The Bugle

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[thebuglepodcast]

America’s working class had been beaten down by the rapacious practicalities of global capitalism and its penchant for money-saving immigrant labour, damaged by the injustices of high level tax evasion, and have finally found a man to represent them against these immovable forces of the modern economic world ... and that man is a rapacious capitalist and proud tax avoider with an impressively shameless record of employing cheap foreign labour of questionable legality. As the old saying goes, keep your friends close and elect your enemies to the highest possible office. If this is the problem then Trump is a fucking weird solution. It’s basically voting for the very embodiment of the thing that people are protesting about.

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 4004

[thebuglepodcast]

As they keep saying with democracy, the people have spoken, this is the will of the people. But the thing is, in democracy, when the people speak, it is largely incomprehensible, and looking at the results what the people of America have essentially said is “We very, very marginally prefer Hillary but without any real conviction and in a geographically unhelpful way.

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 4004

[thebuglepodcast]

Boris Johnson did in fact write two separate articles, one in favour and one against Brexit, before the referendum…I’m pretty sure Martin Luther King, when he was prepping the I Have a Dream speech, did not also prep a speech that started ‘I did not have a dream, I slept soundly, please leave’.

Nish Kumar, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 4002

[thebuglepodcast]

Give them cricket, tell them to hate each other. Bosh, Empire.

Nish Kumar, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 4002

[thebuglepodcast]

:'(

This is about the new Bugle format? Yeah, it’s definitely sad. It’s been pretty obvious for the last year or more that it was never going to continue in the same form, John (when he actually recorded something) just sounded distracted and sort of disengaged most of the time. It’s great that Andy is keeping it going though, looking forward to seeing how it develops (particularly looking forward to Helen Zaltzman guest-hosting, her other podcasts are great).

[thefangirlwhowaited]

For me, economics is like the Dutch language: I’m told it makes sense, but I seriously have my doubts.

John Oliver, the Bugle Podcast. (via thefangirlwhowaited)

[fuckeulogy]

Thank you, Andy, for putting out sub-episodes … at least!

[ourrosy-mindedfuzz]

Andy: It’s been awfully sweary The Bugle recently. I don’t know why that is. Chris, any suggestions? Chris: Maybe you just need to listen to the words of the Pope. Andy: What did he say? ‘Don’t fucking swear’? Chris: Right, that’s now 12 ‘fucks’ and 1 ‘cunt’ today. Actually now I’ve said that that’s 13 -2. Andy: 12 fucks, 1 cunt. That’s pretty much the Jewish attitude to the new testament isn’t it?

The Bugle: Episode 127  (via ourrosy-mindedfuzz)

Quite possibly the best punchline on The Bugle. Ever.

(via giggletoffs)

[thebuglepodcast]

Basically Europe, as a continent, has behaved financially like a man who got one testicle stuck in a George Foreman Grill, and rectified the situation by buying another George Foreman Grill, with money it didn't have, and slamming it shut on its other testicle, so at least he looked vaguely symmetrical, before saying "Help! Help! I really need your help! Lend me some money so I can buy a George Foreman Grill to put my penis in.

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 198

[catd2014]

God damn you John Oliver for being all successful and that ;)

At least there will be one Bugle a month which feels like more than there’s been lately.

(Of course I’m outraged that a thing we get for free isn’t available as regularly as at once was…)

[pour-des-raisons]

ATENTION BUGLERS!

[thebuglepodcast]

The Conservatives are a party that people are too embarrassed to admit that they're planning to vote for, in a completely anonymous poll. Even in total anonymity they cannot bring themselves to say to another living breathing human being, 'I'm going to vote Conservative'."

Andy Zaltzman

[thebuglepodcast]

I would sincerely hope that many people in Britain woke up with an emotional hangover thinking 'Oh no, what did I do yesterday', only to look at a stubby pencil on their pillow and scream 'Oh shit, please say I didn't vote Conservative! Not again!'

John Oliver, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 292

[giggletoffs]

For more than 1000 years February was roundly teased by all the other months, until St Valentine, the patron saint of hackneyed chat-up lines and clumsy passes, posted himself anonymously to a nun he fancied on the 10th of February one year. Arriving by 2nd class post four days later, a hungry, cold and urine-soaked Valentine tumbled out of his cardboard and bubblewrap package onto the nun’s floor and recited these lines: “roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a rhino in bed, and I’ll bet you are too. Love from, Guess Who,” before the nun smashed him over the head with a bronze Virgin Mary trophy she’d won the previous day as Miss Chaste, 453AD. Valentine slumped to the floor, mumbled, “I wouldn’t mind breaking your habits.” She clunked him again, he burbled, “Sister? Sizzler more like.” She booted him in the head with her size 9 Magdalene 3000 nun-boots, and he whispered, “I love you so much I’m falling to bits, now whip off your wimple and show me your-” at which point she body slammed him while screaming, “Hail Mary, full in your face,” and Valentine died instantly, but happily.

Andy Zaltzman - The Bugle - Episode 62 (via giggletoffs)

[thebuglepodcast]

Under the rules of the monarchy he merely found a toy that was already technically his. He is entitled to that toy and the other baby can come and visit that toy at the British Museum between the hours of 9 and 5 weekdays. Otherwise that baby needs to shut the fuck up.

John Oliver, on Prince George's toy theft. The Bugle Podcast, Episode 266.

[thebuglepodcast]

[Working for] Microsoft is the perfect grounding for the Pope. In the beginning was the word, and the word was good, until they immediately pissed around with how the menus worked in word and then the word became incomprehensible and deeply counter-intuitive.

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Podcast

[thebuglepodcast]

According to the census there were 8 Jews in Davos, most of them probably looking around the local art gallery thinking "Yeah, that's probably one of ours, I reckon that is *definitely* one of ours".

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Podcast, Episode 286

[zombies-in-my-arms-deactivated2]

Without the internet, we might actually have to confront real life.

Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle Episode 179 Playas Gon Play (via a-zombies-in-my-aarms)