Spain v Argentina, a “How to Watch” guide.
I’ll be watching using my iPad so that I have the mute button very close at hand.
Three hours of build up with inane talk from dodgy and ill-informed pundits and so-called experts must be avoided at all costs. I have a brain and I know about football so I don’t need the opinion of countless ex-players telling me what to think.
So ignore the build up and tune in a minute before kick off - after the national anthems. This is where the mute button comes in handy.
Kick off. This is where the finger hovers over the mute button. If Alan Shearer starts talking crap hit it. In fact if he gets too much just mute the thing and watch in silence.
Half time. Trump and the idiot that runs FIFA have decided to forego the normal half time break and replace it with a glitzy half hour rock show which will include the aging Madonna (no doubt shuffled out in a wheelchair with a tank of oxygen handy) and a couple of other wealthy divas that no-one has heard off. This is a good time to put the kettle on or in my case spend half an hour doing sudokus.
Quick checks to make sure you don’t miss the restart and on we go into the second half.
The end of the match is easy. Turn off. I certainly don’t want to see Trump presenting the medals and the cup and stealing the show. Plus by turning off I get to miss all the after match bollocks about how they should have played, who played rubbish, what the manager did wrong and so on.
By switching off at the final whistle you also avoid the Argies being presented with the cup. Yes, Argentina will win it even though they don’t deserve it. FIFA have planned it all along.
So there we are, my guide to watching the WC final. Follow my advice and you’ll get to see the match and avoid all the bollocks before during and after and your eardrums wont be full of Shearer’s crap.
jacobvanloon
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