The BJ Scavvie

The daily news from the Burton Judson Scav Team headquarters. New editions' stories posted each day by noon.

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This was young Desmond (3 1/2)’s first Scav! His toys were used for the I Spy item. He told his mom that it was ok she used her toys because now he can find them “for real.”

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Judgment has begun!

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2019 Fashion Show! Stunning!

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Daily Funny: Cat Edition

In the spirit of Sundays: a cat photo! 

This photo was submitted by the Monmouth County SPCA for the fat cat item in 2018. Bless this wonderful cat:

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Throwback Sports Sunday

Today we look back on a great moment in Burton Judson Scav History: the go-cart race disqualification of 2016. Three years ago at Judgment, a race occurred: the result would crack the hearts of many.

When Burton Judson’s go cart broke at the starting line, lieutenant Clare took matters into her own hands. With the blessing of the go cart, who could regrettably not go on, Clare took the team flag and ran the race herself, an arduous task of avoiding cart accidents left and right.

She ultimately received 2nd place, although the placement was not respected or acknowledged by the judges because of prejudice: she was not a go cart.

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Child Tax File Date Announced

SUNDAY EDITION

Have your children, or the children you know, filed their tax returns? If not, they only have a few days to get them done before they will be fined (fines are their next tooth fairy payment).

Don’t forget to take into careful account your dependents, report your “stuff that happened” carefully in order to ensure an audit won’t have to take place into how good you actually were this here, or into whether you lied about the number of dentist visits you had to endure.

The most common error is shown above to the lower left: this child has submitted a tax return in which they mark down wanting their refund in both a gift and a delivery to their piggy bank. Make sure to choose only one!

Child tax filing is May 13.

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Pins are In

SUNDAY EDITION

Did you know that pins are in among the Scavvies old and new? 

Vintage pins are especially in vogue: here Leah von Essen sports a “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong” and Captain Leah pin from 2016, which is so incredibly vintage and long ago.

The other trend we’re seeing? Scav shirts. Shirts related to Scav. Shirts connected in some way to the giant Scavenger Hunt that happens each year on this campus.

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Judgment is Here!

Breaking news: Judgment is today at 10 a.m.!

At that time at Ida Noyes, the judgment of the showcases will begin with a runway presentation of item 280 in the Max Palevsky Cinema. The two other showcases will follow, and Judgment for all other items will begin at noon.

Are your items ready? Mine are! Let’s do it!

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Book Release News

SUNDAY EDITION

This weekend, Leila Sales released We Made Uranium! And Other True Stories from the University of Chicago’s Extraordinary Scavenger Hunt. Burton Judson’s own captain Jake Eberts is published in the book, and was on a panel at the Seminary Coop to announce and sign the essay collection.

The editor-in-chief of this newspaper was not included in this collection and so the event was not covered by the BJ Scavvie in indignant, bitter protest.

Please buy the book!

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Daily Crossword

SUNDAY EDITION CROSSWORD BY ELI HABER

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Daily Funny: May 11

BY SOFIA GARCIA MARTINEZ

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Update on the Bitpoint Crisis Cover-Up of 2019

SATURDAY EDITION

As the BJ Scavvie reported yesterday, the judges are continuing to cover-up any responsibility they had for the 2018 Bitpoint Crisis that put many in jail and destroyed the minds of others.

George Townsend, former captain who we heard from in our Thursday edition, weighed in: “Item 183 is a regressive mistake. Blockchain currency may be tired, but putting anti-counterfeit measures on money shuts down the whole counterfeit currency speculation market. And it’s truly unfair to those of us visionaries who are already deeply invested in fake Scav money.”

Emily Cambias was also appalled at the attempt of the judges to cover-up what had been a truly disturbing experience for her as a Captain during the crisis itself. She shook her head in horror. “The last time I saw Andrew Jaffe he was screaming “I am God to them! The market is mine!” He ran outside and I never saw him again,” she said. She’s horrified that the Judges are attempting to cover-up a crisis that was traumatic for so many.

The BJ Scavvie reached out to the Judgeship for comment, but received only a single response from a source who wanted to remain anonymous: “I never had a MySpace growing up so I have no idea what a Bitpoint even is.”

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ScavOlympics Live Updates

SATURDAY EDITION

Above: Lieutenant Carolyn of the Burton Judson Scav Team participates in ScavOlympics: “This is a pretty straightforward race with two ingredients: a flexible Scavvie and a biiiiiig sweater.”

Below: Captain Jake Eberts participates: “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Eating a full banana, including the stem and peel.” “Eating a full banana, including the stem and peel who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Eating a full banana, including the stem and peel.” “Eating a full banana, including the stem and peel who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Orange.” “Orange who?” “Orange you glad we didn’t say you had to eat a full banana, including the stem and peel, as a part of Scav Olympics? Fortunately (or unfortunately), that’s a complete and utter lie, because whatever Scavvie does it fastest this Saturday is going to earn themselves their daily serving of fibrous and potassium-rich points!”

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Outfit of the Day

SATURDAY EDITION

The BJ Scavvie captured the outfits of two strangers on the street and asked them who they were wearing. Jake Eberts reported he was wearing jeans with a Mark ZuckerBurton tshirt—very in this year.

Meredith said it was a weird question and was too busy to answer such things from a daily newspaper, and also, could we please stop following her? Harsh.

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“S.P.Y.” Premieres at the 1st Annual Scavant-Garde Film Festival

SATURDAY EDITION

On Friday night at 7 p.m., teams from across the campus came together at Ida Noyes Cloister Club for the first-ever Scavant-Garde Film Festival.

Burton Judson’s “S.P.Y.” premiered alongside other buzzworthy films this year, including “Citizen Quack” and “Breakcest at Tiffin’s.” 

The festival was unique in format: each screenplay ended with the line each team supplied on its Scav registration form, and then were randomly assigned the final line of another team’s film to be used as the opening line of their own, which led to much blooming of creativity. It was an experiential work of true art.

BJ’s “S.P.Y.” had the honor of being nominated for two Silver Scavvies. The film was nominated for Best Dramatic Performance (for Lieutenant Lynneah) and Best Soundtrack.

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SATURDAY EDITION

“JOIN US. JOIN US. JOIN US.”

Such was the rallying cry as a hoard of BJ Scavvies advanced toward DCAM on Friday afternoon, the final day of the Scav Blood Drive. Some two-dozen saints with hearts of gold and nerves of steel made the trip, semi-organized by a shaking Captain Meredith (who was, of course, last to show up at the rendezvous time and place she herself had indicated).

When this impressive troop arrived at Room 2E, which is roughly the size of a shoebox, all present looked on in awe. The staff person at the desk looked down at the three clipboards she had available to distribute for filling out forms, then back at the might of BJ Scav. Noting the shortage, the ever resourceful life-savers lined up single file against the wall to fill out the forms. The scene moved Captain Meredith to tears, though possibly she was also just scared of donating blood.

A weirdly high proportion of these donors were rejected for various somewhat silly reasons, leading some in attendance to go so far as to speculate that the nurses were actually working as secret agents for a particularly cutthroat team hell-bent on doing shady stuff to ruin the fun. But BJ Scav’s fun is absolutely un-ruinable. The team had a great time hanging out in the waiting room and cheering each other on.

BJ [does] GOOD!

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