I’m a schoolteacher. I teach English composition… in this little town called Adley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years, I’ve been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was a coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, I tell people what I do for a living and they think well, now that figures. But over here, it’s a big, a big mystery. So, I guess I’ve changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve changed so much my wife is even going to recognize me, whenever it is that I get back to her. And how I’ll ever be able to tell her about days like today. Ah, Ryan. I don’t know anything about Ryan. I don’t care. The man means nothing to me. It’s just a name. But if… You know if going to Rumelle and finding him so that he can go home. If that earns me the right to get back to my wife, then that’s my mission.
-Tom Hanks as Captain Miller in Saving Private Ryan (1998)
hey gals I used to have this devious lil account called southernbelllle that I deleted cuz she just had to go :D. I used the wayback machine to recover these saving ryan's privates modern/crack hc's. Enjoy.
Miller has a giant iPad that is only used for either watching videos of people opening packs of baseball cards or reading random clickbait articles with size 36 font. He also has a pair of +1.25 readers he wears when he does decide to read on it. He only has two apps, Facebook (for marketplace,) and camera (so he can take pictures of things he's selling on marketplace.)
Horvath has a sweatshirt that says, “Uncles Greatest Gift.” No one quite understands what exactly he means by that. Reiben believes that his uncle got it for him, therefore insinuating the Horvath is his Uncles Greatest Gift. Mellish thinks that maybe he bought it for a nephew and never gave it to him. The matter is so fleeting however that no one remembers to ask Horvath about it.
Speaking of Reiben, he downloaded OnlyFans because one of his favorite car youtubers was offering exclusive car content on the website. One day, he left his laptop open and Carpazo immediately spotted the website being on screen and called it out. He swore up and down that it was just for more exclusive car content. That only seemed to make the teasing from Carpazo and Mellish worse.
Mellish is NOT innocent though. His mother sent him a care package filled with all sorts of necessities. One of them being a lip oil that was scented like strawberry shortcake. He didn’t give it much thought at first, but later found out that it actually did make his lips more moisturized, as well as cover up the smoke smell. So, he used it. He made a habit out of sneaking away after having a smoke with the group to apply the oil. Wade followed him one time, curious as to what exactly Mellish was trying to escape from, and he found a puckered Mellish applying the oil with his eyes closed. Wade cackled and called everyone over. “Mellish is putting on lipstick!” Jackson would shout. “It’s a lip oil! It’s unpigmented!” Mellish would return. He never did quite live that one down.
Oh, bumpkin boy Jackson, lord have mercy on all of our souls. This man knows every line dance to emerge from the American south. The music at the church potluck remained the same throughout his years of growing up there. The cotton eyed Joe is so entranced in his soul that sometimes, when the group is just standing, he’ll click his heels together or subtly gyrate his hips. It weirds everyone out.
He can’t really help it though, since he’s pretty much banned from every Honky Tonk on Nashville’s main drag. Word of Public intoxication combined with public urination charges travels fast down here.
Wade’s mom dropped him off at a public beach while she went to work one time. He had a blast. He dug holes in the sand, he caught tiny minnows with a net. The perfect beach day for a little boy. Wade was especially obsessed with pirates as a kid, all of the exploration that came with such a job intrigued him immensely. He even had a little wade sized pirate hat he’d sported. So, when he decided he’d enough of the simple pleasures of the beach, he decided he needed to go on a pirate adventure. He walked and walked until he found a small roped off area. He cut under the rope and looked around to see no one else around him. In a panic, he ran until he found someone. Unfortunately, the first person he found was an old man wondering the beach. A naked, old man wondering the beach. His pirate adventure led him to a secluded nudist beach. After an awkward call from the old man’s phone to his mom, she never let him wonder alone in public again. He threw his pirate hat out and slept in bed with her that night.
Caparzo has a secret tiktok account where he dons a gorilla mask and grey sweatpants and does that “dancing every day until I get a girlfriend trend.” He has around 50k followers and averages a pretty good like to comment ratio. He is on day 1,379 and has no intention of stopping anytime soon. He's never missed a day.
omg hiii obwat fandom!! I have quietly loved this film for years and never knew there was a fandom presence!! This is so exciting!!! I am very (not) normal about the soggy bottom boys so feel free to message me about them anytime!! Also, thank you for all the love on my little passion projects! I truly did not think anyone would see them lol.
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