noise dept.
Product Placement
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izzy's playlists!
if i look back, i am lost
untitled
KIROKAZE
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@theartofmadeline
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@theandrewhale-archived
Hi, if youâre reading this: donât steal gifs.Â
I make a lot of my own gifs and it takes a lot of time and patience to make them. Donât take what isnât yours. There are gif hunts out there. Find them. Use them. Not my blogs.
we get colder, as we grow olderâŚ
Donât be afraid to feel too much, speak too much. In a world where hearts are as cold as ice, and words are being drawn back because of the fear of rejection, always say how you feel. You never know how kind words help people with their own battle. Words are powerful, they can either kill a person, or help a wound heal faster. The choice is yours to use it.
tragedyintoart (via wnq-writers)
bro 1: do you want a protein shake bro? bro 2: nah bro bro 1: why bro? bro 2: because youâre the only one who gives me strength bro bro 1: bro.
[ @itspax ]
ceciliasking:
His touch was soothing. Cecilia couldnât remember the last time someone elseâs touchâs had that effect on her. Wellâexcept for her motherâs of course, but still, she couldnât remember the last time she wanted to be held like this⌠like she was fragile as she fell apart. âI canât tell them thatâŚâ With a soft breath, she let those words out, slowly letting go of Andrewâs shirt, but remaining close to him, feeling him warm against her and trying to focus on that. âI understand what you mean, but I canât tell them about this. It would break their hearts, wouldnât it?â Cecilia couldnât bring herself to look at him, but she found enough distraction playing with the rem of his shirt. It happened to be one of her favorite shirts and she quite enjoyed seeing him in it, probably not as much as she enjoyed wearing it to sleep or she stole it for the day, but the thought alone was able to ease her heart for a brief moment, even though it wasnât enough to shift her mood in a more permanent way. âHow can I tell my mom Iâve been feeling this way about my birth mother? A woman who was completely the opposite of the person my mom isâŚâ Again, she shook her head, sneaking her hand under Andrewâs shirt and finding his warm skin underneath.
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in his scent and gave herself some time to decide if she wanted to talk about Simon or not. The thought of bringing up his name also brought a bitter taste to her mouth, so she figured it could wait. Cece simply shook her head and remained in silence, not wanting to discuss this for now. She remained sitting there in silence, feeling welcomed in his arms and comfortable under his touch until he mentioned not wanting to leave her, which was basically enough to finish destroying her defenses and made Cecilia completely vulnerable around him. While she was still scared, instead of pushing him away she removed her hand from under his shirt, only to wrap him in a tight hug, burying her face on the crook of his neck and letting her tears come forth again. âThank you⌠for staying.â She mumbled against his skin. She wanted to apologize for getting his shirt all wet with her tears, but ended up not doing so. She definitely didnât deserve him, but sheâd take it because right now, she needed something good in her life and Andrew was good. Too good.Â
Her energy had been completely drained and even though she wasnât exactly sleepy, she was exhausted. Once Cece was able to calm down again, she finally loosened her grip around his torso and rubbed her hand over her eyes, trying to wipe the tears away from her red, puffy eyes. âCan I still sleep here?â
Andrew chewed on his lip. Would it break her parentsâ hearts? More than likely. But not in a way that would make them mad or disappointed. Just concerned. âThatâs up to you,â he murmured. âIâd be a hypocrite if I told you that you should.â There were things that Andrew kept from his parents, so how could he tell her she should be completely open with hers? And it was the same. It was about breaking their hearts or making them worry. Something Andrew didnât want to do, so he understood why Cece wouldnât want to tell her parents. He watched as she played with his shirt, allowing a moment of silence to wash over them. When her hand moved under his shirt, his hand found her elbow, giving a light squeeze and running small circles with his thumb along her arm. âIf you wanna tell her, Iâd just be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. Sheâll understand. And if she doesnât, sheâll try to.â Andrew gave a partial shrug. âThe only thing thatâll break her heart is knowing youâre hurting. Even if you donât tell her. I think moms just have a knack for telling when somethingâs wrong.âÂ
He wasnât expecting an answer out of her and he didnât hold a stare, not wanting her to feel as if he was pressuring her into it. So, when she shook her head, he simply nodded and left it at that. Let the silence fill the air for the first time in a while. Just remaining close, sitting there together. Again, he wasnât expecting Ceciliaâs response to his words as she clung to him once more and buried her face in the crook of his neck. There was a pang in his chest once the tears started flowing again. Andrew wrapped his arms back around her and squeezed her in return, kissing the side of her head. He remained there where he nodded, almost nuzzling against her, so she could feel him. âLeaving was never an option.â His voice was low as he spoke, moving his hand along her back again to try and soothe her. Andrew stayed like that until she started to move, pulling away to let her rub her eyes. âOf course. Here...â He shifted a little so that he could push himself to his feet. And rather than offer her a hand up, Andrew gently scooped her up in his arms, walking her to his bed and setting her there. He could find her some clothes to change into and they could just stay in bed until sleep came. But before anything else, his hand brushed against her cheek as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. âJust rest. Try not to think about anything right now.â Reaching over, he pulled the tissue box off the night stand and offered it to her in case she needed it.Â
kellyannejefferson:
               Kelly let out a scandalized gasp, clutching dramatically at her chest. âYouâveâŚ. youâve never had either of them?â she prompted, sounding absolutely gutted. âTheyâre only some of the best desserts around. Crème brĂťlĂŠe is a French dessert with custard and a glazed crust of sugar on top. And⌠custard and berries is just that. If youâve got a sweet tooth both are a great choice.â
Andrew sunk down a bit before providing a smirk. âGuilty? They sound fancy, and Iâm not one for fancy. I donât know. I donât have a huge sweet tooth either. Honestly, someone says dessert and I think ice cream and pie. Classic and simple. But this custard stuff sounds interesting.â
rxseparker:
Rose narrowed her eyes playfully as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and nodded. âPerhaps youâre just above average when it comes a large part of the population. Halloween artifacts salespeople, definitely.â She grinned widely. It was always nice to know people who shared the same opinions as she did, especially on a holiday she held so close to her heart. Maybe it was the lack of Sarah in her life that was making her feel extremely more sour than she ever was â Rose didnât even know what sour tasted like. âMy parents were always all out, sometimes it was embarrassing, but as time went by, I kind of learned how to embrace it, now I am the embarrassing parent,â the blonde chuckled. As soon as he spoke his name, something clicked within her. Rose was usually good with names and faces, but remembering anyone from Jamieâs birthday would be a hardship. âYes,â she nodded, âI remember youâ you are also a friend of Ceceâs, right? I am Gracieâs mom, indeedâ Rose. Iâm sorry I didnât remember you right away. Grace was very hard to handle on Jamieâs birthday.â
âThatâs gotta be the best, though. Being the embarrassing parent. If my parents went all out for Halloween, I donât think I could be embarrassed. Iâd just want to rub it in everyoneâs face like, yeah whatâs up? See all these decorations? Try and top that!â Andrew let out a small laugh. There was a little relief when he could see the recognition click. At least he wouldnât have to try and explain any further. Not that there was much more explanation to give. Andrew nodded. âYeah. Weâre dating. She talks about Gracie all the time, so I kinda know you through Caleb and Cece. Nothing bad though, promise.â He smiled, playfully surrendering his hands. âNah, no worries. The kids had fun, thatâs all that matters.â
ceciliasking:
It came as a surprise just how much she was actually needing him around. Usually, Cecilia would have just left and not let anyone see her like that⌠hurting, struggling. But he didnât leave. For the first time, someone that wasnât her parents actually wanted to stay⌠so she clung to him, knuckles growing pale as she held onto his shirt and allowed herself to feel. And at first she didnât say anything back⌠how could she, when words were hard to find in the maze of her thoughts? Sitting on his floor, completely vulnerable and practically falling apartâthat wasnât how she had planned her night to go, but then again, she hadnât planned meeting her half-brother either. When Andrew pulled away, she didnât let him at firstâclinging to him, like he was going to slip through her fingers right there and then, but as his thumb grazed over her cheek she felt inclined to look at him finding his brown hues in the blur of his room. âI knowâŚâ Her voice came out heavy and nasal, due to the crying sheâd done. âAnd it only makes me feel worse because theyâve given me everything⌠but I canât help but feel like this. I feel like Iâm taking them for granted, so I feel even worse!â
Since heâd kept his arms around her, Cece found herself completely curled up against his body and not likely to move. âTheyâre my parents⌠Peggy is my mother, I know that. Sheâs the one whoâs held me when I was having nightmares, sheâs always believed in me, sheâs my best friend⌠but I canât help but feel like this. Iââ She shook her head, instinctively moving closer to Andrew, like some wounded animal. âItâs just not fair. Itâs not fair to Peggy that Iâm feeling like this over a stranger when she raised me and itâs not fair that my birth mother got to raise someone else and I wasnât good enough⌠She didnât even want me, Drew.â The heavy crying part was no longer there. The moments of silence sheâd taken to let her emotions come forth had been enough to make her let it out, so now she could handle trying to express herself. âI donât know how Iâm supposed to feel about this. IâfeelâŚ.a lot of things. I donât understand⌠how could she leave me? Why canât you leave me?â The heavy crying was over, yes, but Cece still laid there, all curled up against his chest, letting tears roll down her cheeks in silence.
Andrew shook his head again as he wiped the tears from her face, keeping her close and keeping his hands on her, whether gently raking through her hair or resting on her arms or continually wiping the tears away. He could feel the grip she had on his shirt prior to pulling apart from the tight embrace, so he wanted to make sure she knew he was right here. That he truly wasnât going anywhere. âThe fact that you feel that way only means you would do anything for them in return. Youâre not taking them for granted. Thatâs what parents do. Real parents. They give, and they help, and theyâre always there when you need them. They donât expect anything in return because they donât want or need anything in return. If you called them up right now, I bet they would be here in a heartbeat. Because that is what parents do.â Andrew took a breath, pulling Cecilia back against his chest and keeping her there, curled up. Truthfully, he didnât know what to say or do. Yet here he was. His mind apparently speaking for him, his body acting without a second thought. All he wanted to do was keep holding her. He didnât care about anything else. They could stay right there on the floor all night, as long as she was okay.
Every fiber in his being wanted to tell her that it wasnât true. That it wasnât a matter of her birth mom not wanting her. It was surely something elseâmaybe she just simply wasnât ready and fit to raise Cece. But he couldnât make up excuses when he didnât know the truth. And he couldnât lie. âAll I know is that youâre good enough. Youâre more than good enough.â It wasnât until then that her words clicked: raised someone else. Was this new information to her? Or had this been festering in the back of her mind for some time? âHow... how do you know she raised someone else?â Andrew kept his voice low, keeping her in a snug embrace. Maybe he shouldnât have asked that. It was something he knew nothing about, and he wasnât sure how much she knew either. He didnât want to upset her any further but hopefully she knew by now that if she truly didnât want to talk about it, he wouldnât force her to. Andrew allowed one of his hands to run along Ceceâs back, occasionally just letting the tips of his fingers to glide there. Changing the amount of pressure he applied in hopes that it would maybe help to soothe her, giving her mind something else to focus on rather than just the impending thoughts. âI canât answer for her, but I donât want to leave you.â Sure, leaving was easier. But it wasnât something he could do. Even if they didnât work together and he could cut all ties, never talk to her again. Andrew couldnât just walk away from her.
isaacwinston:
âSame for me,â he agreed. âIâve never seen the point in attempting to lucid dream. I figure you can either do it or you canât â just be happy when you manage to get a restful nightâs sleep.â Isaac chuckled as he listened to Andrewâs recalled dream, starting to shake his head. âSounds like a regular 007 plotline.â He returned the otherâs smile, mulling over his questions. âI donât know the Pokemon theme song at all, but other than that, Iâm doing great.â Isaac joked with a light chuckle. He added on, âNo big Halloween plans for me yet, but I usually go out with friends to parties and stuff, you know? Dress up a little, maybe. Howâve things been on your end?â
âVery true. Thatâs hard enough to come by.â Andrew chuckled in return. âHey, 007 plot lines make for great dreams when youâre standing in for James Bond. And Iâm a little disappointed that you donât know the Pokemon theme song. Little bit.â Smirking, he pinched his fingers together to demonstrate, though heâd have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Isaac was a bit older than him. âThatâs always good to hear. Iâve been doing alright. I think going out with a few friends is the typical Halloween thing to do, yeah. Iâm not even sure what Iâm doing yet. Probably the same.â
[ @ceciliasking ]
ceciliasking:
Maybe it was the turmoil of emotions that she was feeling and refusing to deal with properly, by letting him in, by letting him help, but Andrewâs words actually stole a dry huff from her lips as they were curved upwards. He didnât want her to be alone? She wasnât alone? Right. âIâve been fucking alone since I was born, Andrew. Another day wonât make a difference.â Rolling her eyes, Cecilia tried to put on her shoes back on, but every time she tried to focus on that task, Andrewâs words kept interrupting her, forcing her to give him a response or whatever. âStop!â She spat at him as he tried to approach her again. âStop doing this! Stop trying to help me! Youâre just going to leave like everyone else! So stop being so nice!â Unable to control her emotions, she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks again, her sadness making itself evident in her voice as she continued. âWhy do you keep doing this? I told you to leave me alone!â Her arms moved as she spoke, both trying to disperse the anger, the frustration and also, to try and keep Andrew from moving any closer.
âEvery one leaves me! Even my mother didnât want me! She was supposed to love me the most and she didnât even want me!â Her breathing was getting shallow again, her sobs mixing with her words and making it harder for her to breathe properly, but now that Cecilia had began talking, she couldnât stop herself. âShe got to raise someone else and to have a life with them, and love them and I got nothing! For fourteen years I got nothing! She was supposed to love me the most and she left me!â Lifting up her hands, she covered her face, leaning back against the wall. It didnât take long for her to crouch down and eventually sit on the floor.
"Well, youâre not alone anymore.â The words fell from his lips before he could give it any thought; the fact that there could be more to what she was saying than what he gathered on the surface. He shook his head the minute she raised her voice at him to stop. The anger was something he felt like he could handle better than the silence and physical distance she was currently trying to put between them. At least it was something he could work with, because he certainly couldnât keep quiet. âI want to help you, Cece. I care about you. More than you know. And Iâm not everyone else. Iâm not leaving.â Somewhere deep down, he was relieved when the tears started to flow. But that was deep, deep down, for Ceceâs sake of getting it out. On the surface, it only made his heart ache. Her trying to push him away was only a mere scratch on that surface though.
Andrew wasnât sure what he expected when she finally succumbed to her emotions. He wasnât even sure if he could put the pieces together. Hearing her words and how much her past affected her, her own mother... The pain in her voice and her struggle to breathe as the words left her lips. Andrew could feel a lump in his own throat, eyes tearing up. No, it wasnât something he could ever understand. He could never tell her that he did, or that he knew how it felt. Because it wasnât something he ever had to face. Andrew quickly moved to her side the second her back touched the wall as she buried her face, sinking to the floor with her and pulling her against his chest. Wrapping her in his arms and lightly resting his head against hers, shutting his eyes. Andrew gave a reassuring squeeze. There were no words that could make any of that better. So, he kept the silence, letting Cece get everything out that she was trying so hard to keep pent up. Because thatâs all that mattered in the moment.
âYou shouldnât have had to go through that. And itâs not fair. I canât ever begin to pretend like I know what youâre going through, I canât. But thereâs one thing I know with absolute certainty...â Andrew tried to find the words after a while, shifting to try and make them both more comfortable with how they were meshed together on the floor. He kept his arms around her, snug. âNone of that was on you. None of that was your fault. And sheâs the one who missed out, okay? You have so much to give. Thatâs all you do is give. Youâre one of the most selfless people I know. You have one of the biggest hearts. She doesnât get the rightââ Andrew gently shook his head, dropping it there before his frustration started to come to the surface. The frustration that Cece felt abandoned by her birth mother because she was, no excuses. âI... realize itâs not the same. And it doesnât erase the fact. But you have the Kings. Even just being around them the few times that Iâve been, do you know what I know?â Andrew slowly pulled Cece back enough so that he could look her in the eyes. His thumb grazed over her cheek, wiping away a tear. âThey love you. They really love you, and they want the best for you. And they would do anything for you.â
ceciliasking:
âDonât touch meâŚâ Cece was quick to say when Andrew took the shoes from her hand, and as soon as the words left her lips, the colored haired woman regretted saying them. It wasnât Andrewâs fault that she was feeling the way she was, and even though he was just trying to help, she felt like she was going to scream if he touched her. âIâdidnât mean that. I justâŚâ She felt sick. Her stomach was tying into knots, her breathing was getting shallow as her chest tightened again. She was going to have another panic attack⌠she could feel it, so Cece dashed to the bathroom and locked herself there. It all happened so fast⌠at first she couldnât breathe, she couldnât move and the last thing she knew, she was on her knees, throwing up in his toilet.
After she regained her focus and was able to get up again, Cece used some of Andrewâs mouthwash and then returned to the room. She felt drained⌠she didnât want to deal with it. With any of this, but she didnât know how not to do it. âI canât stay here.â She told him after some time. Cecilia couldnât even bring herself to look Andrew in his eyes. He deserved someone who wasnât this much of a screw up, someone who could talk to him and be open with him. Her life was a mess, starting by the things she didnât even know about. How could she drag him into this? Into her mess? It wasnât happiness, it was just hard work and hard maintenance. And then, as soon as he figured it out, he would leave her just like everyone else.
Simon, her newfound dead mother, her not being enough, her insecurities and her anxiety⌠they all started screaming in her brain. âI canât do this right nowâŚâ Cecilia said, her voice weakened by everything that had just happened. âIâm sorry⌠I canât do this.â Shaking her head, she grabbed her shoes again, hoping Andrew would just let her go.
All Andrew could do was bite his lip and nod. Thatâs just it. That alone took a lot of willpower not to reach out for her. Not to hold her hands or caress her cheek or pull her closeâto try and comfort her. His brow creased with worry as he watched her face though, and before he could say or do anything, she bolted for the bathroom. Give her space, he reminded himself. Give her space. Andrew couldnât help but pace slightly before sitting on the edge of his bed and waiting. The fact that he couldnât do anything was driving him crazy, knowing there was something wrong yet not having a clue what that something was. Worried felt like an understatement. Especially when he could smell the mouthwash when Cece returned to the room, knowing that only meant one thing.
Once she entered the room, Andrew was back on his feet, eyes trained on her. Literally the one thing he wanted to do, he had to tell himself he couldnât. So, he left a bit of distance between them to be on the safe side. âOkay... We can go to your place then. I just... let me at least take you home?â he tried, shaking his head briefly. âI donât want you to be by yourself. Youâre not alone. You know that, right?â Watching her, he swallowed nervously as she made a grab for her shoes again, saying she couldnât do this. Do what? Was this about whatever happened with the guy she met up with? About them as a couple? Or just merely talking? Andrew took a step forward, hesitating a moment before closing the gap between them more. âWhat can I do, Cece? How can I help?â No, he obviously couldnât just let her go. But he knew he could only try so many times before he was only pushing his luck. And that luck felt like it was running pretty thin.
There were more feelings there for Mason than just a one night stand.
âWord really travels, huh? Thatâs a no.â
ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME AND IâLL CONFIRM OR DENY THEM.
you always hide how you feel
âYou know whatâs great about sarcasm? Everything.â
ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME AND IâLL CONFIRM OR DENY THEM.
I assume you try to keep everyone together while you fall apart
âIn other words... Do I put others before myself? Yeah. But to be fair, nobody else has to be in the equation for me to fall apart. I can do that on my own. One of my many skills.â
ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME AND IâLL CONFIRM OR DENY THEM.
I assume you're too passive to tell people how you really feel about things.
"Depends on the matter and how pressing it is, I guess. Iâm definitely more passive than aggressive.â
ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME AND IâLL CONFIRM OR DENY THEM.
