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@thecharliecarter
Bloody kittens, mate...
So, I know we’ve only just met, but if ya ever need a cat sitter or anythin’ I’m really good with animals…
Ah yeah? They can usually take care of themselves, when I'm not in the room that moment, bu' that's proper nice of ya to offer, love. You're...Izzy, right?
Bloody kittens, mate...
Puffer and Squishy? Those are tha cutest names I’ve ever heard!
Well, Puffer's a fluffy little bugger, and Squishy's a squishy little bugger, so they completely suit their names, don't they? Cute names for cute kitties.
Bloody kittens, mate...
Sounds like the best kinda problem to be havin’, mate. Do ya really need ‘elp?
Does sound like the exact opposite of a problem, don't it? Reckon I'll only really need 'elp when time comes ta go for dinner, really. Then the danger only gets about what, twenty times more dangery?
Bloody kittens, mate...
How can anyone be as fucking happy as you seem!
I've 'ad a lot of practice in staying positive, me.
Stamford, eh?
Alright, maybe I wou’n’t go so far as evil, just pretty bloomin’ disgustin’. That better?
Disgustin' works, yeah. Bu' really, babies are like tiny drunk people, ain't they?
Stamford, eh?
Went to school with this girl who decided to get up the duff when she was fifteen, she thought it’d be lovely to bring ‘er sprog into every now ‘n’ then. Long story short, there’s vomit on the classroom floor and everyone’s bein’ sent home early.
Come t’think of it, maybe they’ve got their uses after all, eh? Gettin y’out of school and the like.
Well, yeah, but I suppose there's all sorts of moral issues with making babies throw up to get you out of class and tha', ain't there? Could just fake it, mind...grab some spinach and hist, yeah? Nice story, mate, bu' not seeing how babies're evil.
Stamford, eh?
I dunno, I’ve met some pretty fucked up babies.
I stay away from the buggers - like over-sized frogs, they are.
Sounds like there's a story there. Is there a story there, Liam?
Y’know the lil’ record shop?
...Oh. There. Yeah, yeah, I know it. ...Started yet?
Managed ta get meself a job.
Ah yeah? Where you working, then?
Why's the town
bein’ swampt with models when I’m proper hotter than all of ‘em.
Dunno, babes, maybe they just can't see there's no competition 'ere.
Bloody kittens, mate...
Puffer takes after 'is mum. 'E's sitting on one of me shoes, Fluffy on the other. Maybe I'd be able ta get 'em off, bu' I think if I move, Squishy'll go for me ankles. Send help.
It’s not a problem. I’m happy about it, really.
How have you been, Charlie?
Yeah? That's a'right then, s'ppose.
Yeah, I'm a'right, thanks. You?
Stamford, eh?
To be fair, when I said virgins you thought of babies, mate.
Well, what's more virginal than a baby, all innocent and adorable and bollocks? Babies're like, the ultimate virgins.
Stamford, eh?
You too, man. You’re a bit strange though, aren’t ya? M’not sayin’ it’s a bad thing, but… Y’know. You’ve been told, right?
Funny tha'; queer, I've been told, but never strange. This coming from you, mind; I said satan and you said virgins. Blunt. I like it.
So, what do you do for fun around here?
Me or in general, mate?
Stamford, eh?
Yeah, but they’re virgins so it’s alright.
Alright, mate. Liam.
You know who else's virgins, mind? Babies. Babies are virgins. Can't be killing babies all willy nilly, now, can we?
Nice meeting ya, Liam.
