by the power of sugar and stimulants

secondary blog for writing and book related things. Call me Cat

[thecatwithapen]

welp i reread the 33k of the cozy horror thing that i'm trying to work on and—

—I can't use it. Not only is it just lacking in ways that i don't think is worth putting in time trying to revise as is, I also changed the outline significantly for the beginning, not to mention the protagonist's personality and backstory has also changed a lot, so, i am back at square one. This is fine, honestly a "fresh" start might be the best thing for this project anyway, but still it kinda sucks. I'm just worried i won't be able to get back into my writing and i'll never finish another project. What if i become one of those writers who just say they're writing a novel but never finish it?

Nah, can't let that happen. By the power of sugar and stimulants, we'll get this done.

On the bright side, the fact that i was able to recognize the issues with the old progress is just a testament to my growth as a writer. Hooray, positive change in something at least

[thecatwithapen]

got like 20 minutes into the recent Film Theory video on TADC and i already have several issues with what this guy is saying to the point that i am just not gonna finish watching this. I don't think there's anything wrong with theorizing about various media however i think to so fully put something under a microscope actually can do the media in question a disservice. I'm not saying theorizing is wrong, but i do think you can focus so fully on that that you miss the forest for the trees so to speak.

But also to some extent i do think this guy is just incorrect in some of if not most of his takes so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thecatwithapen]

Started reading Authority by Jeff VanderMeer. Technically i started a few days ago and got to page 32, today i'm on page 81. There's an easy quality to the prose that makes it easy for me to keep reading, something i admire and am frankly a little jealous of. I hope to be able to achieve something like that with my own writing.

So far too, there's a nice lack of "and" used in the prose which i also admire because i have noticed in my current fan project i have been using "and" a LOT and it's beginning to get on my nerves, the issue of course being that if i attempt to change that now it might be very obvious or otherwise jarring to my readers.

I gotta say too, that reading Authority (and recently also Annihilation), is sorta giving me my spark back when it comes to writing. The desire TO write is still there, but the actual ability to do so has felt like it's been fading, which is problematic when i technically have two ongoing fanfictions that i would really like to finish sooner than later.

Looking forward to finishing the Southern Reach series, and then i would like to start the Ambergris trilogy. VanderMeer is looking to be my new favorite author

[thecatwithapen]

well well well. To no one's surprise, the silly thing i had planned is in fact not going to happen. I simply am more comfortable on tumblr and don't know what i would even post in that other silly thing, so like. Here we stay.

In which case i might as well start using this space more regularly, since it's my meant to be my writing place.

Gonna get restarted on my original fiction, specifically my cozy horror story that i hope to one day traditionally publish. There's about 33k words to that already, but i haven't worked on it for so long so i will probably print and read what i have so far, and then get back to it. The biggest issue is that I'm not entirely sure how to weave the various plotlines into one cohesive narrative, but perhaps that is an issue to resolve in the first draft. For now, I am just doing the plotting draft (which i think most people just call the draft zero) and so what matters is just getting that typed out as quickly as i can. If i can do what i've been doing for my fanfics then surely i can get this thing done by December, perhaps earlier.

[thecatwithapen]

Through a small misunderstanding, Muu has helped me figure out a solution to a problem unrelated to anything else i have ever mewled about on this blog. This is potentially a bad idea but w/e.

Step 1: Find a cardboard box

[thecatwithapen]

holy shit like a sign from The Narrative herself i have found the perfect box for my purposes

Step 2: draw a face on it

[thecatwithapen]

well, I didn't end up drawing a face on it, i just taped one on, but w/e.

Silly things in the works folks, hopefully will have something to show for it in like a day or two

[thecatwithapen]

Through a small misunderstanding, Muu has helped me figure out a solution to a problem unrelated to anything else i have ever mewled about on this blog. This is potentially a bad idea but w/e.

Step 1: Find a cardboard box

[thecatwithapen]

holy shit like a sign from The Narrative herself i have found the perfect box for my purposes

Step 2: draw a face on it

[thecatwithapen]

Through a small misunderstanding, Muu has helped me figure out a solution to a problem unrelated to anything else i have ever mewled about on this blog. This is potentially a bad idea but w/e.

Step 1: Find a cardboard box

[thecatwithapen]

Okie-doke, here's HMO 54!

Not entirely sure what it is other than some sort of story fatigue, but deffffffinitely slowing down with this story. I for sure wanna at least post one chapter a week, but like i am for sure not going to be as fast as i was in the beginning. I mean in like what, 4 months i did like 155k words? That's still impressive output, and like the story to this point has (surprisingly) cohered i think, so like. Not posting quite as fast as i was is probs okay lol.

Anyway if you've been reading along i appreciate you! Your enjoyment is why i write so as anxious as i am to finish i am also not willing to rush this thing and potentially let the quality suffer. I am for sure determined to finish this story though and also have it be an entertaining one so thank you for reading! <3

[thecatwithapen]

so like. Due to some personal stuff i won't get into (that doesn't involve me directly), I got the idea to write a Hazbin fic with a toxic codependent relationship. Vox would obviously be one of the two main characters, and the other it would make sense to be either Alastor or more likely Valentino. The issue being i don't like Alastor or Valentino. So i got to thinking, and basically, in part because i have been enjoying my iteration of Zestial's character in HMO, I got it into my head, "what if i wrote a Vox/Zestial story?"

Now b/c i'm posting about this obviously that means that once I finish HMO and BB, this new thing is tentatively greenlit. Unfortunately as with everything i touch, the more i think about this the more the relationship b/w Vox and Zestial just gets softer as the storyline goes on. They might start out snarky and w/e, but inevitably something will happen that will make one or both of them change their minds or something like that.

Idk. Hopefully i will be able to figure this out and not make this thing too soft. The issue too however is that this fic as it exists as a premise in my head falls less into the genre of "drama" and more in the genre of "romcom with some dram". Also I would absolutely be bringing back my OC Gauthier for this thing but w/e this fic won't happen for a while yet if it ever does

[pussyhoundspock]

joining the war on kids reading any book they want on the side of kids reading any book they want. simply you will be fine. it's even good to be confronted with things you don't understand and even find upsetting, uncomfortable and difficult. it's a surprise tool that will help you later.

[nonevahed]

prev tags:

literally ok so not a funny story but kind of funny? when I was nine I encountered rape in a book and I was like hey mom what’s this mean and she explained it and I was like oh. gross. and then like two weeks later a girl on the bus abruptly disclosed her csa and we were all like ????? what ???? but I was like wait hang on there’s a word for that ☝️🤓 and explained what it meant and that it was illegal and that you could talk to a teacher or my mom if it had happened to you and everyone was like ohhhhh I see I see and very somberly comforted the girl (she was safe she was removed from her home and living with my neighbor at the time so it wasn’t Urgent)

[zarohk]

And this is a perfect illustration of why it is important for kids to read or variety of things, and why abusers don’t want them to.

[thecatwithapen]

Just finished Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer. You would think as an aspiring author i would have more to say about it other than "wow". Unfortunately that's the best i can do right now, so i'll say it again. Wow

Body horror? Check. Cosmic horror? Check. I thought the descriptions of Area X were beautiful. The first half or so of the novel gave me a general sense of unease that kept me hooked to the last quarter or so at which point i was hooked by an experience that i can only describe as euphoric acceptance of the incomprehensible. Idk how else to describe it. This book was 100% my jam. I want to read it again just to more carefully analyze the prose and composition of the novel, and i probably will at some point soon and maybe will do a more comprehensive post on my thoughts.

5/5 stars, can't recommend enough.

[thecatwithapen]

decided to share my short story thing with my mother. Nervous about her response to it. Nervous it'll be the same as when I showed her the incomplete first chapter of the novel that i started, which is to say I'm afraid she'll have no opinion.

Like for the incomplete first chapter thingy, even if it was only the first five or some pages, really? No opinion? Some lit agents will request your full manuscript with only the first five pages as the sample and like. My mother had no opinion on my first five or w/e pages. I showed her too the basic opening of a different novel idea, and she "didn't like the swearing" even though it helps to set the tone of the story and that's just how the protagonist would talk. Except for the profanity she otherwise had no opinion on that either.

Meanwhile my father also had no opinion on the second piece and he didn't even bother reading the first.

I mean i guess no response is better than a negative one. They could have told me I suck, or that I'm wasting my time or something. So. No response is better than a negative one I guess.

Yeah, actually a negative response probably would have entirely destroyed my drive to write. No opinion is a better opinion and it's technically more than i had hoped for when i was expecting negativity.

This wasn't meant to be a vent post but it turned out that way. I guess this is my blog though and i'll whine if i want to.

i just hope my mother has some response this time versus not having one at all.

[thecatwithapen]

Chapter 53 of HMO is up!!! This one was a pain in the ass to write just because as mentioned in the pre-chapter note the outline for what happens next was making me anxious. Thankfully like i said, i figured out a solution, and I am now looking forward to and excited to write the rest of Arc 5. Also, while like i said i'm not totally sure how i am feeling about the last section of the chapter, the vibes were kinda sorta inspired by the song "The Party Goes With You" from 35mm: A Musical Exhibition. So obvi that song has been added to the spotify playlist for the fic.

Side note, thank you to anyone who read my original short story thing that i posted on AO3, your support means the world to me!!! <3<3<3<3

[thecatwithapen]

Not an HMO update but I finally posted that random short story i mentioned before, One Glass of Armagnac, on AO3.

If you happen to read this then please let me know what you think!

Oh and here's the AO3 summary:

A clandestine meeting in a smoky bar. An almost love affair and a slow goodbye. A brandy-tinged first kiss and a vow to keep.

He says he'll be back. She says she'll wait.

[thecatwithapen]

HMO BTS:

was a little worried that with the most recent chapter of HMO that the pacing might be getting a little uneven suddenly, and plus with a bunch of potential imminent plot issues i was kinda banging my head against the wall trying to figure out how to solve/avoid the issues and recalibrate the pacing. The good news is that with the chapter i am currently working on there is one route i can take that might actually avoid all my potential problems plus address the pacing thing.

The bad news is of course that this route adds at least a few extra scenes. Not sure exactly how many just b/c i haven't fully thought out this route yet but for sure at least a couple. I am wary of drawing this fic out needlessly, so i need to be really sure as i am planning whether the additional scenes actually serve the narrative. My only real goal with this fic is to tell a story that people enjoy and that also makes sense. This is all to say that the outline is once again getting revised, but at least this way I am feeling less anxious about next bit of the story.

Hopefully feeling less anxious will drive up my motivation to write and hopefully that will mean my productivity will go back up. Not making any promises tho because i just apparently can never stick to what i say i will do.

That said i do hope to get the next chapter out on Friday or Saturday, but we'll see.

[thecatwithapen]

welp i finally got around to reworking that one short story a little. Still not quite what i want it to be but like i also don't think i'm particularly good at short stories, long multi-chap projects are obvi more my jam. W/e. Chord is going to look over the story and depending on what she says I may try to play with it a little more or else i'll just put it on AO3 fuckin' w/e at this point i'm so annoyed

[thecatwithapen]

Was bored again so here's HMO 52.

Btw, the rating has gone up to Explicit because 52 is SMUT TIME BABEEEEY.

I mean not full PiV smut yet and like I know that sounds really enthusiastic but ngl i am not sure how good it is. I am actually asexual and I also hate writing smut scenes EVEN THOUGH I have plans to include them in like basically every one of my multi-chap Hazbin fanfics and there are two more in HMO, but like yeah idk. Anyway sorry if it's terrible I tried