The Bespectacled Spectacle

I am Ericson Carlo A. Sayno, 19 years old, taking up BA Broadcast Communication in the University of the Philippines - Diliman. This blog contains my lame attempts at writing and telling stories. However crazy each entry may sound, they speak of laughter, of tears, of a life (hopefully) lived to the fullest. Though subject to inevitable endings, the stories live on.

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Yep, this is not a very flattering photo of yours truly. But this was taken during an event that I will never, ever forget, so it deserves a spot in here.

It was very sweet of my orgmates (from the UP Mass Communicators Organization) to come together and prepare a celebration in honor of us - the graduating members. I am really grateful to them for exerting effort just to ensure that we would have a memorable send-off party. I had a great time watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre playing variety-show games and picking sheets of paper which are crazy attempts at fortune-telling.

But nothing beats the sash-giving portion of the event. I got "Mountain Dew" because it seems my habit of buying the soda is the one thing that they'll remember about me. I can't blame them - Mountain Dew has been a thirst and temper quencher. That must make sense at some levels.

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Countdown to the End

All things, whether good or bad, will eventually meet a fitting end.

I have experienced a lot in my 4-year stay in the university which pretty much became more than a place of learning. Not only did I develop academically, I felt that I matured physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as well. I weathered a lot of storms (figuratively and literally), stumbled and rolled as I made my way through each semester,yet every failure made me realize just how much I am capable of. My time in UP helped me get to know not only a countless number of people who I became friends with, but also myself.

Now that I am nearing the end of my journey as a college student, I feel like I have to make an effort to close this Tumblr account the nicest way possible. This blog has held accounts of some of the highlights of my college life, and I intend to update until the fateful day when I finally (officially) leave the campus - at least, for a while. ;)

Hopefully, scouring for photos and other college memorabilia will fill these idle moments I am experiencing right now. Now that I think about it, I feel a bit weird that I'm not stressing out because of some unfinished school requirement. Guess I'll just have to adjust.

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Follow my sorry excuse for a photo blog!

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Home Alone

I'm home alone tonight. More than a month ago, I would've relished the moment, downloaded tons and tons of movies via the Internet for a movie marathon and bought heaps of snacks to sustain me.

But not tonight.

This is the first night that I felt truly alone. I have the Internet to connect with my friends, mobile phones to text or call my mother or sister just to tell them that, yes, I have locked the doors and washed the dishes, and yes, I'll be hitting the hay soon. I have the means to connect with the world outside the gates of our house, but now, it's as if I am disconnected even with the house itself.

My eyes are tired from watching several episodes of past seasons of Survivor, I'm bored busting up virtual monsters, but the gears in my head continue spinning. The TV is on to prevent silence from creeping in, but even with all the "distractions", these emotions still haunt me.

39 days have passed since my father passed away. The untimely demise of my father must be that single issue that I don't want to talk about. Even writing about it now seems to open the wounds that healed more than a month ago - or so I desperately thought.

I hate myself for trying so hard to feel better, be better. I so, so wanted to go back to the way I was before but I can't. I went so far as to craft a mask and smear it with a bunch of colors that hopefully will convince people that I'm okay, I'm alright.

But at the end of the day, when classes end and I sit alone in the corner of a crowded bus, the mask falls off and everything goes back to the way they really are. It's funny how I can make people think that everything's cool when it's actually not.

I just can't fool myself.

Tomorrow marks my father's 40th day in the afterlife. For others, it's just an ordinary day to be taken for granted, a day that they'll either love or hate because of the weather, exams, and other factors.

Tomorrow, I live another day in my life, feeling secure behind the walls that I built around me. Tomorrow, I walk the path I have to take with these walls up, where I'll take refuge and hide.

Until I find deep within myself the strength I need to face life's challenges, I'll take refuge behind these walls. When I'm strong enough, I'll break out - and I hope that I emerge stronger than the person I used to be.

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God doesn't present us with challenges that we can't conquer.

I'm getting better. I know I am.

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Spark

I have fallen far.

I feel like I can now sympathize with dragonflies with clipped wings, unable to fly around and feel alive. Yep, it definitely sucks to be me right now.

But I don't want this post to be full of self-depreciation. I don't want to make it a habit 'cause it's not good for me. Or for anybody who is having a good day and decides to read this entry - I wouldn't want to pop happy bubbles.

However,

It's hard to ignite the flames of hope when the gale of misfortune continually snuffs it out. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel seems impossible because of the blindfold blocking my vision.

I am in a maze, scurrying like a lab rat being experimented upon. I turn a corner, I stumble, I get back up on my feet - only to turn another corner, stumble, and try my darnedest to get back up again.

A lot of things happened to me, some I was prepared for, some I saw glimpses of, some that just knocked me off guard. I'm still not ready to divulge each one, because I don't think I can handle a surge of emotional release.

But here's to hoping that wounds will close, paths will open, and nights will turn into days. That sparks will eventually turn to flames and return the warmth of the days long gone.

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Closing Time by Semisonic

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

The first time I heard the song, what struck me was not the tune, but the lyrics - the particular line above, in fact. For someone like me who usually prioritize rhythm over words when it comes to listening to music, it was out of the ordinary.

Years after I first tried to sing the song (and failed miserably), I still can relate to it. Especially now.

A lot of things have ended for me. I'm just hoping that new beginnings stem from them.

Credits to YouTube and SemisonicVEVO for the video

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I am not a clairvoyant, that's for sure.

I have not foreseen this. Well, I might've seen glimpses of it, but I was still caught off guard - I never thought it would be so hard.

Senior year is taking a toll on my health and my sanity. The sleepless nights, the skipped meals, the skipped classes - a lot is happening, which make my mind whir like a hurricane.

I have to attribute all my "misfortunes" to my less-than-stellar time management skills. I hate it when I get so easily distracted by things that I completely drop whatever it is I am doing to chase after them. It would be good if in the end, I get to what I am chasing after. But I don't, and that makes me feel bad.

And just a piece of advice: Never ever tell yourself that you will not procrastinate anymore. You'll jinx yourself. You'll find yourself procrastinating anyway. So, do not waste your breath, or the energy that makes your fingertips type these words. Instead, inhale deeply, then exhale.

But then again, I am not the best guru when it comes to giving advice on how to have good study habits.

Right now, I managed to accomplish major requirements but I am not entirely free from the clutches of this semester. But I am hoping, praying, pleading to the forces that can hear and see me, that I get through this semester alive - with enough life in me to face another deadly semester (if not deadlier than this one).

Just thought I'll visit. I hope that the next time I do, I'll be in carefree mode.

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Pedring left not without a trace. Fallen trees were everywhere, twigs were scattered like sand in Boracay, and the smell of wet earth was heavy in the air. But still, I went to school thinking I'd attend class.

However, due to a mysterious (but very welcome) twist of fate, class was cancelled.

So I spent some time in the library and got bored.

Hence, these pictures. Ah, the vanity boredom unleashes in us.

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Visit Original Link

Listen to the real deal here.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you don't care

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

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UP MCO's Batch TBA ('11-A). 2nd row, left to right: Junaers Flores, Rio Abonalla, Maica Martinez, Patricia Echague, Tommy Doncila, and Ian Estares. 1std row, left to right: Tine Argante, Tricia Villaluz, Jane Dasal, Kharina Mostales, and Chelsea Dauz.

Looking at this photo never fails to make me smile.

I have watched these kids (it's sort of painful to refer to them as such) grow over the course of the application process, each blinding us with their unique talents and personalities. I cannot express how proud I am of each one of them for having risen as victors over the challenging period that is the application process.

Now that they are "officially" part of the family, I can't wait to share with them the happiness that can only be found in an organization where everyone loves everyone. Without pretensions.

Congratulations, Batch TBA! You truly are the best batch around!

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I need some reminding.

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High on Felix

Let me take time off acad work (like I always do) so I can blog again after what seemed like ages. If you had been following me from the start of my blogging life (or even fairly recently), I am sure you are used to moments like these when I just pop out of nowhere and rant write about my dreary life.

Anyway, hurray! Because I have (mostly) good things to say about today.

Mostly good things. Because I don't consider Mother Nature and her indecisiveness as good. Because her tantrums reflected by the sunny-rainy-sunny-rainy weather we've been having is driving me nuts. Not the good kind of nuts which is tasty. The kind of nuts which signifies a messed up mind, is what I mean.

Anyway, enough talk about nuts. I don't even like nuts (except when they're in chocolate and the like).

The day started with the dull sky and me guessing how the day will turn out. With more or less 2 hours of sleep due to studying for my BC 199 (Thesis Proposal) exam in the afternoon, I wasn't hoping for an awesome, "welcome-back-to-school-after-4-days-without-classes" day.

I arrived in school and found the college a bit... tranquil, as compared to the usual hustle and bustle here and there. I immediately thought it was conducive for another round of studying, but the inner me was desperately trying to talk my brain cells into sleeping.

But the me who is afraid of failing tests (who seems to be getting more and more dominant these days) was too overwhelming and he won the battle of the consciences.

So I studied. Well, more like scanned PowerPoint slides and tried to absorb what they meant. Suffice it to say that I'm not a sponge so... you know.

Anyway.

So the moment of truth. I was smiling like mad because the course adviser actually told us to smile our way through the exam. The exam, which covered a lot of articles about research and concepts regarding the language of social science.

Okay, okay, won't be too technical.

So I spent an hour and a half encircling letters, crossing them, encircling them again, biting my nails, checking the time, reviewing each item, biting my nails... I was under pressure that, I admit, was imposed to me by myself more than the test itself. I do not want to fail the exam, and I don't want my adviser to think that I do not know anything about the course, because I do know things.

My mind was in a haywire then. My self-incriminating personality was torturing me. But a few deep breaths after, I managed to pass my paper.

Here is where the agony ends and the surprises begin.

So we checked the paper and I found out that I passed the exam (well, my professor didn't really check our papers but he gave the answers). Shortly after, he handed me my paper containing the research methods I am planning to conduct and I was happy (and a bit proud) to say that I also got a satisfying mark for my effort!

Gist: I managed, with some weird stroke of luck, to again evade potential disasters that can ruin my (academic) life.

Personally, I do not feel like I deserve blessings like these. Sometimes, I even want to punch myself for being in love with procrastination so much so that I do not want to break away from it.

But I want to move on. And I am trying my best to do so.

Today was a good day, deserving of a lengthy post after an indefinite hiatus which may not even be a hiatus. I feel like I just gulped a generous serving of Felix Felicis. I just hope the effects last forever.

But since that may be wishing for too much, I'll just savor this moment.

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One year after, the weather's still moody. And I still hate moody weather. Some things do not change.

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Suwerteng-Suwerte sa Siyete: Win Mo, Kapuso! Set

There's this particular game in Suwerteng-Suwerte sa Siyete: Win Mo Kapuso! which I really want to try. It's called "Pop Mo!" because it involves popping balloons using a spiky headgear while jumping on a trampoline. The balloons conceal cash prizes so the more balloons you pop, the bigger cash prize you can get.

Yet I really couldn't care less about cash. I just want to jump up and down like a maniac and hear consecutive pops.

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Idol sa Kusina kitchen

The Idol sa Kusina episodes are produced in GMA Network's Studio 4. When there are no Idol sa Kusina tapings, the kitchen set is transformed into a living room-ish set for Personalan. I cannot explain in detail how much change is evident between the two sets but it's a considerable amount, enough to leave me wondering how on earth the crew for the programs were able to fix things around the place.

As if I didn't take production classes.

But still.

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With Chef Boy, host of Idol sa Kusina

After weeks and weeks of being an intern in GMA Network, I finally got a picture with a celebrity.

Chef Boy may not be the best when it comes to enunciating words (because he's a Visayan and Tagalog/English is/are used as medium/media of instruction), but he certainly has a lot of heart - which other hosts do not have. Add to that a dash of humor and wit, and we have a hilarious host-chef.

I even had the honor of eating 2 Asian dishes he himself made. And I must say, they were pretty scrumptious. Nah, they are scrumptious.