Yoski Broski

Their will be no rhyme or reason to the shit I put on here.

[sanlorenzoherald]

good morning

[sztupy]

[thatlittleegyptologist]

You’ll need the link!

Who wants to help Cards Against Humanity f*** with Elon Musk?

We got Musk off our land. Let's build a monument to remind him he's a sad little b**** with no friends.

[papayafromtv]

au where Jason is the one to deliver Damian to Bruce but he and Damian get into an argument on the drive over about how good at stealth missions Damian is and it ends in Jason double-dog daring him to skip the whole 'introduction' aspect of going to live with Bruce and instead to just sneak into the manor and see how long he can go unnoticed for.

Damian's claim is that the manor is so big and Damian's so good at remaining hidden that he could live in the manor without anybody else there clocking him easy. Jason just wants to see how long he can actually go because in his mind the longer Bruce goes without realising he has Damian in the house, the funnier the reveal will be. he's actually kinda rooting for Damian purely because it's funnier if he pulls it off for a really long time first. then Jason can snitch on him and the fall-out will be glorious.

he lasts about four months.

two weeks in and Alfred becomes suspicious, but chooses to believe that it's raccoons or pigeons in the attic because then he doesn't have to get involved. and he really doesn't want to get involved.

a month in and Damian almost gets caught by Tim while trying to steal some food in the middle of the night and getting cornered in the kitchen, but Tim hadn't slept in three days and was high on cold medicine at the time so he assumed that Damian was actually a hallucination of Bruce as a child, and all he did was stare Damian directly in the eye and solemnly tell him 'never ask your parents to go see a movie with you.' before going to pass out in the study.

two months in and Damian has gotten into a rhythm with it. feeling unchallenged, he starts waiting for Bruce to fall asleep in front of the batcomputer during hard cases so he can sneak out from the walls and fix whatever Bruce is getting wrong and solving the case before he wakes up.

three months in and Dick runs into him while sneaking in through a side door so he can grab some stuff from his bedroom without having to talk to Bruce, but Damian bullshits that he's one of Tim's school friends visiting to complete a school project, and Dick gives him twenty dollars to promise that he won't tell anybody Dick is in the building.

four months in and he gets cocky; starts ordering packages to the manor addressed to himself. Alfred asks Bruce at the dinner table why they've received an amazon package for 'Damian Wayne' and nobody knows what the fuck he's talking about. the next night the Red Hood snitches and asks how 'Damian's doing' and Bruce becomes convinced that Hood has the manor bugged. demands a full sweep of the building. Tim comes across Damian napping in a hammock in the attic wearing Tim's presumed-lost clothes next to a pile of supremely confidential files stolen from the batcave.

Damian wakes up and promptly tells them all that they aren't allowed to be mad because the statute of limitations for breaking and entering has passed already. Jason laughs so hard he cries.

[papayafromtv]

one of my favourite headcanons for jason in the league is that he becomes weirdly fixated/obsessed with photography and home videos, both because he realises he never really had any physical memories of his childhood before bruce and also because upon coming into care of damian, he realises that unless he does something about it, damian will literally not have a single baby photo/video. and jason decides that is unacceptable.

i think it would be cute if he takes over the whole ‘making sure damian has nice moments in his childhood’ operation, and part of that is photos and memories. i think damian is probably eternally annoyed by the camera constantly following him around, but he likes jason and is aware that jason is pretty much just fixating on anything he can get his hands on to distract him from how fucked up his own existence has become, so he decides to just let jason have this one coping mechanism and doesn’t say anything.

the concept of league home videos filmed by jason/damian is so fun for so many reasons—most of them to do with damian once he’s in gotham. i keep thinking about the concept of damian growing up with jason’s hyperfixation of photography/videography rubbing off on him slightly, so when he goes to gotham one of the few possessions he takes with him is an old video camera jason gifted him as a birthday present one year. he doesn’t use it much at first because he’s so used to it being a Jason Thing that he doesn’t think to capture anything when jason isn’t there, but eventually he starts taking photos of his new family around the manor. it’s probably the one thing that gets tim and damian to interact without obvious hostility. tim sees another kid with a camera and instantly becomes enamoured. but eventually after some vague conversations about how ‘oh my brother back at the compound likes to carry a camera around, i picked it up from him’ tim gets curious about what the fuck could possibly be in a ‘home video’ from the league of assassins, so he takes one of the old flash-drives with damian’s old footage.

first thing he sees when he looks through the files is a thirty second clip of jason trying to teach damian how to use a yo-yo while ra’s glares at them in the background like he wishes he had no grandchildren, and tim’s like,

wait. i know him.

there’s fucking hundreds of hours of footage collected within damian’s belongings, a culmination of jason keeping a record of damian’s entire childhood. there’s unedited raw footage that’s just jason talking to damian about random shit for three+ hours while trekking through the desert. there’s edited sagas of different bullshit side-quests jason took damian on that he decided to film vlog-style. there’s tiny clips of jason throwing things at ra’s across meeting tables, of damian learning combat from various tutors, of jason and damian sneaking into talia’s bedroom so they can steal her jewellery—tim is losing his mind at what he’s found, for multiple reasons.

it would be funny if tim eventually decided that there was literally No Calm Way to break his find to bruce, so he just quietly puts damian’s stuff back and pretends he has no idea that damian’s league brother is jason fucking todd. it just becomes really awkward when the red hood shows up and starts causing trouble, because as intimidating as hood is to everybody else, tim has to just stand there and think ‘i’ve seen video footage of you face planting the ground after surfing down a sand dune.’ and he can’t even say anything about it.

i also just think it would be funny if after jason’s identity WAS revealed, he absolutely did not like tim in the slightest. not because tim replaced him as robin, no. because that little shit likes photography and that was jason’s thing.

“fucking- you little stalker, you can’t let me have anything, can you-?”

“what are you talking- MORE THAN ONE PERSON CAN LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY, JASON.”

“what are you trying to do? steal my entire identity? my fucking dad and my job wasn’t enough, now you’re trying to steal my HOBBIES?!”

“I LIKED PHOTOGRAPHY BEFORE YOU EVEN FUCKING DIED. I WAS HERE FIRST.”

“YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT.”

“YES I CAN?!?! YOU’RE IN MOST OF THE FUCKING PHOTOS?!?”

“no. you’re stealing my thing. after everything i’ve been through- just get out, Tim. i can’t look at you right now. get out of my house.”

“THIS IS THE MANOR—I LIVE HERE.”

“-BRUCE, GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT.”

damian is filming the entire argument from the top of the stairs and refuses to delete the footage.

[papayafromtv]

on the thread of Al Ghul family dynamics and the various ways i can have Jason be a part of it, i do find the concept of Ra's and Jason getting along incredibly funny. like. can we not give them a weird age-gap friendship that baffles everybody around them to no end?

considering the fact that Jason could be the only person 'in the family' with adverse and lingering affects from being in the Lazarus Pit, and Jason is an incredibly good asset for the League of Assassins to have on-side with his All-Blades and bat-training and new Lazarus strength/size, i think it's fair to say that regardless of how annoying and bitchy Jason is as a person, Ra's could still be smart enough to want Jason to stick around.

I really like the concept of Jason being a singularity within the league. the rest of Ra's family respects him as their leader and treats him professionally, because although he is their father/grandfather, he is still, to them, the Demon's Head. same with everybody else at the league—he's feared and worshipped, or he’s abhorred and viewed as an enemy. there’s no in-between.

apart from Jason.

Jason is a special case. i think it's important to keep in mind that the only other person that Ra's has ever really respected as an equal of some kind is literally Bruce Wayne. the Batman. as his father's son, there's no way Jason didn't pick up on that Wayne stubbornness, and there’s no way he didn’t give Ra’s a run for his money when he showed up at the league. Ra’s sees that genius and sense of strategy in Jason; the only difference is that Jason actually embraces and accepts the concept of being an Al Ghul, doesn’t give a fuck about murder, and manages to expertly carry out all his work/missions while being a complete and utter little shit. with all of that, and the prospect of them bonding over the mental effects of being pit-dipped, i think it’s very easy to imagine the two of them having a weirdly decent grandfather-adopted grandson relationship.

i want them to argue constantly, but also Jason is the only person who Ra’s wouldn’t actually stab for climbing on his throne. or for mocking the fact that he even has a throne. Talia is endlessly frustrated and baffled as to why the fuck those two actually seem to get along sometimes—Jason’s allowed to burst into any confidential meeting he wants, ranting about whatever’s pissed him off lately, and Ra’s will just sneer and tell him to fuck off. anybody else would be shot on sight.

Damian’s torn between relieved and pissed off, because on the one hand Jason constantly fucking with Ra’s and actually getting away with it at least takes the heat off Damian; but on the other hand what the fuck did Jason do to deserve this favouritism? how comes Ra’s lets Jason braid his hair when he can’t sit still during a meeting? how come when Jason breaks into Ra’s bed chambers to demand a larger expense account so he can take the outlaws to vegas for his 18th birthday Ra’s doesn’t toss him in the cells for a weekend—just throws a cushion and lets him take whatever money he wants? it’s clear favouritism, and it’s bullshit.

i don’t just want it to be Ra’s letting Jason get away with stuff though. i think it would be interesting to see the more equal parts of their relationship. I would like to see a Ra’s Al Ghul who actually accepts Jason as one of his heirs, and as somebody who recognises the negative effects of the pit will give half-decent advice on how Jason can deal with it. i want them sharing ways to deal with pit-influenced episodes and hanging out on their off days. Ra’s teaching Jason how to play chess and Jason forcing Ra’s to read with him. Talia walks in on them together in the league library, Ra’s with slices of cucumber over his eyes, head laid back, and Jason with his legs thrown into Ra’s lap while he reads out loud, and she has to just. stop. take a deep breath, and slowly walk out while counting to ten.

there’s something just so endlessly fascinating about the concept of weird morally-grey murder-grandpa Ra’s and his odd, feral, lazarus-dipped grandson Jason.

i also just think it would be funny if after Jason’s reintegration into the batfamily there was an incident including the league in Gotham and the bats actually got to witness Jason and Ra’s getting along and they have to watch completely blindsided, slightly angry, while Damian and Talia look over with thin eyes and say ‘yeah we know, we fucking hate it too.’

[papayafromtv]

no actually you know what? i'm thinking that the whole joke of 'Damian calls Jason his younger brother because Jason's age reset in the pit' is very very good. but i want more.

Damian will die on the hill that Jason Peter Todd is his son, and he takes no arguments on the matter.

listen i just really like those AU's where Jason is practically comatose/zombie-like when he first comes out of the pit, especially when Talia then assigns him as Damian’s protector because the only muscle-memory instinct Jason keeps is 'protect those smaller than him', because i really like the dynamic of Damian then having to be the one that takes up the mantle of helping Jason with everything he doesn't remember how to do.

Damian spends all day every day with Jason at his side. he washes Jason, dresses him, teaches him how to walk and move again, to speak and communicate, write and draw; and because Jason is Damian's bodyguard, he follows Damian around like a lost puppy. to Jason he's just slowly coming back to himself as a person while doing his job by protecting this kid--but Talia never told Damian that Jason was his protector, she just told Damian to keep Jason alive. And so everything Jason does, in Damian's mind (especially with the added context of Damian teaching him how to be alive again) is the actions of a vulnerable being looking to their guardian out of comfort. and of course, nobody else would fit the bill of guardian but Damian, the person who is practically raising Jason from re-birth.

Jason follows Damian around the compound because he knows he needs to protect Damian--Damian sees this as Jason wandering around after the only person he feels safe with, the person who looks after him, his guardian.

Jason watches over Damian while he trains with his tutors--Damian knows it must be scary for a child to be left alone in a place such as the compound; it's only natural for Jason to prefer watching his father train than be alone.

Jason takes care of Damian, ensuring he eats and sleeps--well Damian raised Jason by doing those same things, it's only natural that his child pick up on the only love language he is exposed to, trying to turn it onto his parent.

it goes on and on and on; everything Jason does with the mindset of looking after his new baby brother, Damian takes as a son showing appreciation for his father. it takes like. a solid six months for Jason to be self aware enough to clock that Damian is literally calling him 'son' and 'my child' and by then it's too late. Damian absolutely will not let it go.

i imagine it's one of those things where like, Jason tried to argue it at first but Damian was really insistent, and eventually Jason gave up because it was like 'what the hell, it's not like the kid has much that sparks joy in his life anyway, might as well give him this' and starts ignoring it, letting it happen. and then after a while he realises how much it seems to agitate Talia and Ra's and the whole thing becomes kinda funny so he starts calling Damian 'dad' and 'old man' and this delights Damian which encourages him even further and the whole thing just kinda ends up being one of those jokes that you go along with for so long that it's not even that funny anymore and you just do it out of instinct.

like--to be clear Jason is still the mental guardian figure out of the two of them, and he takes care of Damian. it's just that Damian's in complete denial about this and instead chooses to believe it's the other way around, which Jason lets him believe because it's kinda funny to watch peoples reaction to it. like at dinner, when one of the servants will bring out some kind of dessert and Jason will just turn to Damian and go 'can i have dessert now?' and Damian will look at his plate and say 'finish your potatoes' and Jason will sigh before listening. to Damian this is normal, and he does this because of course Jason would look to him for permission, that's his child; meanwhile Jason is watching Talia stare at them both across the table like she's about to call a fucking exorcist and internally he is just Busting The Fuck Up just waiting for the moment Damian decides it's his bedtime.

i also just wanna point out how funny this would be in Gotham, when Bruce takes in his biological son who for some reason seems to HATE him but refuses to say why and after a couple months of Damian treating him like dirt to the point where even Tim and Dick are confused he finally gets Damian to tell him what the fuck he did and Damian is just like 'you are the reason my son is in such mental pain.' and Bruce is just like.

what.

"did mother not tell you you are a grandfather?"

"w- NO??? YOU'RE ELEVEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE A FATHER- ARE YOU OK?"

"of course. i consented to being my child's father from the beginning."

"ELEVEN YEAR OLDS AREN'T ALLOWED TO CONSENT TO THAT."

and Bruce is. having a fucking panic attack about the whole thing until eventually they run into Red Hood on patrol and Damian straight-faced tells him that this 200+ lbs clearly adult man is the grandson in question and he just fucking. mentally checks out for about 20 minutes.

for the record Jason has never been so excited in his life. he fully intends on coming around the manor in-mask twice a week from now on just so he can call Bruce 'grandfather' and Dick 'uncle' while they stare at him like he's the fucking predator from Predator.

meanwhile Tim found Jason's 'baby book' under Damian's bed like a week ago which is comprised of just photos of Jason at sixteen years old, identity visible clear as day, doing shit like training, trying to figure out how to use the stove, practicing spelling, throwing spit balls at Ra’s; all taken by seven year old Damian that are marked as 'my son's first year <3', and he was genuinely so fucking baffled about how the fuck things could have spiralled to this specific point that he's just decided to go along with it and pretend he doesn't know. that is not his fucking circus, keep those monkeys away from him.

[papayafromtv]

i love BAMF 10 yr old Damian who can clock everybody's shit, but there is also something so funny to me about dumb-bitch-child Damian. like i need there to be a world where. hold on no i just need to write the conversation hold on

-

*Damian, out of nowhere on patrol one night*

Damian: you know.., there was a solid 2 year period at the league compound where i thought you were Batman.

Jason:

Jason: what?

Damian: yeah- ‘cause like, i was seven. and i met you for the first time after you came out the pit and were all big already. and i didn’t know anything about my father apart from, like, what my mother told me of him, right? and so when i met you, and i never actually heard anybody call you your name—just Mother referring to you as ‘one of Gotham’s greatest heroes’ and everybody calling you ‘prince’, in my little seven-year-old head, i was like ‘ok so this must be him then’.

Jason: what the fuck.

Damian: well you looked a lot like him. i’d only ever seen one grainy photo of the man taken from a distance and you fit the description; same build, hair, eyes, broody manner and passion for justice. you were everything i’d ever thought Batman was supposed to be, so when Mother started giving you special treatment and demanding you be treated like somebody important within the league, i thought that was just her lingering affection for an ex.

Jason:

Jason: is that why you made me teach you how to ride a bike?

Damian: yeah i was trying to make up for lost time.

Damian: i don’t know how you didn’t pick up on it—i called you Father like, religiously.

Jason: …to be honest i just wasn’t fluent in Arabic yet. when i finally did figure out that’s what you were saying i just assumed you were making a dig at the fact that i slept with Talia that one time.

Damian: yeah that was- can i be honest with you? i set that up.

Jason:

Jason: what.

Damian: originally Mother wasn’t going to meet with you in person that night, she was going to send a messenger in place, but i snuck into her chambers and edited her schedule so she’d be in the area anyway and would go see you herself.

Jason:

Damian: then i ordered food for where you were staying online in the hopes that you'd chat and realise you still loved each other.

Jason: that’s where those oysters came from-!

Damian: yeah i didn’t- i didn’t actually realise how problematic you and her being together was until after i came to Gotham. i was just trying to have a parent-trap moment and get my mom and dad back together, you know? i didn’t know you were seventeen, i just thought the Lazarus Pit had made you look more youthful than before.

Jason:

Jason, dryly: because famously, as you can tell by looking at Ra’s, that’s what the Lazarus Pit does.

Damian: listen i was eight.

Damian: -and i didn’t force you guys to do anything—this is still on my Mother for going with it; and for bad communication. if she had at any point spoken to me clearly about my father then that misunderstanding wouldn’t have ever happened.

Jason: so… when did you figure out I wasn’t Bruce Wayne…?

Damian:

Damian: well… it was complicated?

Jason: which means?

Damian: it means at first Mother told me i was just going to Gotham with you, which made me think, like, ‘yay, i get to go home with Dad’ right? and then we got to Gotham and saw Batman and Robin out and you started getting mad at a ‘replacement’, and i thought you were mad because your Robin replaced you with a new Batman.

Jason, incredulous: oh my god.

Damian: -yeah, but then we had that whole confrontation with them during patrol where you told Batman i was his son and that Talia Al Ghul wanted you to put me in his care, and i was just standing behind you like… what fucking game are you playing here Father?

Jason: *snort* you didn’t- that didn’t fucking tip you off?

Damian: no! i was like 2 years deep into this belief at this point, nothing was gonna shake me. i came to the conclusion that you were sending me in as a spy or something, so i went along with it. we got back to Wayne Manor and Pennyworth greeted Batman by saying ‘welcome back, Master Bruce’ and i got really mad at Tim because i was like ‘oh so not only did he replace Batman but he did it with the first fat fuck he found with the same first name, huh.’

Jason: *wheeze*

Damian: so i didn’t really try to kill Tim because i wanted Robin; i was doing it for your, the original Batman’s, honour.

Jason: oh my god????

Damian: ...yeah. i didn't- ok, honestly? i didn't really clock that you weren't the original Batman until after you unmasked yourself in front of everyone for the first time.

Jason: -EXCUSE ME-?

Damian: because- BECAUSE, in the league everybody just called you by 'prince' or 'the Gotham boy', and then in Gotham nobody knew your identity so everybody just called you Red Hood. it wasn't until you revealed your identity to the family and everybody started crying about some 'Jason Todd' that was still alive that i came to the realisation that nobody had ever point blank told me your name was Bruce Wayne.

Jason, in awe: wait- wait oh my god i do remember you being really fucking quiet during that whole reveal..,

Damian: yeah i was- i was coming to terms with a lot of stuff in that moment.

Jason: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!

Damian: what am i, stupid? looking back a year or so later, yeah it's a funny memory of how stupid i was as a kid. in the moment? you couldn't have fucking waterboarded that info out of me.

Jason:

Jason: you know. it does kinda- oh my god it makes so much sense now,

Damian: what does?

Jason: Tim told me the first time they let you in the Batcave he watched you walk up to my memorial case, read the plaque, and then loudly go, 'who the fuck is Jason Todd'. and i always thought that was real fuckin' weird considering i'm your emergency contact.

Damian: *wheezes*

Jason: were you disappointed that the fake-Bruce was your actual dad, then?

Damian: honestly i was more troubled at the realisation that i'd actively participated in the action of trying to get my mother and adoptive brother to bang.

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: alright that's fair,

[papayafromtv]

i really like the concept of damian not being handed over to bruce, and rather being dropped off near him and then told to go make his introductions alone, because fuck it opens up the possibility for the funniest misunderstanding ever.

au where Jason was supposed to make sure Damian gets to Bruce safely but gets sidetracked by his crime lord/Joker revenge arc, and so on the night he was supposed to take Damian over to the manor he gets called away and tells Damian to just go over there alone, except Damian happens to spot Batman and Robin on patrol anyway and figures he just go and meet them there instead. which he does, and he goes home with them, and he settles in as a Wayne boy, eventually inheriting the Robin mantle from Tim, and it’s all normal and fine except for one thing.

Bruce has no idea Damian is his biological son.

Like, from Bruce’s perspective he just happened upon a small child with dark hair and an odd desensitisation to crime/violence with no other place to go and an interest in becoming Robin. that is literally how he acquired every other child he has adopted, this was Not unordinary behaviour from him. on Damian’s part, he had presumed that Talia would have alerted Bruce that he existed before sending him to Gotham, so he was under the impression that Bruce already knew Damian was his kid and this didn’t feel the need to overtly mention it. he just kinda showed up in the middle of Batman fighting a group of muggers, helped take them down, said he no longer had another home (he forgot the code to Jason’s apartment building and is too stubborn to ask for it again), and followed when Bruce told him to get in the batmobile.

i think Tim, Dick and Bruce would just assume that Damian is the product of some kind of trafficking ring/other horrible background that led to him being homeless on the streets with a decent hand to hand skillset, so they probably just. assume that Damian doesn’t want to talk about it. thinking that Damian will come to them when he’s ready to talk about where he came from, they just ask that he’s safe and nobody from his past is going to come for him. but the thing is, Damian knows from Jason that Batman and the League of Assassins don’t see eye to eye, so he presumes these questions are just about the probability of Damian meaning more league members are going to pop up in the Batman’s territory. so Damian, being honest, just goes ‘no- well unless you count Red Hood, but he defected so i’m not sure that counts’

so now Bruce not only has no idea he’s accidentally adopted his own fucking son, but he is under the impression that Damian is on the run from the Red Hood. and Damian is just increasingly confused by his family’s reactions to -in his mind- normal scenarios.

-

Bruce: and do you have a surname that you can remember?

Damian:

Damian, squinting: isn’t it… Wayne?

Bruce:

Bruce, tearing up as he prepares to contact his lawyers about adopting a child with no legal identity: i’m so glad you feel the same way.

Damian: ?

-

Bruce, the night they met Damian: and here is a guest room you can stay in for now,

Damian: thank you, Father.

Bruce:

Tim: that was quick. not even Dick’s at that stage yet.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: don’t expect that from me, buddy. i’m still kinda mad the fake uncle trick didn’t work.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: and i mean Dick left for Bludhaven, Jason ran for Ethiopia, i didn’t originally want to be adopted; it’s about time you found a kid who actually likes you-

Bruce: Tim shut up and go to bed.

-

Jason, interrupting them all on patrol: oh hey, you let the kid be Robin, cool.

Tim and Dick: *instantly jumping in front of Damian to shield him*

Dick: you aren’t taking him, Hood!

Tim: he’s free from you now and we won’t let him go, understand?

Jason:

Damian:

Jason:

Jason, side-eyeing them suspiciously: …aight. anyway, kid, you left your hoodie at my place. here.

Damian, catching the hoodie and sending Tim and Dick weird looks: thanks…?

-

i want this to go on for so long. like, i want Jason to be back in the family and him and Damian still not realising none of the bats know Damian is Bruce’s actual kid. i want there to be a really bad incident involving the JLA where Bruce gets poisoned/magicked in some way where the only cure that will save his life is blood/DNA from a blood-related donor, and everybody is freaking the fuck out because Bruce has no siblings and his parents are dead, so they have no options.

meanwhile Damian and Jason are like ??? fucking baffled at the panic, and Damian just starts rolling up his sleeve and turning to the JL like ‘ok, well, i dunno what they’re crying about, but do you wanna take my blood then?’ and the Justice League genuinely have no idea what the fuck is going on because Bruce said this kid was adopted.

[papayafromtv]

the one thing my latest fic is doing right now is making me really like the utilisation of Drake Manor after Tim is adopted by Bruce. like, if we have Tim’s parents dying before they go broke, then Drake Manor is just… sitting empty. waiting for tenants.

and i’m just saying a fresh-from-the-league Jason Todd is a perfect tenant. i want him to use his crime lord earnings to buy Drake Manor from Tim and start living next door Specifically to piss off Bruce. he is going to be the worst neighbour ever. he’s gonna call the police on Bruce on a random Tuesday night to complain about noise despite being half a fucking mile away. he’s gonna grow trees and shrubs encroaching on the edge of Wayne property. he’s gonna declare himself head of the bristol homeowners association and send passive aggressive letters about how the gates to Wayne Manor break some kind of height code by precisely half an inch. he’s gonna be the worst.

even funnier is if Bruce absolutely does not know the Red Hood’s identity. he has no idea Jason is his neighbour and Tim is absolutely not telling him because seeing Bruce’s patience with their new neighbour crumble over the course of six months has been the best entertainment since that one time he went to the circus and saw some acrobats. when asked who he sold the manor to he just has to be all vague, like ‘just some regular single dad and his son, idk.’

the son is Damian. Damian has absolutely no fucking clue what the point of him coming to Gotham was if Jason wasn’t even going to introduce him to his biological father, but Drake Manor has a pool and for the first time in his life he’s living a life that doesn’t include getting up at the crack of dawn for training or ridiculous pressure to succeed stemming from bloodlines and birthright, so you know what? he’s fine with it. he’s living his best life. life would be a fucking vacation if Jason hadn’t signed him up for school and demanded he do ‘normal children stuff’.

basically i just want suburban single dad Jason moving him and Damian into the manor next door and only Tim knowing they’re there. i want Damian being Tim’s ‘school friend from next door that sometimes comes round for school projects and happens to look remarkably like Bruce’, and i want Jason to be living his best suburbia life while being able to piss Bruce off both at home and on patrol.

eventually Bruce decides to just be neighbourly and convinces Damian to invite his ‘dad’ to the next Wayne Gala. Jason absolutely is going to attend, even if it fucks up his secret identity, and he is absolutely going to be telling an already shell-shocked Bruce that Damian’s mother is Talia Al Ghul, juuuuust to see what happens when Bruce is forced to assume his presumed-dead son is actually somehow alive and the father of his ex’s child. all while in public at a civilian gala.

[papayafromtv]

fics where Steph isn’t legally adopted but is still Part Of The Family are so fucking funny to me. like why is this teenager at all these fancy galas? nobody knows who she is. Bruce Wayne just keeps showing up with a gaggle of children and half of them aren’t even his. people keep stopping him at the door and trying to tell him that ‘these are prestigious events, Mr Wayne, you have to be invited or related to an important invitee in order to come inside.’ and Bruce just keeps going ‘prove to me she isn’t my daughter and i’ll kick her out.’ and then the doormen have to start frantically googling to see if there’s any articles online about Bruce’s 6th legal adoption. there isn’t. he’s bluffing to buy time. by the time the staff realise Steph is indeed just a random unrelated child Bruce let tag along, she’s already missing in the crowd and they can’t fucking get her out.

i would like to see more fics centred on Steph sneaking into Gotham high society by using Bruce as a shield. she walks in half under Bruce’s coat or blocked from security’s sight by a line of Legal Wayne Children and then has to spend her evenings as an outlaw/gala-stowaway because if she gets caught by the guards she will get her ass thrown out for not being invited. i want to make it very clear that Bruce reminds her on a weekly basis she Does Not Need To Do This. not only is Bruce fully willing to adopt her on the spot but she also just doesn’t have to attend all the events if she doesn’t want to. Steph’s doing this for the love of the fucking game.

there has to be an occasion at a gala where Bruce does his usual bluff of ‘she might be my kid you don’t fucking know’ to get Steph in, except the head of security for this event is so sick of Bruce’s shit that he’s prepared for this exact scenario ahead of time and brought a lawyer with proof of Steph’s legal status. three minutes in when Steph hasn’t even had an opportunity to slip into the crowds she’s being held back and told she isn’t allowed to attend. the security team are really smug up until they have to watch the entire league of Wayne kids spending the entire event all crowded around one slightly open window so they can talk to and pass food/drink to Steph, who has decided to attend the event from outside.

there also has to be an occasion after people start catching on to Steph’s game where the kids are trying to come up with ways around this without giving in and letting Bruce adopt Steph, and there’s a point where Jason just pauses and then goes ‘what about if you’re a legal child, of a legal child….?’

cut to the head of security at the next gala genuinely considering quitting his job and going back to retail as he stands in front of the Wayne family which includes Stephanie with Jason’s arm wrapped around her as she holds out an adoption certificate.

“This is my daughter.” Jason says calmly. “Let her in.”

“She’s four years younger than you.”

“Don’t harass my son for having my granddaughter young, you don’t know his story.” Bruce calls out from the back of the crowd.

“I’m seventeen,” Steph tells the doorman seriously. “I’m just a child. You can’t separate me from my mom and dad.”

“Whose your mom?”

and Dick lays a comforting hand on Jason’s shoulder, “We co-parent.”

the entire wayne family is slammed online for bullying event staff.

[papayafromtv]

the alternate ending for under the red hood where talia appears and just hands jason a baby damian sounds like something you would come up with. especially since jasons next line of thought was all sinister like "we'll tear down the wayne and the al ghuls together." do yk what im talking about?

god that whole thing was genuinely so funny and im SO disappointed they never went further than that open-ended scene. teen!dad jason and babian wayne is SUCH a god tier duo. even funnier was i’m fairly sure talia was still right fucking behind him when he was going on about that. like. can you fucking imagine.

talia straight hands jason her newborn son and is like ‘this is bruce’s son, damian. i think you should raise him.’ and jason takes this baby, looks at him for a beat, and then just loudly proclaims ‘DAMIAN? I THINK YOU AND I ARE GOING TO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MURDER YOUR PARENTS.’

and talia’s just. a few steps away from him. face flat. just ‘genuinely what is your problem.’ like he’d had the kid three seconds.

she probably wanted damian back like. immediately. fully regretted it the second jason got that weird sinister grin but every time she tried to take the baby back he tightened his hold and turned around and wouldn’t let her grab him.

honestly that’s probably the funniest way we could get dad!jason to babian. he just refuses to put him down. can we just have zombified-post-lazarus jason not quite all-there in the head yet locking eyes with infant damian like a dog that gets attached to a big stick it finds in a forest.

zombie-jason follows talia around for two weeks while she holds damian just. staring at him. as if damian is his autistic hyperfixation or something. and talia gets so sick of it that eventually she’s just like ‘ok keeping the baby safe is not worth this hassle’ and lets jason hold him for a while.

he stops following talia around but she literally never gets damian back and thats it, she just doesn’t have a son anymore. she has to speak to ra’s later that month and it’s like

“daughter, how is my prized heir?”

“i lost him, you don’t have one anymore.”

“.what”

“i let jason hold him while i chopped an onion and now he wont put him down.”

“…and you can’t just take-“

“he bit me.”

“…”

“damian is no longer your heir.”

“i don’t have an heir?”

“you don’t have an heir.”

“…”

“…”

“i fucking told you not to let him in here and now look talia look at what you’ve-“

[papayafromtv]

got the down to fuck (death in the family) book for chirstymasy and ive been staring at the page that jason dies on and giggling because i keep thinking of jason waking up in the lazarus pit and seeing a fucking like 3 year old staring at him

you know i know that Jason being put in the pit was like. a whole heavily watched ceremony that lasted a couple of minutes at best, but how fucking funny would it be if like, the process was something that took hours to complete. and being busy with other shit, Ra's and Talia were just like 'ok just leave him in there we'll come check on him in a bit' like he was a loaf of bread in the oven or some shit.

like. imagine Jason coming up a little early than expected and the lazarus cave is just fuckin. EMPTY. apart from, the toddler standing at the edge of the pool, bag of seeds in hand, just kinda watching him. like. huh.

little three year old Damian, obsessed with animals, sneaking away from his tutor for the day to go exploring and coming across this empty cave with a fucking. green pond in the middle. and he's three, so his mind just immediately goes 'oooh, duck pond!' and brings down a bag of bird feed to try and attract some new friends. and he's down there for like. fifteen minutes. sprinkling seeds into the water and patiently hoping something will show up.

and then this six ft 200+ monster of a man just BURSTS up through the water, looking VERY disorientated, and he's dripping wet and there's seeds in his hair, and Damian and him just fucking look at each other in silence for a solid thirty seconds.

like twenty minutes later Talia and Ra's are interrupted during an important strategy meeting just for

Damian: mother, grandfather, i fed the ducks and found a friend.

Talia, too busy to look up from her files: that's nice, dear.

Damian: he did not like the seeds i fed him but his name is Jason.

Ra's: what- *turns around* oh my god.

Damian, sat on Jason's shoulders, looking entirely too smug with himself: he says he's a robin but he is far too big. personally, i think he resembles a cormorant.

Jason, unbothered: we agreed we'd meet in the middle and say i'm a mallard.

Talia and Ra's:

[papayafromtv]

i do think that a severely under-talked about idea between Jason and Damian within the whole league-brothers AUs is the communication factor. like, if we go with the idea of Jason basically being a catatonic zombie who has to relearn how to be human after his pit-dunk, and with him meeting Damian when Damian was like. barely out of a diaper. the communication between those two as they got closer would be fascinating.

like, aren't there psychological studies claiming that twins are more likely to have delays in language development because they become so in tune with each other that they don't need to learn how to speak as quickly? can you imagine that with Damian and Jason. Jason whose communication development was put back to square one after the pit, and Damian who was only just starting to get the hang of it anyway. those two become close and suddenly they're learning how to communicate together--and it causes fucking chaos within the league.

i want them to be able to communicate fluently with each other before anybody else can understand a single word they're saying. they have their own weird half-grunt-half-gesture-half-body-language thing going on and i bet you the rest of the league is so tired of having to deal with this bullshit.

Jason is still like. actively being used as one of Talia's top assassins/guards, is the thing. somehow despite the fact that fucking verbal language is escaping his post-lazarus mind, he's still a beast with a sword. or a gun. or anything, really, to the point where Ra's is specifically requesting Jason as a personal guard during particularly risky situations. so like. they kind of need to be able to talk to him. it gives Talia a migraine every. time.

Talia: Jason. you are needed. Jason, intently watching three year old Damian draw in the sand with a stick: *looks up at her cluelessly* Talia: Talia, internally sighing: Jason. you have to *gestures* come. Damian: *glances up and blinks* Talia, speaking slowly and clearly: Damian, tell Jason that he has g-u-a-r-d d-u-t-y. understand? g-u-a-r-d. Damian: *looks at Jason* Jason: *looks back* Talia, under her breath: finally, Damian: *jerks shoulder and clicks tongue* Jason: *grunts back and stands up* Talia: yes, now lets- Jason: *hands Talia his sword and sits back down* Talia: Talia: what. Damian: you want sword. Talia: NO!? ~ Ra's: grandson, how are your lessons going? Damian: *wiggles his fingers and whines slightly* Ra's: Jason, in the corner: *claps his hands, congratulatory* Damian: *preens* Ra's: Damian's tutor: ...he is doing well. Ra's: *sighs*

I think even after they both learn how to speak normally they still have their weird little baby-twin language. it's like their mother tongue, what they default to whenever they aren't paying attention. whenever Jason gets genuinely pissed off he starts speaking in this weird mix of grunts and clicks and Damian's the only person that understands. after Jason's assigned his own team of subordinates at the league it becomes a regular occurrence that one of the guys will barge into the room while Damian's training and demand that he go with them. Damian has to stop mid-kata and follow some random assassin into Jason's meeting room because he's been yelling at his squad for the better part of an hour and they can't for the life of them figure out what they did wrong. Damian walks in, listens to the incomprehensible mix of jerks and noises for four seconds, states plainly 'he found out one of you fell in a koi pond during a stealth mission and killed three fish.' and then leaves instantly.

it keeps happening, too. even in Gotham, the language just never stops being an instinctual fall-back for the two. if Damian is woken up while half asleep by Tim or Dick, for the first two minutes or so he will be completely incomprehensible because his brain hasn't kicked into gear and he's speaking the language that comes most naturally to him. there's an occasion where Damian forgets the English word for some inane thing while talking to Tim and he just. cannot fucking remember what it's called. ends up instinctively reverting back to what it would have been if he were talking to Jason which is a weird hum/grunt, and Tim looks at him like he's insane. Damian can NOT remember this word in English, and Tim can NOT understand what Damian's saying and it's driving them crazy. they're still arguing about it on patrol three days later when Red Hood comes across them and he hears

Tim: -I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS! Damian: that's not my problem!! i'm speaking very clearly!! Tim: THAT'S NOT A WORD. Damian: YES IT IS. Dick: how are you two still on this??? Damian: IT'S A *grunt-hum*. I CANNOT SAY IT ANY PLAINER. Tim: WHAT THE FUCK. Jason: *drops in* what's up? Tim: ROBIN'S FUCKING- I DON'T EVEN KNOW BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM. *to Damian* say it again, fucking show Hood. Damian: *grunt-hum*. Jason, without blinking: pogo-stick. Damian: SEE. Tim, genuinely about to loose his shit: FUCKING WHAT.

everybody is so sick of these two's shit.

[papayafromtv]

no actually i have more thoughts on the idea of Jason and Damian role-switching regarding who stays at the league. in an au where Jason re-joins the family as Red Hood but Damian stays with the LOA for longer and Jason has to hide his secret overseas little brother, i do think it would be hysterical if, upon accidentally fucking up and revealing Damian's existence, Jason panicked and told Bruce Damian was HIS son.

just. Bruce thinking he's a grandfather. and Damian is his grandchild. he would flip shit.

Damian, who specifically decided to stay away from the Waynes because he wasn't ready to face his biological father after all these years being hidden, is so unimpressed with Jason. Jason is just biting his lip and refusing to make eye contact because listen he forgot who he was talking to and then panicked ok-

so the next time Damian visits Jason in Crime Alley and they accidentally run into the bats, Damian gets nervous about coming face to face with his father and just decides to go with the lie to save face.

Dick: oh my god i have a nephew

Damian, internally sighing: yes. hello, uncle nightwing.

Jason: *ducks out the conversation to silently wheeze*

the funniest thing about it, is that i bet once Bruce got over the shock of his 19 year old son having a 10 year old child (and oh my god Jason would have to bite his cheeks SO HARD during those awkward 'past trauma' conversations about statutory rape) he would absolutely ADORE being a grandad. he LOVES Damian. not only is this is his first grandchild but it's also a grandchild that is like. probably the closest he's ever had to a family member JUST as obsessed with the Batman and Robin mission as he is. like. Dick quit and fucked off to Bludhaven, Jason died and went crime lord, Tim's just weird, and then here comes his grandson, who is just as dedicated as he is and is willing to train for the mantle as hard as he remembers doing so as a teenager. he and Damian get along so well. and i just think it would be funny if like, after a while of Jason watching Bruce go all 'pops' on Damian and Damian just wide-eyed awkwardly not knowing how to respond, there would HAVE to be a conversation between Damian and Jason that was just like,

Jason: at this point i'm genuinely worried.

Damian, holding the supersized animal plush Bruce bought him at the carnival: it's fine he can afford it.

Jason: what- no. like, you know we can't keep this up forever. he's gonna need to know at some point that you're his son.

Damian, now also worried: why does that worry you?

Jason: it's just- you know, he really likes being a grandad! he's gonna be sad-

Damian, eyes widening pointedly: -you think that father will be SAD to know i'm his child? you think i'm going to disappoint him?

Damian, now panicking: YOU THINK HE WILL BE DISAPPOINTED THAT I'M HIS?!?!

Jason, immediately backtracking: are you joking? you're the kid Troy Bolton's dad wanted but never had,

Damian: who the fuck is troy bolton

Jason:

Jason: anyway.

Jason: he's gonna love you, he's just gonna be disappointed that he isn't a grandaddy anymore.

Damian: well i don't want kids, so he can suck it up.

Jason: NOT WHAT I MEANT.

*silence for a few seconds*

Damian: you know who will be devastated though?

Jason: hm?

Damian: 'uncle nightwing'

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: aw fuck he's gonna cry again isn't he-

[papayafromtv]

do you guys think that because the all blades only come out around true evil that Jason could act as like, a metal detector for demonistic and satanitc shit? because now i’m imagining him becoming Gotham’s version of the supernatural brothers. just ghostbustering around Gotham in his spare time.

Jason’s so overworked. he has to deal with his strained relationship with the bats; Bruce and him arguing every time they see each other, Damian knocking on his door every time there’s something about his new life that he doesn’t understand/wants to complain about, Tim sneaking into his fucking apartment to demand they ‘bond’ and Dick getting weepy and nostalgic everytime he even sees Jason’s face. On top of that, taking care of the alley, and running an entire organisation of subordinates, by the time he gets to a point in his life where he realises ‘fffffuck. thats a goddamn demon and i’m the most equipped person in the city to deal with it.’ he’s honestly so over the whole thing.

he’s so bitter that he has to do this, because not only is this new side-gig tiring but it’s also fucking insane. killing rapists and overseeing drug shipments never involved travelling into nephilim lairs and learning about ancient rituals that end with him crawling out of the sewers at 9am covered in blue goo that smells acidic; the closest would be back when he was Robin during the golden era when shit was just wacko, and by the gods he does not have any interest in returning to that kind of work-load, so why he’s HERE is anybody’s fucking guess.

eventually Dick, desperate to bond with the younger brother that he can feel slipping away again, starts tailing him to figure out why he’s never around- and instantly decides to join. Jason is honestly just relieved there’s somebody lightening the supernatural workload- Dick was also Robin during the golden era, he might not have Jason’s skills and amassed knowledge but he’s not as useless as the others.

it ends up with Red Hood and Nightwing being the fucking Winchester brothers of Gotham, constantly running around under the other bats’ noses because Jason refuses to have any of those idiots get involved in his wheelhouse when they have no particular powers against anything demonistic. Dick on his own is enough of a risk, because he also has no special abilities and thus almost dies on like, every job. Jason just lets him tag along because, begrudgingly, that’s his big brother and he’s kind of enjoying how close they’re getting; not to mention Dick at least isn’t stubborn like the other bats- he will screech for Jason’s help if he knows he’s in over his head, so Jason isn’t too worried. also it’s kind of funny how indignant Bruce is about this new secret friendship his two eldest are cultivating. those two being a united front against him never works out and he is. paranoid. meanwhile the said ‘united front’ are freaking the fuck out because a possessed gargoyle is chasing them around an abandoned leisure centre and Dick lost his goddamn shoe

[papayafromtv]

thinkin about like. pit-mad Jason who struggles not to be overcome with anger whenever the lazarus energy takes over his head. he keeps getting angry at the littlest things and once his vision goes green he's basically unstoppable. he blacks out and comes to hours later, usually injured and surrounded by dead bodies and blood. broken hands from where he hasn't had the sense of mind to hold back. terrified survivors crouched in the corners. Talia starts quarantining him whenever he seems pissed off because she keeps losing soldiers to him. one time a fly wont leave him alone during a strategy meeting and it irritates him so much he loses it. comes to four hours later having been barricaded into Ra's favourite meeting room to find out he killed half the guards in the room, Talia has a broken jaw, and Ra's had to be put in the pit again 3 months ahead of schedule.

he sheepishly trudges into the med room with a 'my bad' card and a box of pastries he baked himself in the league kitchen. Ra's calls him a moron. Talia flips him off but smacks his hand away when he tries to take back the goods.

point is he COMPLETELY loses himself whenever the pit rage takes over. until.

Damian.

the only person who has never once been hurt during any of Jason's blackouts, is Damian. the thing is that when Jason first found the kid practicing katas by the pond and found out he was Talia's kid and, therefor, Jason's little brother, Jason's mind seemed to subconsciously lock in the fact that Damian was something Jason has to protect.

he'd never had a little brother before, but he was a street kid who was used to taking care of the littlun's in his neighbourhood. was the Robin that surpassed even Dick's skills at calming down the terrified kid-victims they came across during patrol. finding Damian and reverting back to that old protector dynamic was just normal, enhanced even, because this kid was his.

that subconscious reasoning that he protect Damian is somehow the only thing that manages to bypass the pit rage. even when he isn't of sound mind and is completely blacked out with rage, his body knows that that little kid who stares up at him with so much awe, pride and trust? that kid? isn't to be TOUCHED.

it gets to the point that noticing Damian is nearby actively works against the pit rage. reminding him even in his mindless state that he can't just go full out godzilla and destroy everything in site. forces rules back into his head which eventually brings him out of his blackout and helps him take recontrol of his mind. seeing that kid actively calms Jason down.

it affects Damian, too. Damian is a child that is actively being raised in a cult-like league of assassins. he was taught how to be a warrior, a prince, and an asset. not a child. Jason is the only exception to that.

when Jason gets angry, nothing can touch him. nobody dares try, they just spot his eyes starting to glow green and sprint in the other direction. whatever room/area Jason loses himself in becomes his until he manages to get himself under control. even the most sacred areas, people will leave to him. Damian still remembers the time Jason started smashing shit up after being called into Ra's own private quarters to be told that his favourite goat had been accidentally slaughtered for a banquet. Ra's had seen his eyes go green and speed-walked out of his own bedroom, locking Jason in and begrudgingly sleeping in a spare room until Jason quietly and sheepishly re-emerged two days later, most of Ra's furniture smashed to dust and splinters.

the other thing Damian realised, quite quickly, is that when Jason blacks out and goes into pit rage, Damian is the only person he won't hurt.

essentially, when Jason gets mad while Damian is near him? Damian gets at least 4 hours of being inside a protective bubble of isolation where he can do/act however the fuck he wants without the league standards being imposed on him. Damian learns to take advantage.

~

"....Aw fuck," Jason muttered, wincing as his sight finally returns to him. His knuckles are scraped to hell and his feet ache, as if he'd been kicking slabs of metal full-force for hours on end. The dining room around him is... shattered. Destroyed. Decimated. And he didn't even remember what had set him off this time.

The room was empty, of course, everybody having long fled and the door very clearly bordered up to stop his escape. He knew Ra's would have planted a guard outside the room to wait for him to come back to himself, knocking to get out. It was probably the same guard as usual, which was humiliating because after the fifteenth and sixteenth time this kind of thing happened it became less concerning and more... annoying. He really needed to figure out how to control this pit bullshit.

"You've been out for seven hours!" A chipper, proud sounding voice leads him to turn around, realising on second glance that the room was not completely empty. Surrounded by complete carnage and yet utterly untouched, a nine year old was happily sat at the only table not broken in splinters and nails. His feet were swinging childishly back and forth, and he seemed to be shading a piece of paper with a stick of charcoal.

"Seven?" Jason checked dumbly, scratching the back of his neck. "I mean... 'least it was under a day this time..."

Damian hummed, before holding up his artwork. "Look! I got to finish my sketch of the compound!"

Jason stared at him dryly from across the hall, lip split and bleeding. "Happy for you, kiddo."

"Next time you get mad I'm gonna try using watercolours." Damian told him matter-of-factly, grinning in a childlike way of which Jason was pretty sure he was the only human being alive that got to see. "I might just start pissing you off on purpose, you know. If I time it right, I can get you mad right as the new Pokémon game comes out on nintendo switch. Mother never lets me play video games."

"Well at least one of us benefits from me being a grade-A psycho." Jason rolled his eyes, before tiredly hitting his fist against the locked doors to gain his freedom.

~

my point is i want a Jason who is sick of this pit rage bullshit and who will protect Damian with his life, and a Damian who genuinely sees Jason start to tweak and reacts by fist-bumping the air and running to get his DSI. i want a Damian who trusts an angry Jason to the point where Jason being angry is the only time Damian will let himself act like a child, and i want a Jason who actively calms down whenever he witnesses Damian act his age because that's what his subconscious has trained him to do. i want Jason crashing the fuck out while Damian plays ping-pong against the wall in the background, having the time of his life.

and when they get to Gotham i want the rest of the bats to witness this first hand and genuinely believe they've been drugged with a hallucinogenic.

[papayafromtv]

Batman: Under the Red Hood but Jason is carrying Damian in a baby carrier on his chest the whole time.

literally nothing changes, Jason is just going around his Red Hood business with an infant strapped to his chest and absolutely nobody knows who this child is or why Hood has him.

Bruce doesn't know what to do because?? obviously he wants to make sure this child doesn't get hurt?? but he also has to fight Hood because Hood is still killing people??? so now they're just fighting on rooftops except every now and then they'll awkwardly pause for a few minutes as this random baby starts crying and Red Hood stops shooting so he can gently shush him and rock his body back and forth to lull him back to sleep.

Batman's like “Can't you- can't you just put him down somewhere for a few minutes…?” “?!?! I can't leave a child unsupervised, are you fucking stupid? Jesus Christ no wonder your Robins keep fucking dying.”

“Maybe Nightwing can hold him while we fight...?”

“You think I trust Dick to keep the kid safe? He used to dangle me from the edges of gargoyles by my cape.”

“...JASON?!?!”

*Damian starts crying*

“Oh great Bruce, you fucking woke him up again. Yelling like a moron. Jackass.”

“?!?!!?!?”

[papayafromtv]

how fucking funny would it have been if after Jason came out the pit all zombified, Talia only taught him Arabic and didn’t let him re-learn how to speak English.

Jason Todd remembers everything about his life before Ethiopia except how to speak his own fucking native language. he has to take Damian with him to Gotham just because he needs a damn translator and doesn’t trust anybody else to shadow him 24/7. the identity reveal is like. so much more complicated with the language barrier. eventually Damian explains everything and while in the backgroundJason tries to reconnect with Dick via google translate Bruce angrily calls Talia to ask why the fuck she decided to do that.

“My father dared me, beloved.”