Growing the Canvas

I'm Ruth Rogers, the owner of The Canvas: a Cafe and Creative Venue in Shoreditch. I used to be an actress and puppeteer. Now I'm a social entrepreneur. This blog is about that, and about what The Canvas is doing to improve happiness in London.

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A Gender Equalist: equality for women in business

I thought I’d made up a term today; Gender Equalist. But I googled it, and apparently it’s been used before, so no patent for me...

I used it today whilst speaking at the Bromley By Bow Centre for their International Women’s Day breakfast networking event for female (and male) entrepreneurs.

I was a panelist and speaker alongside Maria Morgan from Social Enterprise Kineara (launched following support and investment via the Beyond Business programme in partnership with Investec bank, as was my social enterprise business, The Canvas Cafe), and Bangs and a Bun, blogger, runner, writer and fitness editor of Elle magazine. Two really rather brilliant women who I was proud to speak alongside.

The main topic of the event was Female Entrepreneurship, and we were asked to speak about what this meant to us.  I was up first, which was nerve wracking despite the warmth and solidarity in the room.

I opened my speech by introducing myself as a Gender Equalist, because it rings truer to me even more than the term Feminist.

I should clarify though; I am a feminist, of course I am.

But I think even more specifically, I’m a Gender Equalist.  I passionately believe that men and women should be equal; different, but equal.

We still have a long way to go on our journey to gender equality, and personally I have a lot of questions about the perception of myself as a Female Entrepreneur.  To be honest, I also have questions about the perception of myself as a woman.

You hear different reactions when you do something that “women don’t usually do”.  I ride a motorbike, and most of the time, no-one comments whatsoever about the fact that I’m a woman rider.

However, I have also been told that my bike is too large, too powerful, and that I’m not safe on it - specifically because I’m a woman.

Now, I’m also a female business owner; is that the same thing as being a woman rider?  Am I again doing something that a woman “doesn’t usually do”?  Is my gender an issue here?  Is it something people would notice?

And the answer is, I’m not sure.

Men have very often told me how I should be running my business.

But, they have always been older men; would they have also given the same advice to a young male entrepreneur?

Is that an age issue, rather than a gender issue?

Similarly, when people say ‘Oh! You’re the owner!’, are they expressing surprise at my gender - as I assume they are - or are they just excited to be in such a small, independent business where the owner also serves them the coffee?

Am I guilty of wearing my gender as a badge, or carrying it as a burden; assuming everyone is seeing me first as a woman, before anything else?

Do I perceive myself as an entrepreneur, or a female entrepreneur?

And crucially, what’s most helpful in the battle for equality?

Personally, I feel an important step in that battle, that we’re currently really stuck on, is the perception of a woman being the child bearer, and therefore also the child rearer.  And I believe that until shared parental leave is culturally accepted in the workplace, women will never have equal opportunities to men.

While shared parental leave is now a legal entitlement for employees, it’s not culturally accepted, at least in a business environment.  I’ve spoken to men and women who work in various large corporations across London who have categorically told me that a man asking to take 6 months’ shared parental leave would be laughed out of the office.

Which is a travesty, because culturally accepted shared parental leave would allow women to finally be given the same career opportunities as men.  Any man in an interview or promotional situation could be just as likely to go off work on shared parental leave as a woman.

Women would no longer be viewed as a potential ‘maternity leave’ burden for a business; every single employee could feasibly leave for 6 months every time they had a baby.

Now, I may be the owner of a very small business, but I feel I can do my bit in the battle for equality as an employer by ensuring equal opportunities for all my staff, and making them all feel they can take shared parental leave.

But am I doing this as a female employer, or an employer who cares passionately about gender equality?

For me, it’s both - of course it’s both.  But does that make gender equality, and International Women’s Day, a female issue?

I don’t think it does.  The fight for gender equality is a battle we must all fight; as forward thinkers.  Male and female, in the fight together.

And to return to my questions:

Are female entrepreneurs doing something “women don’t usually do?”  And if we are, what does that mean; what does it say?

Are we wearing, should we be wearing, our gender as a badge?

What is most helpful in the battle for gender equality?

Today is the day to ask the questions: #IWD2016

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In praise of women

I ride a motorbike.  She's a beautiful Royal Enfield Bullet, 500cc.  She's red, with gold writing, and when I ride her down the street I understand what it must be like to be really sexy - Cassy, my motorbike, really turns heads.

But it's not just Cassy that turns heads.  Many people find it surprising that I'm a woman riding a motorbike.  Most of the comments I receive are varying versions of shocked delight that a lady is under the helmet, especially when my boyfriend hops off the back from his pillion position.

But I've also been told that the motorbike is too big for me, that it's too dangerous, and that I need to be careful.  And all of these remarks were made - every single one - because I'm a woman. 

As if, by being a woman, I'm therefore intrinsically fragile, clumsy, and in need of protection.

It's International Women's Day on Sunday, and I feel compelled to write this blog in praise of women.  Because on Wednesday 4th March 2015, my social enterprise The Canvas - a cafe and creative venue on Hanbury Street in Shoreditch - became London's first Happy Cafe in association with Action for Happiness.  And I could never have opened it without the help of some wonderful women.

(NB. Many marvelous men were also invaluable.  If you visit The Canvas, admire the floor - it was laid voluntarily by Dan and John.  Do you like the wooden frontage?  That was made possible with the voluntary help of Ben, Eamonn and Vish. Kieron and Ciaran painted, sanded and installed. But now back to the ladies.)

I'm a feminist of the Caitlin Moran way of thinking.  It's equality I crave, and I don't think we'll ever get there if gender sterotypes are continually compounded.  In my experience, if you want to shatter any gender stereotype you may have, place yourself outside your comfort zone and ask your nearest and dearest for help. Chances are you'll be surprised what skills you discover.  I found myself miles outside of my comfort zone for the whole of 2014, and it was the women in my life who regularly offered the vital signposts in the road that re-directed me towards a clearer, simpler and more successful route.  

From my wonderful women I received business advice in time-management, HR, employment, digital marketing, accounting, fundraising, environmental health and health and safety in the workplace.

I received their voluntary time, as painters, designers, copywriters, mentors, cleaners and bargain hunters.

And they listened, and coached, and asked the right questions, and encouraged me as I stumbled, and failed, and picked myself up, and ploughed on with what sometimes seemed an impossible dream.

And all the time, they were launching their own projects, creating and building their own dreams, building businesses, gaining contracts, raising children, studying for Masters, travelling the world.  Multi-tasking the heck out of their lives, and being damn amazing at it.

I'm now in the incredible position of being a new 'mum' to The Canvas, which is a truly wonderful place to work.  It's everything I hoped it would be - we encourage our customers to share their thoughts, opinions, secrets and stories on our walls, and our collection of comments is awe-inspiring; it truly reaffirms my faith in humanity.

And we have an all-female team of staff - which is unusual in the coffee world, where many baristas are men.  I didn't set out to create an all-female team, and initially I was guilty of my own gender stereotyping; would my team of women get on with one another?  Would I encounter the bitchiness I had experienced at my all-girls school?  Would we need a guy around to do the 'manly' jobs?  I'm ashamed to admit this, but these were my initial concerns.

I needn't have worried - our team are the best of friends.  I'm in awe of their work dynamic, and love hearing and watching how they interact together to achieve the best results at work.  If they need to be sharp and direct, they will be.  Are they still friends afterwards?  Absolutely.  Are they understanding and caring towards one another?  Yes, always.  Do I feel like the luckiest boss in the world to have such a terrific team?  Every day.

The women around me, both at work and in my private life, are not fragile, clumsy and in need of protection.  Quite the opposite.  They defy gender stereotypes - as I'm sure the women in your life do. 

It's time we globally saw women as humans, as people - capable of a variety of emotions, of tasks, and challenges.  Just as likely to fail as men, and just as likely to succeed.  Equal.

So on Sunday 8th March, I'll be defying gender stereotypes - I'll ride my motorbike to the Southbank Centre, where I'll mentor women in ways to achieve their goals in life; I'll then ride to work, which is a social enterprise I built from scratch; I'll join my team to serve at the cafe on a busy Brick Lane market day - then I'll go home and have a beer.  Maybe even some pork scratchings and a pickled egg. 

Or is that taking it too far?

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London's first Happy Cafe

On 4th March 2015, The Canvas launches as London's first Happy Cafe, in association with global charity Action for Happiness.

The Canvas is a social enterprise cafe and creative venue just off Brick Lane in Shoreditch, that I opened in October 2014.  Inspired by my positive body image charity, Body Gossip, it aims to improve the self-esteem, confidence and well being of its community by hosting empowering and uplifting events such as lunchtime yoga, a weekly drop-in choir, free workshops in positivity, free weekend films and free live performances.

We also invite our customers to write on our walls, sharing their thoughts, ideas, secrets and stories and joining an ever-evolving piece of live art.

Action for Happiness is a movement of people committed to building a happier society. They want to see a fundamentally different way of life where people care less about what they can get for themselves and more about the happiness of others.

The Happy Cafe concept has brought The Canvas and Action for Happiness together, and it's a perfect fit.  The Canvas will host Action for Happiness' events; the first one is an 8-week course in Happiness, starting on 12th March.  The Canvas will also display leaflets and literature about the 10 Keys to Happier Living. But more than that, this is the start of a partnership between two organisations that simply want to make people feel better about themselves.

The History of The Canvas - Body Gossip's influence

I didn't expect to open a cafe and creative venue, and dedicate my life to improving people's happiness and confidence. I started my professional life as an actress and puppeteer; I was a CBeebies radio presenter, and played Joey's Head in War Horse in the West End for 2 years.  Joey wasn't the only animal I performed; I also played a monkey, a woman who turned into a cow, and a massive pink bird... it was a colourful career!

Founding Body Gossip in 2006 was the start of my journey into self esteem.  I launched a Call for Stories in the UK; inviting the general public to write their story about their body and send it to Body Gossip.  I have empowered these real stories written by real people about their real bodies by turning them into live theatre shows, short films, and over 300 stories have been published in the Body Gossip Book, with foreword by Gok Wan.

I really believe, and there's scientific evidence to prove, that writing is cathartic - and many people who have written their body story for Body Gossip have found this.  In 2007, I wanted to get more people writing their stories, so I took my white living room sofa to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - specifically the Royal Mile (the best place to find tons of people!) and invited passers by to write one sentence about their body on the sofa.

The reason I took the sofa to Edinburgh was to create a bit of a buzz around the Call for Stories.  But I experienced much more than that - I was blown away by the honesty, bravery and passion of people's words. Writing on an unusual canvas inspired intimate and beautiful comments, and you could see how cathartic it was for people.

Watch the Body Gossip sofa in Edinburgh, and hear more about The Canvas.

Some of the most memorable comments were "It used to be thinner, but I still love it!", "My stretch marks remind me of my 3 beautiful children", and my favourite: "Fingers crossed".

This was written by a lady, probably in her mid-30s. Her best friend asked her what it meant. The lady turned to her friend and said, "I'm pregnant."

After three miscarriages, she had planned on confessing her exciting news to her friend later that afternoon.  But she chose to tell the sofa first.  I felt I had discovered a really exciting and powerful concept, that could connect and inspire people, and seven years later, The Canvas was born.

(Seven years?  Yes, it's a long time, but don't forget I was a jobbing actress, I'm not the daughter of anyone famous, and I was launching a body image charity in my spare time!)

The Canvas is all about self-expression, sharing, and the power that your words have to inspire, reassure and encourage others.

The (brilliant) staff at The Canvas tell me that reading the comments on the walls reaffirms their faith in humanity, which is a bold statement but true here - you'd think that by offering the general public a pen to write on the walls of a cafe they'd a) draw a phallus, b) scribble or swear and c) steal the pen.  But that rarely happens - the majoriy of people respect the piece of art they are building together.

If you're a fan of Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky, you'll already believe in the positive power of connection, relationships and acts of kindness towards others; and how these can change the world for the better.  

It's often incredibly hard to retain our faith in humanity, when all around us are news stories of the attrocities that humans are experiencing by the hand of other humans.

But my faith in humanity remains.   Because I'm lucky enough to see, every day, the beauty, honesty and bravery of my community - it's written everywhere for me, and you, to see at The Canvas.

“We don't have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.” - Howard Zinn

I launched The Canvas because I believe it brings people together, cheers people up, empowers them, and inspires them.  These "small acts" are already transforming people's worlds, as Nisha Kotecha and Juliette Burton describe in their blogs about The Canvas.

You're meeting The Canvas 4 months into its life - I have so much planned for the future of London's first Happy Cafe, including opening a garden space, and a theatre.  I really hope you'll come and be involved with it.

Ruth Rogers Owner and Creative Director, The Canvas Founder and Trustee, Body Gossip

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Juliette's Happy Hour

Juliette Burton is a brilliant comedienne, writer and performer.  Her shows are all about self-discovery; battles with appearance and self-identity. They're inspirational and empowering, which is why we are so pleased to be working with her at The Canvas.

Juliette will perform her critically-acclaimed show 'Look At Me' at The Canvas on 24th March 2015 at 7:30pm.

Juliette is also starting a regular comedy night, called Juliette's Happy Hour, at The Canvas in April 2015.

Here, Juliette writes about why she chose The Canvas as her new theatrical home.

At the beginning of the year, I moved to London from Edinburgh. I had moved to Edinburgh to follow my heart after years of Fringe fun and flings that blossomed into a lasting romance with the city. But in recent years, London has called and so I packed up my bags and belongings to start afresh with a blank canvas of London life.

I wanted to start a regular night, partly to give myself a regular reason to perform, partly to make new friends in a new community and partly, selfishly, to give me an excuse to get my performer friends – scattered across the world on tour – all together and give me, in essence a home to invite them to…to do what we all love doing most – performing.

I wanted my night to be inclusive, warm, the kind of night where I can genuinely guarantee the audience WILL leave feeling uplifted and upbeat, where no audience member will feel picked on or excluded or bullied, but where a big group of people who have perhaps at some point in their lives felt a little like a misfit, get together to feel like they belong and leave beaming with massive grins from ear to every little ear. I also wanted to host a night where my fellow performers and I would feel supported, welcome, where they didn’t have to be perfect but could try out new, flawed material and feel totally safe. I wanted to bring together truly quality acts with truly lovely audiences and make sure everyone left feeling happy.

And thus ‘Juliette Burton’s Happy Hour’ was born…

But when there are incredible theatres in Soho, Camden, Battersea – North, South, East and West of London, why did I choose The Canvas? Feeling at home is one strong reason.

Home

Being a touring performer, as amazing as it is, can get a little lonely. I’ve toured around the UK and in Australia now for months at a time and I adore it – I love the new experiences and meeting new people, finding friends who become family in random continents – a Fringe Family who matter and inspire me.

Moving to a new city is really scary and can be a little lonely. I literally know no one where I live now. So having a sense of “home” is important.

My first night living in my new flat I forced myself to go on a bar crawl (ok, there wasn’t much force involved…) to find a new ‘local’. I needed my safe space where the staff were friendly, the drinks were good and the Wi-Fi was strong. I needed my safe space, my haven and place to retreat to in times of doubt, around which my world could revolve. THAT was my priority – not putting together my furniture or even having a bed to sleep on, but knowing the nearest place I could hide from all that – all the stresses and strains and difficulties.

This longing for a “home” is a factor in why I chose The Canvas – walking downstairs I felt at home, at ease, I felt welcome. It is such a joyful little place, a bubble of warmth and friendliness where I felt instantly relaxed. The furniture is cute and semi-coordinated, semi-mismatched (much like myself). It really is a haven of good coffee, comfy chairs and smiley faces. I reckon that why I stand there hosting the evening I will feel as though I am welcoming the audience and my performer friends into my living room, and that is exactly the vibe I want at this night – of inclusion, fun and safety. Somewhere everyone is equal and everyone is welcome. Unlike any other home I’ve had before, it is a place of common values.

Stories

The idea behind the name for The Canvas is one that really touches me personally. I adore stories – from the fairytales I was told as a child to the abstract stories in my dreams, from the gossipy tit-bits friends animate over glasses of wine to the fictional tales my fellow performers regale on stages at the Edinburgh Fringe, Fringes worldwide and theatres across the UK.

I’m so passionately in love with storytelling that I’ve pretty much dedicated my life to stories – telling real-life stories – in my docu-comedy shows. I expose my most heartbreaking moments, the truth of who I am on stage to try and say something meaningful from one human to another – whilst trying, ambitiously, to make that other human, or group of humans, to laugh with me at the absurdity of my life – our lives. If I can be a conduit for others to laugh at their own torments, laugh through their own pain or just laugh enough to accept and understand something a little better than they did before then I have done something I will be proud of.

The Canvas seems to share a similar value by promoting the idea that we are all a blank canvas and we can write our own story. For reasons that anyone who sees my full length shows will know all to well, that empowerment resonates with me to my core – I need that idea reinforced every day to help me stand a little straighter, walk a little taller and speak a little louder. I feel like maybe being at The Canvas might mean I daily learn how to be prouder of who I am, who I’m becoming and who I could be in the future because, according to The Canvas, I have the power to reinvent myself every single day. How amazing is that? I don’t know about you but I don’t get that at my local Starbucks. I usually leave there with more guilt than I do leaving my parents’ after Sunday lunch.

The walls here really do have ears. The Canvas WANTS to listen to you.  Much like an adoring, loyal and patient pet, this space will listen if you want to regale your own story. Write on the walls to answer the questions it asks. Curl up in a ball in a comfy armchair and cry a little over very good coffee. Even if you don’t really feel like talking I get the feeling this space will listen to your pain and the cushions will hug you and you will leave glowing that bit brighter.

Before setting foot in The Canvas I’d already been drawn to their sense of community from the website – I love the ethos the venue has of welcoming everyone, no matter your background, creating community for those who seek it – from a choir on a Wednesday to free films at the weekends to TED talk screenings, welcoming babies, pets and misfits like me as well as regular lovely people like you. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of such an inclusive little heaven where you can think a little deeper, connect a little stronger and be just a little bit more real.

Body Gossip

More than anything for me, the link with Body Gossip, a charity I have admired for a long time now, was the thing that fermented my decision to hang my regular night hat in this particular potential home.

My relationship with my body has been a rocky one – I’ve been a size 4 and sectioned under the mental health act due to anorexia. I’ve been a size 20 and suicidal due to compulsive overeating. And I’ve appeared to be healthy and well and “normal” but have been acutely bulimic. Yep, I’ve collected almost a full set of eating disorder cards.

My Body Dysmorphic Disorder is pretty well ingrained in my day-to-day experience of living within this gangly flesh-puppet. But part of my journey is learning to be kinder to it, learning how to have fun within it because fun, I am sure, is a big reason I want to chose recovery over illness. My relationship with my body continues to take twists and turns but if I surround myself with positivity, compassion and fun then I’ll give myself a fighting chance to keep up this fight. So, selfishly, choosing The Canvas is a choice directly related to my ongoing choice of recovery too.

And this link has also attracted a host of amazing names – I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to introduce acts I’ve admired for as many years as I’ve admired Body Gossip: names like Bec Hill, Sara Pascoe, Alexis Dubus, Lee Ridley (Lost Voice Guy), Doug Segal, James Hamilton, Damian Clark and many more all already confirmed at The Canvas in Shoreditch in the coming months. I’m excited to introduce the audiences, my new friends to these old friends and inspirations.

Yellow

Other venues are wonderful, but this one is so in line with my ethos and what I hope to one day stand for: empowerment, inspiring positivity in others, inclusion and accessibility – I reckon hanging out there will strengthen my experience of who I am as well as giving me a place to strengthen my material for future shows. I want to see the world not through rose tinted glasses but through a haze of yellow…

Yellow is a colour you will see a lot at The Canvas. I have been told yellow is not my colour. I have also been told I have a yellow aura. If both these things are true then apparently my own aura doesn’t suit me. Make of that what you will. These are the things I’ve been told. All I know is that yellow is the colour of positivity, friendship and energy. I think you and I will find all those things at The Canvas.

Juliette Burton’s Happy Hour is going to be the best natural high you can find in East London… allegedly. Come and give it a try!

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Nisha's Happy Place in London

Nisha Kotecha runs a great website called Good News Shared.  And it does exactly what it says on the tin.  Nisha shares stories that make you feel happy, inspired, and energised to go out into your community and make a positive impact, whether that’s by carrying out random acts of kindness, volunteering, or simply smiling at someone you walk past.

Nisha writes here about why she loves The Canvas, and why she's finally found her Happy Place in London.

What’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?

If you have been to The Canvas Café you will have come across questions like this written on the walls of the café. You will have been given a pen, and told you are more than welcome to write on the walls if you would like to. Maybe you wrote something, a hope, dream, or thought, on the wall or maybe you just read what others have written. Either way, your thoughts, hopes, and dreams are valued at The Canvas Café.

The café was designed as a blank canvas on purpose, so people have the opportunity to add their thoughts and ideas to the décor of the café. Every day people are enjoying a meal and / or a drink at The Canvas Café and doing just that.

This makes The Canvas Café a pretty unique place in London.

I was born in London, and have spent most of my life living in what I consider to be one of the best cities in the world. I’m not someone that sees just the positives of London though, and can find the constant busyness of the city tiring at times. Over the years I have looked for my ‘happy place’ in London. I came close to finding it when I worked near London Bridge and I discovered Southwark Cathedral, a peaceful place I used to go to escape the craziness of London.

When I first visited The Canvas Café in November 2014 I remember feeling as though I had discovered somewhere magical; a peaceful place I can visit to escape the crazy pace of London; somewhere I can just sit and think.

The questions on the wall acted as a springboard for my thoughts, an inspiration, and being able to write my opinions on the wall for everyone to see left me feeling energised.

I tend to visit cafes quite often these days, all in the name of work - I write about cafes that do good for Good News Shared, a website I started in April 2014 to showcase all the awesomeness in the world. I have loved visiting all the cafes listed in my directory for different reasons. I love that The Canvas Café’s focus on helping people feel happier is in line with Good News Shared’s aims. And I am so happy to say that I have finally found my happy place in London.

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Positive Thinking - notes from our free Inner Space workshop, Tues 10th Feb at The Canvas

On the first Tuesday of every month, The Canvas hosts free workshops delivered by the charity Inner Space. February's workshop was Positive Thinking - here's Inner Space's blog about how to think more positively:

Tips to Think More Positively

There has been a bit of a debate recently about whether positive thinking works, fuelled perhaps by positive thinking sometimes being solely equated with positive affirmations. Positive thinking is more than just positive affirmations. It’s about creating a supportive mind-set that generates a feeling of inner positivity. The following are traits of a positive mind-set that we can cultivate.

Put a full-stop to over-thinking. Does your mind run away with you? Do you ever find yourself going back over and over the same thing again and again? Over-thinking has much in common with over-eating, it leaves us feeling heavy and sluggish. Putting a full-stop frees up our mind to play with more energising positive thoughts and ideas.

Complaining to Appreciating. How do you feel when you complain? Miserable? When you appreciate? Grateful? Which do you prefer? The latter? Here are two exercises that help train our minds to appreciate more. One, challenge yourself to find at least one thing an hour to appreciate, e.g., a smile or warm drink. Two, look to catching yourself complaining and when you do, challenge yourself to appreciate something about that situation, e.g., ‘It’s raining!’ ‘Well, rain equals strawberries.’

A problem, challenge or opportunity? Take a problem. How do you feel? Now, reframe it as a challenge? How does this feel? Next reframe it as an opportunity. Now, how do you feel?

Nourish Your Mind. Give your mind something uplifting, encouraging or new to think about every day. Don’t leave it empty-handed.

Review the day. See what was useful and discard what wasn’t. A lighter mind means a better sleep.

In short, positive thinking is all about the quality of our thoughts. The more positive our mind-set the more energised we feel and the more life just flows smoothly, easily and joyously.

Missed the talk? Visit Inner Space for the Positive Thinking Course: www.innerspace.org.uk

Inner Space’s next talk at Canvas is about Happiness Boosters: http://www.thecanvascafe.org/workshop-talks/happiness-boosters-free-workshop 

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Stepping further out of the comfort zone

As a freelance actor and voiceover artist, life was never routine. Every day was different, ranging from early starts travelling to unknown areas of the country to meet new faces and adapt to new working environments, to meandering hours with no structure where the only task was 'Find a job'.

I had got used to this life, and it didn't alarm me. I kept myself busy and motivated, running my positive body image charity Body Gossip, and hoping my agent would call. That was life, and despite a growing sense of frustration at the powerlessness of my position as an actor, I didn't see it changing drastically in the future.

Then I won a Social Enterprise award to open The Canvas cafe and arts space, and I became a Social Entrepreneur. I had to open a business. I had never, ever done this before. I soon found that every single day was taking me further and further out of my comfort zone; making me do things I'd never ever done, say things I'd never before had to say, behave in a manner I wasn't accustomed to. It was like those dreams actors have where they're suddenly on stage in clothes they don't recognise and they haven't learnt the lines - but this was real, and I was making it all up on the spot, every single day.

I admit, I wasn't plunged instantly into panic and stress. It grew, subtly; creeping up behind me on tiptoe.

Meanwhile, I carried on as I usually would - writing long To Do lists, turning my living room into an office each day, creating big piles of paper - bank account applications, company incorporation documents, funding applications, commercial property brochures. It was disorganised, yet it was how I'd run my professional life for the past 11 years; why should I change it now?

It was in January of 2014 when I discovered that every time I was alone, my heart raced and tears would spring to my eyes. I bought some Kalms, and tried to breathe through it.

One of my best friends bought me a 'Mindfulness' book, urging me to take some time out each day to meditate.

Another of my best friends, her baby son balanced on her hip as she pureed carrots, listened as I explained my anxiety - and my dear friend's suggestion I read a book about meditation.

"When have you got time to read a f***ing book?!" she exclaimed (interestingly, she was herself regretting buying a book about Baby Weaning - "I should've been more realistic and downloaded the app!")

It was this wonderful woman, previously a brand manager for a large global corporation, now a brilliant mum, who cleared all my anxiety up.

As she pureed carrots, she talked me through new ways to structure my work load; crucially the Time Management To Do list (Due soon / Not due soon / Important / Not important) which genuinely transformed my ability to work.

And soon, with the help of my new-found structure, and the fact that after a while, feeling the fear and doing it anyway really does make you stronger, I abandoned the Kalms, and I boldly strode onwards.

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What I learned from writing a Business Plan

I'm going to start on a happy note. Once I'd written my business plan for The Canvas, in order to apply for a social enterprise start-up grant from Beyond Business and Investec, it was read by the Director for Europe of a large surveyancy firm in London. He said, "She's been in the wrong job for the past ten years. She's clearly a business woman."

Hooray! Woop Woop! Etc.

But the truth is, writing the business plan for The Canvas had been a pain in the arse.

I know there are people out there who find writing those things a joy, a breeze, a "vital and absolutely necessary step to launching a business". Yes, yes, yes.

I've read the business books, I've attended the seminars, I KNOW BUSINESS PLANS ARE TOTALLY, HUGELY IMPORTANT. If you have any ambitions to succeed past your first year, you can't start a business without one.

But they're also a pain, right?

My biggest problem was that, having been an actor for 11 years previously, I was writing the business plan AND learning all the ropes at the same time.

I admitted in my last blog that I didn't know what a Profit and Loss account was.

To allow you to get the measure of me further, I didn't know what a Profit Margin was. Or a SWOT analysis. I thought the bottom line was the imprint on your bum cheeks when you'd sat on a bench for too long.

So what did I learn from writing a business plan? Everything.

I learnt about competitor analysis. And pricing. And strategic planning, branding, customer profiles and market research. I learnt to ask for help - when something was outside my abilities, I enrolled the help of those who were experts. Fortunately, my boyfriend is a cost manager, and without his conservative estimates and educated guesses, that Profit and Loss would have remained blank.

The night before I presented the business plan to the panel of judges at Beyond Business, to be one of the five entrepreneurs awarded with life-changing start-up capital, I turned to him and said "What if they see through me?" Because I didn't feel like a social entrepreneur at all. I was still an out-of-work actor who'd devoted a few weeks of 'resting' time to answering a series of tricky questions about an imaginery venture, dreamt up four years ago.

The next day, for the panel of judges, I performed the role of social entrepreneur. I'd done my character research, learnt my lines, and I even put on a costume. If I failed at the audition, if I didn't get the part, I'd take the costume off and life would carry on as normal.

But if I succeeded, then I wouldn't be taking the costume off - ever. I would have achieved transformation - what every actor dreams of.

A few hours later, I got the call. I'd been awarded a substantial amount of start-up capital to open a cafe and workshop space in East London.

The role was no longer a role, the costume no longer a costume. I had become a Social Entrepreneur.

[thecanvase1]

The Curse (and Blessing) of the Entrepreneurial Spirit

Last summer, I'd recently moved house, and was applying for acting jobs and doing the occasional voiceover. I was busy with Body Gossip organising the world's first ever Body Love Flashmob, and getting ready to produce our two week residency at the Southbank Centre to develop a brand new stage show for International Day of the Girl.

I didn't need another job.

But as I walked past a cocktail bar a few minutes from my new flat, I saw a poster in their window.

Staff Wanted.

My work ethic is a strong one. I knew as soon as I saw it, I had to go in and express my interest. A few days later, I was also a cocktail waitress. And if you'll forgive me this little brag, I was a bloomin' good cocktail waitress. I'm like my Mum, I can talk to anyone.

Does this sound familiar to you? If you have an enterprising spirit, it probably does. The inability to pass an opportunity of work by.

The same occurred when I applied for the Beyond Business Social Enterprise Award, supported by Investec, which strangely enough happened at the same time - summer 2013.

The Beyond Business programme awards five social entrepeneurs a chunk of start-up capital , substantial enough to launch a brand new business idea that will operate in East London.

I saw the ad. I spoke to Alan and Kim at Beyond Business. I couldn't pass the opportunity by.

But my enthusiasm and gift of the gab weren't going to get me anywhere here. I had to turn the idea into a business plan.

With financial projections.

The first GCSE grade I looked for when I got my results way back in 1997 was Maths, to check I'd scraped a C and wouldn't have to resit the exam. So creating a Profit and Loss and Cashflow for a business idea I'd had while strolling around the Pompidou Centre 4 years previously, was daunting.

(An embarassing confession - at 32 years old, I didn't even know what a Profit and Loss and Cashflow even were. I'd been an actor for 11 years, all I knew was how to work out a character's motivation and learn lines!)

But the blessing of the entrepreneurial spirit is the same as the curse - we just won't let an opportunity pass us by, will we?

[thecanvase1]

A Social Entrepreneur disguised as an Actress - Part 2

In my first post, I painted the picture of me, an Actor, in 2009, juggling thespian aspirations with a full-time, unpaid job campaigning for Body Gossip, my positive body image charity.

In the summer of 2009, I was in Paris on a short holiday, and whilst prowling the Pompidou Centre, I'd had the idea for the business that I'm now very close to launching, five years later.

Let's provide some more back story, to really put you in the picture.

Rewind to 2007, when Body Gossip was still being launched. I wanted to get people talking about their relationships with their bodies. So I took my white living room sofa to the Royal Mile in Edinburgh during the Fringe Festival and invited passers-by to write one sentence about their body on to it – and I was stunned and humbled by the honest, personal and passionate responses.

I then took the sofa to the Vitality Show, the Alternative Fashion Week, the Met Bar, and to countless schools, colleges and events. Every time, the public's response was remarkable; people loved writing on an unusual canvas, and they were eager to articulate their personal feelings in a supportive, anonymous environment.

I thought, 'There's something in this. And I don't think it's been done before'. As I prowled Le Pompidou, I went through all the possible options for taking this idea – people writing on an unusual canvas – and making it work as a business.

The result was The Canvas. Well, actually, it wasn't – back then, it was called The Gossip Cafe. But I knew it was exciting, I knew it was unique, I was sure I could pull it off – I just needed to get going!

And I was pretty sure I needed some hard cash.

Which is why I didn't 'get going' until 2013... 4 years later.

What happened? That's for next time.

[thecanvase1]

A Social Entrepreneur disguised as an Actress

It was in 2009 when I had the idea for The Canvas. I was walking through the Pompidou Centre in Paris, and as usual my head wouldn't let me completely be on holiday. Instead, I was plotting, plotting, plotting.

Back then, I was officially an Actress. But as anyone in the Theatre World knows, often our job title is just what we believe ourself to be, not what we actually do. We have our Job Title, and then we have what really gets us up in the morning.

If we're lucky, they are the same thing. If we're not, our alarm goes off and we inhabit another job role – while sneakily checking our mobiles in case our agent has rung (alas, mine rarely did).

As most actors do, I had a long list of things I did for cash – workshop facilitator, waitress, children's party entertainer (sometimes I got free cake = bonus).

But unlike most actors, I also juggled a full-time job that was fulfilling, challenging and, most importantly of all, empowering. My biggest issue with being an actor was that I was always on the bottom of a huge pile of other actors, jostling for attention, and becoming more and more frustrated - we all had talent, we all had brains, we were all worth something, but here we were; discarded. Of no interest.

So, lucky for me, I had this full-time, empowering job, where I felt I was making a difference to the world, and I had influence.

It had me in meetings all over London; organising events; producing theatre shows and short films; liaising with and working alongside organisations such as Girl Guiding, the Southbank Centre, Cosmopolitan Magazine, the YMCA, BBC Radio 1, Kiss FM, even the UK Government; giving talks at large functions; mentoring young people; hobnobbing with celebrities; being someone people recognised with awards and accolade = who could ask for more?

Unfortunately – just like acting – this job was equally as financially disastrous.

In 2006 I founded a positive body image campaign, called Body Gossip. My aim was to create theatre shows and films that were written by the general public, about their bodies. I thought that by empowering the words of real people about their bodies, their stories could reassure, encourage and support thousands of other people to feel happier with their natural shape, and stop striving for the air-brushed ideal we are bombarded with every day.

In 2008 I was joined by my old school friend, Natasha Devon, who founded the Body Gossip Education Programme. Together we have built Body Gossip from just an idea to a nationwide registered charity that has taught self-esteem to over 40,000 UK teenagers; has produced 7 professional short films of body stories available on our YouTube channel; 5 live theatre events including a 2 week residency at the Southbank Centre in 2013 and 5 sell-out shows in London and Edinburgh; has published a book of over 300 stories with a foreword by Gok Wan; sits on the All-Party Parliamentary Group for Body Confidence; organised the world's first ever Body Love Flashmob on the South Bank in London, online and in hundreds and schools, colleges and workplaces all over the UK; and won the Cosmopolitan Magazine Ultimate Campaign of 2012.

But Body Gossip, despite being a full-time job, has never paid me a wage. In fact, I have lent thousands of pounds to it, and haven't yet been paid back.

So in 2009, I needed some money in my life. How I could afford a holiday in Paris is a mystery, even now.

But there I was – Plotting in Paris.

[thecanvase1]

[thecanvase1]

What's the best thing that's happened to you today? "Writing on the walls of a cafe"

From the walls of The Canvas, London, E1