The Big What If

Hufflepuff I Cabin Two I INTJ -A I Self-identified dreamer I BioMed MSc I Caffeine addict that's always tired and never sleeps I Plant Mom

[thebigwhatif]

The dream is to have a nice ~aesthetic~ study space in my room where all of my books are arranged by colours, there are no sticky note scrapes lying around from 4 months age and my plants are well watered with no burnt leaves. The reality is the sentient pile of laundry is slowly taking over my room and I escape to my father's desk so I can get some work done :D

[thebigwhatif]

Finally started working on my writing my thesis. A little bit late on the ball because I've been putting it off for so long, but I really want to graduate. However, getting ready to graduate means I'll have to actually analyze my data and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

[thebigwhatif]

Things my lab mates had to hear me muttering to myself with completely zero context today:

"It always has to be salmon coloured."

[3s-are-green]

How to Really Comprehend a Scientific Paper

**credit to my research advisor, she’s an amazing mentor and I aspire to be just like her someday :)

Read the abstract. Write down what the paper says it is going to be about.

Read the introduction. Write down what the paper says it is looking to accomplish and how.

Read the conclusion. Write down what the paper actually did accomplish.

Go through and find all the pictures, graphs, or diagrams. Write notes explaining these images to yourself.

Read the whole paper start to finish. Write a summary of the paper as though you are explaining it to a layperson, and then another summary as though you are explaining it to a colleague.

Throughout all of the above steps:

If there are words you don’t know google them and write down the definitions

If the paper defines a formula, law, variable, etc in a certain way write that down

If there are references to or recommendations of other literature write those down. After the last step if there’s anything you’re uncertain about or would like more information on look to that list for further reading

[thebigwhatif]

Existential crisis type of day where everything looks less like "I need to do things because they are important and I have deadlines coming up" and more like "what is the point of life if our sun will explode one day anyways."

No energy for anything uplifting today... so enjoy a sample from my pintrest board for one of my characters in my current WIP. And excuse me while I play Jessi on loop and try to get some work done.

[thebigwhatif]

Procrastination

Today's adventures in procrastination included applying for financial aid, cleaning my room, starting reading the book I wanted to read, and working on my med school application but not calling the dentist which I've been putting off for more than several days now :)

[thebigwhatif]

Updating the CV

I'm re-writing my CV and oh my god...with the amount of grammatical mistakes that are in there I don't know how I've gotten anywhere with this thing. Some entries straight up don't make sense.

But on a positive note, this is actually doing wonders for my imposter syndrome because I've actually done a lot. It's easy to get caught up in all the things that didn't work out or all the things that you didn't do and forget all the things that you did do, so this is surprisingly a good exercise for me.

Look back on your achievements because they are there and you deserve to be recognized for all the hard work you have done even if it's just by you.

[thebigwhatif]

Big Life Update

I am elated to announce that after literal months of studying and stressing, and countless stress-induced nightmares I have FINALLY written the MCAT!

For those unfamiliar with the MCAT it's the Medical College Admissions Test and it is a BEAST of an exam divided into 4 sections and takes up to 7 and a half hours to complete. It also simultaneously tests you on everything up to about the 2 or 3rd-year university material for bio/chem/biochem.

But I'm now done with it and hopefully, I will never have to write it ever again.

Yesterday was the first day off I had since May and I had finally been able to just sit at home and do nothing. No Anki, no UWorld, no practice tests NOTHING. And it was GLORIOUS.

[anxietyproblem]

[thebigwhatif]

So I've just had the Murphiest Murphy Law Day of all Murphy Law Days.

Of all the wild things that have happened today, I think the cherry on top was that for the first time in my life my tea bag disconnected from the tea bag string on its own (!!) and I had to sit there and watch my tea bag float sadly to the bottom of my mug while holding the detached string in my hand.

I'll take this as a sign. IDK what it means but it's a sign.

[notajerusalemcricketd-deactivat]

my beautiful infant son Untitled Document

[thebigwhatif]

100 Days of Productivity (?)

So way way back I re-started the 100 days of productivity challenge and then promptly fell off the face of the Earth after a week or 2. It's not that I wasn't productive I just didn't log onto to Tumblr for a while. The MCAT grind was REAL. Also doing a Master's at the same time was very hard work I honestly don't know how I'm still sane right now.

Quick update on my progress:

Finished Milesdown anki deck (I'm familiar with most of it but I still need to memorize a lot of it).

I finished the Chem and Physics books and more than half way through the rest of the books

I've gone through 2/3 of the CARS question packs from AAMC and finished all the UWorld CARS questions.

Gone through a huge chunk of UWorld questions and made flashcards for most of the questions that I had gotten wrong. Memorized most of them.

I've done 3 full length practice tests (decent scores but not quite where I want them)

I have a little less than 3 weeks until my MCAT so the stress is REAL. I don't think I'm in bad shape but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done.

I think the 100 Days of Productivity Challenge isn't for me at the moment. I'm just not consistent enough with posting on social media and I tend to go in phases of being active and radio silent.

So see you all at some point later. I'm going to try to squeeze in a few more practice problems before bed.

[thebigwhatif]

Bitches be sitting all day hunched over their desk and then complaining about their "mysterious" back pain.

I'm bitches.

[thebigwhatif]

100 Days of Productivity Day 23 (+Catch up)

Day 23/100--May 12, 2022

I've been so busy the last couple of days, I haven't really had time to post on tumblr, but it's been the same old pretty much each day--wake up, lab, go home, study, rinse and repeat, but I have gotten into a sort of rhythm in terms of balancing lab work and studying.

I'm going through a bit of a transition period with my project so I'm not running experiments at the moment so I have time to read the million research papers I have in my backlog.

I've finally thought of using my commute to study so I've been doing all my MCAT anki there, and I'm on a streak right now where I've completed all my anki several days in a row.

I finally got around to getting UWorld, so I'm hoping that will also help me prep for the MCAT too. I've heard good things about it.

I'm still feeling anxious about the pace of my studies but it's not an overwhelming tidal wave of anxiety anymore, so shout out to taking baby steps and slowly improving.

And finally, hair saga update:

My friend recommended her hairstylist so I went there today to see if I can salvage my hair and they actually did a really good job! I really like it now! and I'm finally free of the hat!

It was a bit of a rollercoaster of a week, but things are looking more up than down now, so I'm going to take the wins where I can get them.

[thebigwhatif]

100 Days of Productivity

Day 15/100--May 5, 2022

The saga of the hair continues: I gathered the courage to call the hair place and they said they would fix it. This time I got someone who actually knew what they were doing. She ended up toning it and it no longer looks yellow. I've gone from y2k willy wonka to lord farquad if he was a australian beach bro. She said it should get better in about 2 weeks and if I still hate it then she can fix it. So I no longer want to get a buzzcut (several people had to talk me down from that several times throughout the day).

Stuff I did today:

lab work--feeding cells, planning tomorrow's experiments, one of my experiments is acting weird and I don't know what to make of it so I spent a long time thinking about it

Re-read the paper I submitted for journal club to prepare for that tomorrow

figured out that if I slick my hair back with a deep part it will actually kind of work and I won't hate it (???)

MCAT physics: finish chapter 1 start chapter 2

There is probably a lesson in here somewhere, but I'll figure out what it is later. Also, shout out to the lab manager for making me call the hair place today. I was afraid of her disappointment more than I was afraid of confrontation.

[thebigwhatif]

100 Days of Productivity Day 14

14/100--May 4, 2022

First things first, may the fourth be with you.

Now my day started off fine. I was a judge for the undergrad thesis presentations. That went fine. The chaos ensued right after when I went to go get a haircut...

It's safe to say that I will now exclusively be wearing a hat for the next 3 months. I didn't know hair could upset me this much but I was unkindly informed otherwise. It looks like Y2K Justin Timberlake but worse. I wanted a milk tea blonde-brown. I also wanted curtain bangs...I got straight bangs that are too short and also crooked. Please excuse me while I stock up on mousse and bobby pins.

I was upset enough to take the rest of the day off. I'm on my second bag of Doritos...

Tomorrow will be back to your regularly scheduled programming. Today we mourn the loss of my hair.

If you are asking why I'm still counting today as 'productive' I did judge an event this morning and then answer several emails one of which included planning my next troubleshooting steps for my master's project so today counts.

[thebigwhatif]

100 Days of Productivity Day 13

13/100--May 3, 2022

Spring really is letting itself be known with all the rain today. I like the rain even though it makes me feel really sleepy.

Things I did today:

started reading a review paper

lab work--cell passage for an experiment, and fed my cell cultures

finished chapter 2 of bio

started the physics book (hopefully I'll be able to get through chapter 1 today)