The Worm Jar

I haven't a brain. Surely, the worms can pass as a very wrinkly one.

[thearchivistarphax]

Just got arrested for doing femt while driving

[thearchivistarphax]

The only thing keeping airplanes aloft is that more particles bump into the bottom of the wing than the top

[thearchivistarphax]

Women in STEM scare me

[thearchivistarphax]

Modern military ballistics is just humanity being really far down the rock-throwing skill tree

[thearchivistarphax]

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but this 9mm certainly was”

- Dracula

[thearchivistarphax]

Random guy on the internet told me to stop scrolling and do some main character shit

So I had a mental breakdown in the shower with Hatsune Miku in the background

[thearchivistarphax]

While there may be only 89 seconds until midnight, why aren’t people watching asking about the quality of the average t-shirt as risen in multitudes?

[thearchivistarphax]

DO NOT let me near a Pepsi 2 liter

(It will be gone in mere minutes)

[thearchivistarphax]

They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea but they forget most fish don’t fuck each other

[thearchivistarphax]

You exercise for health and looks

I exercise because I’m helplessly addicted to the chemicals my brain gives me

We are not the same

[thearchivistarphax]

People who use whom correctly think they’re the shit until meet someone who uses whermst

[thearchivistarphax]

Yup is an incrementally more efficient affirmative response as opposed to yes

[thearchivistarphax]

My toxic trait is forgetting that I would have not chance surviving in a a world before modern optometry

[thearchivistarphax]

Oil could've been a renewable resource if we had prepped better

[thearchivistarphax]

If you come across a fork in the road, please remove it to prevent pedestrian harm.

[thearchivistarphax]

Do I say the things I say because I believe they're right or because I know they're right?

[thearchivistarphax]

Phones are just really advanced rocks