Potters and Rec
Today I Learned, "Don't take a nap thinking about ways around your writer's block."
Otherwise, you get dreams like this,
INT. PARKS AND REC OFFICE - EVENING
LESLIE KNOPE is walking around the empty office solemnly with LITTLE SEBASTIAN. Just then, the door opens and in walks: BEN WYATT, ANN PERKINS, JOE BIDEN, CHRIS TREAGER, APRIL LUDGATE, TOM A, ANDY DWYER, TOM HAVERFORD B, JERRY GERGICH, DONNA MEAGLE, GINUWINE, RON SWANSON and JEAN RALPHIO all surrounding Leslie.
[Yes, I know there are two Tom Haverfords, it's a weird dream.]
Ben: Alright Leslie, ready to leave?
Leslie: Yeah, but why are there so many of you?
Ron: We changed the plan.
Leslie: Oh my God, is that Joe Biden? Joe Biden is here to transfer me? I thought he was guarding the president.
Joe Biden: You're more important.
[Leslie almost faints.]
Ron: Alright, alright, we didn't come here to exchange pleasantries. As you might have heard, Donald Trump is very likely to win the presidency. His supporters have found out the original plan, which is why we're here tonight. Second Problem, You've still got the trace on you.
Leslie: Ron, what's the-
Ron: THE TRACE. The charm that can detect magic! If you, or anyone of us casts a spell, Trump's gonna know about it.
Leslie: Oh right. So what are we going to do?
Ron: THINK Leslie! Non-spell related transport!
Leslie: Right okay, like what?
Ron (Ignoring her): The one thing on our side is that Trump doesn't know we're moving you tonight. They think you love Pawnee too much.
Leslie: But I do love Pawnee Ron! Pawnee is the greatest city in the whole wide world! Anyone will tell you. Tell him Ben. Tell him.
Ben: Leslie, that's irrelevant..
Leslie: I can't believe I married you.
Ron: We will all be going to different safe houses! Then all take portkeys to...
[Ron looks around the room.]
Leslie: Where Ron. Where are we going?
Ron: To...Eagleton.
Leslie: NO. You can't make me! I won't! I'll stay here! I'll die in Pawnee!
Ann Perkins: Told you she wouldn't like it.
Ron: It's the safest place. The last place anyone thinks you'd go.
Leslie: Well they're right. I won't go. I'll...I'll...I'll fight you all!
Tom Haverford A: Oh yeah, thirteen of us against one girl who can't do magic.
Leslie: Funny Tom 1. How are we going to leave anyway?
Ron: Ah yes, I forgot to mention the key part:
[Ron pulls out a flask.]
Leslie: Really Ron. Your plan is to get us so drunk off whiskey that we agree to this stupid eagletonian plan?
Ron: It's Polyjuice Potion.
Leslie: What! No way! I'm not going to let you all die for me!
Tom Haverford B: Leslie, if the choice is to die for you, or live in a Trump presidency, I don't even see the difference.
Leslie: Still! I won't have any of you be put in danger!
Tom Haverford A: Oh, guys. She said no. Did we plan for this? What are we going to do next?
Ann Perkins: Well, luckily, for my last birthday Leslie gave me a braid of her hair so we could be "braid buddies."
[Ann pulls a tied braid of blonde hair out of her pocket in a Zip-Loc.]
Leslie: No...my power of gift giving used against me.
Ron Swanson: Give it here Nurse.
[Ann gives Ron the hair, who puts it in the potion which begins to bubble slowly.]
Andy Dwyer: Uhh...is it just me, or are we missing a person?
[Ron Swanson picks up Jean Ralphio from behind a shelf.]
Jean Ralphio (Singing): I just neeeeeeeded to take a breatherrrrrrrrr. Cmon Ron-stoppable, you can trust me.
[Ron hands him the Polyjuice Potion first, it's then passed around the room until there are Seven Leslie Knopes.]
Tom Haverford A (As Leslie): Hey! We're identical.
Tom Haverford B (As Leslie): Kiss me.
[Both Toms (As two Leslies) lean in for a kiss before Leslie pulls them apart.]
Leslie Knope: Gross.
Tom Haverford A (As Leslie): Just so you know, that'd have been super hot.
Leslie Knope: Super Gross.
Donna Meagle (As Leslie): No one look at me right now, I'm hideous.
Leslie Knope: Hey!
Donna Meagle (As Leslie): All I mean is you rock the blonde-girl look better than me.
Ginuwine: I think you look great cuz.
Donna Meagle (As Leslie): Shut it Ginuwine.
[Everyone finishes dressing up in identical Leslie outfits.]
Chris Traeger (As Leslie): Leslie! Your body is literally the most comfortable female body I've ever been in.
[Ann, as Leslie, shoots him an offended look.]
Ron Swanson: Okay, the pairings are as follows. Jean Ralphio with me?
Jean Ralphio (As Leslie; singing): Aww why can't I be with biggggg Teeeee?
Ron Swanson: Because both Toms are Leslie too! One Tom is with Jerry.
Tom Haverford A (As Leslie): Awww man, now I'm definitely gonna die.
Jerry: I promise Tom, nothing will happen to you, I've been practicing with this wand.
[Jerry holds up a wand and a spell shoots out, breaking a vase in the corner.]
Jerry Gergich: I could have sworn...
[Jerry plays with the wand, harmless sparks come out.]
Ron Swanson: Jerry! You've lost your wand privileges!
[Jerry hands Ron the wand.]
Tom Haverford A (As Leslie): Man, now I'm totally gonna die!
Ron Swanson: Other Tom! You're with Andy!
Andy Dwyer: Aw yeah! High five!
[He holds up his hand to high five Tom A (As Leslie) next to Jerry, who just rolls his eyes.]
Tom Haverford B (As Leslie): Shoeshine! I'm over here!
Andy Dwyer: Aww yeah you are!
Ginuwine: I'm taking Donna.
Donna Meagle (As Leslie): Fine, but you best hope that thestral better be smoother than my Mercedes.
Ron Swanson: Ann Perkins will be with Joe Biden!
Leslie: JOE BIDEN. You take care her, okay? I mean it. If Ann gets hurt this is all for nothing.
Ann Perkins (As Leslie): Awww, thanks Leslie!
Leslie: Same to you Ann-As-Me! You are with the most beautiful man on the Planet.
[Leslie Caresses Joe Biden's face, Ben approaches her.]
Ben: And...you're gonna be with me? Is that okay?
Leslie: Take care of him Ann! That's JOE. BIDEN.
[Everyone exits, Leslie and Ben on a motorcycle, everyone else on brooms of thestrals.]
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