Believe or not, even though it’s very believable, when I was seventeen, there was a period of time where I couldn’t even get out of bed or out of the house without it triggering a panic attack, which in return just made my breathing worse. I struggled going to school, going out with friends, even going to dinner or something with Maggie, Izzie, and our Dad. So, this is progress for me to even be here and not feel like I might die.”
Zachariah sighed. “But, I know what it’s like in my body, and in my mind, and it’s a lot to handle for someone who deals with it almost all day every day, sometimes without any reason. I would never wish that upon anyone, nor would I want to cause anyone to feel what I feel, especially when you don’t expect it or can’t control it.” Zac ran a hand through his hair. This was the most he has ever told Thea about his life, and his feelings, and it was weirdly not anxiety causing as he thought it would be. “That’s why I try to give you two some time without me, because no one deserves to feel what I feel everyday, because it’s exhausting to say the least. It’s really not you, it’s just me. I know where everything is in my dorm, everything I need in case of an emergency is there, and while I love being at Izzie’s or Maggie’s, it’s hard dealing with that unknown variable, because I’m all one unknown variable. But you deserve a break once in a while, it’s not your fault you have trouble controlling your powers, so in that sense, I don’t mind.” He let out a breath. “I just, I’m trying, I swear, but it’s taken me a lot to even get where I am right now, and I’m still working on it. I can’t ask you to be patient with me, because it affects you sometimes, but I really am trying.”
Thea just sat there listening to Zac talk. In just this one, long spiel of speech, it was probably the most words she’d ever heard him speak despite knowing him for the best part of two years, but it was nice to finally have the whole image of the other instead of little parts she couldn’t fit together. That was what annoyed her about his thoughts, that despite her many attempts she couldn’t piece together what these bursts of anxiety were about as she only ever caught onto words like lungs or mom. “I might know a bit but I didn’t know that, Zac,” she said with a sigh. Maybe she was being a bit too harsh on him, she didn’t know his whole family or health background as much as she liked to think she did.
“I know you don’t do it maliciously, okay? It’s as much my fault as it is yours. I can’t control my powers, you can’t control your emotions. Neither one of us is more to blame here,” she felt she had to tell the other, because she knew he’d blame himself for everything as that was just what Zac did. “You don’t deserve to feel what you feel every day because as someone who has been inside your mind, it’s really not a fun place to be,” she commented. “Harry can come to mine, or I can go to Eren’s, or, wild thought incoming, stay in my own room. If me being in there is such a nuisance to you I won’t do it as often as I can. I don’t want my feeling of comfort making you uncomfortable.” Because while she did just love those nights in her twin’s room, eating nachos and watching shitty action movies, she didn’t want to do that at the expense of the other’s feelings. “I know you’re trying, Zac. I can feel it. I am too.”
