Hi!

Rachel | mid 30's | east coast U.S.

[laura-willowes]

i should keep a list of massachusetts names and pronunciation that i am extremely pedantic about. only two are coming to mind now, but please take note!!!!

the h in amherst is silent. do not pronounce it.

the park in the middle of the city is called the boston common. singular. it is NOT called the boston commons. EEW. BLECH. do not call it that.

thank you for your attention to this matter.

[laura-willowes]

i have gotten an inquiry. out of fucking nowhere. this person did a google search and a facebook post i made came up.

WHAT????????????

wHaT??????

you need to understand. i haven't gotten an inquiry, period, since january. that was a referral.

and i have only gotten one inquiry EVER from a google search.

a facebook post i made came up on google?????????/

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME?

WHAT?

i mean, ok. fine. i'll take it. but it's INSANE.

this is very good and i should celebrate this but also WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

[laura-willowes]

i have a meeting with an advisor from the small business development center tomorrow. i hope she can help me rethink my marketing strategy but keep the bones of it because it is really strong in theory but the current strat is not working.

wish me luck! i need help. desperately. i need a strategy that will work.

i am losing it!!!!!

[laura-willowes]

it turns out nobody can help me because i am the foremost expert and the one who holds the answers. i have been at this for years. i know more about this project than anyone.

the advisor was... fine. she tried, i guess. but ultimately i'm on my own here.

i do have an idea of how to tweak my marketing strategy to get it to work. i may be down, but i'm not out.

i'm not giving up yet because i am a crazy person. any reasonable person would give up. i'm not giving up until i'm out of good ideas, and that simply is not the case yet.

[laura-willowes]

i love little consumer wins like this!

i need a new lid for my water bottle. i considered buying a new bottle, but that would be wasteful bc the lid is the only issue. the bottle itself is still good.

i looked on the company's website, and they weren't selling replacement lids for the model i have. i contacted them and asked them to make the lids available for purchase. they said they'd send me one for free!!!

i've been putting off dealing w this for years bc i didn't want to spend any money on it, so it's amazing that i have found a FREE solution! it wasn't my intention, but i am very happy.

[laura-willowes]

people have been disrespecting vanilla ice cream for far too long, and i am tired of it. vanilla is just as much a flavor as anything else. a really good vanilla ice cream is sublime!

[laura-willowes]

i have a meeting with an advisor from the small business development center tomorrow. i hope she can help me rethink my marketing strategy but keep the bones of it because it is really strong in theory but the current strat is not working.

wish me luck! i need help. desperately. i need a strategy that will work.

i am losing it!!!!!

[laura-willowes]

tonight, my friend and i made our karaoke debut at a neighborhood coffee shop. we were both so nervous. she did "dreams" by fleetwood mac and did great, and for me, it went better than i could have hoped!

i ended up with a wonderful backup singer who just... appeared. out of thin air. she was so excited about the song i was doing that she asked to sing backup, and i was like "YES, PLEASE DO THAT!!!"

all of her friends were singing along super enthusiastically. so i had incredible support. and it was so fun!!

i did "underground" by ben folds five. i was afraid nobody would know the song, but they did and were SUPER excited about it, i think bc it's not an obvious choice.

it was just really good energy. a bunch of ppl singing a song they all love together.

[laura-willowes]

i didn't do much today. i slept, read, ate enough to keep myself alive. ya know, the usual.

but the real exciting event, the one that is making me feel satisfied, is that i went and picked up a pint of hand-packed gourmet ice cream. last week i got lazy and picked up ice cream from the grocery store, and my GOD, it was so disappointing. i was upset bc it was supposedly once of the nicer brands!

i feel that i have remedied my grave mistake of getting grocery store ice cream.

why have bad ice cream when you can have great ice cream? it is no way to live!

[laura-willowes]

i made pickled red onions a while ago, and they were just sitting in the fridge. i am not a pickle eater. i do not remember what inspired me to make them.

BUT i have discovered that they are very good with sandwiches that have melted cheese in them??? like today i made a tuna melt and ate some pickled onions with it and it was really good. i also like them with quesadillas. is that vile?

am i a pickle person now?? this is very bizarre to me.

[laura-willowes]

i hate boston a good 30% of the time, but i went to shakespeare on the common today, and for those few hours, i absolutely loved my city.

[laura-willowes]

i have never watched the show but i find it fascinating how i, a human woman, bear 0 resemblance to the supposedly human women on love island. absolutely none. it's like we're a different species.

i mean, i really don't look like any women on mainstream television, but love island takes it to a whole new level.

some of it has to do with my body size. my formidable hips and thighs. but it's also... my face. and my hair. and basically all of my natural features.

my version of human woman vs their version? fundamentally different.

[laura-willowes]

i finished up a common app personal essay with a student today. he did well. there were moments when he surprised and impressed me, and i think he learned a lot through the process.

but i've gotta be honest: what is at the forefront of my mind is pride in my work. i am so good at this. i have a rare and invaluable skill.

when faced with the rough draft this kid produced, most people would not have known what to do, but i did. i was un-freaking-fazed. perhaps even excited. i immediately went into lesson planning mode.

and now, multiple drafts later, the essay is actually legitimately good. AND the student learned a lot about narrative writing techniques and building narrative tension.

a lot of competent writers probably could have taken his rough draft and made it better. but the fact that i guided him through the process while teaching him transferrable knowledge and skills, and he feels ownership and pride over his work, and we had some good moments of laughter and connection throughout the process, that's what sets me apart.

i am very talented, and i am correct to toot my own horn every once in a while.

[laura-willowes]

wow, i love it when people are available. i just asked a new friend to go a thing with me tomorrow, and he said yes.

none of my other friends are ever available. i call them quarterly friends because i only see them four times a year. it feels very stupid to ever even invite them to anything.

so i'm glad to have this very new friend who i met on a blind not-date through someone in my chorus, LOL.

i love being able to send an invite and not have it feel totally pointless! the freedom! the awe! the majesty! this is what i've been missing!!!

[laura-willowes]

i think i'm gonna try offering SAT tutoring. (just the verbal section. math would be crazy.)

i think i might just be terrible at marketing but if there is any chance my issue is the service i am offering, then this might solve it.

i'd also like to offer writing tutoring for grades 6 through college. because these are things i can do. and if people will pay me for them and not college counseling, i will not be completely heartbroken.

at this point i just want to do whatever i can successfully market. god, i've just had a DREADFUL time marketing my college counseling. but again the issue might just be ME and not the service. LOL.

i am meeting with someone from the small business development center next week. hopefully she can help me. at this point i really just need to make some goddamn sales. i have everything else. i have all of my structures and systems in place. i just need... the clients.

[laura-willowes]

my clinical depression is under control, but i feel garden-variety depressed today. so that's kind of new and fun for me!

it's hard to stay motivated to keep trying, both in my professional and personal life, when my efforts are not getting me anywhere.

so today i am very "what is even the point of anything", and i feel like one of the clocks in the dali painting. i feel very... liquid.

i took a sick day, sort of. i didn't do anything other than some dishes. i fear i may still feel this way tomorrow.

overall, i have been very cool and measured about the myriad disappointments in my life, but the time has come to wallow. i think it is justified. perhaps even important.

[laura-willowes]

yesterday i ate lunch with a couple of coworkers. i've known them both for probably close to a year now. nothing crazy has happened, but my relationship with each of them has some texture.

there was a moment where the three of us were all yelling at each other about something really stupid. like, REALLY stupid and pointless. it was very brief and not at all a genuine source of conflict. and MAN i just love that shit. it was so fun.

[laura-willowes]

i compare everything to the eurovision song contest bc that is the global competition i am most into.

that said, my review of the world cup final is that it could have used more sequins, pyrotechnics, and choreography.