TheFakeCaptainBerto

This is where I vent/post to the void

[thecaptainberto]

Over a decade later and it still hurts… why you? Why couldn’t it be me. That shit sucks. Death has made me numb always.. but yours will always stick. Selfish I know. I’m sorry for that.

[thecaptainberto]

To my first love.. thank you for merely existing. Not you but us is why I don’t think I can actually truly love anyone. You being gone still hurts. I miss you. The deep conversations.. the awkward ones. Everything.. your eyes. Your laugh. You brought me to a world of enlightenment. Even if we couldn’t be.. I just wish you were still here.

To my second love.. I’m sorry. We were young. You were great. We both did dumb shit. I did more. I acted with immaturity. Reacting out of shock and anger. I still have love for you. I miss our talks.. but I ruined it. I’m sorry. I know you’re destined for greatness and probably already doing the things you set out for.

To my third love.. you were everything that I asked for and more. The many years of us were great. You were my best friend. Towards the end I was defeated.. broken. I wanted us to be. I cried for us to be… but honestly I’m grateful for you in my life. Rocky we started.. and rocky we ended. Our love languages polar opposite made us not feel appreciated. It hurts. We’re better off alone. I love you.. and I hope you stay true to you. Grow and be the you.. YOU want to be.

To my 4th love.. you took a beaten man.. manipulated him.. gaslit him. He fell for you just to be your toy. And yet he cannot hate you. I feel sorrow for you. I really hope you do better for yourself. I hope the poison that is around you gets eradicated. I tried to be your light and I was. Maybe if we didn’t rush into it.. who knows. I actually thought you were my soul mate. I’m glad I was incorrect. I still have love for you. Please focus on you and her.. I want to see you succeed.

Lastly to my first love again.. One day I will fall in love without feeling guilty for feeling love. It’s not that I don’t cherish you. You cannot be replaced but I was young. In all my relationships after you I kept latching on to you, and in turn was not the me I should be in a relationship. This is me letting go of us. So I can love.

[witchrealms]

(x)

[thecaptainberto]

I hold the lantern that guides the path… I hold the torch to your desires.. let them burn to fruition. Feed me and I’ll complete you. I promise you.. the seeds to my fruit is not forbidden but will be everlasting enlightenment.

[thecaptainberto]

I’m not allowed to be sad.. my feelings irrelevant. The people around me matter most, for this is true. I cannot be selfish. I’m broken but that’s okay.. I don’t need mended. I just want everyone around me to find the paths destined for them.

[thecaptainberto]

I hate it when I feel the way I do.. it’s selfish.. I don’t have the right.

[thecaptainberto]

Same shit.. same story. Just gotta be like uhh Elsa and let it go

[thecaptainberto]

It’s okay.. I’m an idiot.. but it’s okay. Love you.

[thecaptainberto]

Still.. one day. Always take care of yourself

[centralbunnyunit]

[humanoidhistory]

Bruce Pennington's cover art for The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume II, 1973.

[thecaptainberto]

Lowkey… sometimes.. I hope I don’t wake up

[nature-travel-photography]

Snowy County Road in rural Colorado, USA [oc] [5879x4429] - Author: Wilder-Photos on Reddit

[ginkgo-bilobas]

[captainkevinriley]

[thecaptainberto]

To my first love.. thank you for merely existing. Not you but us is why I don’t think I can actually truly love anyone. You being gone still hurts. I miss you. The deep conversations.. the awkward ones. Everything.. your eyes. Your laugh. You brought me to a world of enlightenment. Even if we couldn’t be.. I just wish you were still here.

To my second love.. I’m sorry. We were young. You were great. We both did dumb shit. I did more. I acted with immaturity. Reacting out of shock and anger. I still have love for you. I miss our talks.. but I ruined it. I’m sorry. I know you’re destined for greatness and probably already doing the things you set out for.

To my third love.. you were everything that I asked for and more. The many years of us were great. You were my best friend. Towards the end I was defeated.. broken. I wanted us to be. I cried for us to be… but honestly I’m grateful for you in my life. Rocky we started.. and rocky we ended. Our love languages polar opposite made us not feel appreciated. It hurts. We’re better off alone. I love you.. and I hope you stay true to you. Grow and be the you.. YOU want to be.

To my 4th love.. you took a beaten man.. manipulated him.. gaslit him. He fell for you just to be your toy. And yet he cannot hate you. I feel sorrow for you. I really hope you do better for yourself. I hope the poison that is around you gets eradicated. I tried to be your light and I was. Maybe if we didn’t rush into it.. who knows. I actually thought you were my soul mate. I’m glad I was incorrect. I still have love for you. Please focus on you and her.. I want to see you succeed.

Lastly to my first love again.. One day I will fall in love without feeling guilty for feeling love. It’s not that I don’t cherish you. You cannot be replaced but I was young. In all my relationships after you I kept latching on to you, and in turn was not the me I should be in a relationship. This is me letting go of us. So I can love.

[thecaptainberto]

[thecaptainberto]

I feel great without you.. I still don’t sleep.. I still struggle.. but without you.. I feel better.