I love telling the story about winning a sumo wrestling contest in college. It was even less plausible than it sounds. Every time I mention it people give me this look like they’re trying to determine if there used to be a lot more of me and then I got really sick. It was just for the martial arts class I was in, so only about forty people, but all but maybe five of us were tall cis dudes. The goal was to make the other person be the first to step outside the ring. I was scrappy enough but I knew I stood no chance.
I thought it would be funny to do a Bugs Bunny thing so at the beginning of my first turn I puffed out my chest and gave my opponent a tough look and acted like I was ready to rumble. He ran at me and at the last moment I just… turned to the side. And he kept going, right out of the ring.
Of course everyone thought it was very funny that this actually worked, we laughed, and I prepared to get walloped in the next round.
But then it worked again.
And again.
I thought for sure everyone who lost to me was doing it for the bit, but then I realized that some of them were genuinely angry and arguing with the instructor, insisting that what I was doing was cheating. Maybe it was, but he didn’t seem to care, so I kept doing it. And I kept winning.
I don’t remember how many guys I vanquished through my repetitive strategy of “smash the dodge button” but I made very little physical contact with any of them and only had to actually wrestle the last guy. I only managed to best him by like snaking around his torso like a python while we grappled until his foot slipped and he stumbled out of the ring. And then I won. And everyone fucking hated me because there was absolutely no reason that should have worked more than once.
This is also how I won chess as a child—I’d start feigning distress and uncertainty and pretending I wasn’t sure of my moves until my opponent let their guard down until I saw my opportunity for checkmate.
I also won a few math tournaments in grade school despite being pretty slow at math by jumping around and shaking my body and doing a gay little dance to distract my opponents while I bought myself more time to do mental calculations.
I do not have, how do you say, a chivalric temperament….
really fun to me that in double life, the pairs with the worst relationship problems were scott and pearl, martyn and cleo, and grian and scar. and now all of those duos have had another season in which they teamed up again, actually worked together and one of them won in the end
Just as a little heads up, PetSmart is (and presumably other pet stores are) starting to carry Regal Jumping Spiders as pet stock.
The ones being sold are WILD CAUGHT. They're being found MISLABELED for sex (females labeled as males etc), and no consideration is being given to the fact that wild caught jumping spider females are pretty much ALWAYS GRAVID. They mate once and will lay around 5 clutches of 25+ eggs each clutch. Since they're only native to a few states, releasing spiderlings means potentially introducing invasive animals, meaning the choice comes down to raising a hundred or more babies or euthanizing a hundred or more babies.
If you've been thinking about getting a jumping spider pet, please do not shop from a major pet store. There are plenty of breeders now, selection for cool traits and more friendly dispositions is being done. You can get a young spider you know is young AND know won't make more of itself despite you never putting another spider in with her. Or get an actually confirmed male if you prefer. And it'll cost you about the same amount as a pet store disaster.
I think the worst part abt OCD intrusive thoughts treatment is the fact that to get ur intrusive thoughts to be less upsetting to you, you need to just. let them be.
which would be easier if my moral ocd didn't equate "letting [my] intrusive thoughts pass by not immediately trying to force it out of my mind" with "embracing [my] fucked up thoughts"
That's a very good question Martyn, who did change your eyes to red? I checked all the POVs but no one showed who did it, so whoever did it doesn't want to admit to doing it, but after watching all POVs closely with a friend yesterday we were able to figure it out, so here is :
The mystery of the red eyes solved!
and the answer is not as simple as it may seem.
(this is a bit of a long thread I'm mainly making for fun and because i saw no one talk about this and i wanted to share what we found out!)
So the first thing i wanted to make sure off is that this isn't something that happened during the version transition similar to the watcher sign at spawn, but in the first 20 seconds of skizz's video shows us the eyes are unchanged.
Which means that one of the 17 players must've been responsible for this during the session.
next thing we tried to work on was figuring out the time frame for when this change was possible, and after some work here is the timeline:
1)The last time the faces were seen unchanged was when skizz invited gem to talk with her about a plan to kill etho.
(Skizz's pov at 31:00 minutes mark)
This happened only a couple of minutes before cleo's death (take important note of this because it's a crucial key point).
2) The next time we see them was when cleo's death message popped up in chat, but only martyn's left eye remained blue for some reason.
(joel's pov at 22 minute mark)
and it remained like that for quite a while as well for some reason (but i have an idea as to why)
3)The next time we see it with full red eyes was a couple of minutes after cleo's death, during this wide shot of skizz leaving the joel in rejects base, which also happened around the time of villies going back to their base to find it trapped by jimmy and martyn.
it's a bit hard to see, but it's definitely not blue.
So this gives us a pretty norrow timeframe of slightly before, and slightly after cleo's death, so all we have to do now is run through each lifer's alibi during that time to norrow down the suspect list!
Cabin core, gluten guys and Cleo are all clear.
Cabin crew were busy building their watchtower during the possible time of the crime, and the two gluten guys stayed alongside cleo for a while before the attempted murder.
And all of these people witnessed cleo's death happen live infront of them, and stayed together for a bit after, none of them had any time to go change the colour of the eyes, all of them are safe.
Even cleo who died, seem to have immediately went back to the watchtower spot immediately after dying, and while it's cut out from their video, they met BigB on the way back, which you can see in his pov on the 49:43 mark.
Martyn and jimmy are also both clear.
they went into the villains base through the nether portal to trap it looong before the possible time window, and stayed in there until the villies came back home, both of them are safe.
Skizz and joel are also clear.
they're our main witnesses for the changes afterall, and they can both vouch for each other the entire time these changes happened.
now for the villies, they're a bit interesting...
Both grian and pearl cut from the time they were at the top off rejects base few minutes before cleo's death (aka the last time the faces were seen unchanged) to them fiddling around in the hot tub at the time of cleo's death, and after briefly talking with gem to them going towards their base.
those are the exact time periods in which the crime was only possible, which is incredibly suspicious, and even gem who was split up from them at the rejects base cut out those exact same moments, and even cleo's death message, which means we don't exactly know what she or any of her teammates were exactly doing at the time.
meaning that from everyone on the server at the time of crime, the only person who was without an alibi at the time were the villains....
And BigB ?
Me and my friend have admittedly forgotten about him for a while because we were focused on proving the villains guilty, but when looking at his video again with all this info, he's just as if not more suspicious than the villies!
Not only does he have even larger portions of his video cut out, the first one being from the little conversation he has with pearl and grain (49:40).
(Which was the last time we saw the faces unchanged).
all the way to after cleo's death (Timestamp), when he met them near spawn, which also happens to also be the time were we saw 3/4 eyes changed.
but also during whatever happened in this cut, we can see some changes to his hotbar, mainly, that the enderpearls and doorframe.
were changed into a pickaxe and redstone blocks.
Which is insanely incriminating, but technically not definitive proof.
but with all of that, what i imagine is that one of thess two scenarios happened :
A) The Villies did it.
after leaving the rejects base, pearl and grain agreed to change the eyes of cleo and martyn's faces because "they're villains", but when they (presumably) ran out of redstone, one of them whispered to gem to bring them any redstone she had on her and give it to them when they meet on the hot tub.
which is why the eyes were half finished when cleo died and stayed like so for a while, and why gem cut out the part that showed cleo's death message.
this is all technically possible and there is nothing that proves against it, but the timing window is too narrow for my liking, but again still possible with everything going perfectly and them being extremely quick about it.
B) BigB did it.
The story here is simple, after his conversation with Grain and Pearl, BigB decided to go and change the color of the eyes to red, for some reason, but before he could finish, cleo died to the end crystal, so he decided to stop check up on them (probably because he didn't want to get caught in the act).
and then after that little quick exchange, he went back finished up with the last eye, and cut everything out except for the little exchange he had with cleo.
The fact that BigB had no alibi at all and that he was on his own most of the time is already pretty suspicious, the redstone blocks in his hotbar just speaks volumes on it's own.
and while it's impossible to proof either of these two options as the truth of what happened, the chance of it being BigB's doing is very likely especially with no evidence going against it at all.
And that's the end of the thread! i have no idea why any of them would pull such a stunt only to cut it out of their video, but I'm glad it happened because me and my friend had such a wonderful time playing detective for ourselves and trying to figure it out!
this is my first my first time making such a long blog, and especially my first time trying to mess around with the fonts, so if it looks messy i apologize 😵💫
please note that while progenitor, guardian, spawnpoint etc are all respected titles, they are more the equivalent of mother/father than an affectionate nickname you would scream through the house multiple times a day. gimme something we can use people
i was going to add something else to this but instead i got to thinking and i was like huh. what could you use.
in most languages the word for ‘mother’ usually starts with an M, because phonetically [m] is one of the easiest sounds for a newborn to make when they start babbling, and mothers tend to be the one most around the child. so in my mind that crosses M off the list, because it’s automatically associated with a feminine figure
similarly, ‘father’ tends to start with D, T, P, or B. (phonetically these sounds are very close together; [p, b] and [d, t] are all only different because of being voiced or unvoiced.) these are also phonetically easy letters and ones kids pick up on earlier.
now the hard sounds for kids are the following: [ɹ, d͡ʒ, tʃ, θ, ð] or in normal speak: the English R, the “j” or “dge” sound in “judge,” the “th” sound in “thigh” and the “th” sound in “the.” and we don’t want kids unable to say their parent’s name for years, so those are also off the list.
additionally, it’s easiest for young kids to just repeat the same sound twice rather than figuring out the tongue gymnastics of putting different sounds together, which is why kids will say Ma-Ma or Da-Da and not Ma-Mo or Da-Po. and we’ll want to stick with low back vowels like “ah” and avoid ones like the hard “i” or “ee.”
so what does that leave us? when we want a sound kids can learn easily and early but don’t want to just put a funky spin on “mama” or “dada”?
my suggestions: G, K, W, L. i personally lean towards W and L. they’re called liquids, since they’re the consonants that kind of aren’t consonants, and kids (and ESL learners) will tend to swap out the English R for a W or L until they can learn the R.
if i ever have a child, they’ll start calling me Wawa. then when they get older, they’ll call me Wala, or maybe even Wally.
and then, once they’re finally phonetically developed, they can call me by my true title as their nonbinary guardian for their 18+ years:
Okay, but on an actually serious note, Baba is used in several different languages, but the meaning changes between mother, father, or grandparent. However, it is not used in English afaik, so it could be a good English option.
wait wait wait, do babies try to latch on to the nipples of non-lactating parents too? is this a thing? do babies just automatically zero in on any nipple in the vicinity, regardless of the presence of breasts or breast milk? is this an experience cis men deal with I need to KNOW
UPDATE: based on the notes the answer is a resounding YES!!!
I can’t speak to cis men’s experience, but my house has this kind of lamp, and my progeny were both very fascinated by it whenever I would carry them under one of them.
The lamp thing is legit, I’ve discussed it with so many fellow breastfeeding parents. The weirdest one for me was when my son latched onto the tied knot of a balloon.
Enter the WISE AND GAUDY SLIME, attendants, clowns, and wizards, with DOGGONLO the SEER
GAUDY SLIME
Again I come to you, my followers,
To ask a question near my goopy heart:
When speaking to a parent, gender - none,
What name am I to give them when I call?
For, while “progenitor” is accurate,
‘Tis not a quip to call across the town.
FIRST CLOWN
The word that comes to mind at first is “dom”.
FIRST WIZARD
‘Tis true, but if revers’d thy message is,
A “moderator” comes to mind, with “mod”.
SECOND WIZARD
Why, “op” would work when paired with “admin” ‘tis.
GAUDY SLIME
Say “admin” when respect and love thou needst,
Say “op” when meant derogatorily.
DOGGONLO
At first, hearing thy words, I was to jest;
But then, at second thought, I pondered it.
What could one use when not a “ma” or “pa”?
So, “ma”, the word, comes from a babe’s outcry,
Since “em” and “ah” are easy to pronounce.
And “da” and “pa” are also simply said.
So what for gender-null? What for our Slime?
Well, “ja” and “tha” and “tsa” are none a fit,
As “ja-tha-tsa” are difficult to say -
No babe could speak them while still in its youth.
And in addition, repetition’s key,
For “ma-ma” is to “pa-ma” pref'rable.
We’ll stay with low and back-held vowels, too,
For “ee” and “eye” are too complex for babes,
So to the “ah” and “ooh” we keep our sound.
Remaining still available to us,
Good “ga”, kind “ka”, wise “wa”, and, lastly, “la”.
Of these fine gents I point to “la” and “wa”
As consonants that almost vowels be
And make for ease of song for baby voice.
If ever I a child take to me
(For man or woman, neither one am I)
A “wawa” or a “lala” will I be.
And as they grow, their speech will strong become
Till finally my true name’s in their grasp:
‘Tis Waluigi.
FIRST ATTENDANT
Spite! O, I am hit!
I thought I was to learn the lore of words
But struck by cruel and slapstick strike am I!
THIRD WIZARD
Uh, “baba” works, it’s used in other tongues.
SECOND ATTENDANT
Yes, “baba” is the one I use, i'faith.
But still - o Seer, why must thou attack?
SECOND CLOWN
It seems to me that “tata” is the one
For babes to “tatas” cling, no matter what.
GAUDY SLIME
Wait, clown, dost thou speak truth to me? Real truth?
Will babes reach for a breast devoid of milk?
CLOWNS and ATTENDANTS cheer in affirmation.
O never had I thought this day would come.
Enter the gay mothers, THOUGHTFUL and SUZLOUA.
THOUGHTFUL
I cannot of a milkless breast inform,
But lights shaped like a breast will draw the babe.
SUZLOUA
I’ve heard the same by others said before.
My son’s reached out for tied balloons in past.
GAUDY SLIME
In gratitude I share with you a tale
‘Twas whisper’d to my ear a moment since:
One said, when baptised, he then look’d about
And tried to eat the “milk” of candles lit.
THIRD CLOWN
This scene has all that ever I could want,
The milk of human kindness shows itself,
The gender-neutral words are brought along,
And finally, our Waluigi’s here.
GAUDY SLIME
Before we go, one final note to say:
A friend has lately told that, as a child,
They’d call for “maud” to come, for ‘twas
A combination “ma” and “dad” in brief.
Merriment and rejoicing. The SHAKESPEAREIFIER lurks in the corner, taking notes.
love cleo casually dropping the greatest lore reveal of all time, which is that the sculk is infecting where cub thinks it should because it is in love with him
there is nothing cub can possibly say that will get me to not believe this 100%
areudirty
gummygunk
germansingergirl
dailybridgerton
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
amandla
theartofmadeline
gamechangershow
