Harry Potter, ABoy

i make posts

[fanonical]

ron: i'm cancelling voldemort

ron: that's it, problem solved

harry: *nodding* we're free now

[theboywho-shitposts]

fred weasley never died he was playing the ultimate prank on all of us

[fanonical]

obi wan kenobi, gandalf, and dumbledore all used to date

[theboywho-shitposts]

the fact that the hp trio was a trio meant it probably should’ve turned out more toxic than it was

[fanonical]

harry: so is it normal to have grown men actively trying to kill you at age eleven

harry: asking for a friend

[theboywho-shitposts]

i wish there had been a fourth character in harry’s friend group just so we could all make peter pettigrew comparisons

[theboywho-shitposts]

honestly dumbledore was so old i’m surprised he remembered how to put on robes much less make good decisions for the entire wizarding world

[theboywho-shitposts]

sometimes i like to imagine snape survived the war just so i can revel in how teddy could terrorize him in class by metamorphmagusing just like tonks did

[theboywho-shitposts]

i guess the master has to give the house elf the sock directly because i don’t believe that dobby did the malfoys’ laundry without once ever coming across a sock

[fanonical]

someone: you look just like your dad, harry!

someone: but you have your mother's eyes

harry: yes, i look like my parents, that is how genetics works

[fanonical]

harry: what are you doing

ginny: painting hogwarts purple

harry: why?

ginny: i'm a Rebellious Youth

[theboywho-shitposts]

if you ship drarry or whatever that’s nice and all but in your fanfics and stuff can you make the plot realistic??? harry is not just gonna wake up randomly one day and decide draco is hot and he wants to make out with him, and draco is not gonna wake up randomly one day and be super nice for no reason to harry and change his elitist pureblood views. both of them will be conflicted about liking each other for a long time, their friends are not gonna accept their relationship just like that, and stop using pansy/ginny as bimbo side characters obsessed with draco/harry to make the drarry pairing look better. there are lots of problems with the drarry fanfiction community and i haven’t addressed all of them but if you want to write a good drarry fanfic please consider using these notes as a starting point

[theboywho-shitposts]

harry potter may be a sarcastic little shit but he’s MY sarcastic little shit and if you ever touch a hair on his goddamn head you’re gonna wish you had never been born

[fanonical]

malfoy: i met some of the most insufferable people at hogwarts

malfoy: but they did also meet me

[fanonical]

harry: what if at the start of each year we just pick a new chosen one

harry: that way everyone gets the fame and glory

harry: and i get to not be murdered

[theboywho-shitposts]

harry could save a pigeon and the entire wizarding world would applaud him

[fanonical]

harry: i know your darkest secret

hermione: no you don't

harry: you've never even read hogwarts: a history

hermione: nobody must ever know