[felderwin]

My favorite thing to do when someone asks me to perform a simple task is to say “No” while doing it

[xss]

[danzai]

バガボンド

[sinkies]

don’t fucking look at me

[zenvanillacoke]

u: *saves the game* ur brain:

[e-seal-deactivated20210319]

clown (self diagnosed)

[pinklovelypinkie]

[thebootydiaries]

hear noises

pause music

complete silence

play music

hear noises again

[among-conifers-deactivated20160]

[conxeptt]

if you date me i will probably wake you up for sex at 4am, i’m sorry

[kiwi]

“you’re so polite!” thank you i have anxiety

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

[a-zzurra-deactivated20180518]

hi wlecome to olive garden would you like olive or garden

[a-zzurra-deactivated20180518]

waiter smacking their ass on your table so the dishes rattle: can i interest you in an appetiser? 

you: i’ll have garden

waiter: wrong answer you stupid weaboo bitch. we onlu serve olive and now i have to kill you 

[atelophobiicc-blog]

[bitterdollie]

me: feels emotion related to trauma brain: D I S S O C I A T E 

[cutedatesuggestions]

cute date idea: we go to a botanical garden. you point out a flower and i immediately eat it

[mydruggedthoughts]