Define, or be defined.

An old soul with an open mind. Call me Meg

[thealter--ego]

mood

[thealter--ego]

i want a fair game

don’t get me wrong. I am a resilient, powerful, independent woman. but this shit still be lonely sometimes. 

I honestly do feel content with who I am. I love myself in so many ways. Of course we all have are our insecurities, but mine don’t control me. I love myself and I think I would be a phenomenal partner to someone. I like to think that I bring a lot to the table. in theory, I suppose. Even though I dated Shane for 5 years, I’m willing to admit to myself and to those close to me, that I was never in love with him. That's a huge statement.

For that reason alone, I feel like I've never been given a real shot with an adult relationship. 

Sia has a song called, “Fair Game”. And it’s her singing about how she has a new love interest and it’s finally a “fair game”. They are completely equals and the dynamic is raw and real and scary. That’s what I want. I want to feel like I'm playing a fair game. 

My past 5 months of dating and entangling have taught me a LOT about what I do and do not want in a partner. I actually have a list of qualities written out in an attempt to manifest someone beautiful to come into my life. But it’s discouraging AF when everytime I date someone new I just end up disappointed. Let’s just say there is a positive correlation between the amounts of new boys I've dated & the new additions I’ve made to my list...

I know dating is just a numbers game. I’m actually very much enjoying single life. I love the possibilities. I love the freedom. And I love the good dick. But, there is still a part of me that wishes my partner would come along soon. 

I have no idea what to expect. But I think I’ll know it when I see it. 

The inner hopeless romantic in me is at complete odds with the rational side of me. I truly want to believe that I have a soulmate out there. One that lights my soul on fire. I want the kind of love that artists sing about, draw about, write books about. I want that love. There’s been a couple of times where I felt like I was truly in love with someone.... but in every instance it has never been reciprocated. 

I want to believe I’m deserving of that kind of love, but I just want someone to come along and prove it to me. Someone who is a fair game. 

[thealter--ego]

Do people still use blogs?

I guess I’m back in this bitch. I remember this was a huge outlet for me when I was in high school. memes, artwork, news, porn, but most importantly, a place to write out my thoughts. I've been actively trying to keep a journal on my apple notes, but it doesn’t have the same pizazz as this. 

I stopped using tumblr about 4 years ago. I cheated on my boyfriend and got caught from the shit I posted on here. I realized that this was not the safe space it once was for me. I knew I had old high school peeps who followed me on here who would see the content that was meant to have some level of anonymity. for all of these reasons, I quit using Tumblr altogether. 

During the other 4-some-odd years of my relationship, I would occasionally sneak on here if I needed to get out of my head or if something was really eating at me. I even tried using a journal IRL, but I could never do it confidently. I never wrote the honest-to-god truth because I was always terrified Shane would find it somehow. 

I remember one time, a couple of years ago, I was sitting on Deerfield Beach by myself. It was a great beach day. I was reading a self-help book. Ended up picking up my pen and paper and writing out my true feelings for once. I let it all out on this piece of paper. I then I had to make a conscious effort to remember where EXACTLY this piece of paper was.. I think I might have even thrown it away because I was scared he would find it. Regardless, those actions are a clear indicator that I was masking certain feelings. Which is so fucking unhealthy. Anyways, it only took me over a year to work up the courage to actually pull the trigger. And here we are.

So I’m back. I'm in a much better spot than I have ever been in before. I'm thriving in a lot of ways. But there are still hard days and there are very lonely times. But c’est la vie. something like that, right?

[equatorjournal]

[nevver]

Friday night, IG : itsPeteski

[thealter--ego]

Same

[just-shower-thoughts]

The women who squat to use the toilet because the toilet seats are dirty in women’s’ restrooms are the reason the toilet seats are dirty in the first place

[thealter--ego]

Preach it

[just-shower-thoughts]

Your age is an upside-down bell curve of how ready people are to accept you doing weird shit

[noelbadgespugh]

[a-la-cherie]

[theweekendwildproject-blog]

[bourtange]

[foolsroad]

Visit Original Link

Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes playing from another room

[ithelpstodream]

[c-bassmeow]

This is the funniest plot twist ever

[acedious-deactivated20210302]

Visit Original Link

Beach Boys - Wouldn’t It Be Nice From Another Room

[rosewater40oz]

I can’t listen to this without crying

[enyafan]

I’m going to reblog this at least twice a day increasing in frequency until it’s the only content on my blog…… nothing else matters…… at all……..

[elizabitchtaylor-deactivated202]

you’re a 12 year old boy in 1966 and your 17 year old sister has barricaded herself in her room with her records after your parents forbid her from seeing her boyfriend

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

this sounds like I’m watching a memory through a closed glass window

[ziraseal]

this is what plays when you’re hiding in your best friend’s bedroom during a party and she comes in, asking what’s wrong. you turn and kiss her.

[tropicalwarmth]

[animedads-deactivated20210108]

they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

[swarnpert]

wine tasting but instead with hard liquors

[swarnpert]

do i detect a hint of sharpie marker