[unclefather]

[imnotnoura-deactivated20190728]

tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist.

[bigstupiduglyogre]

a group

[pukicho]

Hope everyone is well today !

[pukicho]

And tomorrow !!!!

[pukicho]

After that you’re on your own

[fuck-customers]

A few years back, I was a waitress at a breakfast diner. On the menus there are pictures of omelettes. The omelettes pictured are yellow.

It’s 11 at night, I get the last table before closing, and it’s a girl my age. She asks for tea and an egg white omelette. So I bring over her egg white omelette, and she starts screaming. Why? Because it’s not yellow like in the picture on the menu, it’s white, so something must be wrong. I explained that the yolk is what makes omelettes yellow, and she didn’t want egg yolks. She’s still mad, and yells again. And then realizes she could eat while she’s yelling, so she does, and I get to watch her chew with her mouth open while she rants about eggs. I’m exhausted and dying inside. She finally stops. I ask if she wants a refill of tea, and she says yes. She’s quiet for the rest of her meal, for which I am very grateful.

After she paid and left, I collected her receipt. On it, she wrote in all caps “I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW EGGS WORK BUT IT WAS YUMMY.” She left a $20 bill on the table as a tip. She also left some pills in a bag that my manager sent to the police, which were identified as some sort of amphetamine. 

Don’t do drugs kids, you’ll forget how eggs work.

[yiffmaster]

your boss can’t garnish your tips like that

[tiktokarchive]

[regularlesbian]

hedonism

[ltc-kilgore-deactivated20181027]

[bloggoth]

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

[bloggoth]

it was pneumonia.

[bloggoth]

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

[bloggoth]

he shot her point blank

[bloggingtrucker-deactivated2018]

This was like reading a Lemony Snicketts book.

[luneri]

[memewhore]

[zackisontumblr]

damn i’m good

[kundst]

Mateo Pedrali (It. 1913-1980) Zelf portrait with laughing horses (1935)

[iamoutofideas]

this is the funniest fucking painting I’ve ever seen

[alisonzai]

bee real, my senior thesis

[tinderfinds]

This is the funniest thing to ever happen to me.

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[wearedevo]

[sugarpkts]

[only1600kids]

[cummunismkillls-deactivated2019]

Yall ever see a gay guy looking lost around some apartments and just KNOW that’s a queen on her way to her guts rearranged. Hope you secure the location sis!!